Beneath Closed Eyes
by FrozenandYetNot
Summary: Post 4.04- Blair meets with an accident which causes her to lose the memory of the last three years.The lives of N,S,C and E are turned upside down as the events of the last three years come to haunt B and new happenings rock their lives
1. Chapter 1

There had been many times in life that Blair had seen Chuck Bass in pain- more than any person in the world. She had seen him at his worst – when he had been minutes away from taking his own life. She had seen him shatter slowly as he fought against the demons that his issues with his father had brought along. She had seen him ripped apart by a con who he believed to be his mother. And every time his pain had clenched her heart,as though his pain was hers, as though every stab at his heart jabbed at hers too. And she knew why.

He was a part of her. He always would be.

And since he was a part of her, no matter how much he hurt her, no matter how much she wanted to forget everything about his existence, she came running along when he needed her. And she always would. She knew that too.

_How can I love you after all that you did?_

She had thrown the question to him tonight when he came to declare war on her for the damage she inflicted upon Eva- his pure, innocent Eva- The woman who changed Chuck Bass..

_The best thing that happened to Charles- _Lily had said

The tears started again. She impatiently wiped them away. She wanted to scream at Lily, rage and rant- she wanted to ask where and how did she fail?

What had Eva done for Chuck?

She had saved him and then encouraged him to move on in life in a direction Chuck Bass never would.

She smiled remorsefully. Eva loved the Chuck Bass she created. Kind, attentive and sweet-

Blair Waldorf loved the Chuck Bass – self-destructive, vengeful, distrustful and disloyal-and yet he was all she ever loved. She remembered watching him on the terrace two years ago, all set to destroy himself-she had made him come down- she had made him live again- she had made him believe in himself. She had held his hand through thick and thin-she held him when everyone deserted him. She made sure he found himself – even if it meant losing herself.

For Heaven's sake she sold herself to the devil himself so that he could get his damned hotel back.

And yet-

She was not the best thing that happened to him. In fact Chuck acted like she was a mistake and his happiness always was with Eva. He said he loved her-

The thought went through her heart like a cold knife- She waited patiently for a year to hear those three words, eight letters- and Eva heard it in a month. Every time she saw the little Ms. Sunshine she wanted to shake her and say:

_Chuck Bass did not know the meaning of love- I taught him that- I made his heart beat- He didn't even believe he had one until I proved him wrong._

But she could not. She was not supposed to was supposed to hate him- she was supposed to detest his sight- after all that he did she was supposed to treat him like vermin. But she could not-

She had not moved on- He had.

Yet that was not the worst part. The worst part knew that she would never move on- That part of her heart would always want Chuck- She would always love him- no matter what.

_He stood __still, his jaws clenched and his eyes angry._

"_You did all this to Eva because you hate me? You wanted revenge Blair?"_

_She stood staring at him like an imbecile. She did not know what to say or what to feel-The anger and pain in his face was evident and she realized how much she had hurt him. She felt like crying- She did not hurt Chuck-she could not- She was the one he turned to when he was hurt-_

"_Chuck..."she began softly_

_He shook his head and began harshly_

"_I can't believe you hate me so much that you wanted to take away the person I care most about. It is a wonder that I somehow managed to make her stay-"_

_He had no idea how much the words hurt- He cared so much for her-_

"_This means war Blair- You versus me- No limits!"he finished harshly_

_This time the name fell with regret and pain_

"_Chuck.."_

_He was relentless. She stood there staring after declared war on her for Eva- she had been in his life for a month and he was ready to fight for her. Had Chuck ever fought for Blair?_

_No-She had never meant so much for him that he would fight for her- that he would try to destroy the person who would hurt. Chuck only destroyed her-_

_And yet even now she loved him- she did not know why or how but she then the realization stuck-_

She would never get over him-She loved him too much. Even if she managed to love someone else- he would still be in her heart. On the other hand he could someone more than he loved her.

Maybe he never loved her much anyway. The intensity of her feelings was way beyond his-The love in their relationship was from her side- she loved him unconditionally- he never loved her that much.

The tears started again and she walked on- not knowing where or why she was going. Her mind was wandering and it was not until she heard the screeching sound that she realized that a huge lorry was advancing upon her. The lorry hit her before the fear could- Her startled scream cut short as her head hit the hard pavement.

Blair Cornelia Waldorf, daughter of Harold and Eleanor Waldorf, the Queen B of Constance- the pristine princess of Upper East Side lay on the dirty pavement somewhere in Manhattan, her dark brown curls stained with the blood oozing out.


	2. Chapter 2

I am really glad that the story has been well-received. It's my first story in Fan fiction and I am definitely going to make some rookie mistakes so bear with me. The first time I posted the story the chapter were all messed up. I am uploading the correct chapters with this update. Sorry about the mess up.

I would like to thank everyone who added the story to the favorites and for alerts. And for those who reviewed- thank you so much. You made my day. And as a reward to all of you I have the next chapter right here. It is triple the size of the first chapter. Do tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: I am telling a lie when I say I own Gossip Girl-

...

Nathaniel Archibald laughed at his grandfather as the older man contemplated his next move.

"Admit it Grandfather- You have no way out."

His grandfather smiled slowly as his eyes moved over the chessboard.

"Patience my boy- patience! Underestimating the enemy is often the worst thing one can do. "came the stout reply.

Nate was about to retort when his cell phone beeped. A gossip girl blast of course- He eyed the clock. It was very late at night. When did Gossip girl sleep?

Sighing he flipped his cell phone and almost gasped.

_Spotted: The Queen B herself lying on the dead bed at __a hospital in outskirts of Manhattan. Where is her court- the jesters, the fine ladies and the prince? Apparently all abandoned her- She lies alone. What is wrong with her? No one knows- We sure do hope that she makes an excellent recovery-Will keep you Gossip Girl_

His eyes fell on the picture and he stared open-mouthed. It showed a petite brunette covered in blood. His stomach turned.

"Blair-"he gasped. Fighting against the panic rising in him he called Chuck. That was the perfect thing to do- Chuck would know what to do.

There was no answer.

"Damn it..."he swore

"Is something wrong Nathaniel?"came the calm question from his grandfather.

"Yes Blair has probably met with an accident but I don't know which hospital she is in- Apparently no one knows and we need to find out and Chuck is not-"

"Calm down Nathaniel. When did she meet with this accident?"

"I don't know. I saw her a few hours ago when she exposed Eva-How could this…"

"So she met this accident a few hours ago. Is there anything else you know?"

"She is some hospital in outskirts of Manhattan. "He replied hoping against hope that Gossip Girl was meticulous about the details as she always had been.

"I will make some inquiries as to the emergency cases admitted tonight in all hospitals. We will find her my boy. "He said as he walked to his room.

Nate murmured a thank you and dialed Serena's number. She answered groggily after a few rings.

"Nate..."

"Did you see the blast?"He asked.

"What blast?"She said still sleepily

Cursing slightly he began again

"Where is Blair?"

"She is probably in her room."

"What? Are you sure?"

"Hmmn...She did not tell me she was leaving so yes I am quite positive."

He took a deep breath. Maybe Gossip Girl was wrong- maybe Blair was not the girl in the hospital.

"Serena..."

"Nate..?"

"Go check on her please and call to tell me if she is there. "He ordered

"What? Why Nate? Why would she not be there?"

"Just go check.."he said and hung up.

Chuck needed to needed to know about Blair-He called Chuck again,reaching the answering machine again.

_Chuck Bass here- Leave a __message. I might listen to it_

He felt a small smile escape him. The answering machine message had not changed but everything else about Chuck had. Shaking his head, he began to speak

"Chuck ...it's important…"

There was a sudden movement behind him.

"Nathaniel I 'm afraid I have bad news" said his grandfather.

….

The cream walls of the hospital and gloomy lighting always made him dizzy. He thought he had enough of hospitals when he rushed in with Serena last year. Now he was here again- and Blair was in equally bad, if not worse position. He followed the nurse who led the way frantic and worried. He did not want deal this alone. But what could he do?

Serena was on her way with Dorota-she would be here as soon as she could. They had both decided to refrain from calling her parents until they are sure it is Blair. Chuck was still unavailable. He had not picked up any of his calls and after his fifth time Nate gave up.

The nurse knocked on a door and said:

" I am here about the hit-and-run case in Manhattan. Apparently the victim is a Blair Waldorf .Her friend is here. Dr. Brennan is in charge of Ms. Waldorf. "

Dr. Brennan turned out to be a blonde woman in her mid- thirties, with light blue eyes and a stern tone. After a quick look into the documents, she proceeded to take him to Blair when they were intercepted by Serena.

"Nate- where is B?"She gasped.

Nate looked at Serena, feeling uncomfortable and not knowing how to deal with her after all that has happened. Serena , probably sensing his discomfort, quickly turned to the doctor who smiled.

"We were just going to see confirm whether the patient is indeed Ms. Waldorf."

They were led into a room and Serena stumbled back. Lying amidst various tubes and beeping machines was her petite best friend. Her face was unscratched but her head was wrapped in a huge bandage. She lay perfectly still.

Serena walked forward, tears trailing down her cheeks. How and why? She had seen Blair a few hours ago-She stood in front of her, imagining the mischievous smile that she wore that evening.

"Is she ..." began a professional voice

"Yes that is Blair."Said Nate in a hoarse voice.

"In that case I need one of you to come settle the formalities."

Serena remained where she was, staring down at best friend. She was still shocked and confounded. How did this happen? Why did this happen?

XOXO

This was impossible. Serena refused to believe it. She could believe that this was real. It all seemed like a nightmare-

_The worst nightmare I ever had_

They were sitting in Dr. Brennan 's office. The office felt alien as though devoid of human emotions

"I admit that the news I will be giving you is not what you want to hear. I do believe,however,that I need to give you facts rather than false hope. Ms Waldorf was a victim of a hit-and-run. She was brought here at around 1 am this morning.I examined her. She has sustained grievous injury to her head .In addition one of her arm is broken as is her left knee joint."

Serena gave a muffled sob. Nate looked at her wishing he knew how to comfort but he was never good with these things.

"The broken arm and knees are least of my worries .The head injury is the one that worries me.I suspect internal bleeding and that could prove to be ...dangerous..."

"What? What do you mean dangerous?"Serena spoke up looking at her frantically.

The doctor sighed.

"We are hoping that there is no internal bleeding. But if there is then we have to probably do an intensive surgery."

Serena gripped Nate's hand. He did not react as he was staring in shock at the doctor.

"Neuro-surgery?"he asked in a faint voice

The doctor nodded.

"Surgery is our last option as it could have possible risks.I can let you know definitely when the reports arrive."

There was a silence as the two on the other side of the desk sought to process the .Brennan looked at them and smiled kindly.

"I can assume you know - Blair- very well."

Serena nodded,swallowing a lump.

"She is my best friend since- since c-childhood."

Nate squeezed her hand.

"Mine too."

"Very well.I was hoping you would say see when Blair was brought in she was in was however repeatedly saying certain things. Knowing that we were dealing with a head injury- our staff kept a record of- shall we say her ramblings?I hope you can shed some light on it."

"As you can see that Blair kept on saying – Chuck-"she trailed off in confusion

Serena put her head in her hands

"She never got over him." She murmured.

"I am sorry?"

"Chuck Bass is her ex-boyfriend."

" She also mentions phrases like _not special-_ _mistake-not enough _a few times. Does that mean anything to you?"

They exchanged a look- both unsure of who should answer.

"No..." Serena finally said.

The doctor closed the file.

"That is fine. We can come back to this later. All we can do now is wait.I would appreciate if you inform her parents though.I will meet you in the morning."

They stood up and walked out. Serena felt disbelief clouding her mind. It was in front of her. How had she not seen it?What had she not noticed that Blair was having trouble- that Blair was heartbroken-that she was slowly-

She shook her head. Blair had not attempted suicide- she had an accident and yet the number of times Chuck's name was written on that paper gave her a chill.

"Why is Chuck not here?"Serena demanded.

Nate grimaced.

"He did not pick up the five times I called. It is still wee hours in the morning Serena.""

They both nodded,too drained to feel anything.

"Miss Serena- How is Miss Blair?"Dorota said frantically

Serena closed her eyes and took a deep breath

"She is not good Dorota-She met with an accident."

Dorota let out a little gasp: "No!"

"She was hit by a lorry- what was she doing out so late?"Serena burst out suddenly

"Serena..."

"She should have told me that she was leaving- she should have said-Did she say anything to you?"

Dorota shook her head,sniffing.

"The last time I saw Miss Blair was when I called her to meet Mister Chuck downstairs."

"Oh my god- I completely forgot about that- Blair met Chuck tonight and I am guessing that did not go well."Serena said

"I bet not."Nate said curtly

"I want to see Miss Blair-"said Dorota

XOXO

The sunlight streaming into the penthouse at Empire Hotel cast strange shadows on the wall. Chuck Bass sat staring at Eva as she toyed with her croissant. She looked forlorn and tired, but beautiful nevertheless.

Looking into the deep pools of her eyes he felt a surge of protectiveness. How could Blair hurt someone so innocent and so docile?

"Eva are you okay?" He asked taking her wrist.

She gave him a tired smile.

"I don't understand why- Why would Blair do something like that to me?"She shook her head and sighed.

He took her in his arms.

"There is no saying what Blair would or would not do. It's Blair Waldorf- and she does hate me with a vengeance. I just never knew how much. If I knew Eva, I would not have let her hurt you. I promise she would not ever hurt you again."

She kissed his cheek

"I know. I trust you. But Chuck are you sure you want me to be here?After all this could hurt your reputation."

"To hell with my reputation."He said firmly. "As for Blair Waldorf- She will pay for what she did to you."

He leaned over and kissed her.

XOXO

When Nathaniel Archibald found out about Blair and Chuck sleeping behind his back, he felt he had been wronged by two people he trusted the most. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine that they would end up in a relationship- Chuck Bass and relationship?

And there was Blair- the Blair he knew would never love a Bass. She was a Waldorf who wanted to be a princess- she wanted a prince who would promote her to a different social standing. And though the name Bass came with money it also came with the stigma of new money and no class.

And yet it had happened.

Blair and Chuck became a couple and astounded everyone with how much love could change. Nate often shook his head at their devotion and their ability to withstand any blow to their relationship. He was happy for them until he heard how Chuck sold Blair for his hotel. The way he had broken Blair made him want to shake Chuck Bass and make him realize what he had done. And then the deal with Jenny Humphrey.

All in all Nate often wished Blair never loved Chuck.

Today the thought was becoming a rant. He might not be a world-class genius but he could put two and two together. He knew that the meeting between Chuck and Blair could be attributed to the accident that Blair had. Hearing about her ramblings made it more absolute that Blair was not over Chuck- and that she was hurting over him. Walking into the penthouse he shared with his best friend, after a night full of such thoughts to see the same best friend kissing his new girlfriend did not help matters in the slightest.

"Chuck.."he began

"Nathaniel "Chuck drawled." It is good to see you in perfect health. You had me worried last night with your incessant calls."

"So worried that you did not pick up or call me back?"He countered

Chuck smirked.

"I left the phone out. I was with Eva all night She was quite upset, understandably so. "He said squeezing her hand.

_Blair-_

His heart sank when he saw the expression in Chuck's face. It was pure was not pleased with Blair. Neither was Nate; but it was hard being angry at Blair after what he had seen – a fragile brunette who looked like she would never wake up.

"I did not have time to chat nor read through the Gossip Girl blasts, which was quite a number it seems. However when I saw your missed calls this morning I called you but your phone was switched off."Chuck finished

"My battery died."He sighed."The reason I kept calling you Chuck was that I needed to talk to you about-"

"About?"

"Blair-Chuck she is…"He stopped as Eva blanched. Chuck shot him a glare.

"I don't want to talk about Blair."Chuck said. "And I thought you would have enough sense to realize that."

"Chuck, I know Blair is not your favorite topic right now but this is serious."

"Did you not hear what I just said? I don't want to talk about her"

A sleepless night passed in a dull hospital had made him restless. He was in desperate need of some sleep and his body ached.

"Look Chuck I am not defending her or anything but there are some things more important than petty issues. Blair and you have known each other since childhood and not to mention the last –"he began roughly

Chuck cut him across

"What part of I-don't-want-to-talk –about –it is it that you don't understand?"

Nate sighed exasperatedly

"Chuck- Blair is in trouble."

There was a silence. Eva looked up at Chuck. His face was frozen and irresolute.

"Chuck..."Eva began

Chuck shook his head at her.

"I don't care Nathaniel. As I told her last night this is war and I have no pity to waste on enemies "came the steadfast reply.

Nate felt his temper rise._Didnt care?_

He could see Blair's pale face under the sickening cream blanket- He could still hear her as she wrenched his hand away to follow Chuck at the Bass- Van der woodson penthouse on the day of the funeral of Bart Bass.

_He stood staring at her as Blair told him about how she encountered Chuck in Paris._

"_You asked him to come back?"He asked astounded_

_She nodded her bright red face a sharp contrast to her navy blue headband._

"_Why did you do that?"He asked confused. "Don't get me wrong. I am glad to have my best friend back but would you not be more comfortable without him around- I mean after all that happened"_

_She blinked back tears_

"_If he left NY for good then he would lose out on you and Lily and a whole bunch of people who loves him. Chuck believes he can survive in an emotional vacuum but I know better. He needs love like no one else. If he did not come back Chuck Bass would be hurting very badly-not only all who love him- but himself too."_

_There was a silence. He shook his head as he progressed the information. Blair could never stop surprising him with her devotion to Chuck- she was unconditionally giving when it came to Chuck._

"_Even after all that he did?After Jack Bass and Jenny Humphrey?"_

_She nodded sadly_

"What do you mean you don't care? She is your oldest friend , not to mention your-"he began angrily

"After last night Nate- tells me why should I care? She tried to take away the person I care most about."Chuck said

Nate felt something snap.

"Wow Chuck that really makes sense. I mean so Blair does a bad thing and you kick her out of your life. Have you ever stopped to count the number of times you have hurt her-How many times has she forgiven you? How many times she has held your hand even though you have done unforgiveable things-That Blair never gave up on you- Never once kept you waiting when you needed her-"

"Nathaniel.."came the hoarse whisper

"Did you forget that you are standing at the Empire because Blair loved you enough to sell herself for your damned hotel?Or did you forget that she was the one who held your hand when you became all self-destructive after your father's death.."

Chuck clenched his fist.

"Nathaniel I am warning you."

Eva stood up quickly and placed herself in between the two friends.

"Please do not fight." She pleaded

Chuck looked at her taking deep breaths. He did not want to let Eva down. But Nate was past caring.

"And the only time in her life that Blair Waldorf needs you- you are turning away saying you don't give a damn.I guess it is a good thing that Blair is in coma."He finished angrily.

There was sharp tinkle as the coffee cup slipped down and shattered at Chuck's feet.

"Blair is in coma.."


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you once again for such amazing reviews. I think a few of you mentioned about the typos. Actually Fan fiction screws up my sentences when I submit it. I am trying to figure how to stop that from happening. I am also looking for a beta-

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters

…

"It is truly unbelievable Miss Serena. I cannot think of Miss Blair lying there so quietly. It is not natural. It is not expected." Dorota said quietly from her side.

Serena looked up with red eyes and smiled kindly at the Polish maid.

"She will be alright.I am sure the doctor will come out and say that everything is fine with her."

The doctor had entered the room wishing to examine and Dorota were standing at the corridor sipping a cup of coffee. Serena took a long sip hoping the caffeine would help with the headache. She had been in the hospital all night and barely slept a wink. She was exhausted but she could not bring herself to leave her best friend's side. Nate had left an hour ago for a quick shower and breakfast- or so he said. However it was unthinkable of her to leave, at least until Harold and Eleanor got here.

_Just a few hours more-_

The Waldorfs would be here in the afternoon and till then she was the one responsible. Hopefully nothing would go wrong .There was a slight noise at the end of the corridor and Serena looked up to see emerging with a bunch of other doctors. She handed the coffee cup to Dorota and strode to the doctor.

"Is everything alright with Blair..." she trailed off as she caught the look on the doctor's face.

Looking grim, she announced.

"Meet me in my office in ten minutes."

…

Chuck Bass strode into the hospital lobby purposefully, ignoring the general hustle of the hospital. Eva trailed behind him with a worried expression. He grabbed her hand and started walking towards the elevator.

"Chuck..." she protested as they almost ran to the elevator.

He stopped to glance at her. She looked confused and he did not blame her. She could not understand what issues hospitals awakened in him. He avoided hospitals on principle- The last time he had been to one- he went to pieces until Blair made him see-

He took a sharp breath as the name slipped into his mind.

_She is in coma- They are saying that they might have to do a surgery –_

Nathaniel's earnest voice and overbright eyes swam in front of his eyes.

_She was hit by a lorry-They said she was lying there with head wound for a while before they could get medical __help. That could complicate matters _

Without thinking he tightened his grip on Eva. He could not imagine Blair being hit by a lorry- Blair Waldorf lying abandoned on a stone pavement. It was unimaginable of the Queen B-

"She will be ok" said a soothing voice next to him.

He turned to Eva, staring at her kind expression, wondering how to answer. Thankfully the elevator door opened and he strode took a moment for the environment to sink in but when it did he almost stumbled back.

_The cream walls were freshly painted and yet they seemed to add to the gloomy feel of the __hospital. The smell of anti-septic mixed with that of sickness made him gag. Fighting the ongoing battle within the confines of his mind he walked towards the room that held his father- his dying father._

"This way Chuck-"Eva pointed out and led the way.

The door opened to a hallway and he spotted his step-sister. Serena was impeccably dressed but her face was worn and tired.

"What the hell took you so long?"She demanded.

Fighting the feeling of déjà-vu, he spoke up:

"I did not know-"

"It was all over Gossip Girl Chuck- I know she does not mention which hospital but the least you could do is to call me to check whether it's true or not."Serena said, sounding extremely annoyed.

"I have stopped reading Gossip Girl blasts ever since I returned from Paris Serena. I came the moment I found out-"he defended himself stoutly.

"Oh well- she is room number is the room at the end of the corridor."

The long corridor suddenly seemed like a death trap. Something was rising within him- He turned quickly to his step-sister.

"Where are you going?"He demanded

"To see the doctor ."

"We will come with you."

…

Serena knocked politely before walking in.

"Please come in Serena and-uh..."She trailed off.

Chuck walked to her and stuck his hand out.

"I am Chuck Bass. "He began

"Oh..."Something shifted in the doctor's expression. "Of course."

"And this is my girlfriend Eva."

The doctor nodded.

"Please sit down."

She sat down in her chair and smiled kindly at them.

"I have just examined Blair's reports. I am afraid they are not what we hoped for. Blair's condition has been consistent since an hour after we treated her injury. She has been unresponsive to any action taken on our part. This means that her brain has stopped reacting to any treatment we are trying."

Chuck gritted his teeth._ Trust Blair to be difficult about everything._

"The greater problem is that the brain scan reports suggest that there is indeed internal bleeding."

Serena gasped next to him.

"But you also said surgery is a last option and that you have other ways of stopping the bleeding."

"And we do- Serena but the problem is that Blair is unresponsive to any form of medication. This is leading us to suspect that there is possibility of certain physical damage to the brain already done."

The three stared at the doctor dumbfounded. She took a deep breath

"And that is why we are planning on the surgery."

"No!"Serena exclaimed "You said there are potential risks of amnesia, brain damage or even death"

Chuck blanched. He gripped the chair hard-Blair Waldorf dead-The thought was difficult to process.

_You are __weak, son_

Wrenching his mind with an effort he tuned back into the conversation

"I am not denying the risks-But the present condition is such that I would prefer to take action rather than not. Internal bleeding may cause Blair to be brain dead-"

Without thinking he jumped to his feet

"What are your qualifications?"He said harshly

"Chuck-"

He did not even glance down at his sister

The doctor was however eyeing him with interest.

"Any sort of brain surgery is difficult and risky-and the risks are enhanced when there is internal bleeding- I cannot guarantee-"

The words were starting a dull ache inside him, so he cut her across.

"Get the best neuro-surgeons then-The best doctors in the world. Get the best not worry about the money."

"I am saying that-"

"Do not worry about the money or protocols. Just get them here." He said firmly.

"Actually I need her parent's permission before we can even contemplate surgery."The doctor said to Serena, ignoring the young man glowering at her

"They will be here very soon. But doctor are you sure that surgery is the only way?"Serena asked in a very quiet voice.

"Serena- I am not willing to do the surgery unless it is absolutely necessary. Blair will be under examination for the next 48 hours. If she wakes up or even responds to any medication- other treatments will become an option. I am however not hopeful"

Chuck turned furiously to his step-sister.

"Did anyone bother to get a second-opinion?"

Serena sighed exasperatedly

"Chuck-We are in one of the best hospitals in New York."

He shook his head

"I am calling for a second-opinion and a group of best neuro-surgeons."

Serena stood up glaring at him. She looked pointedly at the doctor who was taking the scene quite calmly.

"Forgive me for not taking the words of the blonde as gospel truth. "He snapped, stalking out

Serena stared after his disappearing form. Eva stood up and smiled kindly.

"I am sorry about that ."

The doctor shrugged.

"We all have our own ways of dealing with emotional crisis."

…

"I said I need the information within an hour Harvey."Chuck barked into the phone "I do not want you to work on it. I want answers and I want them now."

"Chuck"

Chuck turned around to see Eva standing next to him. Serena was nowhere to be seen. After thoroughly berating him for his spontaneous outburst in the doctor's cabin, she had disappeared in Blair's room. He sighed and tried to take in Eva's expression.

"You want to say something?"He asked

She nodded

"I know you do not want to hear this but Serena was right. I mean I understand you are upset but you should not have said all that to the doctor."

He almost said out loud _I am Chuck Bass _before realizing that that persona was supposed to be gone. He was supposed to have moved on in a new direction, making himself a better man. And that better man would not have taken the option of running away from the truth or the option of trying to shield himself from the pain by lashing out on someone. But it was too ingrained a part of him. The need to preserve himself- to wrap himself in a cocoon of numbness to escape the pain. He could not explain all this so he kept silent as Eva softly kept on telling him that he should go apologize to the idiotic blonde of a doctor.

He almost sighed in relief when Nate walked in. He had changed and looked refreshed. He nodded fleetingly at them.

"Where is Serena?"He asked

"She is with Blair." answered Eva

"Great. I will go see her too. You guys coming?"

Eva nodded and followed Nate. She looked back to encourage Chuck to come along. He took a deep breath and followed them. Nate pushed the door to the corridor open and as Chuck walked in, the line between past and present blurred again.

_The worst thing was that as he walked he could hea__r the thud of his shoes on the marble floor. The glittering marble floor looked like a mirror to him. A mirror which showed him the real reflection._

_You are weak son- So weak that you embarrass me._

They reached the last room in the corridor and Nate walked in. Eva stood waiting for Chuck to catch up. He walked slowly his eyes fixed on the window ledge at the end of the corridor. White curtains fluttered there.

_The white blanket was all that he could __see. Lily turned around with a kind smile._

"_Charles."_

_I am sorry we did the best we could. He is dead._

His breath caught and he barely heard Eva as she called to him.

_The little boy looked up at his father when he walked __in. It was his fourth birthday-maybe his father would get him a cake this time or swing him on his shoulder like Captain did with Nate._

"_What do you want boy?"Said a hoarse voice_

_The boy moved backwards. He did not like his father when he spoke with that voice and he smelled funny too._

"_It is my birthday "he said in a small voice_

_His father closed his eyes_

"_I want a cake..."the little boy persisted_

"_Your mother..."_

_He felt a desperate hope_

"_Can you bring back Mama?"He said. He would not want a cake then. All he needed was his Mama like Nate had Anne and Serena had Lily and Waldorf had…_

"_Don't be foolish boy. Your mother is people never come back. You have lost her forever as have I."_

"Chuck..."He felt Eva wrap her hand around his wrist, pulling him forward. He caught a glimpse of the white blanket that was placed on Blair as Serena moved away to talk to Nate.

"_I don't have a mother __Blair. I never will."_

_He was shattered as he confessed it. But then he felt a small hand slip in his. He looked up._

_With nothing but firm belief in her voice she pieced him back._

"_That does not mean you are alone. I will always be here. I will always be your family."_

Dorota stood up. As she moved towards the blonde duo, the classic brown curls he so admired suddenly came into view.

_There are potential risks of amnesia, brain damage or even death_

Suddenly the cocoon was destroyed and all the pain he felt started to emerge. Wrenching his hand from Eva he strode quickly away from the wretched place. He collapsed against a wall two corridors away.

He slipped down and sat with his head in his hands. He waited for the inevitable to happen- For the mind to numb itself to protect itself against the pain. The classic Chuck Bass move-He gritted his teeth. He could see his father smiling at him

_You are so weak-__it is pathetic._

"Chuck-What are you doing here? Why did you run away from there?"Eva said as she sat next to him.

He did not even hear her come. As she sat next to him, he realized that a year ago Blair had sat next to him in the same way. The same Blair who might die

He let out a deep breath.

"I cannot see her Eva. Not in this situation. "He said staring at the wall ahead

There was a silence.

"You are such a good person Chuck. You cannot see anyone in pain "she said earnestly.

He stared at her. She did not understand .This was not about her pain –it was about his.

She smoothed his hair and continued.

"But you need to be strong for Blair. She would want to know that you are here for her. You need to go see her –Think how much she would want that-"

Chuck shook his head again.

Blair would understand-Yes she would want him to go see her- but she would also understand if he did not go. She would accept that he had his reasons- she would understand without him ever explaining why he never went.

He looked at Eva, whose eyes were still earnestly persuasive.

"I cannot go in there Eva. I will not."

…

A/N: This is a Chuck-filled chapter. Tell me if you think I did him justice or not. The Chair scene in italics was taken from Gossip Girl Season I discovered a strong co-relation between the number of reviews and my desire to work on this story so if you want an update- REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you so much for reviewing and for adding the story to your favorites. I am sorry that this chapter took a little longer than usual but I lost two days to really horrible headaches. Hope you enjoy this.

Disclaimer: As much as I want to-I do not own any characters.

* * *

The afternoon came with the frantic Waldorfs. Harold Waldorf looked on the verge of collapse. He had walked in straight into Room 1810 and sobbed holding his Blair Bear's hand. Eleanor looked shocked and kept on questioning everyone in sight about how, when, what and why this happened.

Serena had never seen Eleanor so vulnerable and helpless. It struck a chord with her. She never realized how much Blair meant to Eleanor-maybe even the latter often did not realize. She tried her best to answer the questions, ignoring the why question as she herself did not know the answer to that.

Dr. Brennan was happy to finally meet the guardians of her patient but she was less than happy when Chuck Bass marched in with a group of distinguished-looking gentlemen. They turned out the renowned team of the world-famous surgeon Philip Andre. The doctor however had nothing new to add, much to the disappointment of friends and family of Blair Waldorf. He, however, agreed to stay and work with Dr. Brennan.

The other notable event was the posting of the hospital's name in Gossip Girl. Within an hour the hospital saw a range of visitors for Blair. From her classmates at Columbia to mini-Blairites at Constance, everyone showed up. Since Harold sat most of the time, holding Blair's hand and Eleanor kept on talking to one doctor or another, the job of meeting the visitors fell upon Nate and Serena.

Chuck sat brooding in one corner. He did not speak much and did not join in any discussion that was going on. He also maintained a safe distance from Blair's room, though Serena had seen his eyes flickering in that direction often. However, though they all took turns of sitting with Blair, Chuck never volunteered. Serena supposed it was for Eva's sake.

"I am exhausted."Serena sighed as she sat next to him

He did not look up. He took a swig from a small metal container.

"Chuck – is that…" she trailed off. "And I thought Chuck Bass was changing."

"You should stop thinking sis. It gets you nowhere usually."

She rolled her eyes.

"Why are you here anyway?"

"The same reason you are here-She is my friend too. "He said slowly

She raised an eyebrow

"Fair enough "She conceded "But the rest of us are not hiding away at the reception."

He smirked.

"And when you are working on your not thinking- work on your wit too. "He advised

She shook her head and kept mum. Making Chuck open up was one of the hardest things ever and she was too exhausted to even think of trying it.

….

The next 24 hours was terrifying for the Waldorf clan and the three friends of Blair. Every hour was worse than the former. It was as though they were sitting on a time bomb and time was ticking. The only difference was that they would not know what the next hour would bring. Hope was fading. Dorota and Eleanor had finally convinced Harold to take a break and get some rest. Serena took over the job of holding Blair's hand and waiting for her to open her eyes...

Serena sniffed, watching the steady rise of her best friend's chest- the only indication that B had not deserted her S. Try as much as she wanted she could not even imagine life without Blair – Serena's life had been a rollercoaster- Burdened with her father issues and a mother who was always distant, she chose a life full of instability and wildness. It did not help that her charm and beauty made people more than happy to lure her out to trouble. She jumped from one boyfriend to another, one problem to another and the pile of "wild things" kept on increasing. Things changed a little when she came back from boarding school but she always found some trouble to meddle with. The only constant boulder in her life was Blair Waldorf-she knew that no matter what she did or who she did would always be there to pick up the pieces and put her back. She would always be there to hold her as she cried- she would always be there to protect Serena in her crazy ways.

_Would always end now?_

"B!Wake up "She pleaded." Please wake up. You have all of us worried sick. And you need to wake up and tell me it is going to be okay."

She stared at her best friend, as though willing to see some change.

"You have always been the stronger of us two. You have been the one who has held me together B. What I am supposed to do without you?"

She let out a sob and put her hands on her face. She felt a reassuring pat on her shoulder.

She looked up. Nate looked down kindly at her. She shook her head, trying to hold back tears. Nate knelt beside her and held her in his arms.

"Remember when Blair took us to ice-skate at Christmas when we were 8 ?"He asked

Serena looked up with a small smile.

"The time she completely refused to acknowledge us."

"_Please __S. You are completely embarrassing me." Eleven year-old Blair said with an air of someone condemned to treason charge._

_Serena giggled, her hands splaying around as she tried to find the perfect balance. She tried to clutch onto Blair who glided away, looking cross._

"_Here let me help-"said Nate, who like her looked like he was about to fall on his face anytime._

_He clutched her arm and Serena suddenly found herself falling on her back. However she felt someone tugging her forward. The next movement was very painful. She founded herself face down on the ice. Yelps nearby made her realize Nate and Blair had also fallen._

_Half-an hour later as they were tended by Dorota, Blair exclaimed in an annoyed voice._

"_I cannot believe you do not how to ice-skate. I could have easily broken my leg."_

"_Well you did not Blair."Nate said clutching an icepack to his elbow._

"_And no one said you had to come help us."Serena added._

_Blair looked furious._

"_You mean I should have just stood there and watch you two fall. Idiots you two maybe but you are my friends- And when you fall I either save you or we all fall down together."_

Nate smiled down at her. And then looked at the brunette-

"The rule is still the same. If you fall you will take us all down. So come back to us Blair."

…

Can something repel and attract you at that same time?

Chuck thought as he stared at the white door at the end of the corridor. He was terrified of walking in that room, or even venturing near to get a clear view. If he went it would mean confronting the deep-rooted fear of caring and then losing. He had lost enough and he could not lose now.

He could not lose Blair Waldorf. The thought was by itself too painful and so he delved the thought into his deeper consciousness, choosing to think about other things. The idiotic blonde of a doctor who believed Blair needed to have a surgery-who gave him too many possible avenues of nightmare.

_Amnesia, brain damage or even death._

He believed she was incompetent. So he pulled all strings to get the best doctor in the whole fucking world only to have the same bullshit thrown at him.

He saw the door open at the corridor end and a blond duo walking out. Nate was holding Serena who clung onto him. His heart dropped.

_Why was Serena crying? Did something…_

He was halfway from his chair when he stopped and sat back down. They were heading towards the cafeteria. They would not go there if something was wrong.

Feeling a small balloon of relief within him he sighed, his eyes flickering to the room again. He knew what repelled him about the room. But there was something that pulled him towards the room- like a constant compulsion wrapped around him. The tug of war was ongoing for the last two days. He did not know how long it would go on-

It was easy to stop him when he was surrounded by people. The Chuck Bass persona he had created enabled him to be cold and unmoving when he saw people. Even Eva was shocked by the degree of his calmness. She thought he would be more pained by the accident.

Everyone believed the shiny surface- No one even guessed at the storm underneath. The fire scorching at his soul- The need to hear one simple word from a mouth that was unresponsive. And worse fact was that no one will- No one knew Chuck Bass as Blair Waldorf and only she could see the storm. Only she could stop the fire-

But she remained impassive.

_Did she know he was here- The doctor said she could hear- did anyone tell her I was here- Would it make a difference to her? _

His eyes fell on the clock. 15 hours to go before…

He stopped the thought before the pain could begin. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath.

_Don't you understand- I will always be here Chuck_

He opened his eyes and again his eyes drew to the door. Suddenly the pull became too strong. He stood up in daze. He was half-way down the corridor when he halted.

He could not do this. It would make things more real. He moved back, hoping someone would walk in and stop him. There was no one .Nate and Serena were in the cafeteria. Eva and Lily (who had come visiting earlier) had gone to get some decent food for the attendants.

_And I don't want you to go anywhere because I could not bear it._

Swearing inwardly he gave in the pull and walked down to the corridor. The door stood swaying tantalizingly. He held out the door and walked in before he lost his nerve. Closing the door he turned to look at her.

The first things that he really saw were the number of machines to which Blair was attached. The constant beeping and the general hum of the machines were the most dominant sound in the room. And then as though his eyes were magnetically attracted to the bed, they turned, of their accord to the patient. Blair lay immobile on the bed, with white blankets wrapped around her petite form. Her head was wrapped with a huge ugly bandage but a few curls lay around her pillow. Chuck leaned down and touched them reverently.

They were as soft and silky as he remembered. It even smelled faintly of her favorite strawberry shampoo. He breathed in the smell, feeling a knot loosen in him. Blair was here- She was here. He could see her, touch her and smell her.

The thought made him feel better. His eyes turned to her face. Her eyes were closed and her long lashes cast shadows on her under eyes. Her porcelain skin was pale and there was a small bruise under her chin. He leant down to touch it and then withdrew his hand quickly.

Something was closing on him very quickly- something which closely resembled fear.

"Blair" he said suddenly, his voice rough with suppressed emotions.

He looked up staring at her lips, willing them to move. She always answered him-whether to say that she loved him or that she hated him.

_How can I love you after everything you did?_

"Waldorf-I declared war and you did not even allow me to strike you even once. "He said in a strong voice. "May I remind you that if one party forfeits in a war the other wins."

There was no movement.

"Do you want to give me the satisfaction of winning without even making one strike: You are definitely losing your touch "he continued as though it was not a monologue but just another of their banters.

Chuck clenched his fist when the words were greeted by silence. Unreasonably he felt angry – Why did she not answer him? When did she ever refuse to rise to his bait?

The anger went as suddenly as it came. And despair flooded back. He felt slowly spiraling down an emotional stairway.

Suddenly he heard Nate's voice echoing in his mind.

_Blair never gave up on you- Never once kept y__ou waiting when you needed her_

He knelt down beside her.

"Blair -come back please. I need you – I really do. I –I-"he stopped. It was a bane but he was never good at voicing his feelings and it usually did not matter for Blair understood it all without him ever spelling them out in words.

He let a deep breath.

"Yes...I declared war on you –"he trailed off. "But you promised –you promised that you would never leave me. That you would always be here..."

He held her hand against his cheek and waited feeling strangely liberated and scared. He never felt so exposed and so vulnerable. He had actually laid down his heart in front of her and Blair would always respond to his need- by breaking his heart or by embracing his feelings.

The minutes ticked by but she remained impassive. The stirring in his gut slowly escalated to a storm. She was not responding because she had gone away too far. She was too far gone...

The thought cut through him and he stood up, panting as though he had run a mile. He had never felt worse, not when she had used him and went running to Nate, not when his father died, not when he hated himself for being weak, not when he felt the demonic presence of his father. Not when Jack Bass caused him to destroy the only thing he ever loved, not when Blair yelled to his face that he should never say anything to her or when she told him she had stopped loving him.

And they were the most painful moments in his life- But even then he had never felt such helplessness and such despair as though the life within him was being drained away with every passing moment of immobility and silence from the person he was addressing. The pain was unleashed and it hit him so strongly that he physically felt sick. And it was her fault.

He gritted his teeth.

"I hate you Blair Waldorf."He spat out and strode out.

Why on earth did she ever make him care so much? He was better being a unfeeling cruel man who could not love- who could not feel- But she had to come change all that-

The pain was blinding him and he moved without thinking. His only thought was to get away from the pain- to run away- to numb him. He wanted a whole carton of Scotch and cocaine to drown himself into.

"Charles..." came a concerned voice.

He looked back and saw Lily start. He did not blame her- he must look deranged. He turned back and kept on walking. The cold air hit him when he stepped out. He must have forgotten his coat. He leaned upon his limo and curled his fists, panting hard.

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Chuck..."

He saw Eva staring at him with concern

"What happened?"

He let out a ragged breath.

"I went to see her- she is- she…"he stopped unable to continue

She took him in her arms.

"Come on lets go home. This is too hard for you."

He shook his head.

"No! I can't do that."

"Yes you can Charles." Said Lily. She was standing next to him, her eyes worried. "No one is going to think any less of you if you leave."

He stared at her. He never cared about what other people thought about him anyway.

"I cannot leave Blair." He was vaguely aware that Eva slowly moved away from him and her grip loosened.

Lily's expression was dumbfounded.

"Blair is not your responsibility Charles. She is not your girlfriend."

He shook his head.

"But she is Blair and I am Chuck. We are Chuck and Blair."

There was a heartfelt moment of silence.

"I cannot give on her- She never gave up on me. "He finished.

_Until now_

…

It was exactly at that moment that Anna Hart, the nurse assigned to Room 1810 noticed that something had changed. She had double-checked the patient's chart and recorded her vital stats. She had wondered about the sudden increase in the patient's heart tempo in the last half an hour and made a mental note about talking to Dr. Brennan about it. After all an irregular heart rate could have implications on a surgery. She had set down the chart when she heard the first gasp.

She looked down quickly and saw that the patient's lip was trembling. She quickly paged the reception to contact Dr. Andre. The girl murmured again-

Anna placed her hand over the girl's wrist, hoping to calm her down. The fingers of the patient twitched trying to hold onto something but seemed to lack the necessary strength.

There was silence and then girl mumbled something again. This time Anna could hear what she said:

"Chuck."

…..


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I love you all for being so kind , I did not expect such an amazing response. To the reviewers and the huge number of people adding the story to their favorites: THANK YOU!

There are a number of people who want Eva out- I am personally not a big fan of Eva but she will be here for a while as she is necessary for the story.

I do not like this chapter very much but I could not think of this scene anyway other than the one I tell me your opinions.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

…

The small group of people assembled in Dr. Brennan's office was all important in their own ways. Certain surnames commanded a great deal of authority and respect and others commanded huge bank balances. Yet in her office they were the friends and family of a patient and each face held the same expression of concern and hope. It made them more human than ever- And as she addressed them, she momentarily forgot that she was talking to the Basses, Archibalds and Waldorfs.

"I have some very good news. Blair has reacted to us. She has been recorded to moving her fingers and has mumbled something. In fact she called out to one of you-"she consulted the records and checked the name the nurse had scribbled down.

_But __of course-_She thought wryly

"She called out Chuck" she finished. Eight pairs of eyes looked back at Mr. Chuck Bass.

Dr. Brennan stared at the young man who took great pleasure in humiliating her. From the moment he met her, Mr. Bass has been against her. She found studying the young man very interesting- the man showed no emotions mostly. And even more interestingly the emotions he showed masked the real ones- He looked perfectly stoic to this news but the sudden swallowing and the deep breath he took did not escape Brennan's practiced eyes.

"This is really good news because it means the signals are being received and sent to the brain. And Blair is fighting against the coma- A few more breakthroughs like this could make her fully conscious."She smiled at them.

"I have discussed this with Dr. Andre and we are of the opinion that you all can help us in this. We need Blair to continue responding to us and for that to happen we need to appeal to her senses. Surround her with things she likes-for example, her favorite perfume or flowers and talk to her about anything you think interest her. Coax her to come to conscious."

"So if we are to do the treatment what are we paying you for?"Mr. Bass retorted

"Charles..." several voices admonished

Brennan smiled.

"We are of course continuing the medication and treatment. But we all need to work together on this."

They all threw themselves to the task. A few hours later Room 1810 was filled with peonies. Breakfast at Tiffany's was being played at the DVD player and macaroons were kept in side table.

They all took turns to talk to her. Harold talked incessantly about the vacation he had planned for Blair that summer when he will take her on a world tour and about the daily stories of Cat and Roman. Eleanor sat there, wondering what to speak with her impassive daughter, realizing she never had any quality mother-daughter conversations with her daughter. She promised Blair again and again that that would change. Serena talked about everything- from the classes at Columbia to her undecided mind about Dan and Nate, from her doubts about Juliet to the latest fashion trends and the latest gossip girl blasts. Nate spoke mostly about their past and the memories he cherished. Even Dan Humphrey and Vanessa had popped in and added short monologues about missing her action in NYU.

Only Chuck said nothing. He hovered around her room most of the time but he did not sit holding her hand and conversing with annoyed others and even the obnoxious blond doctor who thought Chuck should speak mostly with her as she had responded to him once and might do so again.

The problem was Chuck had no idea what to say. Conversing with Blair once used to be as easy as breathing. She was the one person whom he could tell anything- But now things were too complicated. He was having a hard time wondering what on earth he could say to someone who he declared war on and yet that someone invoked feelings of such intensity within him.

His feelings were getting tangled again. Blair hated him – she had proved it when she tried to make Eva go away. He probably deserved her hatred but the fact that Blair Waldorf hated him stung him so much that he had lost the desire to live. It was only because of Eva that he had the courage to come back to NY and start afresh. He wanted to become a new person for he hated the Chuck Bass –and hence he dropped all that of the Chuck persona. He had begun to emerge as a new person when this sordid accident happened- and things got complicated again.

Seeing Blair in that state brought all his vulnerabilities out and hearing that she had called his name made something burn within him- a lamp of hope. But he hated himself for feeling that way- He had Eva and he owed his angel his complete loyalty. He could see that his concern for Blair was hurting Eva- She was becoming listless and insecure. She also seemed uncomfortable whenever he told her that he was going to the hospital.

"I am not coming. "She said on the third day after his outburst against the limo.

He tipped up her chin.

"I understand Eva. But I have to go – You understand that, don't you?"

She had asked him then looking intently at him.

"Chuck do you still love her?"

He had taken her in his arms.

"Eva –Blair is my past. And you have no need to be insecure about her. I am yours now."

She had smiled then and kissed him. In the heat of passion she forgot that he never answered her question. He did not forget however and the question plagued him throughout the next few days.

…

The next few days followed the same repeated pattern and brought increasingly better results. The efforts that the friends and family took were rewarded generously. Followed by her mumbling of Chuck's name, she had interacted with them inaudibly. She mumbled frequently, her fingers twitched when she needed to get attention and twice Blair blinked.

"Her nerves signals are improving. Blair is coming back to us." Dr. Andre announced.

It was on eight day after the accident that it was sitting with Blair and talking about how Ana had said her first word- _Mara _when she heard the indistinct sound. Suddenly on alert Dorota moved closer to Blair. Blair eyes were open and she was staring at her.

Dorota felt a sudden excitement.

"Miss Blair you awake?"She said clutching her hand. "You come back to us."

Blair stared at her glassy-eyed for a while longer and then opened her mouth.

"Water "she said her voice hoarse.

Immediately Dorota burst into tears and scrambled around to press the emergency button.

The calm of the reception of the 18th floor was suddenly interrupted as doctors and nurses began to rush into Room and Nate jumped up at the same time, their hearts in their mouths.

"Oh no..." Eleanor gasped. "Harold- what could possibly have happened?"

"It ok dear. It probably is nothing "He pulled her up and they walked quickly towards the room. They had reached it when Dorota came scurrying out, her face tear-stained.

"What happened?"

She gave a watery sob.

"Miss Blair is awake- She asked for water. I gave her and now doctors asked me to leave."

Eleanor almost collapsed with relief. Hugging her Harold laughed.

"I knew Blair Bear would come back to Daddy."

Nate gave a hysterical laugh and they scrambled towards the room.

…

"Hello Blair" said Dr. Brennan smiling kindly "How are you feeling?"

Blair looked back at her with confused eyes. She however smiled back. It was a cautious smile.

"I am…"she trailed off and then began again. " I am confused. Who are you?"

"I am Elizabeth Brennan. I and Dr. Andre have been acting as your doctors this last week."

Blair stared at her and gave a nervous chuckle.

"A week? I have been in the hospital for a week?"

Brennan exchanged a look with Philip and smiled down at Blair.

"Yes. You had an accident but you are perfectly alright now."

"An accident..."Blair gasped and looked around, her eyes taking in the machinery surrounding her. " I don't remember anything about an accident."

Her voice rose a few notches as she said that. Her cheeks grew steadily redder as well. Brennan placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"That is quite expected actually. It will come back to you gradually and until then you have nothing to worry about. You are perfectly safe."

Blair cast her a worried look and then looked at her hands, taking a deep breath

"I saw Dorota."She said "Is she here?"

Brennan nodded.

"She is here and so are many of your friends and family" she said

Brennan watched as Blair's face lit up.

"I want to meet them doctor." She said

"Actually Blair..." She began

Andre cut her across.

"I think we can allow that."

Brennan gave him a pointed look but he gave her dismissive shrug. Sighing she opened the door and smiled at them.

"Blair is awake and she wants to see you. I would however advise you not to overwhelm her. And I cannot allow all of you to burst in the room together."

"We will take turns." Harold piped in quickly

The others nodded. Without saying anything else Eleanor rushed , Harold and Dorota huddled together in the doorway trying to catch a glimpse of Blair.

Chuck hung back. He felt extremely wrong-footed. The knowledge that Blair was finally awake had made him go weak at the knees but as the information sunk in, so did its implications. Now that she was awake, he was not sure of where they were standing-what they were to each other. And most importantly he did not know how would she react to him- what would she say? What would he say?

Yet he needed to see her awake once more and so he walked to stand next to Nate. Eleanor had rushed past the doctor and hugged Blair sobbing hard.

"My baby...My little baby" she sobbed. "I love you so much."

.Blair looked extremely shocked but she hugged her mother back tightly. Her eyes were full of questions but happy. Blair Waldorf had always wanted her mother's attention. The sight of those brown doe eyes drove any thought out of his brain. Suddenly all he could do was grin widely.

Blair let her mother rock her for a moment but she pulled back and smiled.

"Mom..."she said smiling "The-the last time you hugged me was when I was 8"

Eleanor's eyes filled with tears.

"That is going to change baby. I promise."

They smiled at each other.

"Blair..."

Blair looked up and almost squealed when she saw Harold. She looked to and fro her parents and finally spoke:

"I thought you are in Paris "she said

He nodded.

"We flew back when we heard..."he trailed off. "Blair bear you had us so worried."

Blair smiled at her parents, her eyes over bright. Chuck knew how much having her parents together meant to her- She liked her step-fathers but she never could get over the family life she had until Roman came.

"Who else is here?"She asked and looked at the doorway.

Chuck found himself incapable of breathing as her eyes flew to the doorway where he stood. Her eyes slid over them and suddenly she smiled. The smiled was breathtaking- He had never seen anything so beautiful. Tears welled up in his eyes but he fought against them- He wanted to see the smile curling her lips and the way her face lit up when she saw him. She could not hate him- could she?

And then she spoke, the smile still in place.

"Nate..."she said holding out her hand

The stupid grin Chuck was holding vanished suddenly. Nathaniel looked dumbfounded. He gazed back at Chuck who felt sick. He clenched his fists, glaring at Nate-

"What happened? She is awake!" said an overexcited voice. Serena burst into the room almost knocking Dorota to the ground.

There was a moment of silence as she stared at her lucid best friend. She gave a sob and stumbled forward.

"B! Oh god..."she said laughing and crying.

Blair stared at her for a moment and then laughed as Serena hugged her.

"S! I knew it...I knew you would come back..."she said

"Of course I would."

Blair laughed again.

"I told Nate that you wouldn't stay- that you couldn't stay away from New York or from me"

Serena pulled back, frowning. She looked at her Blair intently.

"Blair-"

Blair sniffed and continued: "In fact I told your mother when I spoke to her a couple of weeks back that no boarding school can compete with Constance and you are definitely coming back."

"Boarding school…" Serena stammered, casting a look at Chuck and Nate who were both frozen

"Yes- Boarding school S! The school you left for without telling me" Blair said sounding miffed. She stopped herself after casting a look around, oblivious to the frantic looks of the faces of her family.

"But I am glad you are back-I missed you at Constance "She finished cheerily.

…


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: The last chapter has achieved the greatest number of reviews – thank you so much. I am so glad that you all liked the twist in the plot- and now we move on to the consequences of the twist. Enjoy!

….

The premonition of a coming storm was so strong that Serena fought the urge to cry. Instead she ran a hand through the mass of golden curls wearily. She stifled a frustrated sigh as she thought of Blair's happy face as she told Serena that she always knew that the latter would come back to New York. She had heard of patients with head injury being confused and bewildered initially but did that include acting as though the last three years did not happen?

The door opened and Elizabeth Brennan entered with Dr. Andre. The room went completely silent. Eleanor leaned in and began:

"Dr. Brennan what is going on?"

The doctor sighed.

"We have just talked to Blair. She is in perfect health. Her brain scan reports show that the bleeding has almost stopped. The danger has passed- She is on her way to recovery."

The room exhaled a sigh of relief at that. She waited for them to digest the information and went on:

"However Blair believes that she is 16 and a student at Constance. She also believes that her parents are separated but not divorced. She told me that Serena left for boarding school a month ago and that she is dating Nate..." she stopped as Nate turned white.

"She believes us- we ..."he stumbled over the words.

She nodded.

"In short Blair has lost the memories of the last three years- For her the events of the last three years did not happen." Brennan finished

There was a resounding silence.

Serena was frozen.

_The events of last three years did not happen-_

But they did. Serena grasped the handle of her chair tightly- How would Blair cope with this? How would she deal with knowing that three years of her life has been wiped off- how would deal with knowing that she had loved Chuck – and that she had never made to Yale- and

Serena cringed-How would she react when she found out about the Shepherd's wedding? Telling her once was hard enough- Serena was not sure that their friendship could deal with another blow. She put her face in her hands- No one comforted her this time. Nate looked as aghast as she did- probably even worse.

She turned to look at Chuck. His face was a bright red and his fists were clenched. He looked like he was having trouble breathing.

"Chuck..."she began

He looked at her and then glared at the doctor.

"What kind of a crackpot treatment did you use on her?" he demanded

The doctor looked shocked but she quickly rearranged her expression.

"I understand that you are upset, Mr. Bass..."

"No need to butter me up with psychological bull crap- How did it happen? How did she lose three years of her life – and by ironic twist it was the last bloody three years-"

Serena gasped as the implications sunk in- The last three years had changed everything for Blair- The life that 16 year old Blair had lived and dreamed of had changed- she had broken up with Nate, fallen in love with Chuck and reconciled herself to not being at Yale- Blair had grown up in ways that no one could understand. But now for Blair- those events never happened.

"Charles calm down" Harold said firmly

Chuck appeared to have not heard him and focused on the doctor.

"I am asking you some questions here-"

Brennan took a deep breath.

"The way a human brain works is not easy to fathom. The conscious and the subconscious function in a very complicated manner. There are two possible avenues of explanation. Blair's brain was physically injured and it is possible that her amnesia is a consequence of her injury."

"Another explanation might be the subconscious suppressing the memories to numb the pain." Interrupted Dr. Andre. He looked politely at Elizabeth and continued.

"It is not an uncommon phenomenon-The conscious often is manipulated by the sub-conscious and many people resort to suppressing painful memories and consciously remembering nothing of those memories. If something is too painful to remember the sub-conscious wipes it off the memory store."

Chuck visibly flinched. Serena stared at him watching his pale face.

"However in this case the most likely possibility is that of physical injury" Dr. Andre finished slowly

"Doctor what does this mean for Blair? Will her memories come back?"Harold asked

"I cannot give to a definite answer to that. It might be the parts of her memories may come back gradually- and it could be years before she remembered them. It might also be that she might never get those years back."

Serena cringed. There was a similar horrified expression of everyone's face.

"While I understand that this must be hard for you- you will do well to remember that it is harder on Blair. I have spoken to her about her amnesia. She has dealt with fairly reasonably and was quite calm about it. However I advise that she needs psychiatric help to deal with this. You all should remember that Blair was in coma- and there is a possibility of relapse. Try not to stress her or pressurize her to remember things. Let her be."

Serena looked up at the words.

"There could be a relapse?"

Dr. Andre nodded

"Yes- It is a possibility and so you all need to be strong for her. Physically Blair is on her way to recovery but mentally and emotionally she is in a very fragile state."

…

Not for the first time since this sordid business started Chuck felt the urge to punch something. He fists were clenched by his side and he had to grit his teeth to refrain punching the double glided glass windows at the hospital. He knew the punch would probably break his hand and in a perverse way he wanted the pain- It would take his mind off the painful struggle within his mind

_But if you were really hurt I would like to know_

He could see her – in a glorious red dress, her eyes bright with unshed tears. In spite of all that happened she would want to know-

But now she would not. The Blair Waldorf lying down in a room in the same floor would not give a damn – because she was not his Blair- she had never loved him. She never thought of Chuck Bass as beyond a heinous pervert- she never believed in him- she never kissed him and she never wanted to stand by him through his darkest thoughts. This Blair Waldorf was not his and worse she had never been his-

"God.."Serena mumbled breaking the silence

The three members of the non-judging breakfast club were sitting in the reception in silence. They had walked out of the doctor's cabin in a daze and sat in silence. They were told that Blair was conscious but ironically none of them ventured near her room. Chuck knew that both Serena and Nate were anxious of how this would affect each and every one of them but he, Chuck, was still stuck in the process of taking in the news.

Serena looked up and gave a small attempt at a smile.

"Guys I know this is hard but I think we should be thankful that Blair is - this means that Blair has to take account of various changes in her life but she is alive and that is what matters- the rest we can get through "she said, looking around for support.

Silence greeted her. She grimaced, her tone getting annoyed

"For god's sake I know how hard it will be for her and for us but Blair is still with us – we have not lost her"

But he had- He had lost Blair in a way none of them had.

"I know Serena" Nate began, sounding really worried. "But have you thought about this? Blair's life stagnated three years ago but we moved on. Knowing Blair she won't be able to accept that- she won't be able to take that we are no longer where she wants us to be"

Chuck gritted his teeth. Of course Nate was worried- The Blair Waldorf now believed Nate was her boyfriend-that she loved him and always will- that she would be part of the Archibald legacy and Nate knew how obstinate about her choices she could be- He knew how long it took Blair to give up on Nate-

Nate's problem was the Blair was still in love with him.

_Bastard_

"Are you worried that Blair will get all too possessive about you, Nathaniel? Or is it your worry that she will find out that you are not the perfect prince she fantasizes you to be?'Chuck spat out, the venom is in voice indisputable.

Serena looked up but as always Nate proved to be oblivious

"Chuck- You should be worried too- I mean so many things happened in the last three years- How can we tell her that and how would she react to them?'Nate began

Chuck glared at Nate but he could hardly see Nate's face. All he could see was the beautiful smile on Blair's face when she called out Nate's name. The way she said his name made him want to gag.

"For example – How do you think she will react to Juliet?"He asked

Serena scoffed.

"Of course you would think of Juliet at such a time, Nate "she said

The reminder that Nate was dating someone soothed his ruffled temper to a certain degree and he realized that he was being unfairly harsh on Nate. It was not Nate's fault that Blair eyes had swept over Chuck and came to rest on Nate. It was not his fault that her eyes did not even acknowledge Chuck and that she had not called him to hold her hand-It was not his fault but still-

Nate shook his head.

"I am just saying Serena that knowing Blair she would try everything to win me back"

As soon as the words left his mouth Chuck wanted to rip Nate into pieces. It was the truth but the logical part of his brain had stopped functioning.

"I would be worried too, Serena" he said quietly, his eyes on Nathaniel. "How do you think Blair is going to react to knowing that her perfect Nathaniel is actually a manwhore?"

Nate blanched and Serena gasped out: "Chuck please"

"I am telling the way it is"

Nate stood up.

"If anyone has reason to be worried Chuck-it is you. I can't imagine what Blair will go through when she finds out that she dated Chuck Bass- and what you did to her"

"At least I did not sleep with her best friend "Chuck lashed out.

"No but you sold her for a freaking hotel "Nate almost shouted.

There was a very pregnant pause. Chuck let out a huge breath

"You did what?" Serena asked frantically.

Nate rounded on her.

"Did you ever wonder how Chuck got back the Empire from Jack? Well he sold Blair to Jack for a night-in return of his precious hotel-"Nate spat out

Serena seemed incapable of speech and then the color in her cheeks rose;

"No...No...You did not Chuck" she turned to him.

Chuck stared at her- at her eyes sparkling with anger.

"I did not make her go up there- she went there on her own. I never asked her to go. "He defended himself

"So she went without telling you- you did not know about this-You did not make a deal with Jack?"

His eyes clouded and suddenly all she could she was the impassive bad boy who had no feelings.

"You do not know how it is like out there in reality – when there are more important things in life than wondering whose hair is shinier-when everything you build up is at stake-"

Serena stared at him, the rage in her escalating. She suddenly remembered her best friend at Nate's birthday party.

"_Is it okay to do something awful and disgusting for love?"_

"_For love of what-"_

"_For just love"_

Serena advanced upon him angrily.

"I may not know about all that- but I do know that you do not sell your girlfriend- someone who you are supposed to be in love with- for a hotel- to the man who tried to rape your step-mother"

Chuck looked at her with no flicker of emotion,

"Nothing happened between Blair and Jack" he began

"But you did not stop her from going Chuck- you made her go to him- you made her sell herself for you."

Chuck scoffed.

"Please Serena – how was this different from her making me kiss a guy for a speech-"he began again.

Serena cut him across.

"You don't get it?" she screamed, not caring who heard her. "Even now you don't get it at all and you don't regret it either-"

She was beyond herself. She could only imagine what her best friend went through. The idea of Blair Waldorf doing something like that shook her to the core-But then Chuck Bass has always been able to make Blair do anything.

"I repeat I did not make her go there "Chuck said

"But she went there Chuck-For you- Because she loved you enough to do whatever it took-"Serena ranted and then stopped, tears trailing down her cheeks.

"Blair wanted to be a princess, Chuck- she always wanted to be a princess and you made her prostitute herself." A note of desperation entered her voice

For the first time Chuck blanched.

"No!"He said

"She sold herself for a piece of property Chuck- for you. "She lashed out relentlessly. She was sobbing hard, her face a mess. Nate looked forward finally and pulled Serena back.

"Let's go Serena-Come on- "

"You are a monster Chuck Bass. I always knew that-We were all right- you do not deserve to be loved- by anyone. No wonder you had no friends or family loving you – Only Blair was stupid enough to love you and she was wrong, Chuck"

"Serena!"Nate fought against her, trying to hold her back. Chuck stood there, completely immobile

"Only she believed in you when you were alone- she was the one who made us believe you were worthy of love- she loved you like crazy and you sold her Chuck-And if you don't care about what you did- if you don't regret it then it's just. Because Blair needed to pay for loving a soulless monster like you- she needed to be punished."

With that she stalked off .Nate glanced at his pale immobile best friend and followed Serena.

Serena stood outside, her chest heaving.

"Serena..."he began

"How could he Nate?"She asked, wiping the tears. "And why did she never tell me?"

He shrugged.

"She did not want to tell me either- But she just did. I guess she wanted to move past it-"

Serena stared at her hands and then sighed

"I can't even imagine what she went through"

Nate nodded.

"I guess in a way her amnesia is a blessing- she can get away from all this complicated mess "Serena continued

"Am I interrupting something?" came an elegant voice. They looked up to see Juliet walking towards them. Nate kissed her and Serena gave a small smile.

"Serena" she said "Are you crying? Is something the matter?"

"I am just worried about Blair-"she said

Juliet smiled politely

"But she is conscious now- That is what you said-"she said to Nate.

"Yes- Juliet but Blair has amnesia."Nate said. "She has lost the last three years of her life-"

There was a blank look of surprise in her face and then she started talking about her concern. Serena excused herself and she felt Juliet's eyes on her. As she looked back the latter smiled. But something was wrong with the smile- Serena could not trust Juliet and for some reason she could not shake the feeling that Juliet knew that she was not upset merely for Blair's amnesia.


	7. Chapter 7

The room was silent except for the occasional rustle of feet outside the slightly ajar door. Blair stared at the well-equipped but effectively white-washed room all morning. The turmoil inside her was growing but being Blair Waldorf it was easy to pretend- to act as if the verdict of Dr. Brennan and Dr. Andre had not thrown her off balance. She had managed to be calm and collected as the doctors told her the worst news of her life- she had lost three years of life. She had even faked smiles and reassured her parents that she was fine-

No one knew now- no one knew what she was feeling, least of all Blair herself. She knew that her life had just been turned upside down but she felt dazed as though she was in a dream and she would wake up any moment. It did not help that she remembered every single day of her sixteen years of life and they felt so real that she was tempted to disregard the rest –which told her that she had lived three more years-

_A story wiped away-_

_A life she did not know_

The wheels were churning and she did not know whether she wanted them to stop. Did she want to know or did she want to live in this blessed state of ignorance a little longer? What had happened in these three years-?

Not much could have changed for she had opened her eyes to familiar faces- her parents, Dorota, Serena and Nate. At least these people were still in her life – That made her feel less wrong-footed and more reassured. Maybe nothing much had changed.

But Nate had seemed oddly wary of approaching her as did Serena .They have said their goodbyes too quickly-And that made her worried.

At least she did not find a strange face demanding that he or she was a loved one. That would be classic and romantic-

She admitted to herself. She had often wanted to live in the romances where the girl loses her memory and realize that she was in love with someone whom she did not even remember-They had seemed romantic. But now as the thought was a very likely possibility the thought gave her a chill.

She had lived a life for three years - a life she did not remember- It could be possible that she would walk past people she loved, adored, hated or despised and not even remember their faces. These people would know more about her than she would- They would know her story- the one that was wiped away.

She gave an audible gasp and clutched her head. Someone moved outside quickly. She looked up and saw a shadow.

"Who is there?" She called. "Dorota?"

The shadow moved and she caught a glimpse of Chuck Bass- His face was pale and he was looking at her strangely but he was wearing purple. The fact made her smile hugely.

_One thing that definitely did not change_

She looked at him and began"

"Bass why are you lurking at my door?"

Chuck looked at her with a peculiar expression on his face and he was not smirking in his usual heinous way.

"Blair..." he said slowly drinking in her sight.

A shadow passed through her face. Chuck never called Blair by her first name- that was not true but still she could count the number of times he did on her one finger.

"Since when do you call me Blair?"She snapped.

He looked taken-aback. A dozen expressions passed through his face before he settled on saying simply:

"They told me you had some memory problems but the fact that you forgot your name and remembered mine did not come up."

That eased her up a bit. It was not exactly the way she remembered-he was not smirking and his voice was huskier as though suppressing some inner emotion. But he was bantering with her and that made her feel better.

"You wish Bass" she scoffed, eyeing his outfit with doubtful eyes. "Still wishing to hurt everyone's eyes with an excessive of purple?"

He shrugged: "I am Chuck Bass"

She laughed loudly and he smiled, still eyeing her peculiarly. She was extremely relieved that she was still acting like the Bass she remembered but the constant intent gaze on her was disconcerting. He was drinking in her sight and though she was used to his dirty looks and appreciative glances-this was different – The eyes were different. She was about to throw in a remark about it when the door opened. A beautiful blonde dressed in a simple pink dress entered.

"Chuck, I came looking for you when you did not come back" she said with a distinct French accent. "I thought you would..." she trailed off as she caught sight of Blair sitting there.

Blair watched as her color changed and her eyes darted between Chuck and Blair.

"She is conscious- you did not tell me..."she trailed off, looking at Chuck. "I will let you two talk."

She moved backwards. Blair turned with a disgusted look on her face.

"You have been screwing the hospital staff when I was in coma?" she said and then scoffed "Why I am not surprised?"

Chuck blanched.

"No!"He cried out, looking thoroughly upset at the thought. Blair was surprised at the expressions flying on his face- he looked almost angry at her-Chuck Bass always took pride in his exploits and her horrific exclamations were usually met with a smirk and some sexual innuendo.

Chuck looked at her and then at the now closed door.

"Eva is my girlfriend"

Blair's jaw fell open.

"Are you kidding?"

He stared at her with unreadable eyes. "No." 

She stared back at him and then blinked twice.

"Chuck Bass in a relationship? Like a real relationship?"She tried it out for size and then shook her head. "Are you sure I did not wake up in an alternate universe?"

He smirked.

"You reacted in a pretty similar way when I first confessed feelings for ..."he trailed off

"Feelings- You have feelings? Did you get a head injury too Bass?'

He opened his mouth to retort when the door opened and Dorota came back from her coffee break. She looked at Chuck and surprisingly her face fell.

"Mister Chuck what you do here?"

Chuck shrugged.

"I am here to meet Blair."

Dorota drew herself up and her face became fierce. She was completely in her protector stance. Blair recognized it well since she had seen it being used on Serena and even on Nate many times.

"We were just talking Dorota" she said.

"Doctor said you no talk much Miss Blair" Dorota replied.

Chuck shrugged.

"I was leaving anyway Bl….Waldorf"he said moving towards the door.

"Thanks for stopping by Bass- and come back soon –I want to know all about the French floozy you acquired."

His eyes flickered with some emotion but he nodded and closed the stared at it and then turned to her.

"You should not have let him come. Visiting hours are over."

"He is Chuck Bass" Blair exclaimed, thoroughly annoyed. "Visiting hours does not stop him"

"But doctor said that..." Dorota protested.

Blair almost threw up her hand in the air before realizing that one of them was still bandaged.

"Stop clucking like a mother hen and come put some serum in my hair. They almost look wild – I may have been in coma but you were not. You should have known better and taken care of my hair."

As Dorota applied the serum to her hair Blair sat musing about her conversation with Chuck.

"Chuck Bass and monogamy? Seriously I cannot wrap my head over it. Personally I think it will not last even a week but the entire Upper East Side must be buzzing with curiosity about the girl who finally made Bass monogamous. "She said

She sighed suddenly

"I wish S was here or my minions" she trailed off suddenly as a horrible thought occurred to her.

"I do have minions don't I, Dorota?"

"Of course Miss Blair"

"Well why are they not here?"She cried "I want to gossip..."she stopped and gasped suddenly.

She did not need Serena or her minions to hear about the gossip. She could hear about sordid, juicy scandals with meticulous details from Gossip Girl. She smiled suddenly smoothening non-existent wrinkles from her finished combing her hair and she ordered the Polish maid for her phone.

"We never found your phone Miss Blair"

"Give me yours. I want to check Gossip Girl "she said excitedly.

Dorota shook her head.

"Miss Serena said not to let you"

Blair let out a snort

"Since when do you follow Serena's orders over mine?"

She snatched Dorota's phone, dutifully ignoring the maid's kept a string of disapproving words but Blair ignored her. The maid however did not need to worry. Blair never reached the gossip girl website. She had flipped the phone open when she caught a glimpse of a beautiful little cherub in Dorota's arms.

Her eyes went wide and she glanced upon at the woman who is like a second mother to her.

"Dorota...I...who..."she trailed off.

Dorota glanced at the picture and smiled proudly.

"That is Ana – my daughter."

Blair was speechless. She blinked rapidly and then asked softly.

"You got married?"

Dorota nodded shyly. Blair tried to smile but she found her lips would not co-operate.

"Was your wedding like what we always planned?"

Dorota's smile widened.

"Better Miss Blair. Grand and large and so beautiful"

Blair felt a sudden urge to cry. She had so many discussions about weddings with Dorota and how, if Dorota ever got married they would plan the wedding. But now that the wedding had taken place- she did not even remember.

"I wish I was there "she said softly.

"You were Miss Blair. You very happy for me"

Something uncurled within her and she felt a huge rush of emotion. Without thinking she threw the phone across the room. It hit the wall and fell with a huge shatter.

"Miss Blair-"Dorota cried

"But I don't remember. I don't remember any of it. Not your wedding- not..."she hiccupped trying to fight down the panic.

Everything had changed. Everything had moved forward- Dorota had a child and a family- Chuck Bass had a girlfriend. God knows what else had changed.

Everyone had walked forward in their life – yet she had stagnated. She was left behind and all the changes were suffocating her, making her feel worthless. She did not want this world- she had wanted the world the way it was before she had closed her eyes- she wanted the world as it was before.

But now it was impossible. It was not possible to catch up now- to subdue this painful struggle. She gasped when she felt Dorota caressing her hair.

"Calm down Miss Blair- Calm down. No use crying"

She took deep breaths.

"It is so hard – How can I start to build my life again when the last three years are lost to me?"

She clutched her maid's hand, feeling like a small child again. Her maternal affection and her whispers calmed her.

"I know it is hard. But you can do it- You can do anything –You are Miss Blair."

Blair looked up and stared at Dorota who gave her a reassuring smile. Slowly she rocked Blair as though she was still the small five years old who used to fall asleep in her arms. The rocking movement lulled her to sleep but as her head hit the pillow one last conscious thought imprinted itself in her mind.

She could do this. She could face this world. She was Blair Waldorf.

A/N: Thank you so much for the review. You will see more of Chuck in the next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: The last GG episode was not so inspiring but did my real Chuck peek out- I saw a little of Bass from Season 1 in the last scene- Loyal to his friends- suppressing his emotions. I am excited.

Anyway enjoy this chapter-

Warning- A little angst-

…

Living in a white-washed room with only forms of entertainment being the ongoing string of visitors and a DVD set was quite really hard. Blair was constantly bored- her mind dull with all same old daily routine of tests, conversations with doctors and intake of medicines. She was desperate for the visitors and felt like jumping every time she saw anyone enter her room.

The doctors had however restricted her visitors' list – it seems like they did not want Blair to deal with too many changes before she could handle so people who cannot be trusted to keep the mouth shut had been zipped off. Information was leaked out and she met some new additions to her life- She met Vanya and Ana- The latter was a delight. She also got to know all about the life in France that her father had build up with another man- She had felt like throwing up but restrained herself. However she was happy to know that her mother had married to a top-notch lawyer named Cyrus Rose- she was super-excited to meet him. If her mother glowing eyes and girl-like blushes were any indication Cyrus must be one dashing man. And she needed an awesome step-dad.

She saw her parents everyday and S dropped by at least twice a barely left her side. Other than that she met Lily and her current husband Rufus. The latter seemed a little too Brooklyn-ish but nice. Yet they were the only people she met. Bass never made a second appearance and Nate never showed up.

She was feeling suffocated every time the thought crossed her mind. His behavior was clear indication that Nate Archibald and Blair Waldorf might not be as tight as they were before- But she refused to believe it. They were meant to be- she knew that since she was twelve. He was her destiny – and like she painted in her scrapbook years ago she would one day be his bride and stand alongside him. Yet Nate seemed to be avoiding her like plague- What on earth happened in the last three years?

Sometimes she felt like ending the mystery and check the Gossip Girl site for the last three years. She had tried around five times but the moment she reached the site- she felt suddenly too afraid and terrified to consider reading the first line.

Wanting to know and yet wanting to hold on to the blessed state of ignorance-It was not an easy line to walk on.

Sometimes she felt her eyes tearing up and all she wanted was to scream loudly that it was unfair- but it not ladylike or proper to behave in such a way. The temptation was often great- she wanted to throw in a stinging rebuke to Dr. Brennan when she said that Blair will meet with her appointed psychiatrist today.

"I am sorry Dr. Brennan but I don't think I need some nutcase feeding me insane tidbits and making me a nut as well. "She said, offended by the idea of seeing a psychiatrist. She was fine- she was not some mental patient who needed to sit on a couch and pour out her life's sorrows to a stranger who was probably mentally counting the minutes while she was there.

"Sounds like a horrible idea to me too" said an amused voice. Blair looked up and saw a distinguished looking man smiling at her. He seemed to be in his mid-thirties but his warm smile made me look younger.

"Blair this is Dr. Steven Croft." Said Dr. Brennan, smiling at him. "I will leave you two alone to talk."

Blair watched as Dr. Croft sat across her in the couch smiling at her. She liked his look yet he was still a psychiatrist and she did not want to be one of the white trash who needed psychiatrists.

"I am really sorry Dr. Croft that I called you a nutcase-"

"No you are not. "He said smoothly.

"Uh- sorry?" Blair said blinking.

"You are merely sorry that I heard. "He said with an impish grin.

Blair gave a grudging smile but continued: "The point remains that I do not need a psychiatrist. I am fine-really."

He nodded.

"You are fine Blair. I see that you are a very strong woman yet I cannot help but assume that sometimes you might need to talk to me – and that is what I am here for- Don't think of me as a doctor. I want to be a friend."

Blair almost rolled her eyes .The speech was so typical.

"I would remember that Dr. Croft when my need for an ear and a friend is dire."

He smiled again.

The session, if one may call it that, had gone an hour and it continued with his persuasion to talk which she kept on politely refusing.

…...

Her eyes were the most expressive of what she was feeling-and since he was eight he could tell when Blair Waldorf was lying by her eyes. They had a funny way of giving her away- not to everyone – For Blair could wear the perfect mask for others. For him her eyes never could mask her true emotions.

It was in her eyes that he saw love for the first time-It was then that he had felt his heart could beat again. And ever since his father's wedding her eyes had depths of feelings within them when they gazed out at him- longing, passion, lust and love- as well as helplessness and betrayal. Even in Paris dressed in drab clothes he had seen her eyes filling with tears as she told him that she did not love him anymore- The eyes so beautiful and so loving were filled with sadness- with the thought of what could have been or what cant never be- he did not know.

Yet now they were empty of those depths. They were still beautiful but the eyes did not soften when it fell upon him – nor did it narrow when they saw Eva- Blair Waldorf did not have any feelings now- for him or for her.

Clenching his fist he moved towards the banister staring down at the world .The view from the rooftop of the Empire Hotel was spectacular. Eva had once innocently said that she could see all of Manhattan from here.

_Your world is beautiful_

But from where Chuck stood he could not see anything beautiful. There were undoubtedly gorgeous skyscrapers and mind-blowing over bridges but all he could see was ugly and hideous.

All he could see was him- unworthy of any kind of love.

Bart Bass was right- The man, for all his faults, knew his son the best and he were right. Chuck did not deserve any kind of affection or attention-least of all he deserved love. His mother was right-she was right to leave him the moment he was born. She was right- what would she have seen when she looked at her son if she had lived?

Disappointment-

Serena was right- he deserved all that fate threw at him. Years of loneliness and absence of any kind of emotional contact- the endless stream of faceless willing bodies and unlimited supply of scotch- the desperate need to fill up his empty life. He did not deserve friends and neither did he deserve any kind of affection in anyone's heart. He was depraved and soulless

Jack Bass was right too- Chuck was pathetic for he alone did not understand the price he was paying for winning the game. He alone was stupid enough not to understand what he was risking to gain backing a stupid block of bricks.

_Hope you love the hotel because it is all you have left._

Chuck had wanted to outwit Jack, to beat the man in his own game- Jack had underestimated the bond he shared with Blair. Blair was not only his girlfriend- she was his soul mate and she would stand next to him even after he sold her to Jack- he did not think of it as selling- it was again a game and once again Chuck and Blair –the ultimate scheming partners – would outdo the rival and win. But though he had achieved what he had set out to do- he had lost badly. Jack had won and the slimy bastard knew it even when he was exiting the penthouse- he had won because he had made Chuck lose Blair-his strength, his sole emotional support.

Not only did he win the game- he was also proven to be the better Bass of the two. He had not touched the pristine princess – he had let her go- The dark monster had protected the princess when the prince himself had thrown the princess to the evil spell. It was a demonic fairytale.

He was no prince but she was always the princess-He closed his eyes grimacing against the pain in his chest.

_Blair wanted to be a princess, Chuck- she always wanted to be a princess and you made her prostitute herself_

Serena's voice echoed through his mind but suddenly he was a mischievous six year old again.

_He sat scowling at the __poolside. It was a heated pool and he wanted to play with his best buddy Nathaniel- But Nathaniel was inside the house sleeping. Anne had told him that Nate would not be able to play today as he was suffering from however suggested that he should play with girl with brown hair who had also come to the playmate with her nanny Dorota._

_Chuck scowled. Playing with girls was beneath him- They had cooties and he disliked them on principle. They were too loud and giggly- One reason he hated all his nannies-But this girl was his only hope today._

'_Hey!"He called loudly. The girl looked up surprised. She had amazing brown eyes. He stared at the bright eyes which seemed to be saying something to him and then he shook his head._

"_Want to play?"_

_She nodded._

"_I came to play with Nate but since he is not here. I suppose-yes. "She replied primly setting her hands on her knees._

_He grinned, suddenly at ease._

"_Do you know how to swim?"_

"_No!" she said giving the water a scared look_

_He groaned and looked away. There goes his hope of playing in the water._

"_So what do you want to play?"She called._

_He scowled and turned his face._

"_Hello!"She said waving her hands "I am talking to you."_

_He rolled his eyes and wondered if he should call his nanny when she squatted down next to him._

"_Do you want to play princess?"_

_He looked up. What on earth is Princess-?_

"_What?"_

_She smiled._

"_I play the princess- the princess who was locked away by an evil spell and I get rescued and then I live happily ever after with the prince."_

_He scratched his head._

"_If you do everything what do I do?"_

_She looked confused too._

"_Usually when I play with Nate- he is the prince"_

"_So I am the prince?"He said with a hint of disgust_

"_No!"She said. "You cannot be the prince"_

_Though he had no wish in being the prince her remark touched a soft spot._

"_Why not?"_

"_Because I said so-"_

"_Then you are not a princess"_

"_I am "came an indignant reply_

"_Are not!"_

"_Am too"_

"_Are not-"he said laughing at her watery eyes "Are not! Are not!"He started chanting. Before he knew what happened Blair had pushed him and he landed in the water. His favorite purple suit was soaked and his shoes were lost. He was so shocked that he forgot to smirk._

"_Blair Waldorf is always a princess. Someday I will be a real princess with a real prince protecting me as we live happily ever after in his castle"_

Blair Waldorf was right- He was no prince and he knew that. What he did not know that he would be the monster in her fairytale- The wicked witch who tricked the princess to trade herself for a gain-

He let out a huge breath gasping loudly. The pain was too much to contain within him-It was though shards of broken glass was stabbing his conscience.

_I did not make her go there- She went to Jack by herself!_

A smaller part defended immediately. The idea of moving the blame to her was still as inviting as it was when he met her in the lobby of her building.

_The accusation shining through her tears was striking home-right at his __heart. He did gamble her in this game but as always he defended himself._

"_You went there on your own-"_

_The stinging slap had brought back the reality and the next words leaving her mouth had brought stark fear in him._

"_Goodbye Chuck"_

He had known from the start, from the moment she demanded an explanation that he had none. So he had began to chant the only defense he could conjure to her, himself and now to Serena-that he had not told her to go-that she went up on her own.

While the fact was true enough-it was not the whole truth. He knew from the moment that he made the deal with Jack that she would go-Blair would go to save his hotel-she knew what it meant to him. She would do anything for him-

_I will stand by you through anything_

He had not told her to go but he had done worse. He had manipulated her into going- he made himself the hero-made her believe that he would rather lose the hotel than her- He had shown her his desperation and he had made sure that Blair felt into his trap. He knew that her love for him would make her go to him-

That her love for him would make her –

Serena harsh voice cut across as though she should next to him.

_She sold herself for a piece of property Chuck- for you_

That her love for him would make her prostitute herself-

As soon as the thought passed through his mind he vomited violently. Clenching his eyes shut he groaned loudly.

_I just want you to be happy – however that is achieved-_

He opened his eyes and the red neon sign reading the Empire Hotel flashed tauntingly at him.

_It was not worth it._


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thank you so much for the amazing response. Someone pointed out that in chapter 4 in the flashback I said that Blair is eight but wrote that she was eleven. She was eight- sorry for the mistake and thanks for pointing it out.

As for GG spoilers I just came to know that Chuck may have another love interest. I have no words for this- only that GG is about to lose more of its viewers.

The chapter is mostly Blair and I want to know what you think of her

The darkness was overwhelming. It pressed upon her temples and she fought the urge to scream. There was no point risking Dorota to begin her mother-hen act again. She had only gone to sleep after Blair feigned sleep for an hour.

Blair clutched the bed sheet tightly still fighting the dominant urge to scream. It would not help- Nothing would help now. It was gone forever- like a dream which had always swirled upon her head and which was always within her reach- But now it was gone- vanished into the dark orbs of memory she no longer possessed.

They told her time and again that she had dealt with the loss and done so admirably but it did not seem like that- How could she have dealt with such a loss for now it seemed impossible? She let out a haggard breath and felt the tears well up in her eyes.

Why had it happened? How could she be so careless to have lost the only thing that she ever really wanted- What had made her single-minded pursuit of Yale fail?

She still remembered wearing her father's sweatshirt to sleep. She still remembered how wistfully she listened to her father recount stories of Yale- She remembered dreaming of walking in its halls one day- How could all that have been lost? The bigger question was how did she let herself lose them- What was wrong with her- Where was the Blair Waldorf who gained everything she wanted-

The questions swirled in her head making it ache. She clutched her hand to her mouth and sniffed. It had started perfectly innocently-

…

"You threw your psychiatrist out again?"Serena spoke sharply, sitting up in the bed.

Blair rolled her eyes and calmly turned a page on the new Vogue magazine. She really needed to update herself on the changed fashions- A shopping spree was so in order the moment she was released from the hospital.

"Don't be over-dramatic, S. I merely refused to answer his questions which bordered on idiocy "she replied.

Serena shook her head.

"He is only trying to help you deal with the issues that you ..."

Blair looked up sharply, her tone mirroring her glare.

"I do not need a psychiatrist- I don't have any issues. I don't know what to talk him about- I don't think he can provide me with juicy tidbits on the French floozy Bass acquired" She sat up eagerly. "I heard he opened a charity in her name. Is that true?"

Serena's eyes widened. She stared at the eager face intently and then blurted out.

"How do you know about Eva?"

"I do not know her. I merely saw her when Bass came to visit mesa bit of a fashion disaster but she managed the impossible- she has changed Bass. He is monogamous now-That is quite unbelievable"

Serena wanted to knock some sense on her step brother quite literally. Flaunting his devotion to Eva in front of Blair was uncommonly mean. Thankfully her best friend was interested in the fact only for gossip yet Chuck knew better or should know better-He was not fit to be within a two-mile radius of Blair after what he did.

"Why the long face S?"

Serena snapped out of it. She would rather die than tell Blair what she was thinking.

"Blair you have nothing to talk about with Dr. Croft because you are shying away from knowing anything that happened in the past three years. But you need to deal with this; B. Hiding away in a cocoon will not help much in this case."

Blair frowned- What was wrong with living in the blessed state of ignorance for a while longer? After the near-death experience she had she needed some shield from reality for some time often made herself believe that nothing had changed- if she started acknowledging the changes the nightmare will become more real.

"B- Are you even listening to me? I can completely understand you're wishing to take one step at a time- but you actually refuse to listen anything related to the changes. Dr. Brennan says that you need to overcome your fear and at least begin to acknowledge some events of your life-"

"I am not scared…" came the firm rebuttal. But she was- she was terrified of letting go of the life she knew she had. Already the changes had come. She had lost her father and her mother to Roman and Cyrus respectively- she did not want any more changes- She wanted to be the sixteen year old for a while longer.

Serena looked like she wanted to argue but before she could say anything further they were interrupted. Harold Waldorf walked in, a pensive smile on his face.

"Daddy!"Blair squealed

He hugged his daughter and smiled at Serena, who picked up her purse and bid Blair goodbye. She made it seem that she suddenly remembered that she had a class but Blair did not miss the pointed look she gave Harold before leaving.

She looked up at her father.

"Why does all this seem staged to me?"She asked irritably.

Harold chuckled.

"Because it is."

Blair grinned. Her father ruffled her hair and continued:

"Blair we all talked to Dr. Brennan today morning. She thinks that you need to open yourself to hearing the truth- Only then we can begin the recovery process. You need to digest the truth in small doses."

She felt an inward panic but kept her smile intact.

"I am fine Daddy. There is nothing wrong with me and I am doing just fine."

"Blair you are running away from anything that reminds you that this is not 2006."Her father said gravely. "You need to stop doing that-"

"I am not running away" snapped Blair "It is impossible in this situation anyway- with a broken knee cap I mean"

Her father shook his head. "Blair you never even asked which college you go to?"

Blair let out an amused laugh.

"What is there to ask about it? Of course I go to Yale..." she trailed off at the look on her father's face. "I got into Yale, did I not Daddy? I go to Yale- like I always wanted to?"

"Blair..."

She gasped and then blurted out. "Of course I do but if I do why am I in New York in the middle of semester?"

Something was rising within her –sheer panic but she tried to maintain an outer calm.

"You were in New York because you are a student in Columbia. "Said her father

"What?"

She heard the words but all she digested was a buzzing. This was impossible. This could not have happened.

"I am personally very proud of you Bear-Columbia is an Ivy League institution." Continued her father.

If she had been less shocked she would have scoffed- Everyone knew that Harvard, Princeton and Yale were the real Ivy League institutions.

"You got into a good school and you are with your friends- Serena and Nate- It makes me so very happy for you."

It was then that the tears started...

…

The day had swirled by. She did not how she could have let this happen. How had she let go of Yale?

Yale was a part of her perfect future- the one she had painted in her scrapbook since she was eight. A place where the name Blair Waldorf stood on its own-synonymous with success and power- where she had a successful Yale graduate with a shining future- Love was not far away as well for she stood hand in hand with her prince charming- Nathaniel Archibald.

_Nate__..._

The stirrings of panic had started again. Where was Nate? Where did they stand- Swallowing her fears she groped in the dark for her cell phone. She sat up slowly and placed her right leg on the ground- She almost cried out as a stinging pain flashed up- Ignoring the pain she limped across the room and opened the door. She rested against a chair in the corridor before dialing Nate's number in her new cell phone.

She had been postponing this conversation ever since she became conscious. But now she had done it.

Nate picked up on the eight rings.

"Hello..." he said groggily

Blair took a deep breath

"Nate..."

There was silence and then a loud yelp

"Blair- what is it? Are you okay? Why are you calling so late at night?"

Blair closed her eyes.

"You sound worried"

"Well I am..." he replied

"What are you worried about Nate?" Blair asked slowly

"I – well- I am worried about you of course" he trailed off in confusion

"So worried that you did not come to visit once since I gained consciousness "she said with a slight hint of venom in her tired voice

"Blair...I..."he trailed off again.

There was nothing he could say-really- for she already knew.

"We are not together, are we?"

"No..."

Blair felt the lump in her throat- Why? How-

"It's been three years B and things have changed. We both are over each other."

Fighting the tears that threatened to spill she nodded. But it was not true- she was not over Nate- He was still her dream and her love.

"We both grew as persons and realized that we were not meant to was not ugly- there was no misunderstandings or anything. We mutually realized that we were better as friends"

Clutching the chair for support she let the tears fall down her cheeks.

"Blair..." he asked, concerned at the length of silence.

She fought against the inward hysteria as she tried to answer.

"Blair is you ok?"

He would never know- he should never know- Never know how much it hurt.

"Yes Nate...I am fine. I – I- need to go back to sleep. "She hung up

She sat in the chair staring at the white neon lights in the ceiling.

She had lost Yale- She had lost Nate-

She had thought she had lost the last three years only- now it seemed like she had lost every dream she had dreamt since she was eight. She had lost every chance at the perfect life she had planned.

She put her face in her hands and cried. Silent sobs wracked her petite frame.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: We reached triple numbered reviews-and I am really thankful to you all. I have tried to tone down the properness of their speech as per the wishes of some reviewers. This chapter follows the episode "Goodbye Columbia" closely and all the events regarding S actually happened in the show so the credit of the entire scheming goes to GG writers. I have no idea what are the names of Blair's minions in Columbia. If anyone is kind enough to tell me-that would be great.

Finally R and R :-)

…

Serena van der Woodson stalked off with her head held high. Her strides were unhurried and even but inside she was boiling with worry. She tried hard but could not ignore the persistent stares and whispers that followed her as she walked through the lecture halls of Columbia. What did Gossip Girl have against her anyway? Her vendetta against Serena had begun in eight grade and continued even now-

But even Gossip Girl had her limits-Never before had such obscene rumors about her been spread- She had STD, seriously? The whole thing seemed beyond ridiculous to her but apparently not to others. Both Dan and Nate had gone for testing- if there was anything that could add fuel to the fire it was this-

She clenched her teeth as she hailed a cab. The name Nathaniel Archibald was a bone of contention nowadays-Post their break-up and his hooking up with Juliet- things had gone downhill for them not only as a couple but also as friends. Blair's accident brought them together for a bit but now – she was already angry at him for blabbing to Blair about their break-up.

Blair had isolated herself after hearing about Yale and Nate- She had refused Serena to come see her and according to her parents kept to herself. Even the homecoming party was for immediate family only- which merely included Dorota, Roman and her parents. Cyrus had been in the middle of one of his cases. Blair refused her phone calls and neither Chuck nor Nate called her. Serena could not understand how she could help Blair this time- the last time at least Blair had acted out-but this time she had cooped up in her room- How does one stop that?

She wondered if she should have talked about this with Nate but obviously he would not have any good ideas- She was strongly tempted to call Chuck- after all the previous Waldorf downward spiral resulting from the loss of Yale had been stopped by the notorious Bass- But Serena did not want the Bass-hole anywhere near her best friend anymore.

She sighed loudly as she entered the Waldorf penthouse. She was sure that she would be told to leave came scurrying towards her.

"Oh Miss Serena I am so glad you came."

Serena turned sharply.

"Is anything the matter, Dorota?"

Dorota shook her head.

"Everything is fine – better than before I mean- Miss Blair has no be good the last few days but she went to Dr. Croft –"

"She met up with her psychiatrist?" Serena asked astounded.

"She no wants to go at first. But few days ago she woke up screaming- I think a nightmare-and later that afternoon she asked me to make an appointment with Dr, Croft. Now she is loads better- she watching the Breakfast to Tiffany's again and asked me to call you"

Serena smiled slowly.

"That is good news"

She hurried up the stairs.

….

Sitting with a large bowl of yogurt by her side and her eyes glued to the television screen, Serena could not imagine that this girl had been having meltdowns the entire of last week. She looked up as Serena entered.

"Hey S" Blair said quite chirpily "Did you learn to apparate?" Then she blushed crimson as Serena laughed.

"Since when do you see Harry Potter movies?"

"Oh it's the new phenomenon to reckon with and I do adore that cute British accent." She said and eyed Serena "What I meant was that you got here in record time."

"Figures as I got here before Dorota could make that call."

Blair smiled and nodded.

"Sorry for kicking you out all of those last times."

Serena raised her eyebrows.

"Are you really?"

Blair rolled her eyes.

"No- I thought you would learn by the fifth time but alas no- you are one persistent blonde"

Serena laughed and felt happier when Blair joined in.

"Its so good to see you like this. I mean about Yale..." she started and then trailed off.

Blair sighed.

"Yale was one of the biggest dreams of my life, S and letting it go was not easy. Knowing that Nate was not with me either did not help. But I…" She trailed off, "I learned a lot of things last week Serena and I know that –I can deal with this and pick up my pieces."

Serena eyed Blair with concern.

"Blair..."

Blair closed her eyes and clutched Serena's hand.

"I realized what happened to me that night- the night of the accident- and what it could have done to me- and to others- I know how it feels to believe that- you-m-might not wake up and be there anymore."

Serena was shocked.

"Blair…what..."

"I keep on having these nightmares Serena- I could not understand them at first but then I realized they are flashes of that night- I feel the pain and despair .Dr. Croft said that most patients do end up having memories of near-death experiences even if the rest of the memories hover uncertainly- he is hopeful though." She finished with a laugh.

"You should have told me..."

Blair shook her head.

"I am glad it happened. It made me realize what a miracle I am- I am alive and I was worrying about Yale and Nate. I just researched on Columbia- turns out majority of its alumni are in powerful positions. I wanted power and success and it is still within my grasp- all I need is a different means of getting there."

Serena smiled proudly at Blair.

"That's my favorite version of Blair Waldorf"

The girls laughed and Serena continued.

"And you made me feel better...I mean if you can confront this why should I run away from a rumor or let it bother me?"

Blair shrugged curiously.

"What rumor?"

Serena sighed. She fished her phone and showed Blair the message. Blair's eyes widened.

"Shoosh I missed Gossip girl..."

"Blair..." Serena began outraged.

"Relax S- Obviously this is a stupid rumor so just ignore it- The greater importance you give to it the bigger the deal people would make out of it."Blair said popping a mouthful of yogurt

"You are right. I am so going to the faculty party tonight."

"What faculty party?"Blair asked tilting her head

"The faculty is honoring their new staff- Martha Chamberlain"

"Martha Chamberlain-the famous business psychology professor. She is coming?"Blair eyes were sparkling with anticipation

Serena laughed

"Yes- The best part is that every year she chooses an assistant from the student body and I can totally guess who it will be this year..."

Blair winked at her. Serena smiled and picked up her purse.

"I better get going. I have a paper due and then I need to get ready for the party."

Blair nodded.

"Sure- See you at the party."

Serena turned to leave when Blair called to her.

"Is Nate coming?"

Serena turned back with a surprised look.

"Why would you..."

Blair gave a nervous laugh.

"Because you two are the only people there that I remember silly..."

Serena nodded, still suspicious.

"He will be there but I should warn you that he is bringing a plus one- a Juliet at that."

"Hmmn…Very wasn't it Shakespeare who said the course of true love never runs smooth..."

Serena shook her head.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Blair laughed.

"Don't bother your pretty little head over it."

…..

Blair sat on the sofa sipping martini and smiling inwardly. She would almost sigh in satisfaction if she was not sitting next to the CEO of the largest pharmaceutical company in New York. The guest list of the Columbia faculty party included some of the biggest names in the business world and distinguished people from all walks of life.

After spending a mere hour in the party Blair had realized what a dolt she was being for the last two weeks thinking that she had lost all- She had not lost her dream of success- she had just a different location for it- And she had a different territory to mark and to rule. It was time for Queen B to prove her reign once again. From what she had seen she was already doing a good job-Her minions looked worthy of being her minions and looked up completely to her. When she walked in Dean Betrube herself had inquired about "'s health" and then taken upon her to introduce her to various members of the faculty. Best of all Blair was quite sure that the TA to Miss Chamberlain would be yours truly- Martha had liked her confidence and after assuring that she would love to meet her father's partner on a date, she had hinted upon appointing Blair.

All in all Blair was extremely satisfied and had almost forgotten that she wore trendy sandals with no heels – and a huge knee cap to ensure her knee did not give away- and that she could keep standing for only a few minutes. It made her feel old but she reasoned that she needed time to recover. She excused herself and headed to the bar for another martini when she saw him.

Nathaniel Archibald entered in his full glory. He was still as striking as he was before but he had grown a confidence which was missing before- the years did not make him any less attractive. If anything it made him more so. From the looks that the girls were giving him Blair knew what would consolidate her position as queen.

Nate turned to smile at someone and Blair followed his gaze. She froze when she saw an elegantly dressed blonde smiling back at him- She was pretty, Blair admitted but that is not getting her anywhere. Behind her walked two people she did not know- two blackheads. The female seemed very Boho and the man very unlike- wondered what Nate was doing with them.

"Cant believe Juliet thought she could show up here." Someone whispered and she saw Penelope looking at her. "I mean after what happened at the fashion-"

Blair nodded vaguely tuning her out as Nate looked towards her. She smiled at him brightly and he smiled back uncertainly. Shrugging he made his way towards her.

_Towards his destiny-_she vowed. Now she needed to get the obstacle out of the way

"Keep an eye on Juliet "Blair commanded.

"What- but why?" Penelope asked.

"Your job is not to wonder why-it is to do or die."Scoffing at her stupidity Blair walked to meet Nate halfway.

"Blair" he began with a smile "It is so good to see you."

She gave him a tight smile "You too Nate. It's been too long"

He nodded and then looked around.

"I mean it's great to see you looking so radiant and healthy-after-after all that happened. But then you are the survivor in the group –no matter what happens you come on stronger than before."

She tilted her head.

"Nothing takes down Blair Waldorf"

They laughed and on an impulse Nate hugged Blair. It was too sudden for her but she closed her eyes savoring the familiar feel on him on her- He still smelled the same.

"I am sorry B- I realized later how insensitively I handled the issue of telling you about us. I should have been there- told you in person- explained it well..."

Blair shook her head.

"Forget it- its alright.I completely understand."

"Are you sure?" Nate asked with a frown

Blair flashed him a bright smile. "I know it's been three years and things have changed."

Nate nodded and turned back to his group. He led her to the group re-introducing her Humphrey, Vanessa and Juliet. They were so trash-like that for once Blair was not surprised that she did not remember them –they were not worthy of being remembered.

….

It was almost a rule- Where Serena goes, trouble follows- Blair had seen that all her life and of course there had to be an incident tonight as well.

_Trading sex for grades-_

Blair shook her head as she thought about it. This was a grave offence and if Juliet had not shown that Vanessa had sent that email via Serena's phone- then S would be rusticated or worse. It would a huge black mark on her record. Serena had seemed equally frightened.

"I can't believe Vanessa would do that, B.I know I dated Dan but…"

"You dated that Humphrey guy?" Blair asked incredulously. Serena sighed dramatically.

"Ew...Eww...Eww...S!"

"He is a great guy..."Serena began her eyes actually softening.

"No...S! Not now..."Blair began and then stopped "Hold on a second-Humphrey as in Rufus Humphrey's son?"

"Well..."

Blair almost screeched: "You dated your step brother?"

Serena rolled her eyes "As I was saying I knew that Juliet had problems with me ..."

"What do you mean by problems with you?" Blair asked eager for ammunition against her prime target.

Serena sighed and poured out all that happened in the first week at Columbia and how Juliet tried to drive a wedge between them.

"Does Nate know all this? How can he date her after all this?"Blair asked, shaking her head.

"Well as it turns out she is pretty decent – if it was not for her- I would have bid Columbia goodbye today. I guess what she did at the Hamilton house have to do with her insecurity issues..."Serena stopped suddenly.

"What insecurity issues?"Blair asked

Serena smiled brightly "The usual blonde struggle"

"I have never heard of any such thing before" Blair protested

"Because you are a brunette, I see that new pub at the corner- Drop me off will you?"

Blair frowned

"Aren't coming home with me?"

"I am sorry B.I really needs to clear my head."Serena said as the limo stopped and she got off.

Blair leaned back into the leather seat and sighed happily. The party had been a success, not merely as a means to make contacts but also in assessing the Juliet factor. She pulled out her phone and stared at the picture Penelope had mms-ed hermit showed Vanessa and Juliet talking as Juliet held Serena's phone.

Blair bit her lip – From what she had gathered from Serena about the Hamilton house and Juliet's manipulation of both Blair and Serena-it seemed that Juliet saving Serena tonight more like a staged act than real help. Her gut feeling screamed that Juliet was not as innocent as she acted.

And the thought made her smile. She had gathered a large number of ammunition against Juliet but it was not enough. The girl had tried to take down her best friend and stole Nate for her. In Queen B's world these crimes entailed total social destruction. She needed the perfect plan now.

And she knew what to do. She quickly dialed his number.

"B- Blair..." the voice was groggy and soft.

Something rose within her as she heard the uncertainty in his voice.

"Bass state the level of alcohol in your body. "She stated in a firm voice

"Why the sudden curiosity Waldorf?" he countered in his normal voice

Blair felt better

"Because I need you coherent and your brain active when we talk"

There was a silence

"Come see me tomorrow and I will be all that."

Blair smirked

"You better be Bass- cuz we need to talk about something extremely interesting."


	11. Chapter 11

"It appears that you have learned quite a few disappearing tricks" Blair muttered into the phone.

Serena laughed cheerily. "You came to see me at our apartment?"

Blair pressed her head on the leather seat and stretched her knee as per the instructions of the doctor. The necessity to exercise and maintain the correct posture and to take medications timely often annoyed her but she had no option but to continue to do so.

"As a matter of fact I did- Bed unslept in and you vanished without note or call to me or Dorota."

"Sorry B- I kinda met a guy last night."

Blair almost scoffed.

"Of course you did."

Serena giggled.

"Don't take that tone with me. Nothing happened between me and Colin- We were just talking."

Blair shook her head, watching the streets on UES fly by.

"I might have been hit by a lorry but I do maintain the use of my senses."

Serena sighed.

"Trust me B- Nothing happened"

Blair rolled her eyes.

"Why not? Is he completely horrible or just un-able?"

Serena burst out laughing.

"Neither. He is just…I don't know B- He seems nice and all but...Well he puts a new girl into the cab every morning and I don't know if I should.."

Blair grimaced: "That's a total bummer- and you know what else is a total bummer?"

"What?"

"Martha Chamberlain has been appointed by the Lloyds Bank in London and so she has quit her job at Columbia and so there goes my assistant position."

"Oh B"

"I know right. It took so much flattery and conniving to achieve the position and I had managed to gloat on it for mere hours only..."

Serena laughed again: "Don't you worry .Blair Waldorf will find new bridges to burn"

Blair smirked as the limo slowed down.

"I think she already did."

"What?"

"Nothing S…I have to go now."

She hung up as she got off the car. Her eyes looked up to catch the red neon Empire Hotel sign and she smiled inwardly. It was a handsome building and the shiny brass doors looked elegant. She could not believe that Chuck Bass had managed to make such a successful investment. She walked through the doors, her eyes taking in every corner. The hotel was in a hustle and Blair approved of most of the things she saw. There was a strange feeling of familiarity in the lobby and even in the elevator corridor.

"Miss Waldorf it's so good to see you." Came an over-excited voice. She turned around to see a bell-boy in his teens smiling brightly at her.

From the absolute look of adoration on his face Blair assumed she must have given affair share of good tips.

"It's good to see you too, Jimmy."Her eyes took in his name tag. "I am here to see Chuck..."

Jimmy nodded.

"He is in his suite. I will take you there."

They entered the elevator and Jimmy pressed the top-most button. Blair folded her arms and bit her bottom lip. The encounter with Jimmy was weighing heavily on felt unreal to be standing next to him- the person who met her in _those _years-

_A story wiped away_

She shook herself from the reverie as the clink of the elevator. She walked into the suite, smiling at the interior design. There was something Bass-like about the design but it suited her taste more than his- it was subtle yet elegant. She supposed he had hired a good designer. She heard a dull thunk and walked into the living room. Chuck stood beside the pool table. He froze as she walked in and then slowly straightened. His eyes met hers and a slow smile made its way to his face.

Blair smiled brightly.

"I must say that I am highly astonished and proud. Who would have thought that years of womanizing and boozing helps develop good business acumen?"

"I suppose I could get a team of scientists to research that co-relation" he said moving towards her.

His eyes swept over her form. Blair almost sighed inwardly. It was his signature move-checking any girl in sight out. The French floozy had not cured him of this particular habit apparently. She impatiently tugged on her beige Chanel dress and tapped her feet.

"You should sit down, Waldorf" he said in a voice she hardly recognized. She looked up at him and he nodded towards the couch. "No need to over-stress the knee"

Blair flinched. No one had realized about her knee problem- She thought she had managed to hold her posture perfectly and not hunch even slightly. Nate had been completely oblivious and even Serena never commented on it.

"I am fine – I have no knee problem" she announced stoutly.

Chuck sighed.

"You are wearing sandals"

Blair stared down at her feet.

"FYI-Sandals are in fashion"

"But they are not your style. "He retorted. "Just sit down Waldorf- it won't kill you"

She sat down primly in the one-seater and he settled beside her.

"Where is your new accessory?"She questioned.

"Accessory?"

"The one that now hangs where your scarves used to hang once "Blair said sweetly.

Chuck shook his head, smiling. "Eva has gone for a walk"

"Bit of a fashion disaster isn't she? But whom am I talking to..." Blair trailed off staring at the pastel hue of his suit

He tilted his head.

She laughed: "But seriously Bass- this is an amazing hotel. Honestly I am proud."

To her surprise he flinched...

"You must be proud too..." she continued.

Something flickered in his eyes and then died down.

"Pride is not on my top thirty emotions right now, Waldorf."

That surprised her- she thought the Empire was something he was extremely proud of. At least that is what conversations with Serena and Nate had made her think. Chuck Bass always wanted to make his own name- prove to his father that he could be a man worthy of his notice. True –he never took any positive actions to consolidate that wish – but the wish was burrowed in his heart since childhood.

She realized she was staring at him and to her extreme consternation he was staring right back at her. His eyes were focused intently on her as he spoke next.

"I am selling the Empire."

"But-but why? It's doing great business, Bass."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I had Dorota check the online ratings. It's at the second position "Blair said

He smirked.

"I forgot you and I are cut from the same cloth."

Blair grimaced.

"I resent that comparison. My point was that hotel is doing great in terms of profitability-you should not sell it."Blair had no idea why she was voicing her opinion so stoutly. She clearly had no right to interfere in his decisions. It was his hotel- if he wanted to sell it was his business.

But there was something in her that resented the idea. The Empire seemed like an old friend- she felt oddly familiar with it.

Bass shook his head.

"I paid such a high price for this hotel that no amounts of revenue can make this a profitable venture."His voice was laced with a cynical edge.

She shook her head.

"What does Bart think of this?"

Chuck gave an odd smirk.

"Bart is dead" he said simply

"Wh-wha..."

She opened her mouth and then closed it again. She was an idiot- really. She eyed him intently as he stared beadily at her.

"I am sorry Chuck. I didn't..."

He stood up.

"Was there any particular reason you wanted to see me?"

Blair walked to where he stood and placed a small hand on it shoulder. He looked at it and then at her.

"I am sorry Bass- I didn't know and if I had..."she began staring down. She was confused as to what she should say to Chuck about Bart-The man had been more of a routine confidence-blaster than a father.

"Cut the condolences, Waldorf" he said sharply.

"I am just saying that we are all here for you. And no matter what happens- we will stand by you. "She said firmly, giving him a tight smile.

His eyes narrowed and he swallowed hard. His hands were curled into tight fists as his eyes never left her face.

"You have said that before" he said

Blair smiled at him.

"I am saying it again and I mean it."

He closed his eyes with a sigh

"Don't"

…

The pit of his stomach swarmed with unease as they moved together around the penthouse. It felt strange to give Blair a tour of what had been _their _home- she was a part of the penthouse that even he was not. Her touch and her taste lingered onto the suite even when she was not there. The soft elegance she preferred in her interiors dominated the entire décor of the suite. Chuck had never realized that he had unknowingly given in to all her decorative ideas when they first moved in. Now that he came to think of it- subconsciously he wanted her imprint in the penthouse so she felt that it was hers too- her home or rather their home.

And it had been too- until he screwed up. Swearing inwardly he fought to focus on her approval on the décor. Hearing her smile and laugh in the penthouse led to many memories – How long had it been since he heard her laugh- the tinkling laughter that used to be his favorite sound in the world- He used to wake up to her smiles and her giggles as he lured back to bed every morning making them both late-

"Real-time surveillance playback?" she commented with a raised eyebrow, tapping her feet.

Chuck smirked, remembering their forays into the playback and the aftermath which resulted in hours of passionate…

"What's the smirk for?" Blair questioned

He grinned

"I kinda know your weakness for surveillance playback, Waldorf"

Blair flushed hard. How the hell did he know? The idea was one of her secret fantasies and not even Serena could have guessed – but then Chuck Bass loved throwing in heinous comments and this time coincidentally it hit the bulls' eye.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, do I care." She said turning around and sighed. "I can't believe you are going to sell this place- it's so ...so .I mean it feels like home"

His heart skipped a beat as she said that. Did she know about them or was it a random remark? Why was she here anyway?

"As pleasant as it is to have your company Waldorf- I thought you had some reason to come here." He remarked as they walked to the balcony.

She nodded and turned to look at him keenly. "Did you hear Serena almost got expelled last night?"

He shook his head. She filled him with the entire story and then showed him the mms Penelope sent her. Then she went on to talk about Juliet's previous attempts at jeopardizing Serena.

"I can't believe you don't know any of this stuff. I mean the Chuck Bass always knew everything about everyone. But anyway this girl has got it for Serena and I intend to find out why"

"I don't know Waldorf- Doesn't seem like much of a trap to me but I would have my P.I do some digging" Chuck replied setting the scotch glass on the table.

She smirked.

"Not that is totally Chuck Bass"

She opened the connecting door beside the elevator and peeked in.

"Now what's this?"

Chuck came to stand at the door as she entered.

"This is the current dig of Nathaniel Archibald"

As the words left him, he saw her face brighten. She moved across the room and exclaimed:

"That explains why this feels like home"

Chuck felt suddenly sick. His insides felt like someone had stuffed with lead. He watched her as she fingered through his things.

"He still reads the ESPN magazine- Now that is reassuring" She moved across and ran her hand through his best friend's reading table, a wistful expression on her face.

Gritting his teeth, Chuck said: "So this sudden desire of taking down Juliet Sharp is your way of winning back your Prince Charming"

Blair flushed and then raised her eyebrows: ": Not really. I am just worried about my best friend":

Chuck laughed: "You really think Serena would gift you Nathaniel wrapped in a bowtie for your efforts to watch her back?"

"Excuse me. What is that supposed to mean Bass?"

He moved closer intimidating her with his proximity. She found strangely disconcerting considering she was used to fighting with him.

"It means do not lie to me"

Blair glared at him: "I am not lying to you"

"Your eyes are not matching your mouth" he said with a raised eyebrow

She ran a hand through her curls and shrugged "This conversation is rapidly becoming pointless"

"So is your pursuit of Prince Nathaniel" he retorted evenly

"I am not pursuing anyone." She said with clenched teeth "Now if you will excuse me..."

He blocked her way

"Using Nathaniel to buy your way up the social ladder is so 2006, Waldorf"

Blair had the urge to slap him. "I- love- him. Not that I expect you to understand Bass"

"And you shouldn't cuz the rest of us never went to coma"

Blair reeled back as though slapped. Chuck Bass had always been a heinous and perverted pig but never had he ever been as ruthless with her as now. Throwing her greatest weakness in her face was low-even for Chuck. She stormed past him, fighting tears.

She could hear him moving towards her as she walked across the living room.

"Blair stop please..."

She ignored the heartless Bass-hole and maintained her even strides. Suddenly he stood in front of her and she glared at him, hard.

"Get-out –of-my –way" she enunciated each word slowly.

"Blair- I am sorry...I didn't mean to..."

"Save it" she snapped. "I don't care"

She side-stepped him when he grabbed her arm. She turned around to give him a stinging rebuke when her knees gave out and she gave a groan of pain. Strong arms held her as she tried to steady herself.

"You should sit down" he said. She struggled wordlessly.

"Blair please" he said tenderly. She looked up at that- His voice held an affectionate edge and it was unheard of for Chuck to speak _affectionately_. Her eyes met his as she looked up. His chocolate brown eyes were warm and tender as they gazed down on hers. They were more expressive than she had ever seen them. For a moment she couldn't speak- it was all too much. As he eased on the couch she regained her ability to speak.

"I am leaving" she spoke harshly, trying to get up.

His arms held her down as he slid to his knees in front of her. She tried to unclasp her arm and he let go as his hand slid down to her knee. She felt a shiver run through her as he fiddled with her knee cap.

"If you want to live don't touch me Bass" she said fighting the insane pleasure that his touch was invoking in her.

"Is that what you tell your doctors nowadays?" he replied, his eyes still on her knee

She slapped his hand away and remarked: "Did you get a phony MBBS while I was in coma, Bass?"

His smirk disappeared.

"I am sorry, Waldorf- If it helps I would regret those words for years to come, even if you forgive me"

The emotion in his eyes baffled her so she did not protest as he took off her knee cap. His fingers gently touched her swelled knee. She knew she ought to feel pain but a strange fluttering took over as his warm fingers moved across her skin. It was though his fingers were burning her. She flushed as the strange longing intensified.

He shot her a strange look as he took in her flushed skin. Cursing all the hormones that God created she spoke up sharply.

"I am going to leave"

"Not while I am alive" he stated evenly

"How would you like to die then, Bass? Arson or strangulation?" she retorted sweetly

He laughed, shaking his head.

"I am serious, Bass"

"Here is the deal- You let the hotel doctor examine you and you are free to go."

She sat up angrily. Of course there was a hotel doctor...

"Why the hell were you doing the doctoring then?"

He gave a trademark Bass smirk

"Because I enjoyed the view"

Her mouth fell open as he left to make the call to the doctor. Where the hell was Eva when you need her?

…A/N: This chapter took a lot of work from my part. Blair and Chuck stand at very different standpoints right now and merging them was a little difficult. I hope you understood how Blair felt. I know I left Chuck's feelings a little vague but they would become clearer in the next chapter.

As difficult as it was I enjoyed writing it a lot- Let me know what you think. This brings me to reviews- the last chapter had the least number of reviews of all the chapters .Am I losing my readers? I hope not.


	12. Chapter 12

Apologies are in order. While most writers update more frequently in the holiday season I seem to become lazier-Sorry for the long wait. This chapter has a bit of sex- nothing graphic but it's there and it's not between Chair *hides before she gets killed*

….

She was gone and yet she was there.

Chuck stared into the deep corners of the suite, his eyes seeing beyond the normal decor. Her presence permeated into every corner- the pastel hue of the cushion cover to the golden glow cast by the lamp. She had imprinted the penthouse with her touch.

Hell- she had imprinted her touch upon him.

He closed his eyes and thought of the chocolate brown curls and bow-shaped lips which graced his dreams and nightmares. She was like oxygen to him- moments in her presence rejuvenated the Chuck Bass- not the always smiling philanthropist that Eva made him out- not the immoral bad boy of UES- But the real Chuck- the one who wanted to love but was scared to- the deeply scarred man who healed only with her love.

The elevator dinged and shook Chuck out of the reverie. He immediately focused on his laptop as Eva walked in.

"Hey"

He looked up and smiled. She was smiling down at him, holding a huge file.

"I visited the Animal Rights Center today. They provided me with a list of –err-things they need. I said I will run them by you."

She sat down next to him and opened her file. He shook his head. He couldn't take it now- He could not listen to her love for sick animals and genuinely sound interested. He didn't have it in him now.

"Not now, Eva.I – I have to work"

She nodded, eyeing him curiously. She gave him a kiss and stood up.

"Of course darling I will go take a shower."

He waited until she walked out and then grimaced. What was he doing? What the hell was he doing-Dating a girl who saved his life and enabled him to become someone else and still thinking 24/7 about someone who ,if she had her real memories back, would hate him wholeheartedly and now, with her impaired memory, was in love with his best friend.

He suddenly had the urge to throw the scotch glass against the wall but he refrained. He needed to stop this- for Eva's sake and Blair. He closed his eyes-

_All I ever did was love you_

That was true enough but all that he ever did was hurt her- intentionally or unintentionally- Even today he had hurt her though that was the last thing he wanted to do. Things between them always messed up- and he needed to pull him away before he drowned in the mess again.

He placed his glass on the table and pulled himself up. He caught a whiff of Chanel.05- Her perfume. He closed his eyes savoring the fragrance and then cursed himself.

He needed a shower to take his mind off. He walked into the bedroom and threw his jacket on the bed. He had slid off his shirt when he felt Eva running her hand on his chest. She leaned closer and kissed his back, making her way up his neck.

"Oh Chuck- I want you" she said, pressing herself against him

He turned quickly and looked at her. She was half-naked and her eyes were wild with lust. With a start Chuck realized that he didn't remember the last time they had 's accident had caused them to give their bedtime activities pass for weeks now.

He grabbed her closer and kissed her hungrily.

This was what he needed- Distraction from the dynamite that exploded in his life with her sparkling brown eyes. He needed to stop thinking about her eyes or her fantastic smell, the feel of her soft skin against his- The throaty whispers that drove him crazy

He moaned loudly, getting hard at the thought. He could feel the body underneath him wiggle with pleasure as he kissed and caressed-

_The bed creaked always as they explored each other- It was never too rough or never too gentle-It was always passionate and insanely __pleasurable. Her tiny body fitted into his perfectly as though she was made for him-_

_For him to love and to cherish-_

Giving up to the insane pleasure evoked within him he entered her smoothly. Grinding and pounding he took all that she had to give-He wanted to ravish her and possess her- petite body which could give him so much pleasure –Her loud moans of his name- her sweaty skin pressed against his in feverish excitement- The silky brown curls that he loved playing with-

He moved faster and harder, pounding as she moaned loudly, screaming his name. He barely heard her- His mind chanted on his own

_Blair...__Blair...Blair_

With a loud moan he found his release. He pressed his lips against her ear, searching for the strawberry smell against her hair. It wasn't there but he could still imagine the brown eyes sparkling with satisfaction-Her bow shaped lips swollen from his kisses.

"Oh- Blair"

He felt the body underneath him freeze and he opened his eyes. Blue eyes stared at him in confusion.

...

It had two hours since he made his major slip and the entire time he lay there trying to sleep, trying to think and trying not to think.

What on earth was wrong with him? He had used Eva as a replacement for Blair literally-He may have touched Eva but it was Blair he was making love to. He groaned inwardly-There was a time when life was not so complicated- when he didn't give a damn about people's feelings- when his senses were not captivated by a stunning brunette.

He chanced a glance at his side. Eva had not spoken a word after that- she had lain back and went to sleep. There might be a strong possibility that she hadn't heard him speak at all- they had both been in the throes of passion.

It didn't make anything better. In fact it made things worse-Eva might not know but Chuck Bass knew and now he knew for sure. Clenching his fist he walked to his living suite and collapsed against the couch.

_Blair- _

The whiff of perfume still remained and he breathed in it as he felt asleep. For once things were normal- for once everything felt right.

...

_It was all wrong-The cold wind slapping on her face felt wrong. The trails of tears marring her cheeks felt wrong- Her heart felt empty and her eyes sore and it was all wrong._

_She walked relentlessly careless of way and direction. She walked as she had to move away from the pain- the incessant chant in her mind that kept buzzing in her head. She had to move- she had to run- she had to hide- _

_To stop the pain-_

_The world was ever-moving but it was all still around her. Had she stopped moving? No – the world stopped spinning for a while- Or was it her head-_

_She should stop trying- she should stop moving. The loud screech and a frightened scream as it moved swiftly towards her-_

_Death- The end of it all- the end of all the dreams and all the drama that her life had- She was nothing but a twinkle in the galaxy of stars- she was one tiny little addition to it and when she was gone it would be the same-_

_She wasn't enough- she would never be enough- she was not special – she would never be special-_

_The blood trickled down her neck as he laughed with her- She was there, of course- Beautiful and blonde-_

_You were never enough- never good enough -he mocked_

_She could see him as the darkness swept in-_

_All I ever did was love you_

She woke up with a start. It was all dark. It took several minutes to realise that she was lying in her bed and not in a cold lonely street. She sat up, running her hand through her hair. She was drenched in sweat and shivering.

She took a deep breath and grasped the bed sheet tightly.

"It was a dream- just a stupid dream" she told herself as she swung off her bed.

It might be a dream but it was one that made her wake up every night-desolate and frantic. Gripping the glass in her hand she reminded herself of Steven's words- that it was a mere nightmare. It was not real and it was just an outlet of her pent-up frustrations.

She wondered though why she kept on harping on that words-not enough. She needed to talk to Steve about it- He knew –he always knew. He always gave her solutions and that is why she kept on going back to him- Dr. Steven Croft, her psychiatrist.

She checked her daily planner and smiled. She had an appointment with him tomorrow morning-It would be fine. She slid back into the covers and sighed. She wondered if Serena ever had nightmares- Of course she didn't- Her life was a circle of sunshine and rainbows.

_The rest of us never went to coma_

Blair grimaced as she thought of Bass-hole's words. He had turned so different and yet the same- Same old Chuck Bass and yet different-She just couldn't point it out but there was a hell of a difference and it was not just his new foray into monogamous relationship.

She thought of his queer smirk when she praised his hotel and the cynical edge on his voice. He was different-His eyes were so much more expressive now. Before they were laced with cynical sarcasm- now they said so much and yet were a closed door of shadows.

Yet they had been so warm and affectionate as he gazed down on her-when he had tended to her knee- his fingers warm against her skin

Blair shivered suddenly. Her face felt hot. Without letting herself think further she sank into the covers.

...

It felt really uncomfortable. It felt like someone had placed a huge weight on his , he shifted his neck and opened his eyes with a start- His neck was sore and his back aching from sleeping in the couch.

Why on earth did he have to fall asleep here? Grumbling inwardly he closed his eyes again and it was then his phone buzzed. He ignored it and tried to make himself comfortable. It buzzed again.

He sat up and reached for his phone. Ever since Blair's accident he had learned not to ignore phone calls or messages but as he flipped his phone open he hoped that it wasn't Gossip Girl or something irrelevant as that he was losing his sleep over.

It was her

_Just wondering if you managed to dig up something-B_

He sighed and scrolled up to reach the second message.

_Read the last message Bass_

He couldn't help it- He had to chuckle.

"It's from her, isn't it?" said a soft voice. Startled he looked up. Eva was standing beside the couch studying him. He could tell from her tone that she had been standing there for a long time.

He had hoped that she wouldn't have heard his slip-up but the morning light brightening her blue eyes told him that she had-and he didn't know what to say.

"What?" he asked, wondering what she meant?

She smiled slowly. It was a strange smile.

"I said the message is from Blair isn't it?" she asked and the continued without waiting for an answer. "I can tell just by looking at you."

"No...Eva...it's not like that" he began but stopped when she shook her head.

"It's not like what, Chuck?"

Chuck stared at her trying to make sense of the situation and then he saw it. Her small grey suitcase was lying at her feet

_She was leaving_

He felt panic swell up in him. She was leaving- just like his mother and his father, just like Blair-

"Are you going somewhere?"He asked his mind frantic as he sought for a way to make her stay. Eva couldn't leave- she couldn't- she was the only chance he had

"I am going back to France" she stated simply

He walked towards her

"If this is about last night..." he began

She flinched

"It is not just about last night...Non...It's about Blair" Her eyes never left his face as she spoke

Chuck grimaced.

"Eva- it's not like that- There is nothing between me and Blair..."

She shook her head

"It's not like that? Then what is it like- Are you telling me that you didn't call her name last night when we were..."she trailed off.

Chuck flinched. How on earth could he explain that?

She looked up at him

"I used to sell sex for money, Chuck but I never felt more like a prostitute than last night. Lying in the arms of my boyfriend..." Her eyes filled with tears.

Chuck moved swiftly

"I am sorry Eva. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you...I wasn't in my senses last night. It was a stupid mistake- I am sorry"

She took a step back

"The mistake was all mine. I shouldn't have come here or I should have left when I saw..."

He moved forward

"There is nothing between me and Blair- We are not..." he stopped wondering what to say when she laughed

"You are not cheating on me? I know that- The only person you are cheating is you" she said, wiping her tears. Chuck gaped at her and she shot him a sad smile.

"Do you know why I wanted to leave after you accused me of hiding your passport? It wasn't because you didn't believe me-It was because you believed her- after everything you chose to believe her" she said

Chuck couldn't believe she was still holding a grudge for that.

"You are connected to her, Chuck. I see that that very day- You are connected to her sub-consciously. She is your anchor- when she sinks you sink too and I saw that too in the hospital."She stared at her hands " I should have left then- the moment I realised that you couldn't be with me as you were part of Blair- You were Chuck and Blair- "

_That is what we do- We are Chuck and Blair-Blair and Chuck_

He swallowed hard staring listlessly at Eva

"You stopped being with me the moment we landed in New York. Yes- you were there smiling and attentive but you were not my Henry- not since that night at the station. I kept waiting for my Henry to come back but he didn't –and he won't." A few more tears slid down "Henry Prince doesn't exist- he never existed. It was always a part you played"

Chuck stared up at the woman who had saved his life and who was now crying silently. He wanted to comfort her but as he took a step forward she stepped back.

"You know why I became Henry Prince-You know my past. I didn't want to be Chuck Bass anymore" he protested

"No- you became Henry Prince because you didn't know how to be Chuck without Blair-and that is why you brought me here and changed for me- You wanted to be a new person."

_I am not Chuck Bass without you_

How is it that Eva was reading into his actions like a book and he, himself remained ignorant of his own intentions? He had never known how to be Chuck Bass without Blair- how to prevent himself from becoming the unfeeling monster he was before Blair made him love- and since Blair Waldorf didn't love him anymore he couldn't be Chuck Bass- so he became a smiling and generous philanthropist.

He was reeling from the impact of the epiphany when Eva moved towards him and planted a kiss.

"I have to go now" she said with a dry sob

He held her tightly and whispered: "Don't leave- everybody leaves"

She shook her head and placed a hand against his cheek : " You brought me here so that you could learn to live without Blair-so that I could shield you from the power that she has over you "She laughed humourlessly " But I am not enough, Chuck"

She kissed his cheek and stepped back

"I might be able to save you from a bullet but I can't save you from Blair. Not even you can"

Chuck watched in a daze as she left the apartment, leaving him with nothing but an essential piece of puzzle. For a minute he was back to the streets in Prague where the bullet had been more of a relief than an assault- He knew clearly when and why he had become Henry Prince –He didn't care that he would lose the Bass Empire or that he was leaving all his friends behind.

_I have lost the only thing I ever loved- they can take everything else_

He knew why he had come back- because he couldn't bear the thought of not seeing Blair ever again-not when she asked him to be a part of her world. But he couldn't come back and be Chuck Bass- for Blair didn't love him anymore and he didn't know how to love Blair without being loved. He didn't know how he could survive the intensity of his feelings when they were not reciprocated – Chuck Bass loved Blair-it was an inevitable part of being Chuck Bass- and hence he needed to stop being that Chuck so he brought Eva along. He had been a different person with her- had managed to live for two months and if she could make him live without Blair for two months she could shield him from Blair forever.

He fought the urge to scream- He understood his feelings for Eva now more clearly. She had his only hope of surviving in a world where Blair Waldorf didn't love him and that is why she was so important for him.

He kicked the table and cursed loudly.

Now Eva was gone and Blair Waldorf still didn't love him

...

A/N: I hope it was not too cheesy or OC.I tried to make sense of Chuck's action in the first part of season 4 but he was too inconsistent. I couldn't buy the fact that he told Serena that losing Blair meant that he lost the only thing he ever loved in 4.02 and in the very next episode he has fallen hard for Eva and is all about his loyalty to her- So I tried my level best to explain what I thought Eva's purpose in Chuck's life was- I don't know how convincing I was but I would love to know. Do tell me :)


	13. Chapter 13

The navy blue couch was surprisingly relaxing. If truth be told then the entire office of Dr. Croft lulled her into a sense of comfort and security. Maybe that is why she found it so easy to talk to him- to tell him all that irked her.

It had been initially degrading to her- seeing a psychiatrist. It felt like something white trash would do- pay someone to listen to them but after the first few nightmares she gave in and she was glad she did.

"You were bulimic?"

The question used to be a nightmare for her. She wondered whether she had succumbed to bulimia in the last three years. She gave a scarce nod.

"Why?" The question was so gentle that she almost sensed that he knew the answer. She wouldn't be surprised if that was true as he was already privy to very personal information.

She shrugged: "I don't know, Steve. I really don't." She shook her head and continued "Or maybe I do. It started out with my mother thinking that I am not thin enough- I wanted to be perfect in her eyes but all she did was criticize me. I –I thought if I could somehow become more beautiful then she would notice me more."

She bit her lip, remembering those dark days when nothing had seemed enough. "And Nate too- My boyfriend-well apparently ex-boyfriend- he- I mean he was a nice boyfriend but I often felt like that I wasn't enough to hold his attention- That I needed to be –be more like –like Serena."

"Your best friend?" he urged gently

"Yes. I was always insecure about Serena- Nate seemed always to be so charmed by her."

Steve wrote something on his pad: "Your boyfriend was enamored by your best friend"

"It's nothing to be worried about." Blair said quickly "Everyone is enamored by my best friend"

"It must be tough to stand alongside such a friend." Steve said in his soft voice.

Blair gave a queer smirk.

"Serena is like sunshine- she brightens up everyone's life when she is around and they can't help but be dazzled by her. It's not surprising that hardly anyone looks at me when she is around."

Blair thought of all the times in her life that Serena was chosen over her. "No it's not easy being always the second best. It's not easy living constantly under her shadow- It's not easy knowing that people may forgive Serena for hurting them constantly but one mistake from you will make everyone judge you."

Steve twirled the pen thoughtfully. "I don't quite understand"

"Serena does all the wrong things- she is irresponsible and careless- but in spite of that people love her- They all love her- I might do the right things and be loyal yet I would never be loved as much as her. Maybe that's why I…" she trailed off, sighing. She touched the dark green print on the couch and continued.

"That's why I strived to become queen – to rule. I can't make them love me but I did make them fear me" She said, shaking her head with a rueful smile.

"I am glad I didn't go to high school with you, Blair" Steve remarked with a patient smile. "You yourself admit that Serena causes you insecurity. Why are you still friends with her?"

"She may be the person who always gets what I strive for- even without working half as hard as I do but she still is my best friend. I can't imagine life without her by my side. I always end up protecting her."

"As you are now by spying on Julie?" he questioned gently.

Blair laughed. "You don't approve?"

"I am not here to approve or disapprove. I am here to listen" he said smiling

"That is why I keep coming back" she remarked "Her name is Juliet- and yes I am doing all that I can to protect my best friend from the psycho bitch- and maybe also save Nate..."

"Save Nate from what?"

Blair shrugged. "From making the wrong choice"

"It has been three years Blair. Maybe you both did move on..." he began slowly

"I don't care if it's been thirty years- Nate and I belong together. I don't know why I have to explain this to everyone?"

Steve raised an eyebrow.

"Chuck said something similar. Trust me Steve you don't want people to know that you are thinking the same thing as Chuck Bass- Not very good for your practice"

He smiled at her. The name had finally cropped up- he had seen the name on Dr. Brennan's reports and was wondering why Blair hardly spoke of him.

"Is Chuck Bass a friend?"

"Yes..." Blair nodded and then shook her head "No...I mean I don't know-I guess he is and he isn't"

Steve chuckled when the clock beeped.

"We will continue this next week."

Blair nodded and picked up her purse.

"But Blair I want you to know that you are beautiful and perfect and that you deserve to be second best to no one. Believe in that. Every morning when you wake up-look into the mirror and tell yourself that"

"I will."

….

She stepped outside the red stone building and saw Serena flirting with a random guy. Blair shook her head as she made her way to her best friend. They had planned on going shopping that afternoon and Serena came to pick her up.

"For god's sake S- I thought you are Colin were an item." Blair said when Serena waved the whipped blonde a goodbye.

Serena sighed "We aren't. We have decided to wait till the semester is over and I am no longer his student."

"Thank god for putting some brains in you."

Serena rolled her eyes: "But it's so hard B- Staying away from him and keeping my hands off him..."

"Yea- Heard that about a million times by now" Blair muttered and her best friend scowled when her phone rang. Serena flipped her phone open and started talking to Lily. Blair let her mind wander- She had been thinking about sex a lot lately as Serena was basically acting like a male cat in ripe age. And the question was lurking in her mind- She was going to turn she still a virgin?

"B!"

Her best friend would know. She opened her mouth to pose the question but Serena interrupted her: "We have to show up at the family brunch"

Blair looked up in confusion: "S- I wanted a shopping spree. Not an afternoon full of Brooklyn stench."

Serena rolled her eyes. "Mom has turned this into a pretty big deal every since marrying Rufus. Keeping the family together is what they are about nowadays"

Blair looked unmoved. Serena grasped her arm and shook her: "Please B- It would for an hour or so and then we can shop till we drop"

Blair sighed "Fine."

"Yay! And oh B..."

"Yea..."

"Play nice"

…

It was really unexpected.

Lily Van der Woodson loved her and even though the woman was distracted by her sordid love life she always managed a warm smile for Blair. And so when she stepped into the foyer of the Van der Bass-Humphrey (trust Lily to marry twice in three years) she genuinely expected a warm greeting from Lily. Instead Lily shot Serena a panicked look when she saw Blair and said:

"Oh Blair I wasn't expecting to see you"

Then she had dragged Serena to a corner and was whispering frantically. Blair was almost offended. It showed what interaction with Brooklyn-ides did to people- Lily had forgotten her basic manners. Another explanation could be that she had somehow offended Lily in the past three years though that didn't explain Serena dragging her here. She would just leave-

She started towards her best friend who looked seriously freaked out and was running a weary hand through her hair. Her bright sunshine-gold hair- Blair often wished she was born blonde or her hair had the natural shine that Serena's had. She stared at her the curls on her shoulder and almost screeched when she realized that the wind had swept the front setting.

"B?"

She looked up to see the mother-daughter duo staring intently at her. Maybe the screech wasn't mental but audible.

"I am going to freshen up. Which one is your room?"

"NO!" Lily almost shouted and then calmed down to continue. "Use Eric's room- Rufus is lounging in Serena's room"

Blair was quite sure that Lily was hiding something and the urge to find out the secret was overwhelming. It was a natural trait of Queen B – yet she needed to fix her hair. She needed to look as perfect as she could next to Serena.

…

"Do you think she suspected something?" Lily asked Serena frantically as Blair entered the room.

"Considering that Blair is extremely smart and you made me almost deaf trying to stop her from going to my room- I would say yes" Serena answered

"I am not appreciating cheek now."

Serena folded her arms "You could have told me..."

"Yes I could have. Just like you could have told me you were bringing Blair"

"I didn't know I needed permission to bring my best friend to my apartment." Serena said with a grimace

"You don't. But if you had told me we could have avoided this situation" Lily said shaking her head.

"Mom- Blair is sick- she is unwell and she needs to kept away from all these issues" Serena said "Tell her to leave"

"I am not telling her to go anywhere. This is her home as much as it is yours. She has been away for so many months. She surprised us all by suddenly showing up ten minutes ago."

"Mom pleases..."

Lily placed a warning hand on her shoulder

"Jenny is not going anywhere."

…

The room was in darkness. This threw Blair out of the loop. Why did Eric draw the blinds in the middle of the day and switched off all the lights? Cursing the unknown workings of the minds of weird teenage boys she made her way across the room. She searched for a switch but all she found was a knob. Turning it she found herself in the washroom. A faint light was entering from the window. There was a huge oval mirror in front of it.

Blair smiled, knowing Eric has a secret feminine side to him. It made her adore the little kid more.

She walked in front of the mirror staring at herself. Her hair was falling across her forehead and it made her hair look limp. She combed it up already making up her mind to thoroughly scold Dorota. She finished and felt a little better. But the spirits sank lower when she remembered Serena in the living room- Tall and gorgeous! Her hair hanging like clouds over her shoulders-

She was too short and too small in her assets. She wished she had filled out more. She reached out and straightened her slip underneath the dress. She pulled the strap of her bra a little lower hoping the movement would cause her breasts to look bigger.

"They look fine to me" a seductive whisper came from the corner

Blair almost had a heart-attack as she turned around and stared at Chuck Bass lounging on the easy chair. She quickly withdrew her hand and flushed hard. OMG- She was beyond humiliated.

Chuck stood up and smirked.

"You Bass-hole! You should have told me you were here the moment I walked in" Blair spluttered out. Her anger and embarrassment made it difficult to form words.

The smirk was firmly in place when he went on: "I seem to have offended you, princess"

Blair fought for control: "Don't call me princess"

"..Let me re-phrase that. "He continued as though she hadn't interrupted "They are most the gorgeous perks I have ever seen"

Blair's mouth fell open. She closed it quickly. "You are heinous"

Chuck chuckled and walked forward. His hair was ruffled and his eyes were shot red. He looked horrible. She had read about the French floozy's exit but hadn't thought it would affect so much. But then she hadn't thought he would be in a relationship either.

"Are you ok, Chuck?"

He stopped at her tone, tilting his head. "You care?" he asked in a raspy voice.

It was level of desperation in his voice that made her answer quickly "I do. You are my friend"

He smiled. Blair blinked- Chuck Bass actually smiled. It was extremely rare to see him smile. He grasped her hand

"Thank you for being my friend "he said simply

The smell of scotch hit her strongly. Chuck always smelled faintly of scotch but now he smelled like he had showered in scotch.

"Ugh- you smell horrible" she said trying to side-step him

"And you look beautiful" he replied without letting go of her arm. She stared at him. He was staring intensely at her-_again._

It was as though his eyes were holding her captive for suddenly she couldn't find the will to move. Shivers ran through her spine as he grasped her other arm. Ignoring the sudden urge to pull him closer she started to question her sanity. She needed to pull away and leave.

"You are beautiful, Blair. Do you hear me?" he asked, his eyes intent on her face

She swallowed. She had never been complimented with such sincerity in her life. Had Nate ever-

Her line of thoughts broke when his hand gently touched her curls. She stared at him as he stared at her curls.

"Every guy who looks at them wants to touch them Blair. Every guy dreams of ravishing that gorgeous body of yours..." he said gently cupping her cheek.

Blair felt herself melt down. A small miniscule part of her was arguing about how wrong this was but the larger dominant part wanted to pull those parted lips and kiss him senseless. And that made no sense. Maybe it was hormones- she maybe sex-starved. After all she had been idiotic enough to break up with Nate...

_Oh God- Nate-Nate_

With a wrench she stepped back and turned around. The moment they lost contact she longed for the electric jolt that his fingers evoked in her.

_Chuck Bass- This is Chuck __Bass, you dolt_

"Blair..." he said, his breath hot against her back. He was standing close to her- so very close.

His breath caressing her back made her want to unimaginable things. She clenched her hands trying to fight the urge to throw herself at him

_Oh God__..._

What the hell was wrong with her? It must be her body craving for sex- She was 20 and she didn't even remember what sex felt like. It was a natural urge- She was lusting after every random guy –okay maybe just one guy- for her mind was telling her that it was high time she experienced sex.

"Blair..." came the slurred whisper as he touched her forearms. She closed her eyes at the contact and turned to meet him.

"They all want you Blair." He said and she let the words wash over her. She needed to hear that.

"What..." she began but he placed a finger on her mouth

"They all want to hold in their arms and they all want to kiss these lips. Have you any idea how kissable your lips are?" he whispered leaning forward, his breath blowing on her face

She felt her knees give away and she clutched his shirt.

"They command to be kissed, Blair" he said, his mouth inching towards her.

For a moment she savored the feel of his body against her and the fluttery anticipation of his lips reaching for her. And then the thoughts flooded in- She was about to kiss Chuck Bass and she couldn't find the urge to pull back. Gosh she was screwed- It must be...

His lips were almost upon hers when she blurted the question.

"Am I a virgin?"

…

A/N: Thank you for the reviews-They essentially make my day. Special thanks to QueenB, Fuck my life and Finn lover for reviewing every chapter. You guys rock

So we have Chuck, Blair and Jenny under the same roof-What do you think will happen? Also do you think I need to make the pace of the story pick up or is it alright?


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thank you for the reviews. The chapter came pretty quickly as I am quite free this weekend. If you are a Jenny-must-die person then I have a warning here. This chapter is not Jenny bashing. I think Jenny messed up really badly more than once-Her worst deed...If you have lose your virginity lose it some hot dude who is genuinely interested in it *read Damien* not your quasi-step brother. But I do not think Jenny is a troll or needs to boil alive. I also think that there is a very interesting Jenny-Blair dynamic which GG leaves unexplored. I made a little attempt to show a bit of it.

The pace of the story would be faster after the next chapter-though the emotional build-up would be as lengthy.

R& R

…..

_His lips were almost upon hers when she blurted the question._

"_Am I a virgin?"_

He froze when the question slipped through her lips and he saw genuine curiosity sparkling in her brown eyes. They were quickly replaced with a sudden panic. Of course Blair Waldorf didn't mean to ask him the question- it was meant for Serena. But she didn't know that no one could answer this question better than him.

He couldn't tell her, could he? It could be too sudden and the doctor did say to exercise caution when it came to her. But how would it feel not to know? He turned around releasing her and cursing loudly.

She didn't remember-not any of it. Not their first kiss-the way they fitted perfectly together against the leather seats. Not the sense of right that engulfed every touch and every kiss though they had been morally doing something wrong then- It didn't seem wrong.-It felt right; it felt exactly like it was meant to be.

Blair stood staring at his back as she sensed how utterly idiotic she was to bring this question up. It wasn't a question she should ask him-it was a question she needed to pose to Serena or maybe Nate- Not Chuck Bass. She waited for him to come up with a crude remark but he just released her and cursed loudly.

_What the hell was wrong with this picture?_

At that moment she didn't care. She just wanted to leave the room and forget she ever asked him that.

She summed her haughtiest voice and began: "Bass I am sure that you…"

"No." he interrupted her

She froze in mid-sentence. The simple word was echoing in her mind

"I am sorry. What's that?"

He turned around and said: "No, you are not a virgin. You swiped your V-card ages ago, Waldorf"

She opened her mouth and closed it. She had done it- She had forgotten her first time. She had planned it for so long. The night had been accorded the star role in many of her fantasies. Sometimes she saw herself in a virginal white lace with candles and a gentle Nate. At other times she was in a sexy black La Perlas subtly sexy and…

"Blair..." Chuck said quietly

Blair barely heard him. Her heart was pounding as she realized that she wouldn't remember it- She wouldn't remember how she felt the first time she made love. Another dream that came true but the memory of it eluded her.

"It was beautiful." He said in an awed voice. She looked up and saw him staring at her as though he was reading her mind. "It was very beautiful"

She flushed red when she realized what he was talking about. Had Nate been blasé enough to provide Chuck details of their first night? It seemed so unlike Nate and yet she knew she would tell Serena every single thing worth telling. So maybe it was fair.

Serena –she needed to find Serena and make her recount the night or Nate- She smiled slowly. Now that would be a conversation that would serve dual-purposes.

Chuck was still speaking, his eyes on her "Beautiful is one word that keeps popping in mind and the other one is unforgettable..."

She raised a hand: "Don't" She didn't need his twisted perverted version of her special night.

"I was just..." he began running a hand through his hair

"I know" she said wearily "I know what you are trying to do but I would rather have the info from the horse's mouth"

His eyes turned from gentle brown orbs to blazing hazel

_Nathaniel- Of course she was thinking about Nathaniel-_

He clenched his jaw and lashed out. "You are hearing it from the horse's mouth, Waldorf"

It took a minute for it to sink in and then she leapt back.

"No! No freaking way- You are lying. You are using my memory loss to get what you obviously wanted since 4th grade."

He advanced upon her, furious

"I wouldn't do that"

"Oh yes you would you twisted psychopath. I know you and I know me- I wouldn't lose my virginity on a one night stand. I wouldn't."

His eyes were still hard as he gazed upon her but she could see something flickering within those orbs

"Blair..." he began in a much calmer voice

"Don't you Blair me..." she cried "It must have been a special night – not a cheap one night stand"

"I never said anything about it being a one night stand" he said, wishing he had never answered her initial question to begin with

"What?"

"Blair- we...we were in …"

"No" she almost screamed. There was no way she would let him let him tarnish her night more. He shut his mouth but kept staring.

It was those eyes that started the questions. Why did he always stare at her like that- like she would fade away if he blinked?

_They were in – what? A deserted island-a haunted forest where the only way to prevent death was by having sex-_

She wouldn't think of any other possible one worded answers to end that sentence. No way –no freaking way-

Chuck opened his mouth to begin again but stopped when the door creaked open.

"I am sure I left the portfolio lying in Eric's room" a voice said laughingly. A blonde dressed in dark clothes stepped in and froze as she took the scene in.

"Jenny no...DON'T GO IN THERE" Lily screamed as she and Serena burst into the room themselves.

"Charles?" Lily said staring at Chuck. He tilted his head at his step-mother and acknowledged "Lily-Sis..."He took a deep breath and nodded at the blonde who was staring wide-eyed at him and then at Blair.

…

This wasn't happening. This really wasn't happening.

Jenny couldn't believe that first time she dared to show her face in UES after being banished she had run into both the persons she wanted to avoid for life. She was vaguely aware of Lily muttering but her mind blocked everything but the sight of their faces.

Chuck's face was now inscrutable but when she had opened the door she had caught a vulnerable expression in his face. The moment she walked in and he saw her she saw the guilt stamped over his face- He looked exactly like he had looked when Blair had walked into the penthouse that night- guilty but scared of being penalized of the crime he committed. He looked the same but he looked broken like she was broken.

Jennifer Humphrey lived a broken life at 16 and she wanted no one to suffer the same way.

She turned to look at Blair who was staring at her with a curious expression. She looked interested and vaguely haughty. For a moment Jenny felt a sense of déjà-vu mixed with relief. The last time she had seen Blair it wasn't a pretty sight.

"_You didn't__..." The two words were the last shred of hope she had and then it broke "You did"_

It was the level of pain that echoed in those words that made Jenny cry out somewhere between sleep and conscious. It was the knowledge that she had broken the consummate survivor Blair that made her so reluctant to face her deeds. How had Jenny Humphrey become a destroyer of love? How had her life become so messed up- All she ever wanted was to be beautiful and popular- all she ever wanted was to be in control- She had wanted to be Blair Waldorf.

It had been a simple dream when she knitted it from across the bridge. But it was a dream that had destroyed the sweet life that she had unknowingly cherished. She had disappointed her parents, broke her father's trust too many times, isolated the only real friend she had and messed up everyone's lives. Staring at Blair's confused face she felt her crimes staring at her.

She didn't like Blair or Chuck but she couldn't help but admire their level of devotion for each other. Two people who would only destroy others seemed to love each other with an intensity rarely seen. She envied their connection, not only because they made an invincible team but because of the rarity of their love. And she had destructed it. She had realized it the moment she realized that the man she gave her virginity to was planning to purpose to Blair that very night. It was then she realized what she had done- what she had caused Blair and Chuck to lose. It was then that the self-hatred had started and her guilt had overtaken her self-control.

Jenny Humphrey was officially a devastation who annihilated anything she touched even Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf. She was not the victim anymore but the devastation itself. Somewhere along the line from the Kiss on the Lips to that night at his suite their roles had been reversed. She had gone from the victim to the devastation and while he stole only a few forced kisses at the party she had stolen his love of his life from him. And she hated herself- she hated herself so much.

"Jenny did you find the portfolio?"Rufus said entering the room and stopped immediately upon seeing Chuck "Chuck what you are doing here? What is he doing here, Lily?"

Dan who had followed his father glared at Chuck "What is he doing here?"

Serena quickly piped up "The question could also be-What is she doing here but no one is asking that" she pointed out. His eyes riveted to her and she shook her head.

He ignored her warning and came to stand next to Jenny. "I might not owe you a punch this time but I tell you that wouldn't stop me"

Chuck smirked: "Trust me Humphrey it wouldn't stop me either"

"Charles..."Lily admonished sternly

He looked at her and began "Eric brought me here last night from the Palace bar...I don't remember much from last night..."

Rufus began harshly "Well next time remember that you are not welcome near this house"

Jenny put up a hand and said "No Dad-no" Rufus stopped and Jenny looked at him beseechingly.

Rufus stared at her while everyone froze. Blair looked from one face to the next in open curiosity. The tension in the room was thicker than custard.

"Nice bag-Gucci isnt it?" she said cheerily

Jenny started and jumped. Blair was staring at her with approval in her face. A lifetime ago it had been her ambition to see that expression on Blair's face. She suddenly felt like sophomore again looking at Queen B. Serena quickly started rambling "We need to get out of here, B.I mean Mom cancelled the brunch as Jenny –um-accidentally misplaced the order so we should go do our shopping. Nice seeing you all. B?"

Blair shrugged and walked forward. Jenny grasped her hand: "I 'm sorry. Believe me I am really sorry"

Blair stared at the girl with over bright eyes. "There is no need to apologize to me."

She nodded and let go. Blair bid everyone a goodbye and walked out.

The five people stood staring at each other. Chuck moved first.

"I will leave. I am sorry that I ruined your brunch. I promise I will never set foot in this house again." He said picking up his jacket.

"No...Don't leave."Jenny said "It wasn't his fault, Dad"

"Jenny..." Rufus began

"It's okay Jenny Humphrey "Chuck said, shrugging "I shouldn't have done what I did. You were in a bad position and I used you to self-destruct myself"

"We were both in a bad position and we both used each other to self-destruct ourselves. Unfortunately for us we ended up destroying much more than just us." Jenny felt tears trailing down her cheeks. "I have cost you Blair-I am not making you lose Lily"

Chuck moved forward and grasped the hand of what should ideally have been his little sister.

"I am sorry Little J.I really is..."

"I am sorry too, Chuck. I am so sorry"

…

"What is the deal with Jenny Humphrey?" Blair asked as she took a sip from her latte

Serena shrugged "She was alright a few years back. But now she is messed up. She is a psycho bitch"

Blair raised her eyebrow "And what is with the Humphreys and Chuck?"

Serena pursued her lips, wondering how much to tell Blair. Then she decided on the truth. "Chuck slept with Jenny and…"

"Ugh but of course what else do you expect from Chuck Bass? And she is what –his step-sister?"

Serena shrugged "In a way..."

Blair shuddered. Then she grasped Serena's hand and exclaimed "I need to ask you something really important"

"What?"

"Am I virgin?"

Serena shook her head "No, Blair"

"Ok...And who did I lose it to?"

Serena gulped and stared at her wild-eyed. How the hell will B react to this?

"B..."

"OH MY GOD…"

"Blair..."

"It's true..." Blair said grasping her hand tighter "I did it. I lost it to Chuck Bass"

Serena gasped "You know..."

"The mother chucker said as much"

"I am so going to kill him..."Serena began but was cut across by Blair

"What happened? Did he kidnap me or drug me? Or where we stranded in an isolated island where the only way to survive the cold was ..." 

"Stop B! Stop..." Serena said "You dated him for ..."

"WHAT?" Blair screamed "Why on earth would I date Chuck Bass?"

"Well…The fact didn't much sense to me at first but then…"

"OMG- I cheated on Nate .I swore he will be the only man to kiss me..."Blair said slamming her head down on the table

"Don't be ridiculous. You date a handful of other guys..."

"What? Who?"

"Well there was this guy from Columbia- Cameron and then Lord Marcus..."

"I dated a lord?" Blair perked up

"..And Prince Louis..."

"..And a Prince..." Blair finished delighted

Serena smiled and nodded.

"How long?"

"A couple of dates..."Serena answered

"And Chuck...How long did I date him?"

"Um...B…"

"S-Answer it"

"Almost a year..."

Blair blanched and then began again:

"How could you do this, S? How could you let me do this-How the hell did you let me lose my virginity to the most self-absorbed ass in the continent?"

Serena laughed "Well- you didn't exactly make me sign a form asking for my consent before you slept with him"

"You should have pulled me by hair and stopped me from touching him":

"Blair I couldn't do that..." Serena said laughing

"Yes you could – You are my best friend. It's your duty to ensure that I don't make such mistakes. Have I ever stopped trying to protect you?"

Serena stared at her best friend. She always had doubts about Chuck Bass but had never interfered thinking it wasn't her place. Now that she knew the consequences she knew she should have stopped Blair a long time ago.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Hello everyone! I am back- with entire Dair v Chair war that is going on it is hard to write but inspiration is something I get in plenty when I review the season 1 or 2. The story takes a slightly different though expected turn here. I want to see what you think of Blair's reaction as it is quite different than on the show. I really think such an event as being in coma changes people's way of viewing themselves.

Enough rambling – Onto the story

R&R

…

The swimming ducks caused beautiful ripples to form across the lake. Dorota stood at the corner throwing bread at the ducks that rapidly swooped in to claim their prize. There was something oddly soothing about the scene. It was something Blair had used as a calming potion since her early childhood. It was good to know that it hadn't changed and that unlike everything else in her life this had not turned upside down. Though with the way things were processing she wouldn't be surprised if someone told her that in the last three years she went scuba diving to calm herself.

How had this happened? How did she do this...? She slept with Chuck Bass…the infamous Chuck Bass...the resident bad boy...Nate's best friend... It was no wonder that she and Nate broke up. How on earth could he forgive her for sleeping with his best friend? And she had given him her virginity…

"_What__ are you saying Chuck? That is the most disgusting thing ever" said Blair, a fierce scowl on her face._

"_There__ is nothing disgusting about it. Take it from un-virginally yours" he replied with a wink_

_Blair wanted to cover her ears but she didn't want Chuck to get the satisfaction of getting to her.  
"You are sick"_

"_Oh ...__I would ask you when you have your chastity belt removed." He stopped contemplating her "though your Virgin Queen act would ensure it is not for years." He knelt down and whispered in her ear "I will make sure I have a part to play in its removal though"_

Blair had blushed and then grinded him to dust. He was of course implying that Nate would be the one to take her and that he, Chuck, would give all pointers to his best friend. Now, his words felt oddly prophetic. Blair groaned inwardly: How did this happen?

She wondered what was worse: that she couldn't even contemplate having sex with Chuck Bass or that she knew that it was quite a possibility. If she looked back into all their encounters since waking up from the coma there was a strong sexual undercurrent between them. His breath on her neck, the seductive whispers and his hands on her bare skin-she shivered-they all spoke volumes. Considering the effect that he had on her she was not surprised that she had succumbed to it in the heat of passion. It was irresistible.

She had woken up panting last night with thoughts of Chuck Bass being next to her in bed. Limps tangled and skin pressed against skin-

She felt her color rise as she tried to block it out of her mind.

"What is with the blushing, Waldorf?" a smooth voice said next to her. She opened her eyes to see Chuck smirking at her "What is it about the ducks that is making you so self-conscious? From what I see you can't even see their tongues playing with food..."

"Ewww Chuck. You are ruining the only method of calming my nerves "she replied icily

He stared at her taking in her flushed face and indignant eyes. Blair raised her eyebrow at his intense regard of her.

"Why aren't you taking my calls?" he asked

Blair smirked "I thought you would be smart enough to take the hint. Oh –well…let's try again. I- don't-want-to –talk-you- Is that clear enough?"

Chuck sighed: "Running away is never the solution" he countered gently before continuing in a whisper as though he didn't want her to hear "I should know"

"No one is running away Chuck" Blair replied heatedly

"Not taking my calls, refusing to talk about what happened does sound like running to me" he said, not taking his eyes off her

"There is nothing to talk about" she said

"Says the girl who was desperate about information on her V –card status yesterday"

Blair huffed and stood up. She liked the fact that she and Chuck were somewhat of a similar height and so she could evenly glare at him without having to look up. It was much more intimidating. Unfortunately for her, he didn't look intimidated; rather he looked concerned and confused. It confused her as well.

"Blair, don't shut me out" he said "You need to understand"

"Understand what? How you coerced me to have sex with you or doped me so that I succumbed to your demands and gave myself up to you?" she demanded angry at him for turning her life upside down

He looked angry now "Do you really think I would…"

Blair scoffed "Oh yes why the hell not? You're Chuck Bass- this is what you do. "

He gritted his teeth as though controlling his temper "You begged for it, Waldorf. You begged for it and I complied with _your _demands- It wasn't the other way round"

Blair felt like slapping him "You are a deceitful manipulative liar."

Chuck regarded her thoughtfully "Are you upset because I claimed your virginity or because it wasn't Nathaniel?"

"Oh please- Don't even talk about Nate." She began and he cut her across.

"Yes don't talk about Nathaniel- because your so-called relationship can never up to what we shared"

Blair heart skipped a beat but she countered back "Oh really? That is rich"

He advanced upon her keeping his eyes locked with hers "Can you honestly say that Nate affects you like I do?"

Blair throat felt suddenly dry. As he moved closer he limited her thinking capacity. She wondered if she ever felt like this before. She shook her head "No I can't – because you don't affect me at all Bass"

His eyebrow rose in a challenge " Care to prove me wrong?" he asked slowly- almost lazily as he leant closer and placed a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. His breath caressed her face and she involuntarily closed her eyes. The only sound was the next few moments were Dorota's feet shuffling through the granite as she walked towards them. Nothing happened – not that Blair wanted anything to happen- she was grateful that he didn't kiss her- Grateful that for once he acted the gentleman...

Damn it!

She opened her eyes to see his smirk more pronounced than before. The sight enraged her beyond words

"All right- maybe I do feel some kind of physical attraction for you but how does lust compare with love? How do you compare with Nate?" she demanded

Chuck shook his head and somberly replied "You don't know what we meant...to...each other... what we were like …"

"Yes I don't know and I don't want to know so just leave me alone" she stated before turning to face the waddling Dorota

"Dorota go call the limo. We are going home" she ordered

"Actually no...We aren't! We are going to the opera" Chuck said from behind her

Blair turned to face him "And I should listen to you because…"

"Because it's about Juliet... I kept trials on her and got her room- her real room in Queens-searched. She has some footage of Serena and her new toy boy"

"Colin?"

"And I believe that she and Vanessa have plans of doing something at the opera" Chuck said

"Oh my god!" Blair exclaimed suddenly worried " Dean Betrube is going to be there"

….

Blair felt an odd sense of vindication as she along with Chuck and Serena confronted Juliet and Vanessa before they could make any move. Blair couldn't understand what Juliet's problem with Serena was that she was willing to sacrifice her relationship with Collin and his money simply to get her expelled. There was something in her eyes that bothered Blair-something that told Blair that this wouldn't end so easily.

Serena tapped her glass and Blair looked around with a smile. She, Nate, Chuck and Serena had come back home for drinks. It felt so good to be with the non-judging breakfast club again that Blair was ignoring Chuck's behavior and their conversation at the lake. The good thing was that Nate was saved from the trap of Juliet and very single.

"I would like to make a toast" Serena announced sounding really drunk

"If you can Serena" Nate said with a wink in Blair's direction. Blair's smile widened and she waited for her heart to flutter- it did but not the way it did when…Chuck was staring intensely at her smile. It was though he could look down her soul. This time her heart pounded.

Annoyed with herself she took a sip of her champagne. Serena stood up

"To Blair – my best friend and my sister! The one person in my life who never stopped protecting me no matter what I did. I – I came very close to losing you and I don't know what I would have done if that happened. I love you, B"

Blair felt like crying but she managed in a firm voice "Love you too, S"

Nate smiled at her and Chuck grimaced. Dorota entered to whisper that someone was here to see her. She excused herself and walked out of the room. As she left she could hear Chuck hissing at Nate "Would you stop smiling at her, Nathaniel?"

…

Blair almost did a double-take when she saw who came to visit her.

"Do you have a death-wish, Juliet?"

Juliet gave her a peculiar smile "You always protect Serena and you always will, wont you? But do you think she would do the same for you?"

Blair shook her head "It's time for you to leave for I can only tolerate trash when it doesn't speak"

Juliet smiled again "This is the problem, Blair. You- I- we all pay for our deeds but Serena never does, does she?"

Blair opened her mouth to reply when Juliet continued "Not even Blair Waldorf could make her pay- not even after the awful way she betrayed you"

…

Serena was humming to herself while Nate eyed her. Chuck sat grimly staring at the fire. Her smile- every time Nate so even looked at her- her smiles were radiant. It was so hard to see that smile being directed at someone else. She didn't understand what she and Chuck shared and she didn't want to know about it. It cut a deep wound. He couldn't believe that she would never know what they meant to each other.

"Chuck, did Serena say that she and Colin are over?" Nate asked him

He nodded. "I guess she got bored"

"Do you think that I should tell her how I feel...?"

"About whom? Juliet?" Chuck asked amused. Nate feelings were as fickle as only Nate's could be.

"No man- You know I liked Serena but Juliet just messed up with my mind" he shook his head and Chuck stared at him. On one hand this would make his way to Blair clear. On the other hand it would leave Blair upset and broken.

"I don't think that is a good idea, Nathaniel"

"Why not?"

Chuck opened his mouth to answer when Blair entered. She looked oddly flushed. Her eyes took in Nate and then Chuck and came to rest on Serena. She gave them a wide smile and then lifted her glass.

Chuck had seen the I-am-alright-and-happy act so many times that he immediately sensed something was wrong.

"Are you okay, Waldorf?" he asked

"Never been better" she replied with a bright smile. Too bright... "I would like to make a toast"

They raised their glasses.

"To non-judging breakfast club- my closest friends- the ones I have always stood up for. To Chuck Bass..."

Chuck looked up

"Thank you for making good on your word and stealing my virginity right under your best friend's nose"

Nate choked on his champagne.

"To Nathaniel Archibald- the supposed love of my life- thank you for making me feel that I am worthless and not good enough to be with you. Thank you for being so charmed by my best friend that I ended up being totally insecure about myself."

Three pairs of eyes looked at her.

"And the final toast is to Serena- for being my sister and my best friend. Oh wait that was me- I was the one who was being your best friend as I picked up your drunken ass time and again. You were just being the cheap slut you are when you whored yourself out to my boyfriend and took his virginity"

There was a complete silence "To friends who totally screwed me up." She lifted the glass and gulped down her drink.

Serena stared at Chuck helplessly.

"B…" she began

"Get out Serena van der Woodson! Just get out and never come back. We are done."

"You aren't being fair" Nate piped in

"Were you fair when you picked up a red rose for Serena and a white one for me in grade 7 even though you were my boyfriend? I can't believe I was feeling so guilty for the entire Chuck thing..."She trailed off and began again "Steve was right. I don't deserve this – I deserve better and I will get what I deserve. I am going to my bedroom and I want you all to leave and never come back. I don't want to see any of you ever again."

With that she stormed upstairs. Serena covered her face with her hand and sank to the couch. Nate rushed over to her. They all heard the slamming of the door but only Chuck could hear the dry sob.


	16. Chapter 16

"So not only is my best friend a determined slut who stabbed a rusty blade in my back; she had the audacity of using my memory loss to her advantage and not tell me anything" Blair ranted as she paced the length of the elegant room Steve called his office. She glanced at him and saw his eyes fixed on her. Once she was assured she had his full attention she continued her rant:

"At least Nate had the good grace of not pretending that everything was alright between us. At least he didn't lie to me though he had done his share of stabbing me in the back and the heart too" she finished melodramatically. She sat down and took a sip of water. The rant had been almost an hour long and her throat felt dry.

Steve leaned forward "So what next?"

"I am not forgiving either of them for what they did" she stated firmly

He sighed "Even if the offence was committed four years ago and you have supposedly reconciled with them both since then"

Blair shook her head "Sometimes I don't understand my old-self. Actually I understand her but I don't agree with her. She- I mean – I clearly had a very vague notion of loving myself for what I am. And I totally get why I would just forgive them merely to get back my idea of normal life. Now that my life is totally upside down I have realized having two traitors as friends is not a good price for a normal life"

Steve smiled "What is your normal life?"

Blair laughed "The kind of normal that would creep you out. But by UES standards I am pretty much a straight and level-headed girl –"she trailed off and then added "well at least when I am not sleeping with scum of earth"

Steve laughed his gravelly laugh "And how are you dealing with that?" 

"By acting like Chuck doesn't exist and hoping that one day he will simply cease to exist" Blair retorted

Steve nodded thoughtfully "Do you think that is the best idea-not knowing what exactly it was that happened?"

"Oh –don't worry about it. I have decided that I have had enough of people dropping bombshells from my past on my head. It is time for me to find out all the mysteries of the last three years. I am no more cocooning myself" she promised

…

_Blair please talk to me. I don't want to fight. I know I hurt you and I am sorry. I was so sorry that I left my life at UES just because I couldn't face __you...after...after what happened. You mean the world to me, B. don't shut me out- at least answer my messages. I realize I have over flooded your inbox but they are going to keep coming until you answer one of them._

Serena's voice floated through the room. Blair wished she could turn deaf at will. Every time she heard Serena's voice the images flooded in. Serena and Nate together entwined in each other's arms.

It was so obvious that she wanted to kick herself for not realizing that this would happen sooner or later. Nate was so obviously infatuated by Serena that no matter what Blair did; she would always come second to the blonde.

The rim of the porcelain bowl was attracting her gaze a little too much. It would be so easy to just let go- to move down and empty all her frustrations and her insecurity in that little bowl. It would feel so good to be finally in control. Tears stung her eye as she thought of her life- she never had control in her life. It was her mother criticizing every step she took and it was Serena stealing everything away from her that controlled her life. It was only here; in the darkest shadows of her toilet that she had but any control.

_Let __go...just let go..._

She knew that it would be over if she budged an inch. The toast she had for breakfast seemed to be burning in her throat. She closed her eyes. She was better than this and she was over this.

_You deserve better__..._Steve's calm voice echoed through her mind. Pulling herself up her exited the bathroom. She was soon accosted by Dorota who peered at the bathroom suspiciously.

"What you doing so long?"

Blair glared at her "Trying to drown myself" she snapped before grabbing a tissue to wipe her tears. Dorota squatted next to her.

"You still upset for Miss Serena"

"I am not upset for her – I am upset at her. I can't believe she can do something like this to me"

Dorota took a deep breath: "This make you feel better. I got your Vera Wang's dress for the party tonight"

Blair nodded and looked over the dress. She had no desire to go to a party but she couldn't let the UES see how broken she was. She was a queen and a queen needed to maintain the perfect front. Not attending a party thrown by the famous socialite Minerva Josh was totally going to hamper her reputation.

"And what is that?" she asked Dorota.

Her maid handed her a wrapped package.

"What is this?" Blair asked as she unwrapped the package.

"I don't know. Mister Chuck send it" she said. Blair bristled at the thought. So now he thought he had the nerve to send her gifts-Gritting her teeth she twisted the package away and stared. Beside her the polish maid peered at it too.

"What is that?" she asked astounded

"It is a jar, Miss Blair and inside it – a butterfly"

"I can see that, Dorota" she snapped "What I don t see is why on earth would Chuck Bass send me a butterfly with an attached note saying 'It_ doesn't die, Blair'_"

Her maid shrugged helplessly. Blair glared at her and then at the soft purple butterfly resting inside the jar. Trust Bass to send her a confusing message- She jumped when her phone buzzed and she stared at the Gossip Girl blast.

**Hell hath no fury like the Queen who discovers her favorite handmaiden stole her golden-haired ****king. Our own Queen B has exemplified this before she was swept away and buried in C's arms. Looks like history just re-surfaced-B and S are at odds over N while C mourns for his queen. Joining the complicated love hexagon is our own favorite lonely boy. Looks like both Golden boy and lonely boy are begging for S's affections. Who will she choose? Or who should she choose? Brooklyn or UES**

Beneath the blast was a poll with the two options. Blair punched her pillow as she sat down on the bed. S was such a lying conniving bitch. On one hand she pretended to be still be Blair's friend and on the other hand she was dangling her hair for both Nate and Dan to drool over. Cursing she grabbed her laptop and logged on the Gossip Girl site. She had enough surprises sprung upon her. She would find the truth and the whole truth herself and no one could play her for a fool this time.

"Are you sure, Miss Blair?" Dorota asked as she peered over Blair's shoulders.

"Get out.." she commanded firmly. She waited till the door was closed before resuming looking at the blasts. Reading the site felt like homecoming to Blair. As much of a nosy bitch Gossip Girl was she was an irreplaceable part of Blair's life. She sorted through the blasts glorifying on knowing everyone's dirty linen publicly being splashed online.

After enjoying a few recent blasts she searched for Serena and Nate. Immediately she found what she was looking for. Serena and Nate had hooked up last year only to be broken up when Serena kissed Dan. Blair smiled grimly- So the cheater gets cheated upon. She had then left for Paris where she hooked up with every Dick, Harry and Tom. Apparently Blair was there with her. There was a picture of the two girls smiling.

Blair felt a lump forming in her throat and she quickly exited the page. Sniffing she opened a new page to search what she was dying to search. She quickly typed _Chuck and Blair._ Thousands of references immediately came up. She randomly clicked on a picture.

**Spotted: C and B finally together hopping on a jet to Paris! Whoever says fairytales don't come true must be lying for I have photographic evidence that they do.**

She stared at the caption for a while before looking up. It showed Chuck dressed in a dark green suit walking arm in arm with her. Blair was dressed in a coat which matched the exact shade of green that Chuck wore. It was not the matching clothes that made her stare- it was the blatant look of happiness on her face that froze her. She was looking at Chuck with a happy laugh as Chuck smirked. It was not his usual smirk. It was more..._tender_

It was difficult to see what she didn't want to see but she was having a hard time dragging her eyes away. Without thinking she exited the site and opened her personal folders. It contained thousands of files. She dug out her pictures folders and clicked on it. Her eyes fell upon a folder named: CB

_Chuck Bass_- She actually had an entire folder named after Chuck Bass or worse Chuck and Blair. She opened it and gasped. It was like watching a movie. There were thousands of photos of them; some candid, some very formal and some very casual. There was some that she should have hidden in some more discreet folder. But it had one thing in common- _happiness..._

Whether or not she was smiling, Blair had this aura of contentment in very photo. Whether she was standing at a society function or sitting in his lap she looked content. It wasn't a sappy expression but it was an expression that could be considered sappy-She looked _in love._ And they, as a couple, looked good. They looked …magnetic

_You and I are magnetic_

Blair started. It was a swirling blur but she actually heard Chuck's voice and images swirled in her head. His smirk... his eyes…

_Our pull is as undeniable as ever_

She froze. It was not a figment of her imagination. It had happened and she had remembered. Excitedly she dialed Steve's number.

…

The party was in total UES style with lots of glam and glitz. Chuck stared broodingly at his scotch as his eyes took in the usual scenes: rich old men bartering for more money or some sex,beautiful girls vying desperately for some attention, the same old juvenile couples making out discreetly and a few over-happy people dancing. How clichéd – How UES and such a waste of time...

He didn't really want to be here, surrounded by simpering girls. He wanted to be alone in his penthouse brooding over the mess he created, imagining a brunette still loved him and desperately coming up with ideas to somehow make her feel something for him and telling himself that he didn't deserve those feelings. To be honest he had only showed up because he thought Blair would. It was a party which she wasn't likely to miss; and yet she didn't come. Serena was here and it could Blair didn't want to face the blonde.

It was so unlike Blair to give up something she wanted and take refuge by hiding. Whatever it may be it didn't look like she would show up and hence there was nothing for him here. He got up and got rid of the simpering- to be fair gorgeous blonde- and walked towards Minerva.

It was then he saw her. She was dressed in a royal blue off-shoulder dress with the hem reaching her knees with a slight flare. Her hair was clipped off in the front with her bouncing curls falling over her back. Her lips were a dark invitingly red. All this captivated him but what took his breath away was that she was wearing the Erickson-Beamon necklace he gifted her on her seventeenth birthday.

For a moment time froze and he was back kissing her shoulder as he consoled her for Nate's non-appearance. He was sitting next to her watching her face brighten as she looked at the necklace. There was something about the necklace and its significance which made her look even more beautiful when she wore it. It signified their love; that once she had been his and his heart thudded as he saw the necklace around her ivory neck.

He saw as she walked around, giving her perfect society smile to everyone. There was something about her demure stance which made her seem younger; as if she was actually leaned back on the chair his eyes fixated upon her every move and once when she looked directly at him he almost stopped breathing. She looked away quickly and didn't approach him. He couldn't bring himself to approach her either so he just followed every move.

"Do you think she will talk to me?" asked a voice next to him. He turned to see Serena standing next to him with a worried expression

"I wouldn't try to if I was you..." Chuck replied slowly

"She can't ignore me forever" Serena cried out exasperated. "I call her all day and she doesn't pick up ever. That's all I ever do"

"Other than deciding between Nate and Humphrey, you mean?" he asked sardonically

"There is no choice. I can't be with Nate; not with B being so difficult" she said shaking her head

"Ever thought that you deserve it?"

Serena narrowed her eyes "Do you talk to her?"

Chuck smirked "Don't expect me to bridge up the gap, sis"

"Stay away from her, Chuck. If I deserve being ousted as a friend, you deserve worse"

Chuck watched her walk away with a smirk. Did she really think he didn't know? That was the one reason he didn't approach Blair- the one thing that kept him awake at night knowing that he doesn't deserve her. It was what pushed him away but the pull was greater because he knew that they were epic, magnetic and inevitable. That no one could measure up to what they had.

He turned to look at Blair who was smiling at Luke Josh who had pulled her into the dance floor. Initially he was consumed by the urge to hit Luke as he saw his arms around his Blair. But then he saw her face and he was lost. Blair had a mischievous look in her eye as she swirled around. He could only stare as he heard a new song begin.

_Would you __dance? _

_If I asked to dance?_

_Would you run and _

_Never look back_

Her infectious laughter filled her room and he felt himself smile even though he was feeling like crap. Her lips curved tantalizingly as she looked archly at Luke. Chuck clutched onto his tightly fighting the urge to taste her lips then and there. He had never wanted to kiss her more.

_Would you __tremble? _

_If I touched your lips_

_Would you laugh?_

She looked at him uncannily, their eyes meeting across the room. Chuck realized that he had stopped breathing as her eyes never left his even when she danced around with around man.

_Now would you __die? _

_For the one you love_

_Hold me in your arms tonight _

_Oh1Please tell me this..._

As she threw her head back, Chuck realized that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He wanted to tell her that the person who had the least reason to be insecure in the world was her. She was perfect in every way; so perfect she made people breathless just being in there.

Only if she realized that; only if she could believe him! Their eyes met again and this time she smiled as though acknowledging the compliment. Chuck felt his heart skip a beat. He could read her so well; it was like his Blair was back

_I can be your hero baby_

_I can kiss away the pain_

_I will stand by you forever_

He watched as she smiled at Luke as the song began its ending notes and then walked away from him... She stopped to speak to someone and then turned towards him. She flashed him another smile and walked to him. As she moved closer he felt his heart racing rapidly as though about to finish a race.

"Chuck." She began softly "We need to talk"

_You can take my breath away_

….

A/N: Don't kill me. I was planning on including the conversation in this chapter but it was becoming too long. Don't worry I will update the next chapter much faster than I usually do. The song I used was Hero by Enrique. I love the lyrics and they so suit Chair that I decided to use it on them

R&R


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: I was supposed to post this a long time ago. But I wrote and then rewrote the chapter thrice. So I am really looking forward to the reviews. If you think that the chapter is not adequate let me know and if you think it's adequate I wouldn't mind hearing that as well.

Finally I am not rating the chapter M but there are some moments in there: P

R&R

….

"_Chuck." She began softly "We need to talk"_

There was a small silence as Blair waited for Chuck to speak. He remained silent, his eyes fixated upon her. There was a sudden brightness in his eyes and he was devouring her face with his eyes. Blair almost opened her mouth to speak when he spoke up.

"I thought you aren't speaking to me, Waldorf" he said somewhat triumphantly

"And I thought you aren't a nutcase. What on earth is the meaning of all this?"

"All what?"

"The stupid butterfly and the note..." she bristled

"Whatever the note says is true, Waldorf"

Blair grimaced and then went on "So you sent me some kind of an immortal butterfly- Why on earth would you..."

"It's not immortal" he interrupted with a grin in his voice "I am just saying I couldn't kill the butterflies"

"So you send it to me- Why? Am I some kind of butterfly assassin now?" she asked her anger evident but laced with her confusion.

He fell silent and his eyes hooded "You don't remember"

There was so much sadness in his voice and so abrupt was the change that Blair shook her head without thinking. She sighed and replied "I do and I don't"

His eyes flashed up to hers "Blair, I am done with games"

If it hadn't been such a serious moment Blair's mouth would have fallen open. Chuck Bass was done with games. She wanted to tease him about him but she couldn't.

"It's no game" she replied softly, her voice trailed with confusion

He reached out and touched her wrist as though trying to comfort her. "Tell me..."

"Not here." She interrupted "Not in this place."

…

It was quite a cold night and Chuck thought she would jump into the limo when it arrived. But Blair didn't move a muscle when it arrived. Chuck was almost in his seat when he saw Blair was standing in the pavement staring transfixed at his limo.

He moved across and touched her arm.

"Blair..."

She turned to him and blurted "Macaroons…"

He raised his eyebrow

She shook her head "Peonies, macaroons..." she trailed off and then turned to stare at him "The limo? Germany..."

It was then that it hit him. He understood what she saying and his heart sped up at the realization. He couldn't help but have his hopes rising. The desperation in his voice was very evident as he whispered "Go on..."

She looked up then "I can't"

He stared at her perfect form, her eyes staring into his. He remembered how she didn't understand his butterfly message but seem to remember the first time he said those three words. He couldn't understand whether she was playing a game or she didn't honestly remember. His eyes locked on the Erikson-Beamon necklace and his wonderings increased. She was all mixed signals tonight.

She hit him with her purse.

"Ow...What?"

"It is hardly the right time to stare at my chest, you insensitive Bass-hole" she huffed as she scrambled to the limo and shut the door.

Chuck stood outside wondering whether to laugh or not. Apparently amnesia turned Blair into a prude. He dutifully walked to his side and got in the limo. He directed an amused look at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Don't be such a prude, Waldorf" he drawled "And anyway it wasn't the chest that drew my attention. It was the necklace"

Her hands flew to her throat.  
"Oh! Surprisingly I actually remember booking this at Tiffany's. I suppose Daddy was nice enough to get it for me"

"Daddy?" he asked with a quirk in his eyebrow. Her eyes took in his expression

"Oh!"

Chuck smirked: "It was my first gift to you"

Blair stared at him and her fingers lifted to touch the petals "But I couldn't have. It is too ..."

"Beautiful?" he interrupted, his eyes locked on hers

She nodded slowly.

"Something so beautiful should be seen on someone worth of its beauty" he said simply

_Oh God! Oh God-_

For a moment she stopped breathing. She couldn't look away, not when his eyes were magnetically drawing hers. His lips parted as he waited for her to say something but she couldn't think. All she wanted was to close the distance between them and kiss him. But something stopped her- may be the tender look on his face. Instead she asked softly "When?"

"Your seventeenth birthday..." he said

_Hold that thought-_

"What- wait- so eight months from my present state of memory I would be with you?" she asked bluntly

"What?"

"Well I have full memory of being sixteen. In fact being sixteen years and four months and so my memory is that age and so…" she trailed off when he chuckled. She couldn't help realize that he had a sexy chuckle. She never thought a chuckle as sexy but Chuck's chuckle definitely qualified as one.

She giggled at the thought.

Chuck watched her laugh intently and his eyes became smoldering "You are amazing, Blair"

That did it.

_Oh to hell with it_

Without pausing to think she moved across the seat and placed her lips upon his. It was a chaste start but then he groaned and pulled her closer. He buried his hand in her hair and held her close with the other. Blair moaned loudly. It was as though a dam had burst within her. Her body flooded with heat and she pressed herself closer to him. Cupping his cheek she deepened the kiss. His groan was the reward she needed. She urged him on with her tongue, almost climbing on top of him. He pulled back suddenly and stared at her.

"Blair..."

Annoyed at the loss of his lips she pulled his mouth down on hers. He surrendered happily enough and sucked her lower lips as his hands moved along her curves.

Blair moaned again unable to believe all that she was feeling. Her body was on fire and something was awakening within her. She had memories of being kissed but none could hold a torch to this. It was as though she had never been kissed.

She almost hit Chuck when he pulled back again.

"Blair..." he gasped staring into her eyes

"WHAT?" She almost screamed

An amused look came into his eyes as he cupped her face and smiled "I have missed this so much"

It was the tender way he held her that made her able to stop herself. Questions flooded her mind "Was it always like this?"

He rested his forehead on hers and smiled "Right from the first kiss in the limo"

She sat up with an excited jump "Our first kiss was in here?"

He nodded before saying sadly "You don't remember..."

Suddenly she wanted to remember, remember every single moment just to erase that sadness from his voice. Once again this made no sense but she didn't question it. He was playing with one of her curls and it warmed her heart. So much that she didn't even say that only her boyfriend touched her hair. Instead she said "I have flashes..."

That got his attention. "What kind of flashes?"

Blair noticed the hopeful edge to his voice "I was looking through some of the blasts at the Gossip Girl site and I remembered some things. Nothing concrete- I just get some disjointed words, faces, tones and surroundings. I remembered some of the things you said and my therapist thinks it would good for me to be around you more as you seem to jog my memory"

His eyebrows furrowed "Why me?"

"All things that I remembered are connected to you. "She mumbled quickly. She was getting embarrassed without knowing why. Chuck would definitely make a smart ass comment to that. To her surprise he caressed her cheek and merely said: "You have no idea how happy that makes me"

She stared at him for a while and then whispered "Kiss me, Chuck"

He leaned towards her and touched her lips with the tip of his finger. She bit her lip to stop it from trembling. Sighing he tilted her lips and kissed her passionately. She responded feverishly, clutching the front of his shirt to pull him closer. Blair moaned as his hands sought to remark her body moving around her curves. No one had touched her with the amount of passion as his caresses signified. His lips pulled free of hers and he kissed her jaw moving down her neck. She gasped as he expertly demonstrated his attentions there. She pulled him up again and kissed him thoroughly only coming up for breath when it was absolutely necessary.

He cupped her face tenderly as they came up for breath. None of them spoke for a while, happy to maintain the silence. Blair stared at his eyes- tender and vulnerable as they gazed into her. He was smiling at her. For a moment she couldn't believe this was Chuck Bass- Who knew that the cynical bad boy could look so much in love. She realized she had seen the look before in the photos and there she and he had both wore the same look. Her heart thudded and the romantic in her swelled up. It must have been some relationship- it must have been some love.

"Tell me our story"

His eyes lit up and he nodded.

….

_Their story…_

Blair was staring at him fixatedly for a long moment as he smoothed his now-wrinkled shirt. He bit his lip tasting her lip gloss on them. He almost groaned as he realized how desperately they had just kissed each other. The events of the last few minutes felt like a dream and he wanted to live the dream a little longer. Had she really moved in like that and kissed him? Had he really felt her in his arms again? Had she really squirmed against his body? The raw desire branding his nerves seemed to answer each question in the affirmative. The dreams that plagued him every night never was so poignant and they were usually marred by some cruel twist of fate.

_Tell me our story_

He closed his eyes and then looked at her again. On one hand he was beyond ecstatic that he wanted to know, that she wanted to remember but on the other he didn't know how to tell her all that happened. How could he describe their bond? It was impossible to comprehend for it was beyond unusual. Abnormal- some said but Chuck knew it was abnormally undeniable. And there were parts that wouldn't be acceptable to her. Mistakes –so many mistakes that they both had made.

_Now you are like one of those Arabians my father used to own- Rode hard and put away wet_

He gulped. He still had the majority corner in the market of mistakes. But she had to know- she had to try to understand even if she wouldn't totally comprehend it. It was unbearable to think that the moments which defined his life was totally lost to her

"Chuck…" Blair began with a note of worry in it but trailed off as the limo stopped.

Chuck took a deep breath and clasped her wrist "Blair I don't know how to tell you our story..."

"Start at the beginning." She interrupted in a patient voice.

He nodded thoughtfully. Blair stepped out adjusting her hair band. She didn't even blink as she took in the surroundings. He was much more affected. Arthur had driven them to the Empire, the location he assumed Mr. Bass always went when no alternative specific location was given to him. And this time Chuck had been so taken in by the sexy brunette and her assault on his senses that he didn't even remember to say anything to Arthur. He didn't want to talk to Blair at the Empire for some reason. He had half a mind to pull her back in the limo but she was already at the lobby and he had no option but to follow her.

"So how it all did began?" she said as the elevator doors opened to his penthouse. "How did we suddenly go from friends who tolerated each other to ...to...something more?"

He smirked "All in good time, Waldorf" 

"It must have been triggered by something drastic" she continued with her trail of thoughts

He shook his head firmly ": Don't try to guess"

"But..." she said shuffling her feet

"Nope, Waldorf" he said firmly as he led her inside and poured himself a neat scotch. Blair shook her head and crossed her legs.

He regarded her impatient posture with amusement and said in a tentative voice "I suppose I owe it all to Victrola and its grand opening..."

"Victrola..?" she asked confused

"My club." He said slowly

And then it hit her. Someone- Penelope perhaps- had pointed out Victrola as Chuck Bass' first successful venture. She had seen the place and suddenly she felt mortified. It had begun in Victrola with two drunken people- She felt oddly disappointed.

"Our so- called romance began in a strip joint?" she asked incredulously.

It was then he understood – She wanted it to be a great romance. He didn't know whether they will be match up to her classic movies. For him nothing could surpass their bond.

"Oh- You were expecting it to begin in a land far far away?" he teased settling down on a couch as she sat tentatively next to him

Her color increased "Of course not, you Basshole.I just thought I wouldn't go to that midtown strip joint ever" She thought a little "Was I with Nate then?"

"No- You broke up with him earlier that night"

_She had broken up with Nate earlier and then she went on to get drunk and begin something with him on the rebound. This was sounding less and less romantic. But why on earth would __anything related to Chuck Bass be romantic?_

He was eyeing her intently, she noticed and hence she jutted her chin out. He smirked, something dancing in his eyes "Let me began that story again"

She nodded once.

"Once upon a time in the ever-glorious city of New York lived a soulless monster called Chuck Bass..." he began in a loud narrative voice.

She giggled and then said chirpily "The devil"

"What?"

"A devil suits you better than a soulless monster, Bass" she said arching her eyebrows "You wouldn't do justice to a monster- soulless or not"

_How true_

"Is that your way of saying I am too good-looking to be a monster, Waldorf?" he said

She scoffed: "You wish"

"I am going to take that as a yes"

She rolled her eyes "Just get on with it"

He wanted to say it simply but he loved the excited look on her face. "Well the devil didn't have many friends but he had two and that was all he needed. The pure and pristine princess who ruled Constance with an iron hand and the golden-haired idiot that the princess called her Prince Charming"

Blair spluttered out a giggle. Chuck smirked, though he hated calling Nate her Prince Charming. It didn't matter that Nate was no longer interested – He knew that he would never get over his insecurities when it came down to his best friend.

"Now that night the princess came alone to the devil's lair..." he said seductively

"And the devil took advantage of that" Blair put in

"Not in the least. The devil was just being a good friend and offering to a shoulder to cry upon if she wanted" he said

Blair's smile dimmed "Was- was this the night I found out about Shepherd's wedding?"

He shook his head "This happened after you found out about that, destroyed Serena and then became bosom-buddies again. You never told me why you broke up with Nate"

"Did I cry?" She could imagine herself crying and Chuck holding her. She supposed the comfort led to a kiss and kaboom it all began. She had kissed him earlier and the feel of his hot mouth was still burning her lips. One kisses like that and she would be sold

"No-you didn't cry. In fact you got up on stage and stripped down to your underwear" he said with a self-satisfied smirk

Blair's mouth fell open "Impossible"

Chuck looked at her almost dreamily "No- it was amazing. I still remember every move you made on that stage, the look on your face and the way your curls tumbled down when you threw your headband to the crowd"

"I-I would never..." she began

"It was then I realized that the icy princess was a façade. It was a mask- Underneath you are all different. It was the first time I saw the real Blair- the Blair who is not bound by limitless expectations or slave to any social norm. I was spell-bound." He said his eyes never leaving hers.

Blair blushed involuntarily. It seemed to make his eyes lighter.

" Then.."

" Then I gave you a ride back home.." he trailed off

" And.."

"And…" he leaned across the couch and whispered " You leaned across and gently kissed me"

Blair felt spell bound as his breath brushed against her face " And.."

"And I was ruined for life" he said with a smile

She smiled traced her cheeks and she pulled him closer. Her lips crashed with his and all was lost. His hands traced her curves branding them with his touch and leaving them desiring for more. Their mouth welded in a feverish fight. The pleasure igniting in both of them was so intense that it bordered on pain. Without thinking she placed herself firmly on his lap. His hands encircled her waist possessively as his lips slipped down to her neck. She moaned loudly, straddling him now. She felt his hard, huge erection and blushed. She had never seen one in reality but his seemed huge.

His hands slipped down to his breasts and she almost died as he teased them. As their passion increased her thoughts jumbled. A mixture of feelings and sensations flooded her brain.

_Oh Chuck__... Harder please_

_The soft silk behind her back rustled as he moved within her… Bodies pressed together, sweat intermingled as he filled her._

_I would say anything_

_The intense torture of his mouth upon hers as she desperately wanted much more_

_Do you want to talk?_

_The desperation pooled with her- she wanted nothing more but to wrap herself around him. It wasn't her call this time, though_

_No talking_

"Blair..." Chuck whispered against her mouth "God Blair..."

_He doesn't make your blood run harder_

"Blair..." he said against her neck this time. She moaned as the memories of past astounded and inflamed her more. She wanted more of it. She placed a hand against his erection and he cursed. Then he firmly shook his head

"No Blair..." he panted

_This was not happening_

"What?"

His hands came to rest upon hers ensuring she couldn't move it. "I said no"

"Why the hell not?" she asked annoyed. Her body was craving his touch and she was beyond pissed at his obstinacy

He wasn't doing better. He wanted her so much that it was paining him. But he couldn't take her- not there. Not in the place which had caused him to lose her. It was in this very suite that she had made Jack sign the deed which ensured that Chuck got the Empire back- a signature which signed the death of their relationship. It was in the Empire that he had tainted their home- their memories by bringing a dozen whores. It was here that he had thrown Eva at her face – and now he couldn't make love to her here- He just couldn't.

"Not like this-Not here" he replied somberly

Blair pulled back and sat away from him "Chuck Bass is saying no to sex?" she taunted

He almost smirked before his face smoothed over "We never end at sex, Waldorf. We always go on to become more. I just want you to know your past before moving onto the future"

It had happened in a sudden moment. One minute she was just pissed and the very next moment the insecurities poured in. He had said no- He had said no when she had thrown herself at him. It had come to this now – Chuck Bass had rejected her –He didn't want her.

_Because she wasn't enough- she wasn't Serena_

All the minute insecurities she felt whenever she was with Nate arose within her. But while Nate remained oblivious Chuck was good at reading her. She sat up quickly smoothing her face to a neutral expression.

"You are right" she said matter-of-factly

Chuck eyebrows furrowed "Blair..." he began

"I should leave" she said getting up

He grasped her wrist. A shot of heat went straight to her core. She ignored it.

"Its late, Chuck and my mom is in town." she said walking to the elevator

"Blair…"

"Goodbye Chuck"


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: This chapter is rated M. So don't read if you are not comfortable. Also the reviews have declined over the last two chapters. If the interest is waning then I should turn my focus on my other story- The Reluctant Lady Bass. Let me know which one you want to finish first.

R&R

…

_The lights of the city that moved alongside them gave the interior a golden glow. It was dim and yet she could make out every feature of his face. His prominent jaw as he lingered his lips on earlobe, his hands igniting a tortuous fire within her and his dark brown eyes burning her with his gaze. _

_His lips moved against hers__ as his hands moved down parting her legs and moving upwards towards her aching core. She moaned loudly thinking she would die if he didn't touch her there. He bit her neck and she gasped out: Oh Chuck... Chuck_

_He expertly lifted her slip and placed his lips on her upper thighs "Oh God I love you..."_

_Suddenly it all stopped and the world swirled all too familiarly. She was walking down the streets alone- the same familiar dark path knowing that it would come. Tears flew down her cheeks._

_You maybe a coward but I am not weak_

_And then she laughed her blonde hair sparkling: "But you will never be enough... You won't be special..."_

_Chuck...Chuck...Chuck_

_No limits, Blair_

_And then she froze in pain until a greater pain jolted through her. The stark fear was racing through her mind. She could feel the blood trailing down her neck_

_I didn't think it was possible to love someone too much but maybe it is._

Blair woke up with a loud gasp. She removed her eye mask and groaned. Bright sunlight was streaming through her room. She glared at the clock sitting on the headstand. It was 7.00 am and she bloody wanted to sleep. It had been a restless night. She had tossed and turned hoping for sleep until dawn to no avail. She couldn't believe the events of last night.

She had thrown herself at Chuck Bass and he had rejected her. Now he had apparently taken over her nightmares and as if that was humiliating enough she was now horny enough to cry with sheer frustration. Her body was craving for him. She groaned as she realized certain parts of her dream- the ones which involved a dark limo and a pair of very sure hands. She realized she could give herself a hand. She had never done that before but she had never felt so desperate before.

"Damn you Chuck Bass" she said loudly before reaching underneath her La Perlas.

"Blair..." her mother called as she opened the door

Blair jumped up with a squeak. Eleanor eyed her intently. Blair tried very hard to look innocent though she couldn't help the rosy blush forming on her neck.

"Is something wrong?" Her mother asked gently

Blair would rather wear worn jeans and paddle around in Brooklyn for a week than tell her mother what she was about to do. But she knew that she couldn't just hope Eleanor would stop asking the questions. Gone were the days when Blair could mumble anything and get away with her distracted mother. Eleanor was very curious about everything Blair post the accident. She didn't let anything pass her by. Usually Blair loved this new version of Mother 2.0 but now wasn't a good time.

"I just had another nightmare" Blair said as steadily as she could. It didn't help that a steady breeze was caressing lower body reminding her of other caresses

_Chuck__...Go die in hell_

"Oh... Is everything alright?" Eleanor asked sitting on the edge of the bed "Should I call Dr. Croft?"

"No...I have an appointment with him this afternoon anyway" she said

Eleanor nodded staring at Blair with intense eyes

"If you want anything you can just ask me..."

_Right! Sure, Mom could you get Chuck Bass to play with me under the covers?_

"I know" she said ducking her head "Did you want something?"

Eleanor brightened suddenly "I designed this for your birthday party. I just wanted your thoughts on the color scheme and since I have meetings all day I barged in to disturb your sleep"

Blair's smile widened. She couldn't remember ever being asked her opinion by her mother. She didn't have enough fashion sense-it was always Serena

"I love the color scheme you chose. I love maroon with black"

"Off shoulder or sleeveless?"

"Off shoulder" Blair chirped

"Good choice" Eleanor said with an indulgent smile "This will be an amazing party, Blair. Are you sure you don't want Serena to come?"

Blair frowned "Yes Mother"

"But she is your oldest friend"

"Speaking of which Nate isn't invited and...And neither is Chuck Bass" she said heatedly

"Oh..." Eleanor said "I totally forgot. Charles is waiting downstairs. He wants to come up"

"No!" she cried instinctively

"Blair..."

"I mean it's too early to barge in demanding to be seen. Ask him to leave"

Eleanor smiled "Maybe he couldn't sleep either"

Color rushed to Blair's cheeks "Mother..."

She swore she could hear a dry chuckle

…

It was almost afternoon when she shifted next. She was aware of careful scrutiny before she even opened her eyes and the moment she opened she saw a pair of dark brown eyes staring intently at her.

Her heart skipped a beat as he smoothed her hair and said: "Morning, sunshine"

She sat up immediately, fighting to remember the anger she felt last night but all she could manage was a weak "I thought I told Mother to make you leave"

He smirked slowly "You are forgetting Eleanor loves me"

Blair narrowed her eyes trying to wrap her head around the fact that her mother loved the notorious womanizer of NYC and didn't mind letting him in even when her daughter specifically requested her not to

"Unfortunately" Chuck continued "I can't say the same about Dorota anymore" He jerked his head towards the door. Blair smirked as she took in the sight. Dorota stood glaring at Chuck her hands folded and her face set.

"I couldn't make him leave. I even try call Vanya but he said he no fight Mister Chuck" Dorota said seriously

Blair couldn't help but laugh. She didn't know whether it was the protector stance of her maid or the slightly sheepish look on Chuck's face but there was something endearing about the entire scene.

"It's ok, Dorota" she said "I will handle it"

Dorota shot a glare at Chuck's direction and left. Chuck eyes never left her face and she immediately reached out to smoothen her hair. Her hair must be a mess and she had no makeup on so her skin must be all splotchy. She didn't want to think about her under eyes…

Chuck sighed "You look beautiful"

Blair looked up feeling self-conscious and annoyed at him for reading her so well. All last night's resentment poured back

"What the hell do you want?"

He reached back and pulled out a bouquet of peonies. He handed them and Blair took them cautiously staring at them. Somehow she wasn't expecting peonies. Nate always bought her roses.

"I know they are wilting but they were alive at one time this morning" he said sitting back on the bed.

"Peonies?" she asked in a small voice

"Its tradition" he said with a tender smile. Her heart skipped a beat again. Maybe she should consult a cardiologist as well.

"Do we fight a lot?"

He nodded "And mostly it's my fault"

"Why I am not surprised?" she said with a chuckle

He laughed along with her. He reached for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. He stared at her hand for a minute before looking up at her intensely

"Blair, what happened last night?"

_I was almost begging you to sleep with me and you rejected me_

Color rushed to her face and she jolted up from her bed "A mistake"

Before he could reply she walked to the bathroom and slammed the door on his face. There was a few minutes of silence before he knocked:

"Blair..."

There was no reply. He sighed audibly. "I am not leaving until we talk"

"There is nothing to talk about"

"What about the story?" he asked casually

"What story?" she snapped through the door

"Our story..." he said softly

"Well what about it? It's all in the past isn't it? Maybe we should move on" she said in her bitchiest voice

"It's not in the past, Blair... I…" he trailed off

_I...__what..._

Blair wanted him to finish the sentence desperately but he said nothing more. It wasn't everyday that Chuck Bass spoke of his feelings and it wasn't everyday that Blair Waldorf desperately wanted to hear him say them. She waited for the next sentence but it didn't come. He must have left- The thought made her panic and she opened the door in a rush, toppling down on Chuck Bass who was sitting against her door.

He caught her firmly. "Hey! What's with you today?"

There was something warm about being in his arms "Finish the sentence."

"What sentence?"

"It's not in the past, Blair I…" she prompted with a raised eyebrow

Chuck smirked: "I will make you a deal, Waldorf" 

"Not making any deals, Bass" Blair said sitting more comfortably in his lap

"Well then, best of luck figuring out the rest of the sentence" he said with a wink

"I...Fine" she said "Whats the deal?" she added as an afterthought.

"Why did you suddenly leave last night?" he said seriously

_She wasn't expecting that! Wasn't she humiliated enough already?_

"Alright I have changed my mind. I don't want to hear the end of that stupid bloody sentence"

"You cursed" Chuck said delighted "You usually only do that when we are more pleasantly occupied"

The words made her shift. She was still horny as hell and his proximity wasn't helping matters and sexual innuendos were tormenting her.

"Go burn in hell, Bass" she snapped standing up

"Blair..."

Maybe it was the hormones-Maybe it was the lack of sleep- Maybe it was his wrinkled shirt or his rumpled hair- she didn't know why she screamed, she just did

"Why? Humiliating me once wasn't enough or is it your new guilty pleasure that you came back for more?"

He stared at her with a frown for a whole minute before the light switched on in his head.

"You think... I..." he stammered before throwing his hand up in the air exasperated "You are impossible, Waldorf"

"And you are a Bass-tard. Get out Chuck"

"The only reason I stopped myself last night was because I didn't want you to jump into something without thinking" he said moving closer

"I don't care" she said fighting tears

"You think I don't want you" he said incredulously "You have no idea what you do to me" He moved closer and pulled her in his arms. She moaned as she realized he was rock hard "I want you every moment, every single minute, Blair. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen or will ever see. You-"he kissed her nose "Are-my-kryptonite" He punctuated each word with a soft kiss on her cheek

"Chuck..."

"I was only trying to do the right thing last night"

"The right thing wasn't to let me go or leave to fend for myself when I was so aroused that even a breeze was too much for my sensitized skin"

He groaned loudly. It was a primal sound. He pulled her closer and kissed her hard. She moaned loudly as his arms closed around her. His lips moved slowly towards her neck as she fumbled down on his shirt. His hands settled down on her waist circling their way down as his sucked and kissed her neck. She moaned, her hands falling down on his chest off their own accord. He slipped off her La Perlas and picked her up bridal style.

Placing her on her bed he stared down at her with adoration and love. Something shifted within her as he leaned down and kissed her toe. Placing the tip on his tongue on her feet he slowly kissed his way up his hands marking the journey for his lips to follow.

"Don't tease me too much, Chuck" she gasped loudly "I might combust"

She felt rather than heard his laughter as he kissed her inner thighs. She moaned, heat racing to her core. She grasped her bed sheets as he ran a finger upon her lace panties. He could feel her wetness through the flimsy material.

"You are so wet, Waldorf" he said as he ran a tongue the edge of her panty. She writhed and cried loudly "Oh...Oh...Oh Chuck..."

He ran his knuckles along her core as he sucked inner thighs once and then again. He rubbed them hard against her once more and she was a goner. Curling her toes she arched back and screamed his name again and again. It took a while to realize that she had climaxed for the first time in her life or the one that she could remember anyway. It took a while more to realize Chuck was laughing.

She tried to shoot him a glare but all she could manage was a sighing "Wow"

"That is going down in my autobiography "he said smugly

"Shut up, you Bass-hole"

He laughed and took her in his arms "You are priceless, Waldorf"

He placed butterfly kissed all over her face and she rubbed herself against him. He groaned as he kissed her deeply.

"So when do we change the rating from PG to …" she trailed off suggestively

His arms tightened around "Blair, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Chuck..." she said exasperated "I am sure. I gave you my virginity but I can't remember it. I want you to be my first in this memory too"

He nodded and began again. It was mind-blowing and that was an under-statement. She fit onto him as though she was made for him. His hands and mouth made her relive heaven all over again. She could only moan and think how right it was. The only time she hesitated was when he placed his tip against her core. She wanted this but this could hurt right? Or wouldn't it?

He cupped her face and kissed her hard.

"Relax, Waldorf"

"Chuck..."

"Look at me" he instructed "Look into my eyes"

She stared deep into his eyes as he slid inside her. It was then she thanked her lucky stars that she chose him to be her first, both times. A thought that kept on popping as he moved within her, making love to her with a gentleness that made her want to cry. Every inch of her body recognized him as her lover, every sense collaborated with the fact that she was his and he was hers. She could love no other like she loved him. It overwhelmed her, it consumed her and sometimes she just needed to scream out to unload the ever-present pain of loving too much.

It was what she did. Screamed his name as she sobbing came within his arms. She heard him whisper her name against her neck and the aftershocks of her climax rocked her petite body.

"Oh God –Oh God I love you, Chuck"

It was then that they both froze


	19. Chapter 19

Blair Waldorf was in shock. She was literally frozen and completely unaware of her surroundings. She vaguely realized that Chuck was staring at her with an expression which was shocked and hopeful at the same time. For once, Blair was not affected by his staring. She had screamed out the three precious words – the three words that she never thought would belong in the same sentence as Chuck Bass. But what shocked her the most wasn't that she said the words, it was that she felt it. She felt love consuming her as it never had- She felt a bittersweet pain she had never felt before. For a few moments she had felt in love with the man who was staring intensely at her. Now it was gone- Was it a flash of a memory? Did she really love Chuck that much?

"Blair..." he said, slowly cupping her cheek

Her eyes flashed to his and she shook her head. She opened her mouth and then closed it again.

"I...I...I don't know what...I mean..." she stammered, a part of her slowly overcoming the shock. She was still too overwhelmed to be completely coherent. His eyes dimmed the spark reducing as he realized what she said. Blair wished she knew or that she understood what she actually felt. If it was nothing then she shouldn't be so affected by him and if she really loved him-damnit she should remember it.

He slowly slid out and lay back on the bed, pulling her down with him. Tears slipped through her eyes landing on his chest. He looked down at her.

"Blair..." he began

"Chuck...I...didnt mean..." she trailed off

He gave a wry smile but she could see the pain in his eyes "I know. It was the sex talking"

Was it just sex? Was this a regular reaction after orgasm? Somehow she didn't think so. She was painfully aware that he didn't say it back. Also the determined certainty with which the thought embedded itself in her mind made her doubt it.

She drew circles on his chest as she whispered "Maybe it was a flash..."

He jolted up "What kind of a flash?"

"The kind that makes me believe that I must have loved you…too much" she said softly

He leant down, resting his face on her neck. "We did... I do..." he choked out. He raised his head and kissed her tears away. "I love you, Waldorf."

Her heart slammed into the ribcage and started thundering. He looked so sincere, so helpless and vulnerable that she let out a sob. It was so tragic that she loved this way and forgot. She wondered how horrible it must be for him

"I wish I could remember, Chuck" she said "I really wish"

Chuck ran his hand through her hair and said "Maybe someday you will..." he said sadly "And then you will hate me"

"Why?"

"You just will" he said simply, his eyes latched on the ceiling

She buried herself in the crook of his neck and said "What happened after my seventeenth birthday?"

"Well..." he smirked slowly, tracing her cheek "We had the greatest secret affair in history. The walls and broom cupboards of Constance and St. Jude's have never been same again"

She blushed "Nobody knew"

"Serena did"

"Oh" she wished he hadn't taken her name. Somehow she didn't want anything to mar this moment. She blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.

"Was it just sex?"

"For you –yes. For me, on the other hand, those butterflies made my life hell" he said slowly

Suddenly the meaning of his gift became clear. The soft butterfly which dozing at the corner of her room with his supposedly absurd note made so much sense to her. It was such a sweet gesture that she couldn't believe that Chuck had done something like it. Then again she never thought Chuck Bass could look so tenderly at someone.

"That was such a mushy gift, Chuck" she said with a smirk "If someone leaks it to gossip girl"she said with a teasing tone

He looked revolted at the thought "Then I'll make sure that that someone will regret it..."

"What do you have in mind?" she asked archly. In a flash he pinned her down and kissed her roughly.

"Hmmn... Not a punishment, Bass" she said between kisses.

"We will see what you have to say after a few hours" he said

"Tempting! Sadly I don't have a few hours. I have to meet my therapist at 4" she glanced at the clock and reluctantly moved away. She didn't want to get up and leave. She wanted to stay in bed with Chuck. She had half a mind to cancel the appointment.

"So what happened next?" she said softly deciding she could postpone getting dressed for a few minutes

Chuck looked at her with a grim smile "Well- you went back to Nathaniel at the Cotillion"

Blair stared at him. "Just like that- There was no-" and then it became clear "He didn't know about us?"

Chuck looked down "Not until I sent that blast to Gossip girl"

"You did-what?"

"You were the one who went running back to Nathaniel" he lashed out instinctively

"So you decided that you should ruin my life?" she demanded furiously. She could totally imagine how the scandal would impact upon her relationship with Nate, her reputation and her status as Queen B of Constance.

She knew it shouldn't surprise her. After all Chuck Bass was known for his destructive schemes but it hurt not only because she had developed feelings over the course of last few days but because he had never deliberately hurt _her._

"Blair, I admit that it wasn't the most mature behavior but I was sixteen" he said staring at her.

Blair threw off the covers and got up covering herself in a robe. "I have to get dressed. I don't want to be late for Steve"

"I will drop you off" he said politely

"There is no need, I will manage" she said just as politely

…

Blair walked out of the lushly decorated corridor of Dr. Croft's office, her mind still in the conversation she just had. Steve had listened intently to her embarrassed account of what happened between her and Chuck over the last few days. He had ignored her blushes, smiled politely at her indignation and asked some carefully thought out questions: "So you had more flashes of the past?"

Blair nodded slowly. It was after all what her therapist was most interested in. It was the reason she was supposedly hanging out with the Bass-tard. Yet she knew it was an excuse. She wanted to be with him, to feel what he felt and remember what she felt.

"What triggers the flashes?" he asked gently

"It could be a word, or a photo or when we were kissing or... I get these sudden glimpses of past. Sometimes it is a certain image flashing through my mind, sometimes it's part of a picture and sometimes they are feelings. For a moment there I felt like I loved Chuck more than anything in the world"

"How did it feel?"

"Overwhelming-I freaked out for a while" she said mulling over the facts "For a moment I accepted it but..."

"Learning about one's past can be very difficult. It's like reading a story about you- It wouldn't be always what you want or what you like it to be but we have to remember that life never is."

"I always wanted it to be. My life was completely planned. Now I realize that none of those plans materialized" she said sadly "That is the worst part-the other thing is realizing that I can't trust anybody"

"The only advice I can give you is that you should look at the whole picture, not just a part of it"

Blair exited the building mulling over his words. Was she being too harsh- punishing Serena for something that happened years ago? She didn't think so- She stopped suddenly when she realized Chuck's limo was parked right next to hers. She had refused his offer to drop her off but he seemed to have followed her anyway.

He rolled down his window and tilted his head. She shook her head and walked to him. She was still angry about what he did but the anger was slowly draining out. For one she could totally understand why he did what he did- for she would have done the same. She would destroy people for jealousy, extracting a due revenge for her hurt feelings. For another she couldn't believe she had thrown away their passionate relationship and ran back to the broken one she shared with Nate.

She folded her arms once she reached him "Stalking me, Bass?"

He smirked "Always, Waldorf"

Behind the smirk she could see his nervousness. It was a good thing that she could read him so well. She opened the door and jumped next to him. He was surprised but quickly obliged.

She took a deep breath "Did I ever forgive you?"

"Yes" he said "At my father's wedding to Lily when I asked you to forgive me"

She gave him a faint smile "You must have been very convincing"

"I guess it was my best man speech that did you in" he said with a more defined smirk

"What did you say?" she asked

" Something that I still believe in." he said " In the face of true love you let go –not even when the object of your affection is begging you to" He took her hand at that " I will never give up, Blair"

She leaned over and kissed him gently "I am not asking you to let me go"

He nodded and then looked up "You should know though- our story is not a fairytale. We both made mistakes- too many of them"

"And yet we overcome all of them" she said sweetly .Something flickered within his eyes and then he smiled at her "Maybe"

"It's about looking about the whole picture" she said before kissing him deeply

"Maybe I should do something for your therapist to show my appreciation" Chuck said as they came up for air

"Hey- Steve never told me to forgive you- well directly." She countered hotly "The only person you have to thank is me"

He laughed "I suppose I could show my appreciation for you in some way or other" he said slowly undoing her top

"I am sure hoping you can, Bass"

….Dorota had just finished dressing up Anastasia for her evening walk when Miss Serena rushed in. She came in a rush of golden hair bouncing forward and quickly said  
'Where is Blair?"

Dorota shook her hair. She knew that Miss Blair wouldn't be talking to Miss Serena even if she was here. It was not easy to say that, however. So she said happily the truth "Miss Blair isn't here. She gone out"

"Dorota, I know she doesn't want to talk to me. But she needs to listen to me- she can't ignore me forever"

"She will come around, Miss Serena" the maid replied politely

"I don't think she will "Serena said "I really need to see her"

"I tell the truth Miss Serena" she said "Miss Blair out with Mister Chuck"

Suddenly the color drained from Serena's cheek "She is out with Chuck?"

As Dorota nodded Serena spoke up "Chuck is not good for her, Dorota"

The maid piped up "I thought too- especially after accident – but Miss Blair so happy when she is with him"

"Because she doesn't know" Serena said mysteriously "God- you don't even know"

"Know what?"

"Nothing" Serena said frustratingly "Tell her that I'll be here at her birthday party, whether she wants me or not"

With that Miss Serena left. Before Dorota could pick Anastasia from the sofa the elevator dinged again. A well-dressed man stepped out with the biggest bouquet of pink peonies ever. He set it against the table and said "For Miss Blair Waldorf"

"Who sent it?" Dorota said as she noticed the bouquet had no card

"I would rather not say" was the mysterious answer

Dorota huffed. This was a really strange day, indeed. She better hurry up with Ana's evening walk. She had a lot to do for the party tomorrow

… The mahogany doors opened with a flourish and the man walked forward. He was dressed in the most expensive of suits. His look was most sophisticated and there was something in his face that branded him as an aristocratic man. The man entered the room and bowed down.

"Your Highness, the flowers were delivered to Miss Waldorf" he said

Prince Louis Grimaldi turned to him with a smile.

" Thank you, Lucien"

"I have also been informed by that Miss Waldorf will be turning twenty tomorrow and is having a party on that honor"

Louis nodded "Do I have an engagement for tomorrow evening?"

"You were supposed to meet the ambassador..."

"Postpone it to the next day" he said slowly eyeing a golden box nestled in the couch

Lucien followed his gaze before nodding.

"Is that something you need to be delivered, Your Highness?" he asked politely

Louis smiled widely "Actually that is something I need to deliver myself"

…..

A/N: Dun- dun- Dunn! The return of the Prince- what do you think of that? Another thing I need to ask is whether you think Chuck is OC- I am actually making him do slightly different things than he would do in the show for the reason is that in this story he is trying to grow up a little and resolve to make up for his mistakes.

Reviews show that people want me to finish this one first. So I am planning on concentrating on this one.

This part is not what I would call my best effort. I blame Safran for that- Knowing that many of you haven't yet watched 4.20 I will stop at that. Anyway

R&R


	20. Chapter 20

It was a luxury to hold Blair in his arms. It was a luxury to stare at her peaceful face as she slept. It was a luxury to count her breaths just like he had counted the minutes in the hospital months ago when she lay unconscious with a possibility of never waking up. It was a luxury to play with her curls as the whiff of strawberry overwhelmed his senses. It was a luxury to love Blair Waldorf.

And it was a luxury that was essential to Chuck Bass as oxygen. It made him complete; it made him Chuck Bass. It was a luxury that he once took for granted and that ate at his conscience every single moment. Chuck stared at her face as she slept deeply and wondered what insanity had caused him to abandon her. How could he ever make that deal with Jack Bass? How could he have not waited all night at the Empire State Building? How could he have let the best thing to happen to him go away?

He had promised himself on the day he decided he would tell her the three words, eight letters that he would never make her unhappy. He had seen Blair suffer through her relationship with Nate but she would never feel that with him. He would ensure that he would be worthy of her and her love. He would prove his father wrong; he would be the man Blair wanted him to be.

But somewhere down the line he had broken all the promises. He hadn't lived up to even one expectation of what their relationship could be. And he hated himself for it. If he could do it once again he would change it all. He would be the Chuck Blair needs and loves. He would her prince.

He stared up at the suite of the Palace hotel and sighed. He had taken her out to dinner tonight and then brought her to the Palace. She was surprised by his choice. But he didn't- couldn't take her to the Empire- Not to that place which a tangible evidence of his failure at this relationship. He had already decided to sell it and soon hopefully the real estate company will strip it down so that he no longer has to see the hatred- provoking signpost reading Empire Hotel.

But he couldn't tell her that just like he couldn't tell her so many other things. He knew that Blair deserved the truth. She needed to know what a bastard he was- she needed to know the real story. Maybe he should have started from the ending but he couldn't. He knew that the fragile bond they had built up over the last few days won't last once she finds out about their whole history. He knew she was entitled to whole story first and he wanted her to make her choice after she knew it. Yet he greedily took what moments he could steal from her before she decided to hate him again.

He was selfish enough to tell the story at her pace if that let him have a few more days with her. A few moments of luxury-He was selfish- yes he was selfish. He leaned over and placed butterfly kisses over her cheek. She shifted slightly

"Chuck..." she began in a sleepy voice.

It was time.

"Happy birthday, my love"

…

She woke up with a squeal. All the endless stories and love-making must have exhausted her enough to fall asleep. She didn't even remember it was her birthday. She stared at the dark brown eyes staring down at her and realized that _why_ she didn't remember her birthday. Chuck Bass had officially taken over her mind.

"The response is thank you, Waldorf in case your memory problems caused you to forget that" he said after a few moments of silence.

"What?"

"When someone wishes you a happy birthday you say thank you, Waldorf" he said slowly as though explaining something particularly difficult to a whiny five-year old.

Suddenly she wondered what kind of daddy Chuck would make.

"Blair..." he said slowly, raising his eyebrow

She shook her head. Great, now she was planning a family with Chuck.

"I know_ that" _she whined. Her phone suddenly started beeping and ringing. Blair picked up her phone excitedly. And then stopped smiling... It was Serena- of course it was Serena, she was always the first one to wish Blair happy birthday. Chuck looked over her shoulder and sighed:

"Take it" he said

"No!"

He sighed "You can't fight with Serena for long. You need her, Blair..."

"I don't _need _her" she said loudly, scrambling out of bed

"Blair..." he began again

She pulled his shirt from the covers and pulled it on with a flourish before pointing an accusing finger at him

"Don't you dare tell me what to do, Chuck Bass" she said angrily

She expected him to scream back but he just sat back regarding her with amusement.

"Can I at least ask you to pick up the phone? It's annoying me"

"No!" she said

"Blair..."

"I will not pick up the phone" she announced firmly

"It's not Serena..."he pointed out calmly

"I will still not pick up…" she said feeling unreasonably mulish. Maybe it was his remark about needing Serena

"Why?"

"I –I –I am not answerable to you, Chuck Bass" she said feeling more and more foolish at her obstinacy but unable to let it go.

He smirked as she folded her arms.

"Can I ask you walk to the adjoining suite?"

"You are throwing me out?" her eyes narrowed

"What? No... God Blair... I am just asking you to come with me to adjoining room" he said standing up. He had put a dark purple robe. His hair was still messy from her over-eager hands.

"No"

His face fell. Her heart protested and she gave in "Yes –Maybe"

He smiled and she immediately felt better. Fantastic- now she couldn't even see him sad. This memory loss is way too inconvenient

He placed a hand on her waist and guides her to the next room. She gasped. The lush living area of the suite was lit by clumps of candles. Bouquets of peonies were arranged beautifully around the suite. A table for two was set at the corner with a Dom 95 prominently visible. Soft music played in the background.

"What... how... when?" she turned flabbergasted. The suite was undecorated when they had arrived.

"You timed your sleep perfectly" he said with a smirk

She smiled back and said "You didn't have to..."

He shrugged "Well...it's your birthday"

His tone was casual but Blair could see the emotion lurking behind the dark brown orbs. Her heart skipped a beat as she suddenly realized that this love story that she living in was not a movie. That she and Chuck were actually in love, so much in love that she probably meant the world to the cynical bad boy she had grown up with. If the knowledge that he loved her brought a surge of happiness within her, it also brought a stark stab of fear. Chuck Bass may be in love with her but she wasn't. She was attracted to him, he made her heart race by a simple look and her desire for him knew no bounds and yet she wasn't in love with him. He needed to know that.

"Chuck..." she began uncertainly

He frowned "You don t like it." He looked around as though trying to figure out what he had missed.

"No" she shook her head "I love it. This is really sweet of you"

"But…"He tilted his head

"Can we talk for a second?" she asked slowly. He nodded and made her sit down. He played with her fingers before asking "What is it?"

She took a deep breath "I know that for the last few days, we have been... intimate" she said with a blush. He smirked. "And I know you have said some things...You have been perfect and I really like you but…"

His smirk vanished "But?"

"I am not where you are, Chuck. I am not in love with you..."

"I 'm aware of that" he interrupted abruptly

"I wish I was Chuck but I don't remember anything. And sometimes the intensity of it all freaks me out..." she said trying to read his expression

"I am sorry I am not as indifferent about you as Nathaniel was" he lashed out instinctively. Blair glared at him.

"That was uncalled for" she said coldly

Chuck took a deep breath "Yeah! I shouldn't have said that. Look Blair I get it. I know that you don't feel for me the way I feel for you. I am ok with that. I know you aren't my girlfriend and I know that you aren't in love with me." He said quickly concealing the raw edge of hurt in his voice as well as he could "If all this..." he glanced around the room he had so deftly decorated "...is too much for you I could stop these gestures"

"No!" she stood up at that "Chuck, I love these gestures. All I am saying is that you should know that what we have..."

"Comes with no strings attached" he finished the sentences "Yeah! I got that, Waldorf"

_The dancing couples were mocking them. The two dates they had brought for each other was making out in the corner as she stared at him with hurt written all over her face._

"_What is the point?" she asked with hint of sourness in her voice "We would never be the"_

"_Probably not... __But I wouldn't change what we have" he replied smoothly_

_The desperation was evident in her voice now _

"_What do we have?"_

Years ago he had been the one to want a no-strings attached affair but she had wanted more. And now they stood at each other's place. And now he knew how much it hurt.

_Please tell me that all the lies, the gossip__...all the pain...They had been worth it_

They stared at each other in silence before she smiled and kissed him.

"Thank you for all this" she murmured

"You are welcome" he said pulling her close. "Now, may I escort you to dinner?"

…..

"My mother is going to kill me..."

Chuck woke up to frantic shout hours later. It was morning and he realized Blair was flying around the room picking her clothes from the ground and screeching loudly.

"I can't believe I overslept- I can't believe I didn't pick up when she called. I can't believe... Oh... What am I supposed to do? Wake up you mother-chucker..."

"What's going on, Blair?" he asked groggily

"My mother- she was about to go to the police- said that I was kidnapped or something equally ridiculous as that. I always wanted a caring mother but it seems it comes with certain disadvantages and... Oh... god you ripped my skirt Bass..."

Chuck sat up "Well you asked me to" he said lazily

"What?"

"You said and I quote 'Chuck, I need you now' with an distinct emphasis on now" he replied smoothly

"That doesn't mean rip my bloody skirt off..."

"Well it implies it. I mean it is a little hard to maneuver with the skirt..."

"Fine" she cried red faced "What am I supposed to do now? I don't think my suddenly over-protective mother won't be pleased if I show up with a shirt and stockings on..."

A leer made its way to his face "For future reference I would love that"

"Not helping" she said

He strolled smoothly to her side.

"Come here..." he said pulling her to the dressing room. "You can find something here"

"No way! I am not wearing any of your whores' leftovers" she said furiously. The thought of him with someone else suddenly crawled into her mind leaving her more furious.

"It's not. It's yours" he replied calmly opening a door. Blair stared at the dresses lined up. She even recognized one as her own.

"I thought we stayed at the Empire..." she said slowly

"Before I brought the Empire you spend a lot of time here and hence had a fall –back mini wardrobe build up." He said nonchalantly

She stared at him. He smirked "I thought you were in a hurry, Waldorf"

"Oh God ...yes"

She dressed quickly and kissed him soundly. He pulled her closer. She resisted: "I have to go now, Bass. But find me tonight?" she asked with a small blush

"You can bet on it" he said kissing her cheek

She walked to the door smiling as she passed the wilted peonies and burnt out candles. It was a night of sweet nothings and passion. A night of delving in her past, of burning passion and unexpected affection... It was the most beautiful night of her life.

The day hadn't even begun yet and it was already the best birthday she ever had.

…..

The day had been spent on preparations and accepting birthday wishes from people. Blair stared happily at her living room and people murmuring appreciatively about the arrangements. Her living room had been transformed into a beautiful ballroom. She looked around pleased with assortment of appetizer and drinks perched graciously on the corner and the distinguished names who were all here to celebrate her. It was the best birthday party she had ever thrown and not because of the arrangements.

She remembered with a smile as she remembered the hug and compliments her mother bestowed on her. When was the last time her mother called her beautiful? She didn't remember any of the previous times for the simple reason that she probably never had. And then there had been the surprise waiting in her bedroom.

"Daddy…" she squealed as she saw Harold sitting with multiple presents on her bed.

"Blair bear..." he chuckled as he hugged her tightly making her feel young again. He released her and she hugged Roman with a giddy smile.

"I thought you weren't coming" she said still keeping her eyes on her favorite man in her life.

"We lied" Roman said sheepishly

"What?"

"We wanted to see your surprised face, bear"

"Oh Daddy!"

Now she was walking around in his arm being introduced to various 'important people' as Roman called them. She saw Penelope and her other minions looking awe-struck and slightly jealous and her smile widened.

"Blair, I want you to meet Gregory Campbell. He is the person to go to if you ever commit a crime" Harold informed her with a grin "He has an eighty perfect success rate in criminal cases"

Greg laughed "You are a sly dog, Harold" He turned to Blair "I am really delighted to meet you, Blair. Your father and Cyrus have talked of you in such terms that I think you must brilliant..."

"Not enough!" Cyrus cried suddenly appearing at her side. "She is intelligent, shrewd and excels at her way with words. I would say she would make an excellent lawyer"

"Is that what you want to be?"

Blair looked around: " I haven't thought about it"

"You could give it a try. I've an internship position in my firm ..."Greg began smiling

"I would be delighted" she said. She had been worrying about what internship to take next semester.

…

Serena straightened her pale green Gucci ensemble as she entered the Waldorf residence. The party was elegant and glamorous.

Just like her best friend, she thought with a smile. Then her smile dimmed as another thought popped into her mind. Was Blair really her best friend? They hadn't talked for weeks now. But Serena was sure that they would get over it. They had overcome worse.

She walked into the corridor squinting at the room which seemed to be filled with people dressed in latest fashions. She was so intent on reaching Blair that she walked headlong into someone.

"Hey…"

Strong hands held her upright as she struggled to push herself up.

"Serena, are you alright?" said a very familiar voice

"Dan…" she said breathing in his smell. She had never answered him back. She had never told him she wanted him, not Nate. She wanted to do but she never did.

She squinted at him and took a deep breath.

"I am fine" she said firmly "What are you doing here?"

"Blair invited me" he said in an offhand voice

"No offence but why on earth would Blair invite _you?"_ she asked slowly

He laughed, his eyes dancing as he did,

" We met a couple of times at various offices applying for internships and she realized that I might be socially unacceptable now but might be a useful contact in the future" he said sweetly " I 've never been more offended"

They both laughed. Still Serena couldn't help the slight twinge of anger that Blair would invite Dan but not her best friend.

_You aren't her best friend anymore_

Well she is about to change that.

"Dan I would catch you later. I am going to find Blair"

Blair Waldorf would listen to her this time.

…

Chuck walked around the party, greeting various people and smiling politely at others. He was yet to greet Blair. It couldn't be more than a few hours that she left him at his suite and yet he missed her desperately. He walked to the balcony still searching for her when he caught sight of her. She looked breathtaking in a maroon Eleanor Waldorf original and her hair pulled up. He waited until she reached and discreetly pulled her into the vacant balcony.

She gasped but before she could say a word he kissed her.

"What's the urgency, Bass? Couldn't wait till the party ended, could we?" she murmured pulling herself flush against him as he kissed her feverishly.

He groaned cupping her breasts.

She pulled away "Don't ruin my hair" Then she grinned "Guess what? I landed an internship at Campbell and Associates"

He chuckled "Going to be a lawyer, Waldorf? Actually that makes perfect sense. Shrewd, smart, calculative, manipulative…"

She smacked his arm but smirked at him "You wouldn't have me any other way"

He pulled her closer "I wouldn't. Now are you ready for your gift?"

She ran a hand over the hard bulge in his pants "I thought I am going to unwrap it after the party"

He groaned stopping her hand. He pulled out a black Tiffany's box "I meant this"

Blair eyes widened as he opened it. It was a pair of dangling diamond earrings which matched exactly with the Erikson-Beamon necklace. She gasped: "Oh my God, it's beautiful"

He curled at strand of her around his finger "Not as beautiful as you"

She ran her hand against the earrings and then placed the same hand against his cheek: "You always know the right things to say"

He shrugged "I 'm Chuck Bass"

She chuckled and kissed him tenderly. He pulled her closer nuzzling her neck.

"Oh my God... What the hell do you think you are doing?" a very familiar voice said loudly

They sprang apart turning to face a livid Serena.

Blair looked shell-shocked but recovered fairly quickly.

"Isn't that supposed to be my question? What the hell do you think you are doing here, Serena? You aren't invited" she said with her bitchiest smirk in place

Serena was staring at Chuck with disdain but she turned to her best friend. She eyed the petite brunette who was her sister in every way.

"It's your birthday party" she began slowly

Blair shrugged "And your point is…"

"I am your best friend. You can't just throw away years of friendship just like that"

"I do not need a whore for a best friend" Blair retorted lightly

"Blair..." Surprisingly it was Chuck who said this in a warning tone.

"No! She doesn't get to pull the friendship card after all that she has done" Blair said furiously. Her perfect birthday suddenly didn't seem so perfect anymore.

Chuck reached down to place a comforting hand on her shoulder and turned to Serena "It's probably best for you to leave, sis"

"Yes. Go Serena! For once in your life you aren't wanted somewhere" Blair said folding her arms.

It was the sight of Chuck Bass touching her, of breathing in the same air as her best friend that made Serena snap. He didn't deserve to be within seventy miles of Blair. Not after what he did. He sold her for his _fucking _hotel. And yet he was comforting her, he was kissing her and being with her as though nothing had happened.

And Serena was estranged from her best friend for good. How on earth was that fair?

"If anyone should leave, it's you Chuck Bass. How can you even do this to yourself, Blair? Gallivanting with him... She said loudly unaware of the crowd they were attracting.

Chuck quickly noticed the small crowd and whispers starting to escalate. There were a few flashes as well. Great, Gossip Girl got her scoop for the night. He quickly advanced upon his sister before she created a bigger scene.

"Serena, calm down..." he began

"Don't tell me what to do, Chuck Bass" she cried "You don't deserve to be listened to. Did you tell her...? Does she know what an ass you are...Does she know that you sold…" she was cut across by Chuck grabbed her both hands and hissed "Shut up"

"I knew it. She doesn't know" She whispered back

"And neither does the entire of UES. But you could change that if you want, sis" he said pointedly indicating the crowd that was staring at her. She flinched away from him and walked to the balcony.

Blair stepped forward with a winning smile at the crowd "Dinner has been served. Please proceed to the dining room"

She waited for the crowd to disperse before turning back to the balcony.

"If creating a scene and disrupting my party was your plan, then you have succeeded. Now please let yourself out" she snapped at her confused best friend.

"This isn't how it was supposed to be" Serena said with a sigh "You don't know that Chuck..."

"I don't want to hear anything from you. Just leave" Blair snapped back impatiently.

Serena stared at her wondering how she could make her best friend open up to her.

"What?" Blair said with a bite in her voice "You didn't ever have any decency. Now you don't even have self-respect?"

Serena glared at her and turned on her heel. With a swirl of shiny blond hair she was gone and Blair stood alone at the balcony fighting tears.

…

**Spotted: S and B drawing swords at the Roses… What is a birthday party without a major catfight between the two hotties? Looks like Chuck swooped in to save the day. But what were the magic words he spoke that calmed Serena at once. We bet B would love to know. XOXO Gossip Girl**

Blair sighed loudly. Damn that gossip bitch! Now the fight would outshine the brilliance of her birthday party. Why did Serena have to come? And what did she mean by judging Blair for hanging out with Chuck? So Chuck was notorious womanizer but Serena was hardly an angel with a halo? And what did she mean by saying that Blair didn't know Chuck?

"That was quite dramatic" her mother said as she came to stand next to her.

"I am sorry, Mother" Blair began

"Don't be. This is UES. We live for the drama" she said with a smile

Blair grinned at her.

"No...No... I can't" Dorota said from behind them. They both turned to see Dorota arguing with a distinguished looking man. "I can't let you in. No invite, no coming in" she announced

"What is the problem here?" Eleanor asked.

The man turned to look at them and then his face softened as his eyes fell on Blair. He smiled and Blair felt herself blush. He was tall and lean. His face had an aristocratic touch and his eyes were the deepest blue.

"I came to wish Blair here a happy birthday but this lady is refusing to let me in" he said with an adorable French accent

Eleanor turned to look at Blair who shyly said: "Do I know you?"

His smile vanished and Dorota scoffed, who was waiting for Blair's verdict "Let me show you the way out"

"Dorota..." Eleanor admonished

"Oh for goodness sake" said the man standing next to the attractive party crasher "Let me present to you Louis Grimaldi heir to the throne of Monaco"

"Lucien..."Louis said thoroughly annoyed.

Blair's eyes widened and she was vaguely aware of the whispers coming from the crowd behind. She remembered Serena telling her that she had dated a Prince Louis.

Louis stepped forward.

"We met in Paris. I hoped you would remember me" he said eyeing her intently

"I am afraid I don't remember" she said slowly, aware of his deep blue eyes penetrating her

He looked most disappointed. Eleanor piped in immediately "My daughter recently had an accident which caused her to lose her the memory of the last three years"

Louis looked most concerned "I am sorry. I had no idea. If I knew... I..." he trailed off

Blair stared at him. He was the first real life prince she had seen and he seemed straight out of the books. She, unfortunately, had no idea what to say to him.

"I am so sorry that you were treated so inhospitably. I am sorry I don't remember you"

"I am sorry too" he said, suddenly smiling "But you don't have to take my word for the fact that we met in Paris"

"I don't?" she asked, smiling back

"No. I have proof" he said

"I beg your pardon..." she said thoroughly confused

He led her to a couch and she sat down aware of the fact that almost everyone was staring at her. He motioned to Lucien you brought forward a parcel. Blair gasped as Louis took out a lone shoe from it.

"I believe this is yours" he said.

She stared wide-eyed at him. She suddenly felt like laughing. She had loved Cinderella when she was growing up and here she was actually facing the Cinderella moment with an actual prince.

He took off her Chanel heels and slid in the dark blue shoe.

"It's a perfect fit" Louis announced solemnly "You must be the Blair I met in Paris"

Blair laughed. Someone whooped from the background. Flashes went on as Louis pulled her up. Everyone was chattering excitedly and some people were mailing Gossip Girl. Blair was busy talking with Louis.

No one noticed Chuck Bass staring forlornly at the two of them. No one noticed the broken shard of glass in his hand. No one noticed the tiny droplets of blood at his feet. No one heard his heart breaking as he left the Waldorf residence.

….

Breath in Breath out!

Just a reminder: This is a Chair story!

That was one long chapter. What did you think? Opinions, criticisms, thoughts….

I have written an one-shot on season 4 chair post 4.20. Its called Unworthy. If you have time check it out

R&R


	21. Chapter 21

The morning rays hit the Palace suite very early on and Chuck shielded his eyes against the sudden intrusion of brightness. It was when he saw his hand in front of his face that he realized that it was still bleeding. He groaned as pain shot through his neck. It was then that he realized that he was lying across the too small couch, his neck angled uncomfortably on the hand rest. Empty bottles of scotch surrounded him and his Armani dinner jacket lay crumbled in the floor.

It had been a rough night. It wasn't supposed to be, not from the looks of the way the day started. He was in Blair's birthday party and she had looked gorgeous. She had loved his gift. Just when he thought that it would one of the best days of his life, things started to go wrong. It started to go downhill from the moment his over-emotional sister had created a scene. Her words seemed to echoing in his ears. And then _he _had shown up- a handsome man obviously attracted to Blair had shown up. And to top it he was a fucking prince- He stood there watching the goddamn prince literally playing a scene from a fairytale with the love of his life.

He had stood there doing nothing, saying nothing. Because he couldn't say anything- Blair had very clearly told him that whatever they were doing came with no strings. Yet there was a string attached and it was pulling at his heart. So he left unable to watch them together and came back to wait...Wait for a call from her...a message from her... He waited up till dawn drinking and wallowing waiting for a call and it never came. He didn't even realize when he passed out.

He wasn't sure why the sight of Blair with Louis had hurt so much. Was it because he was everything she dreamed of come to life? Was it because when she was with him she had a glow on her face? Or was it because this time her eyes didn't swoop in to check the jealousy on Chuck's face?

Ever since Victrola Chuck hated the sight of any guy with Blair. He wanted to rip Nate apart as he did with Carter, Marcus and Cameron but it never hurt so much because he knew that the passionate love Blair felt for him was incomparable to the flimsy feelings she had for her suitors. But now she felt nothing for him- maybe she felt something for him but it wasn't love. Blair Waldorf was no longer his- and whatever she felt it would be destroyed the moment she knew.

He was so lost in the luxury of being by her side and holding her again that he forgot the reality, where she would hate him if she knew the truth. He knew he would have to tell her someday. She deserved the truth; she deserved to know and he deserved to be hated by the only one he loved.

The thought cut him like shards of glass. How could he have done that to her? He wanted to go back in time and strangle himself undoing everything he did. He stood up and rested his forehead against the window pane staring unseeing at the sights of the city.

He couldn't bear it if she hated him. She was the only one who ever loved him and the thought of Blair Waldorf hating him was like a venomous poison racing down his nerves burning his body. She couldn't hate him, could she? She wouldn't... She wouldn't… Not after all they shared. But then what had he done after everything she had done for him. As though his mind was tuned to torture him his mind flashed on Eva... Granted Eva was his savior angel- the one hope he had on surviving a world where Blair didn't love him, but how must Blair felt seeing him with her?

It was no secret that Blair didn't love him then, but seeing her replaced so soon after their break-up must have hurt her, especially because Blair suffered from self-esteem issues.

_You are just upset that I have changed and the woman who changed me isn't you_

The pain in her eyes when he said that had given a sadistic pleasure to him them but now he felt a rush of self-loathing fill him up. He hated himself, he hated himself so much. He knew no one should love him ever. He hated himself but he couldn't bear the fact that she would hate him too.

"Don't hate me Blair, please" he cried hating how pathetic he sounded "Please don't hate me... I will spend the rest of my life making everything right...Just don't hate me..." He felt tears sliding down his cheeks.

He wanted her to love him as she always did with eternal devotion and unconditional acceptance. And this time he wanted to deserve her love.

He straightened up staring at the room in disgust. What was he doing? Wallowing in despair and pitying himself? He had promised himself that it would all stop, that this time he would be the man she deserves. And that man didn't dull his pain with scotch. He swallowed hard and lifted to see his hand. Grabbing a monogrammed handkerchief he wrapped his hand around it. Staring at the blood soaking it his mind slipped back to the past.

_The darkest thought you ever __had the worst thing that you ever do. I will stand by you through anything._

And she had- She stood by him through everything. And he had exploited it but it was time to change the promise. It was time to make a new promise.

_Every single thought that I ever have, every damn thing that I ever do, it will only be to make you happy, Blair._

…

Blair woke up strangely happy. For once the smile she wore at breakfast wasn't a fake one. Her birthday party was an awesome success. It had gone on till early hours of the morning and everyone was complimenting on how wonderful party it was. She was smiling because her parents, both set of them, were laughing together and her mother buttered Blair a croissant herself. Blair had gaped at her mother for a while before taking it and biting it tentatively.

Blair looked around and almost was grateful for the accident. It had in a curious way brought her family together. She remembered the warmth that she felt emanating from Cyrus, the pride in her mother's voice as she introduced Blair to her business associates and she realized that her parents loved her. Blair felt safe, safer than ever. She had everyone she wanted in her life while previously she only had Serena. Her smile disappeared when she thought of her best friend and her face as she left the party. Her phone rang. It was Prince Louis.

"Good morning Your Highness" Blair teased

"Blair..." he said with his adorable accent "I hope I didn't wake you up. You must have slept really late last night"

"The same applies to you. You were one of my last guests. I can't believe you stayed back for a round of truth or dare that Penelope very juvenilely suggested. "Blair said immediately realizing how childish it must have seemed to him. She cursed herself for not stopping Penelope "But you must realize that my parties usually aren't this way. We don't always do those juvenile things..."

Louis chuckled "I loved it, Blair. I felt so normal after so long. I have never had time to be juvenile or immature and so last night was like a get-away to my non-existent childhood. Anyway I was hoping we could meet today for dinner?"

"Of course" she said beaming when a sudden thought entered her mind. Jacqueline Wade, the owner of W publications threw an annual masquerade party for the crème of the UES. She imagined the look on everyone's face if she walked in with a Prince. "I am actually going over to this masquerade ball and I guess we could go together..." she shyly suggested

Louis chuckled softly "It would my pleasure."

She was going on a date with a Prince- a real Prince. She hung up and rushed to stare at herself. She needed to look perfect. Dorota rushed in with a worried look on her face, carrying a dress bag.

Blair stared at her expression with narrowed eyes.

"What is it? Don't tell me my dress for Jacqueline's Masquerade party has been tortured by the cleaners" she snapped at her maid.

Dorota swallowed hard. "No Miss Blair- The dress is good. But I saw on Gossip Girl that Jacqueline supposed to wear same dress ..."

Blair gasped. She quickly checked Gossip Girl and stood up "This is a disaster. There is no way in hell I will walk into the damned party as Miss J's doppelganger. We have a few hours and we need the perfect dress. Call in the resources. Tell my minions to hunt down every boutique for something exclusive. You and I are going to Vera Wang" Blair said very fast and scrambled to dress.

She rushed down the stairs almost colliding with Cyrus.

"Ho...Ho... Isn't this our very own Cinderella?" gushed the beaming man.

Blair smiled "Not at all Cyrus. Louis maybe a prince but I am no one's cinder girl"

"True, my girl! What is with the rush?"

"No dress for tonight's masquerade ball. I have only a few hours to get the perfect dress, get it fitted and ensure that Chuck has a matching bow tie..." she stopped suddenly, her feet hanging on the last step.

_Louis__... Not Chuck…._

Oh god! She had just asked Louis on a date without considering what Chuck would say. She shouldn't be going out with Louis while she and Chuck were...what exactly? What were she and Chuck? Would he be hurt when he found out that she was taking Louis as her date? Would he make a scene? Blair scowled. He had no right to- She had made it very clear that their relationship wasn't about love. They weren't dating and he never asked her to be his girlfriend. On the other hand he might be totally nonchalant about this. After all he was Chuck Bass. Surprisingly the thought clenched her heart. He had to care, didn't he? He would care... It was in the way he looked at her, the way he held her as though she was too precious, the way he said her name in reverence…

"Miss Blair… I called everyone. We ready to go" Dorota said snapping Blair back to her senses. Blair nodded and bid Cyrus a goodbye. She had sat down in her limo when her mind started churning again.

…

**On the morning of the most awaited masquerade ball of the season I close the poll on: Who will be Serena's next? ****Looks like Serena doesn't want to choose. Maybe she wants both the cake and the donut. We suppose they are both delicious in their own way, huh S? Or are you too busy trying to become best-ies with Queen B to care nothing about it? Speaking of Queen B-we hear she had a mystery guest! Way to go B! Meeting your Prince Charming is way sweeter is your prince charming is actually royalty! But what of C... Looks like the quest to the Queen's heart failed miserably. Poor C- I would say don't give up. I suppose that calls for a new poll. Who do you think Queen B should be with? King C or Prince L?**

King C or Prince L –

The question seemed to waving around in her brain all day and if she knew anything about the UES everyone was desperately waiting for her to arrive to see who she arrived with. While she loved being the centre of attention and one of the main motivations of asking Louis to be her date was the favorable attention and press it would get her, she found herself oddly reluctant to exit the limo she was riding. She was sitting across Louis who was amusing her with regal stories of his childhood. She was smiling at him but her mind was far away. She felt oddly guilty at bringing Louis as her date and a matter of her wished she had called Chuck and talked to him. It felt too awful to just not call him today when yesterday she was being so close to him. They were on the verge of building something new as she learned of her past. She felt there was something joining them as they interacted now and he seemed to care so much about her.

But then she had made sure he knew that they were nothing. She wasn't cheating on him, she told herself. This isn't cheating. And it's not like Chuck is sitting around moping for her. He was probably busy himself. Not only he left the party early, he never called her today. He probably found some new amusement. An icy knife cut through her as she imagined him entangled with a glorious blonde. She felt suddenly sick.

_She was standing on the __side; her fists clenched shut watching as he lovingly spoke her name._

"_I am pleased to inaugurate the Eva Louviere Foundation..."_

_She hated it- the way his hand slid across her waist, the way her blonde hair contrasted with his, the way he smiled at her- Not smirk but smile. He wasn't Chuck Bass with her. He wasn't Chuck Bass with her._

_You are just upset that I have changed and the woman who changed me isn't you_

_Something broke within her. "If you really believe that, then you have truly changed because now you are nothing but a fool"_

"Blair..." a voice said gently next to her. She slowly blinked her eyes. She was sitting in a limo with Louis driving to the masquerade ball. She wasn't anywhere else.

"Are you alright?" he said running a soothing hand across her cheeks

She nodded meekly "I am fine, Louis. I was just thinking…Please go on..."

He nodded, picking up where he left. Blair smiled at him but inwardly she scowled. She didn't know what triggered the flash but the implications were clear. She never thought she cared a button for the French floozy but apparently it killed her to see Eva with Chuck. She almost gasped as she realized the pain she felt when she saw with him and he paraded the French trash proudly around her. Suddenly all guilty feelings flew away from her mind. The limo stopped and Louis sighed as he offered her his hand.

"Ready to be accosted by the eager press?" he asked with an impish grin

She felt her heart soften at the grin and smiled back almost triumphantly "Most definitely"

The press, the over-eager staff of W and the distinguished guests of Jacqueline were almost fawning over her and her prince as she entered. Jacqueline was hinting very clearly that she wanted an exclusive interview with both Blair and the prince. Blair eyed her dress almost critically. She was wearing the same emerald green dress embellished with rich silver embroidery that Blair was supposed to be wearing. Inwardly Blair was happy to see that her backless purple gown was infinitely more beautiful than hers. She chose a pure silver mask to cover her face. However the masks were of no use. Everyone knew who they were and somehow that made Blair happier.

Louis was once again trying to politely get across the point to Jacqueline that he wasn't interested in any interviews or interactions with the press when she saw him. Chuck was, as always standing a little away from the crowd. He was dressed in a dark suit, a bowtie with the exact same shade of purple as her dress and his mask was flung away somewhere. She couldn't see what he had chosen but she knew what he should have worn. The mask of devil... He looked like the devil reincarnate as his eyes met hers across the room. A gorgeous, sinfully wicked reincarnate of devil... She shivered slightly as he mockingly raised a glass towards her.

He looked so smug that she wanted to smash the glass on his head and yet as she turned back to the conversation she could see a painful vulnerable look on his face. It pulled at her heart even when she laughed at something Louis said. She walked around with Louis but her senses remained highly attuned to Chuck. It was as though she left a part of her with him. It made no sense that he could affect her this way. It had something to with their past, the past that she didn't remember, the past which was painful, the past that would make her hate him and she didn't know the past. She didn't know their story. And yet she felt the connection.

She did say that they had no strings attached. But there were strings pulling at her even now. She shook her head trying to concentrate on the party, on Louis but it seemed impossible.

"I am looking forward to Eleanor's new line. She has such impeccable sense of fashion. I always adore her. It is a pity she couldn't come today..." Jacqueline was saying to Blair

Blair smiled "She flew out after lunch to Paris for some urgent business. She really wanted to come but I suppose…"

"Blair..." came a very familiar voice from her side. Blair wanted to scream as she saw her ex-best friend dressed in an icy blue dress and a golden mask appear at her side.

"Serena, it is good to see you" Louis said with his natural charm. Serena smiled back at him and Jacqueline. "It's good to see you too. I was hoping to steal your date for a few minutes"

Louis laughed "But of course"

Rather than make a scene, Blair allowed Serena to drag her to a side.

"Is this your new thing? Accosting me at public events?" she said as Serena pulled her into an empty corridor.

Serena pulled off her mask slowly and smiled, ignoring the venomous glare Blair was directing at her "You've no idea how happy I am to see that you came with Louis"

"Oh! Really" Blair said with mock excitement "The ambition of my life fulfilled because apparently all I want to do is make you happy"

Serena sighed, hating the icy glare that B was giving her. They had fought so many times but they always found their way back. This time she felt a wall between them, something that prevented her from reaching her best friend "I know you hate me..." she began softly

"Congratulations"! Came the answer

"I know... I wasn't a good best friend" Serena continued as though she hadn't spoken "I was always immersed in my world to know if you needed help... You were always the stronger one, the one that pulled us through every bloody time. When you were in that coma I realized that you were the only constant in my life. Without you my life is a blubbering mess. You are my sister, B. You are my rock and... I...I miss you" she stopped taking a deep breath

Blair felt herself swallowing a lump. She couldn't help it. This was S- her best friend, the girl who had held her hair back as she made herself sick. The girl, who waited outside the doctor's door when she had her therapy sessions, and she missed that girl...

"I made a mistake, B. I felt horrible about it. I was drunk and stupid. But you have made me suffer for it…I am sorry about Nate..." she continued.

The moment she said the name, it all became clear in B's mind. Yes this was S-the girl who stole her limelight and always made her feel second-best. The girl-who was the apple of her mother's eye and was always preferred by Nate. She was the one who stole everything B wanted with a single smile.

"I love you, B and I miss you. Please don't throw this out..." she finished

Years of resentment and jealousy poured out of Blair in that moment. "You might miss me S but I don't. I don't miss being the invisible one when I stand next you. I don't miss the person who takes everything away from me."

Serena gasped "Blair...please...You aren't being fair. I am trying my best here..."

"Well don't. There is nothing here to salvage. I am much better off without you in my life. I suggest you stop trying to make me like you and go fuck whoever you are fucking nowadays" she replied haughtily ignoring the pang in her heart.

"You know what? Maybe I will. Have a good life" snapped Serena red-faced

"You too" she replied sweetly

She watched as Serena walked away, her perfect façade falling away. It hurt to see her walk away but a part of her was pleased. Serena was nothing but a thorn in her way, an obstacle which intentionally or unintentionally ensured that she never got what she wanted. She heard someone next behind her and she rearranged her perfect society smile.

"You really think you're doing the right thing?" Chuck asked gently.

She closed her eyes as his breath caressed her neck. She took a deep breath and turning around.

"What are you doing here?"

"Stalking you" he said matter-of-factly. He stared at her watching her narrowed eyes and said "You seem to have acquired a very interesting birthday present"

Blair smiled "Yes thank you. I am enjoying it very thoroughly."

"Really?" he asked, his eyes flaring up "Because I didn't think tall, yawn-inducing and pedestrian was your type"

Blair gaped at him "Pedestrian? He is a prince!" she said indignantly

"Ah!" he said with a superior air. "There lies the attraction"

Blair scoffed loudly "Have you any idea how desperately jealous you sound?"

There was a silence and then he moved forward. His jaw was clenched and his eyes flashed dangerously "Why didn't you call me?"

Blair swallowed an unreasonable fear rising within her but stood her ground "Why didn't you?"

He looked unsure for a moment before saying desperately "I was waiting for you to call first"

"And I was waiting for _you_ to call" she retorted in the same tone.

They burst out laughing. Chuck shrugged "You have to forgive me. I don't have much experience with calling girls the morning after and... And I thought you were busy with Frenchie" he added ruefully.

It was his pronunciation of the word that made her remember. "Well we both seem to appreciate the French culture"

He blanched but his eyes looked almost hopeful "What are you saying?"

She shrugged, trying to maintain a nonchalant attitude "Well you keep on saying how much we were in love and all that but somehow never managed to explain the existence of the French floozy in your life"

He closed his eyes "I met Eva after... after we broke up"

"And proudly paraded her in our circles?" She asked in a would-be casual voice

"I wasn't thinking about you. I was only thinking about myself and how Eva made the pain seem a little less" he whispered

Blair looked up, a knot within her untwisting. He was in pain. He was on the rebound from the pain their break-up caused him.

"So she was your rebound-girl?"

He shook his head grimly "More of a survival tactic. I didn't know how to be without you and so I allowed myself to become someone else"

It was as though her mind had sworn to remember everything about Chuck Bass because the phrase came unbidden to her mind.

_I 'm not Chuck Bass without you_

Hardly aware of what she doing she whispered as though in a daze "You are Chuck Bass without me"

His returning smile was dazzling "And I never will be"

They stood there standing in the dimly lit corridor and for once she felt much more sexual tension. She felt the cracks without seeing them. She felt the love without knowing it.

He broke the silence suddenly "Can I come see you tonight?"

Without thinking she nodded.

…

There was something different about tonight. Unlike the nights she passed in his arms making feverishly passionate love or the ones where they fought like foes meeting in a battlefield. Tonight there was a camaraderie in the air and yet not. It was like the last broken note of Beethoven's symphony. It was a night where Blair sat listening to awe to what seemed likes a love story written by a poignantly emphatic writer but was indeed her own life.

She had left Chuck and rejoined Louis after their conversation. She never once even looked at Chuck's direction thereafter but she felt his presence. She didn't acknowledge it for she knew it would offend Louis and she had no wish to offend a prince who seemed so very interested in her. Louis was so good to her. His smiles made her heart jump a little, she knew she was attracted to him but it didn't change the fact that something much more powerful engulfed her heart throughout the party. She yearned for someone; she felt an all-consuming towards Chuck. So much so that when at the end of the party, Louis leaned for a kiss, she found herself backtracking and kissing him lightly on the cheek.

She returned home and undressed in anticipation. He had arrived moments later and unlike normal times she didn't throw herself at him nor did he make a move. Instead he sat on the edge of her bed, his jacket thrown across the bed and his bowtie undone. His light lavender dress shirt rolled to reveal his forearms. She sat cross-legged against the headboard with a pillow clutched to her chest.

"So it took you one whole year to say those words?" she asked finally

He looked slightly uncomfortable. "Well... yeah!"

"That is cruel" she said shaking her head "You should have said it the moment I asked you"

"Then you shouldn't have brought Lord Marcus" he replied slowly

"And you shouldn't have abandoned me in Tuscany..." she said casually. She supposed she should be angry but somehow she understood Chuck and his emotions. She knew the cynical bad boy she grew up with and she knew the walls that he kept against him. Hence she understood how difficult it must have been for him to break those walls and let her in.

"I...I was scared. I was scared that you would see the real me and run away." He said vulnerably

Blair's heart clenched and she suddenly felt angry at Bart. The man had ensured that Chuck believed no one could love him. She wanted to reassure him but he continued before she could speak.

"You once called me a coward and you were right. Every single time I found an excuse to not say those words because I was always scared. Scared that you won't say it back, scared that once I say those words I would be totally vulnerable to your actions, scared that if we did become a couple I would mess up and we…" he stopped suddenly. His eyes turned glassy "And I would lose you for good"

"But you didn't..." she said sweetly trying to change the mood of the evening to a lighter tone.

He picked up what she was trying to do and nodded but seemed unable to say anything. Blair laughed.

"Chuck Bass what has happened to you?"

He grinned "I 'm whipped"

Her heart skipped a beat and she looked down. His phone rang and he checked the caller ID.

"Why is Lily calling me so late?" he wondered aloud. Blair cast a glance at her clock. It was around 3 am.

"Hello...Yes... I... WHAT?" he cried suddenly. Blair looked up at his frantic expression, a premonition of impending doom coming to her. "Of course... yea... I... we will right there"

"What happened?" she asked

He stared at her, moving closer. "Blair, its Serena... She is in hospital."

…

**Another LONG chapter…. In case you are wondering Blair doesn't know of any of the events that happened after they became a couple yet****... They were getting there when they were interrupted by the call.**

**Once again a huge thank you to my reviewers- Chair fan and RF –thank you for your support.****.. I can't seem to reply to your reviews so there you go.**

**Please let me know what you think. I would like to know whether the story is moving in the right direction and do you think Chuck is doing the right thing? **


	22. Chapter 22

**A.N: First of all thank you for the reviews. It usually enables me whether I am in the right direction or not. I am really sorry for being unable to reply individually to your reviews but I promise to do so soon. I would like to thank Mary88 for her constant support and love for the story. And ****Queen B-my most consistent reviewer**

**This chapter isn't my best effort because I wrote it when I was having high temperature. So judge me too harshly.**

…

_I made a mistake, B. I felt horrible about it. I was drunk and stupid. _

The words echoed around in her mind as though Serena was sitting next to her limo pleading with her. Blair could see her best friend's face as she pleaded for another chance. Her heart clenched as she realized that it could be the last time she would see Serena's face. No! No! She wouldn't allow herself to even entertain the thought. Blindly she reached for Chuck's hand across the leather seats and relaxed slightly as he gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"She will be fine, Blair" Chuck said with forced calmness.

She nodded without thinking as she thought of what she had learned in the last few minutes. Lily had informed them that someone had called 911 from a cheap motel in Brooklyn saying that he had a blond guest who had collapsed in the reception from apparent drug use. Blair had only begun to doubt the story, looking for loopholes or possible schemes when Gossip Girl had ended the suspense. She posted a picture of Serena doing drugs and everything had fallen into place.

_You are my sister, B. You are my rock_

Blair fought back tears as she realized that she unknowingly had pushed Serena to the brink.

"She should have come to me..." she said suddenly causing Chuck to look around at her. "No matter what happens between us, she knows she can always come to me, doesn't she?" She looked at Chuck with a child-like desperation for reassurance.

He nodded firmly "She knows you will always be there for her."

_I don't miss the person who takes everything away from me_

"But-but what if she came to me and I turned her away..." she trailed off sniffing

"No," Chuck said firmly "It isn't your fault"

The limo jerked to a stop and they both scrambled out. They reached the Emergency entrance and immediately found the Van der Woodson-Humphreys. Dan and Eric were standing worriedly at the corner whereas Lily sat holding Rufus' hands. As opposed to the last time they were all together none of the Humphreys objected to Chuck's presence and he immediately hugged Lily.

"How is she?" Blair asked as Lily reached for her.

"They say she is stable now, though they are pumping her stomach. She over dosed…" Lily closed her eyes and began again "I don't understand this girl... why would she... do this?"

Rufus made her sit down and they all began their vigil. Chuck sat broodingly at Lily's side while Dan paced around. Blair stared at them all, so united in grief. She was hurting too, but a part of her was still feeling very guilty. Serena never overdosed before because Blair saved her but this time…

_You were the only constant in my life_

Serena's earnest voice cut through her numbness. Had she really pushed her best friend away for petty jealousies? She stood up and Chuck looked at her.

"I need some fresh air..." she whispered and walked out.

She walked out having enough of the gloomy atmosphere and the smell of anti-septic surrounding them. So she went to stand just outside the reception, in the open air. It was a cold night and the wind beat down on her. She stared unseeing at the entrance gate while her mind flitted through the memories of her yesteryears. Serena was an irreplaceable part of her life. Days of shopping, sitting through marathons of Audrey Hepburn movies and nights of endless giggling came to her mind. The firm but gentle grip that her best friend had on her arm when she escorted Blair to her therapy sessions for bulimia came to her mind and her eyes swam with tears.

A loud ambulance siren shook her out of her reverie and she stared as the hospital staff rustled out.

"Move please, miss" a male nurse shouted as he raced out with a stretcher.

"_Move away from her__... Move away…" _

_The voice felt a thousand miles away. All she could feel was the incessant pounding of her heart and deep burning ache on her head. Something dribbled down her chin and blackness descended. From the darkest pit on her consciousness she felt herself cry out: "Chuck…"_

_She felt gentle hands on her before a voice whispered "You are safe. We are taking you to the hospital..."_

_Pain against pain...Once again she cried out "Chuck… please…"_

"_Blood__ pressure…."_

_**No limits**_

_She was in pain__...He was in pain… His eyes were making her ache. She didn't hurt Chuck... She held him together when he was hurt…._

"Miss... Miss... Are you alright..?" The words popped in her head before her head swam again.

_Voices-unknown and unseen –murmured around her as pain beyond anything she had ever known made her want to scream. But she couldn't scream, she couldn't whisper…_

_**How can I love you after all you did?**_

_Chuck__... She wanted to scream but her mind was trapped and she couldn't move. She would always love him- always …_

"_Her__ heartbeat is escalating…"_

_Images raced through her mind… always the same face... Brown hair... hazel eyes... a smirk... a smile..._

_**The best thing that ever happened….**_

"_She__ is going into shock…"_

She felt the impact of a sudden fall, her arm bruising. The ward boy immediately called out "We have a situation here..."

"_She is critical….." _

_Pain beyond pain…Soft hands touching her head as the world moved… _

"_Chuck__…" _

"Blair…." Came the sudden shout

Her eyes rolled back before she lost consciousness in the arms of Chuck Bass

_**All I ever did was love you…**_

…

It felt unreal to be standing here once again. His heart was on the verge of bursting out. He stood with his fists clenched, paining his bruised hand. His eyes were fixed at the door behind which lay the love of his life-the reason for his existence-Blair Cornelia Waldorf.

He clenched his jaw as he remembered her tiny form lying crumpled on the entrance. The contortion of pain on her face as she lost consciousness was the image that was stuck with her. She would be fine; she had to be fine… She didn't deserve it. He should have never let her alone... He should have never let her walk away… She was clearly scared but once again he had failed in protecting her.

"Chuck, there you are..."

It was Nate.

Chuck looked away. Nate sighed "What are you doing here? Lily is looking for you. Serena is conscious…"

"Blair is not..." Chuck managed to say

"What?"

Chuck looked around frantically "She fainted outside... few minutes ago... and they took her and ... me ... I don't know... They…" he finished helplessly.

He felt a hand on his shoulder as Nate sat next to him. "Did you call Mr. Waldorf or Mr. Rose?"

Chuck stared at him unable to think "I...I... She just fainted.." he repeated, his mind unable to take anything more. Nate looked at him in pity.

"She will be fine... Pull yourself together man." He said getting up.

Chuck groaned. Nate was right. He needed to be able to think but he couldn't. He just couldn't get the image out of his mind.

"Mr. Bass…" called a professional voice. He looked up at the face of Elizabeth Brennan. The woman who he had insulted so many times...Staring at her face was like a nightmare.

"How is she?"

"Mr. Bass you are bleeding..." she said. He looked down staring at the dark red smudge on the wall he was standing next to. He looked down at his hand which was dripping with blood. Then he impatiently barked out "How is she?"

Dr. Brennan stared at him with inscrutable eyes and nodded finally "She is fine. The scans show no reasons for worry…"

"But she fainted…" he interrupted rudely "Why would she…"

_God he was losing it__..._

She smiled kindly "She was stressed. The anxiety over Serena's health coupled with the fact that it was vaguely similar to what happened to her... I am sure Dr. Croft would work with her on that. But presently she is in no danger…"

He almost collapsed on the floor with relief.

"Is she conscious?"

"She is but she needs her rest. I would advise against talking to her now" Elizabeth said and smiled slowly "Please have someone take care of that."

He nodded vaguely, moving away from her and fixing his eyes on the brunette lying on the bed.

"She will be alright, Chuck..." was the gentle reassurance of the blonde doctor.

He nodded gratefully. "Thank you..." he said sincerely

She looked taken-aback by his intensity.

"Thank you for saving her life..." he said realizing that he never really thanked her all those months ago.

_Thank you for saving my life._

…..

The smell of anti-septic filled her nostrils before she even stirred. She scowled as she realized that she was back to the hospital. She felt someone stir next to her and opened her eyes. Familiar brown eyes looked deep into hers.

"Waldorf..." he said with a smile

Something was rising within her as she saw the smile. Images, vision, blurs of figures passed through her head making no sense and yet making so much sense. Suddenly she didn't want to see him.

"How is Serena?" she asked politely

His smile disappeared but he nodded. "She is fine. She wants to see you. Let me send her in." He stood up and placed a soft kiss against her forehead before walking out. She watched his retreating figure with peculiar emotions. She closed her eyes, not wanting to think or understand.

Yet that was where the problem rose. It was with closed eyes that she saw what was and when she opened her eyes she was what it is but nothing made sense anymore. And she was exhausted and for once she didn't want to fight the exhaustion.

The door creaked open and she opened her eyes. Serena was sitting on a wheelchair with a worried expression on her face. Her hair was limp but her eyes were over bright.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be hooked to an IV?" Blair asked

Serena nodded "When I heard about you ... I...I ...I thought you had relapsed and I... I couldn't…"

Blair smiled at her "I am fine, S. They said I passed out from over-exertion. You are the one who needs to be taken care of, right now"

Serena shrugged. "I brought my IV." She looked up at the IV stand on her wheelchair and they burst out laughing.

"We also match" Serena added, as she pointed at the pink hospital gowns they both wore.

"Ugh... Did you imagine that the first time we will be wearing matching outfits it won't be Gucci?" Blair said in horror

"Well you never know. They might be Gucci but just not their finest creation" Serena said impishly.

Suddenly the reality of it caught on with Blair. She reached out and clutched her best friend's hand.

"What happened?" She asked slowly "Why did you do it?"

"I don't know, B. I don't remember doing drugs. I don't remember being in that motel. I just remember going to the bar at the Palace hotel...I..." she trailed off and then a hardened expression took on her face "But it must have been me. I saw the Gossip Girl blast but... I don't remember…"

"You need help, S" Blair said gently

"I know. Mom wants me to go to Ostroff Centre and I am thinking that it is a good idea..." Serena mumbled slowly

Blair nodded. "I think so too..."

"I just wanted to make sure you are fine before I... get admitted." She said

Blair squeezed her hand "I am fine, Serena. You take care of yourself..."

Serena stared hopefully at her best friend and her blue eyes swam with tears. She so desperately wanted to hug her friend but she knew that it could be unwelcome. She didn't want to push Blair but she couldn't just go off to Ostroff Center without knowing where she stood with Blair.

"And we are okay?" she said softly

Blair smiled her eyes warm. "Didn't you say that I am the only constant factor in your life, Miss Serena van der Woodson? You can ditch boys out of your life easily but I am not that easily ejected..."

"Oh B! I missed you. I missed you so much…"

Blair nodded, her eyes wet. "I missed you too, S. I 'm here... But we both need to sort out some issues..."

Serena was unsure as to what she meant but she nodded along. The door creaked open and a nurse entered.

"Miss van der Woodson, you need to get back to your cabin" she said firmly. Serena rolled her eyes when she came to stand behind her and maneuver the wheelchair.

"I will see you later, B"

Blair nodded." Don't worry S. We will get through this"

Serena sighed happily. It was going to be fine. Half an hour ago the thought of Ostroff Center was terrifying to her but now that she had Blair Waldorf back by her side, everything seemed slightly better. She could get through this if Blair held her through it all and if Dan… she frowned wondering if Dan would be willing to guide her through it. He was, after all, quite judgmental about things he didn't understand and she wondered if he would…

"Serena…" Blair called softly.

Serena looked back "B…"

Blair's face was a carefully constructed mask but her eyes were frantic. "You wanted to tell me something about Chuck. What was it?"

Serena's smile disappeared. She stared at her best friend –the words she spoke a few months ago- echoing through her mind._ You were my best friend... You are supposed to protect me. Have I ever stopped protecting you?_

She should tell Blair that Chuck was a scumbag unworthy of being trusted and that he had used Blair in the worst sense of the word. She should tell her about Jenny, Eva and Jack- she cringed at the thought. Her eyes sought Blair's and she faltered. The Blair Waldorf staring at her was strong and whole. She might be in pain but she wasn't broken.

_They say it's a broken heart but it hurts everywhere_

This was Blair Waldorf at her finest form but beneath the brown orbs staring at her was a vulnerable woman who was hoping for a sign of reassurance that she was making the right decision. Serena couldn't give her that but she couldn't break her as well. She couldn't tell her best friend that the man she had kept by her side learning her past was wrong for her. Telling bitter truths was not Serena's forte- She never managed to tell her best friend that Nate might be interested in Serena during those years. She just chose to ignore the warning signs. It made her life easier.

Serena wasn't Blair so she said what she could say. "Nothing important..."

Blair nodded thoughtfully as Serena was wheeled out. She saw Harold walk in but her mind screamed at her. She realized that she had made the wrong decision. Blair needed to know. She needed to know, now before she attached herself excessively to that mother-chucker. But once again Serena had failed – failed to do the needful because she wasn't strong enough.

She clenched her fist when she saw Chuck walking towards Blair's door. She grabbed his wrist as he made to pass her.

"We need to talk Chuck..." she barked out.

"I need to see Blair..." he said equally firmly.

Serena shook her head. "Trust me; you need to see me first"

She felt a sense of vindication when his eyes panicked.

…..

"You told her?"

He asked the question the moment the nurse walked out. Serena leaned back on the pillows and glared at her step-brother. From a very early age Serena disliked Chuck. He was too dark and too dangerous for her to like him. Yes- she enjoyed the fact that there was someone wilder than she was. And that he always had a strong supply of drugs and drinks with him whenever she and Georgina needed to crash somewhere. But deep down her didn't like the man- Chuck Bass- so when she came back from Connecticut she made sure that she veered clear of him but that had been impossible. For then he had done the impossible He had made Blair Waldorf charmed by his side.

There were many times she wished that she was there to prevent the Chuck-Blair dynamic from happening; precisely every single time he hurt her. But unknowingly she grew fond of the cynical brunette because he held the key to her best friend's heart. But now she knew that she had been wrong. She should have stopped Blair long before she became entangled into the complicated emotional web that surrounded Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck.

_All summer I have acted like I am okay__... but I am not. And I really need my best friend._

"Did you sleep with her?" she asked with clenched teeth

He raised his eyebrow as though honestly surprised by her question.

"You selfish swine... How could you? How can you manipulate her into a relationship by taking advantage of the fact that she lost her memory?" she lashed out instinctively

Chuck blanched "I didn't manipulate her. I am going to tell her...I just don't think it's any of your business..."

"You are going to tell her? When? When you had your fill of her..." she said angrily curling her fists.

"Don't speak of her like that. Nobody understands what we have. Least of you, sis" he said smacking the feet of her bed

She stared at the hand and gasped. He was still bleeding. She looked up from his hand to his face. His jaw was clenched and his eyes looked wild.

"I... I... Nobody can understand what she means to me.." he said with clenched teeth.

Serena looked at him and for once could see that the man before her was hurting, probably hurting more than her best friend. This was Chuck she had glimpsed before

"No, I don't. I don't understand you... Chuck..." she said finally "I saw you with her. I heard you say those three words to her and I don't understand how that Chuck who was willing to do anything for my best friend sold her for a stupid hotel..."

His eyes flashed upon her and he shook his head. "Serena… please…"

Maybe she was naïve or stupid or maybe he was a damn good actor but somehow he made the fight run out of her. But the determined wish to protect her best friend remained strong.

"Don't you think she deserves to know? Chuck?" she said slowly. "Don't you think that she needs to make a choice only after she knows the truth? Do you really think you can build a relationship based on a lie?"

"I will tell her..." he said gruffly before exiting.

"_I will tell her…" six year old Chuck said. Serena threw back her shiny hair and pouted at the two friends sitting before her. Nate was nervously pacing the playroom while Chuck eyed Serena with too wise eyes._

"_We__ will tell her..." he revised "Just not now. Don't go blabbing to her now"_

_Serena snorted "B is my friend and I am not going to lie to her. If you two broke her favorite hair band you have to tell her. She is already going crazy looking for it everywhere..."_

_Nate looked like he would rather jump on a cliff while Chuck still eyed her speculatively. Serena threw her hands up in exasperation._

"_I__ don't understand. Why is the problem?"_

"_She__ will kill me..." Nate said gulping hard. Serena rolled her eyes trying to explain that it was unlikely that she would actually kill him, beat him to pulp was a greater possibility. Between her explanations and his predictions Nate didn't realize that Chuck had answered the question. But Serena had heard the mumbling response._

"_Or worse she would hate me..." _

Serena leaned back and felt herself cry. She cried for herself, her best friend and her cynical step-brother. Why was life so complicated?

Maybe Chuck was right.

_Maybe happiness was not on the menu._

…**..**

**So the question is whether B remembers or not- and if she does what does she remember. I know the way I was advised against with Serena-Blair reconciliation but I hope you aren't disappointed.**

**R&R**


	23. Chapter 23

Everything is perfect.

Just perfect, not a thing out of place...

Everything is perfect. Like the pond in which her favorite ducks swim on. Crystal clear, blue and perfect- Like the flower-print dress she had put on. Beautiful print, well-ironed and completely wrinkle free.

Everything was perfect. Because it wasn't like her life was basically a mystery to her and that she woke up in the middle of the night and wondering why on earth she was hurting. Blair Waldorf had rushed back home after being released by the doctors. Once home she manage to maintain her daily routine. She woke up early, ate healthy, and talked with her parents, Chuck and Louis. She visited Serena at Ostroff Centre and she never missed one appointment with Steve. Her medications were duly taken and she went everywhere with a perfect smile.

It was only when she was alone and had no one to enact a movie for that the whimpers and shudders came. Steve had been very quick to pick up the signs that she wasn't telling something and Blair had very easily opened up to him. It was a relief to talk to someone. She was sick of the recurring dreams which were even more vivid now. In the aftermath of the dreams she lay staring at the ceiling and her mind glued down the puzzles. Chuck- it all boiled down to Chuck Bass.

The sour-mouthed boy she had met at six and both despised and liked for the next ten years was the key. In the last few days she had realized that as she went through the worst ordeal of life and as the doctors had examined, operated and treated her she had only cried for one person: Chuck.

The thought made her shiver. She had been coming to terms to the fact that Chuck and she were in love. She could even see what attracted her to Chuck. But the slivers of memories made her realize how much she loved Chuck and how much she yearned for him in those moments. And in the heels of that realization she understood that Chuck Bass meant everything to her.

While the romantic in her appreciated the statement she was no fool. She knew that the story –whatever it was- didn't end happily. It didn't end with a long overdue I love you in front of the limo. There was more to the story.

_Our __story is not a fairytale_

It was no fairytale and she knew that now. The tears that had flowed from her eyes and the pain that she had felt maybe faded memories but they were there. And she knew that though he had loved her, he had hurt her badly….very badly. It was one reason she didn't broach the subject with Chuck, though it had been three days, since that day in the hospital. They kept their discussion to neutral subjects and whenever he tried to bring up their past she dodged the subject. It wasn't because she didn't want to know- it was because she was afraid of knowing. Being with Chuck was like watching Breakfast with Tiffany's with Audrey herself (not that she would ever tell him that) and she didn't want to sour the thing that made her most happy.

But the thoughts crept in. He had slept with Jenny. Serena had told her months ago and that time all she thought was it was expected from Chuck Bass but now she wondered when was it that it happened. Was it when they were dating? Did he cheat on her? The thought cut her heart- Could he, being in love with her as he was, not remain faithful to her?

She was scared to find out.

"But you need to know..." Steve had emphasized I their last session. "I understand that you are trying to protect yourself but you have to face the truth someday and if you suppress it too long, it would hurt more. Acceptance is the only way to recovery. But, you don't even know what to accept"

Blair sighed and stared at the last message she had sent Chuck.

_Humphrey believes that there is more to S's drug abuse than it appears. Need Palace's surveillance __video from that night-B_

She needed to talk to him, she decided. As she was about to text him again Dorota announced that Louis was there to see her. Blair smiled and straightened her dress before walking down. She and Louis have been meeting as friends very frequently and she could see he wanted to take things to the next level. That is when Blair usually changed the subject or looked for a diversion.

"Louis..." she beamed as she saw him.

He laughed at her cheery greeting. "I brought flowers for the invalid" He brought forward the dark pink peonies and Blair smiled.

"I am no longer an invalid."

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear that." He warmly took Blair's hand and kissed them.

"We need to talk, Blair..."

Blair nodded, a little unsure as how to react.

"I like you, Blair. I liked you a lot." He said somberly

"I like you too, Louis" Blair replied truthfully. She liked the boyish charm and the gentlemanly demeanor that Louis possessed. His compliments made her feel like a little girl.

He looked pleased at her reaction "I know that you like being with me, Blair. But I know something is pulling you away from me…" he trailed off

Blair began to placate him but he interrupted her.

"I came here for you, Blair. Because I had to see you again... After you left I spent the entire summer thinking of you. I kept assuming that it would go away- this constant need to see you- but when it didn't. I came to find you..." he finished

Blair ducked her face down. She didn't know how to react. A part of her was melting at his words and she wanted to lean down and kiss him. But she couldn't because a stronger more dominating part of her was focused on Chuck.

"Louis... I... don't know what to say..."

"I came here to know you better and the more I know you, the more I get attached. But you are not where I am. You are always holding yourself back." Blair blanched and Louis smiled kindly

"I know it's harder for you, Blair especially because you have just gone through a memory loss. It must overwhelm you. But I want to know you more and I want to be more than just friends. I just want to know whether you feel the same or am I fighting a lost cause here?"

Blair stared at him, her heart skipping a beat. He was a prince- a handsome prince who looked at her with tenderness and longing. She imagined him courting her. She would be a household name with the tag possible princess- she would be a personal friend of the royal family of Monaco and she would have Louis- sweet, handsome and charming Louis. She imagined him tenderly kissing her. And suddenly all the images shattered and she could see was two dark brown eyes staring at her in horror.

She looked up at Louis.

"I... I need some time to think, Louis"

She would answer his question but before that she needed some answers.

…

_Don't you think she deserves to know?_

Chuck stared at swirling scotch in his hand as the words echoed through his mind. Ever since Serena had said them to him, all he could do was to mull them in his mind. There was of course only one answer to the question: that she deserved to know. But as he thought the question became more complex. Blair was only just remembering their past. She only understood the intricacies of their love relationship. Would she realize what actually happened that night? That though he had planned the entire scenario she had been unaware of his plans and had gone to Jack on her own. Would she understand that he had only dealt the unseemly bid because he believed in their love?

He was so lost in thought that he didn't hear the approaching footsteps and only looked up when she spoke up: "Chuck…"

He looked up. Blair was dressed in a dark brown knee length dress with an elaborate collar and louboutins. She looked slightly wary as she approached him so he smirked at her trying to put her at ease.

"I have the surveillance video, Waldorf. You won't like what it shows..." he said standing up

She folded her arms; her eyebrows furrowed "What?"

"It's Juliet. Looks like she was the one who dragged Serena out of Palace..."

" .. And hence landed her up in that cheap motel with drugs and pills surrounding her and no memory of the past few hours… It sounds suspicious. We need to find Juliet" Blair said, her eyes blazing at the thought of the stupid bitch who dared to hurt her best friend.

"My P.I is working on it." He replied smoothly. She nodded and looked suddenly unsure of herself. Chuck's heart clenched as he noticed the uncertainty in her eyes. She had been quite distant the last few days and he was suddenly worried.

"You have been busy lately ..." he remarked.

She shook her head "Not busy. I had some thinking to do..." She stood up and walked to the window staring out. Chuck stared at her with growing trepidation and slowly he made to follow her but her voice stopped him.

"Jenny…" she said

Chuck felt like he was having a heart attack. How did she know? Who had told her? He stared at her back unable to move when she turned. Her face was blank when she continued "You slept with her..."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

_He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that she was standing next to him. He had thought he would lose her forever. She would never come back to him. And since he knew how dark his days were without Blair, how his life meant nothing without her, he wanted to ensure that she would be there with him always._

"_I__ know I have hurt you, Blair. But I promise to make it up to you even if it takes the rest of my life…" Her face was confused and somehow that made everything better. "Blair Waldorf would you…"_

_The punch was on his face but the pain exploded in his heart. He could barely hear Blair's voice as she spoke to Humphrey. He only knew that this was it. That he had done it, he would finally lose Blair…He felt like he was dying. And then she turned to look at him: hope, love, trust and fear shining in her eyes._

"_You__ didn't..." _

_Yes...It was like dying a painful death. He could only say her name hoping she understood why it all had happened _

"_Blair__…"_

_And then the string snapped. The light died in her eyes. And Chuck suddenly wished he did too._

"_You did..."_

"Chuck…" she said gently, her eyes fixed on his face.

He wanted to rush forward and take her in his arms. He wanted to slip down on his knees and beg for forgiveness. Instead he spoke out his heart. "It meant nothing. She was nothing. I was on the verge of losing it and she was a momentary distraction from the pain. I thought you didn't love me anymore. I thought you were gone forever and I didn't give a damn as to whether I lived or died. .."

"You thought I didn't love you anymore?" she asked

He looked up desperately "Blair- you broke up with me. And I asked you to come and meet at the Empire State Building. I said that if you didn't show up by 7 I would close my heart to you forever. You didn't show up. Every single second that I stayed there post 7 made me want to jump off the building. I didn't know how to stop the pain and so when Jenny came…I didn't mean to Blair. I promise it meant nothing…" he could hear the sheer desperation in his voice but he couldn't care less. His heart was pounding and all he wanted was for a miracle to happen.

"You didn't cheat on me then?" she asked slowly "We were not a couple when it happened?"

He shook his head.

She sighed, her body relaxing in relief. She watched him as he stared hungrily at her taking hope from the fact that she was still here.

"You should have waited longer" she said softly

"I should have waited all night..."

She nodded "Maybe I should have texted you"

He shook his head wryly "That wouldn't be your style"

A ghost of a smile past her lips before she spoke "Chuck, I have been thinking a lot these past few days. I have been trying to make sense of my life- the past and the present. It has been difficult. When I woke up from the coma I suddenly realized that everything I had planned had gone awry. I didn't have Nate or Yale or even Serena. I didn't know what to do."

She stared at him pensively before continuing "Everything was murky. Everything was a blur. There was only one thing constant Chuck: You. Whether it be my conscious state where you tried to make me understand what we shared or my unconscious mind it was always you. You were in all my dreams. It was always you... I just never understood. Every flashback was about you, Chuck"

Chuck was mesmerized as she came closer. "I don't know when or how but I do have feelings for you, Chuck. I don't know why but no matter where I am or what I am doing you are always in my thoughts. It's like you are my world."

"_Your world would be much easier if I didn't come back" It was the most difficult he ever said but he had to say it._

"_True..."__ she said, her eyes bright with pain "But it wouldn't be my world without you"_

"I can't forgive you, Chuck. Not so easily but I can't run away as well." She continued "I want to learn the past but at the same time build a future..."

Chuck felt faint with relief. He wanted to rush and kiss her senseless and he knew he could actually do that. Curiously however, his mind had other ideas.

"What about Louis?" he blurted out without thinking

"I would talk to Louis later. I'll make him understand" she said shaking her head. He watched the slight grimace which she quickly hid. And he knew because he knew Blair like she didn't know herself.

"You like him…" It wasn't a question. It was a statement made with absolute certainty

"Not the way I like you…" she replied.

Blair lived to be a princess and Louis would make her one. How come she wasn't choosing him? She seemed to sense his thoughts because she moved forward at that. "You know, they say that a person's entire life flashes before their eyes before they die. But that didn't happen to me. All I saw was you…"

Suddenly Chuck couldn't breathe

_All I ever did was love you_

"I remember Chuck. Every single moment after being hit I thought of you, Chuck."

_He stood still, his jaws clenched and his eyes angry._

"_You did all this to Eva because you hate me? You wanted revenge Blair?"_

"_Chuck..."she began softly_

_He shook his head and began harshly_

"_This means war Blair- You versus me- No limits!"He finished harshly_

He closed his eyes trying to block the images but suddenly they came rushing into his mind. He remembered her eyes pleading with her _I love you so much it consumes me._ Her soft hands gently guiding him down the rooftop _so whatever you want to do to yourself, please don't do that to me. _Her beautiful smile as she whispered _I will always be there, Chuck. I will always be your family._

"And if that doesn't mean something, I don't know what does. Louis might be a prince but you and I shared a great love, Chuck- the sort that can't be forgotten"

_The accusation shining through her tears was striking home-right at his heart. He did gamble her in this game but as always he defended himself._

"_You went there on your own-"_

_The stinging slap had brought back the reality and the next words leaving her mouth had brought stark fear in him._

"_Goodbye Chuck_

Yes- they shared a great love. She loved him unconditionally and he exploited that love. Blair was wrong now. She had been right when she was six. He was no prince and Blair knew that .What she didn't know was that he was the monster in her fairytale.

_Blair wanted to be a princess, Chuck- she always wanted to be a princess and you made her prostitute herself_

"Chuck…" she said slowly walking towards him. He turned slowly watching her face as though memorizing it. She looked worried but she stood unwavering, unbroken. He suddenly wondered when he had last seen Blair so reassured and so confident of her. This Blair was strong, beautiful and powerful. Her eyes didn't look haunted. There was nothing broken about her.

_I don't like the person I have become with you._

This Blair had not seen his demons and fought them for him. This Blair hadn't spent months loving a broken soul who was too scared to say those words back to her. This Blair hadn't-

_She sold herself for a piece of property Chuck- for you_

He took her hand and kissed it, holding it against his cheek. "Blair, I traded you for the Empire"

Shocked silence followed that. She blinked thoroughly confused.

His mind screamed at him to stop. She didn't need to know this. If she knew she would never be his again. He could make sure that she would never know and hence she would always be his. But another part of his mind seemed adamant. He needed to do this. He needed to tell her. For once he needed to think of her and not of himself.

_Every single thought that I ever have, every damn thing that I ever do, it will only be to make you happy, Blair_

He made the promise he would keep it. It was her happiness that was of utmost priority.

"Don't you want to know why we broke up in the first place? It was because I traded you for the damn hotel..."

"What- what do you mean traded?" she asked standing back

"Jack took hold of the Empire. I was going to lose the hotel. I couldn't do that. The Empire was the symbol of what I was- that I wasn't a lazy worthless boy- It was the proof that my father was wrong and he took hold of it. I offered him money- anything and everything- but the fucking bastard only wanted the most precious thing in my life..."

He looked up. Blair was frozen staring at him with horrified eyes.

"He wanted you for a night…"

…..

**A/N: Yes! He finally ****said it. Now usually I am very cool with my reviewers. I never ask for them to review because I know that time is money. However this time I would ask for everyone who is reading the story to leave a review for**

**This is the scene on the basis of which I started this story**

**It's the most awaited twist of the story**

**It's the most difficult part **

**So do you think I was able to Chuck's emotions clear? What do you think of the scene? What would like B's reaction to be?**

**Please REVIEW!**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: This is one of the longest chapters of the story. It actually takes on immediately after the last chapter. I would like to thank the reviewers for encouraging me. There ****have been a lot of requests/thoughts/opinions on how B should react. I am posting the way I think she should react but I would love to know whether you thought B reacted the right way or was too OC. **

**Read and Enjoy.**

**And Review: D**

…

_He wanted you for a night_

Five words that seemed to say nothing and everything; Blair stared at Chuck unseeingly unable to process the five words in her head. She couldn't even blink. What was Chuck saying? It made no sense; it was utter nonsense to her.

She watched as an automaton as Chuck looked away from her eyes in shame "I don't know why I did it, Blair. I –I must have gone temporary insane, I don't know but I accepted it. I made a deal with him..."

Once again the words simply bounced off leaving no imprint of their meaning.

_Stop__...Stop...Please Chuck..._

"I didn't agree to…" she surprised herself by saying the words "When you asked... I didn't…"

Chuck swallowed hard and took her hand gently. Blair watched disinterestedly feeling numb to the world around her. She didn't even feel his touch.

"I didn't ask. You-you went up there on your own..." he replied

That is when the ringing started.

_You went up there on your own…_

A strange ringing filled her head with the words echoing around her head. She gasped inaudibly and images swirled around in her head: Chuck kissing her toes gently as his hands rubbed her aching legs, his dark brown eyes intense and tender as he said the three precious words, his voice raw with reverence as he called her Blair. And then it disappeared as the ringing continued.

_You went up there on your own…_

Chuck was still speaking but she couldn't hear him, she only saw the lips moving. Her mind was still utterly numb and nothing made sense. Nothing made sense. Except the nightmares...

_You were never enough- never good enough -he mocked_

_She could see him as the darkness swept in-_

_All I ever did was love you_

"I don't even know what possessed me. You mean the world to me. It wasn't about you or the Empire. It was about all or nothing..." He inched closer to her frozen body.

"Blair..." he said

And the trance broke. The ringing stopped .Blair stared at the man she almost confessed her love to a few minutes ago. She eyed the dark brown hair, the over bright eyes and the panicked face. This was the boy she had grown up with, the boy, who was secretly scared of spiders, the boy she sung to sleep the day his monkey died. He was Chuck Bass- the boy who leered at her body and made sexual innuendos but silently comforted her every time she cried over Nate. He was the one who gave up sex to hold her hair back as she purged in her bathroom, the one who helped her destroy anyone who dared to cross her. He was the Chuck Bass- fiercely loyal, strange but her secret best friend...

_You went up there on your own._

He was the man who held her hand when she woke up from the coma. The man who called her beautiful, the one who refused to let her go. The man who made love to her beautifully and who touched her like she was the only woman on earth. The man she was supposedly in love with and he was also the man...

_I traded you for the Empire_

She stepped back and looked at him very carefully as though she had never seen him before. His eyes followed her gaze and something flitted on his face. He raised his hand to touch her and she flinched.

She saw him very clearly then. It was simple. It all made sense. He was the one who sold her for a night. His hand inched towards her again, his eyes pleading.

"Blair...please..."

"Don't touch me..." she commanded sharply "Don't ...just don't..."

His face contracted and he said desperately "I am sorry, Blair..."

She whirled around and laughed "You are sorry... You are sorry... I guess that makes everything alright then..."

He hung his head.

"I know it doesn't. But I am willing to do anything to make it right..."

Blair fought the hysteria and stared at him calmly. She needed control... She needed to be calm... She needed it to be sane. For nothing made sense again and it was frustrating.

"What are willing to do? Let's hear it..." she said with an arched eyebrow

"Anything..." he whispered hoarsely

"Define anything..." she barked impatiently "I need to know what exactly do you think will make up for _prostituting me?_ What is my price, Chuck? My commission –if you call it that... Do I get a percentage of the profits from the Empire or..." she choked up and turned away. She won't cry. She couldn't cry.

"Don't say that..." he pleaded.

She whirled back to face him, the anger running in her veins "Didn't it matter to you that he – he was going to touch me? He was going to use me..." she impatiently wiped the tears on her face. "Didn't it matter that the girl who supposedly loved was going to be violated by someone..."

He stared at her unblinking. Tears leaked down his face and she stared at him. Some tiny part of her realised that she never saw Chuck cry. Chuck Bass didn't cry...

And Chuck Bass didn't sell Blair Waldorf for a property.

Simple truths of life which made absolute sense but were incorrect...

"I supposed it didn't because you never loved me..." she said suddenly as though the truth was finally dawning on her.

He jerked back to life "I love you; Blair...I always loved you. You are the only thing in the world that I love, ever loved or will love..."

His voice was laced with sincerity. And there it was- the reverence in his voice, the truth in his eyes... the words that made her believe he was her future. And all the times he said the three words, the memories that she remembered of their past, the emotions his touches evoked rushed back to her. But then the whirlwind stopped and only a simple truth remained.

He traded for a hotel. He didn't love her.

"You disgust me..." she said softly and she strode purposefully to the elevator.

He followed her and spoke out. "Don't leave, Blair... Please don't leave..."

She summoned her bitchiest smile and turned around "Why, Chuck? Did you promise a few of your investors that I would _entertain them_ tonight?"

Colour faded away from his face and he looked sick.

Good, Blair thought. For she felt sick... She wanted to purge her life out...The elevator opened up and she rushed out trying to escape the hotel, trying to escape the thoughts, trying toe escape the reality.

The words still pounded in her head.

_He wanted you for a night... I traded you for the Empire... You went up there on your own... I love you... I am whipped... I traded you for the Empire...You mean everything to me...I made a deal with him... __I want you every moment, every single minute, Blair…He wanted you for a night…_ _In the face of true love you let go –not even when the object of your affection is begging you to….I traded you for the Empire…_

She ran ignoring the scandalized looks people gave her; ignoring the pain in her knee or the shouts of a familiar voice she couldn't locate calling her name. She ran until she couldn't anymore and sank down on the steps of a shop.

She was Blair Waldorf. She never sat on a dirty street; she didn't run away from anything. She was born to rule. It was the first thing she had learned from her mother

"We never bow down to anyone. We make everyone bow down to us..."

She had learned quickly and never gave up believing. She believed in herself and that she was superior. She was more intelligent, classy and rich than most of her contemporaries and she should rule them. It was all planned out. She would make Nathaniel love her, she would be the Queen B and she would graduate with honors from Constance. Then she would rule Yale, make a sparkling career as a powerful woman, get married and rule the UES society. Somewhere down the line she had lost Nate and Yale but it hadn't stopped her drive.

She knew she was Blair Waldorf. She could do anything. Apparently even sell herself to save a damn hotel...She was a high-priced prostitute now. She had no dignity, no class... she was for breath she started to run again ignoring the sharp stabs of pain that jolted through her knee. She stopped when she reached her building. Mindlessly she opened the doors and rushed to the elevator. Two elderly women got in with her and Blair instinctively cowered to the corner.

She couldn't let them see her. She was dirty, used… she was a prostitute... she sold herself to Jack Bass…

The name gave her shivers. She remembered seeing the man when she was a pre-teenager. He was tall and broad, a recent graduate and Chuck's idol. She couldn't remember his face. She never thought she would ever have anything to do with him. She didn't know she would let him touch her as she lay down thinking of Chuck.

Then the mental images started as she blanched. Jack touching her body, marking her flesh with his teeth, parting her legs…

She threw herself out the moment the elevator opened and ran upstairs. She threw herself down and purged into the porcelain bowl. Resting her head on the bowl she cried loudly. Her body suddenly seemed dirty.

He had touched her. A man, she didn't want to sleep with, had touched her and she had let him...for a hotel.

"No!" she cried loudly and jumped into the shower. She would scrub herself clean. She scrubbed and scrubbed till her skin was raw pink. It didn't make any difference. She may not remember but he had touched her. He may not have touched her but she had gone to him. Emotionally she had been violated even if it hadn't been physical. She was nothing now and it was Chuck's fault.

…

Nathaniel Archibald was staring at the bathroom door in Blair's room for the last ten minutes. He had arrived twenty minutes before, following Blair when she fled from the Palace. He had dropped by to visit Chuck when he saw her. She had not acknowledged that he was screaming her name. They had been avoiding each other ever since the time she found out about the Shepherd wedding He knew that Blair was angry with him but he knew she would never just ignore him. She would also never run like an insane woman. So he followed her with a heavy heart and a premonition of a grave wrong until he lost her. He had lost valuable minutes in deciding whether to confront Chuck or look for Blair but in the end decided to go look for Blair.

So now he was in her bedroom waiting for the bathroom door to open but it didn't. He heard the shower shut down at least fifteen minutes ago. What was Blair doing there? Nate suddenly had an odd suspicion. He knew of Blair's 'problem', of course. But Blair always kept him in the dark about the extent and initially the existence of it. When she was finally admitted in the hospital he was once again not pry to the darker details. Blair always wanted to perfect in his eyes and hence he never dealt with her problem. So, the very suspicion that she might be purging down the toilet sent chills throughout him. He didn't know how to deal with this. He wanted to call Chuck or Serena but they both seemed too unwise at the moment.

He was about to call Dorota when the door opened and Blair walked out. Nate could be very oblivious to the world but even he knew that something was gravely wrong with Blair. Her hair was wet and stuck around her forehead, her skin was pink and her eyes were glazed. For a moment he thought Blair was stoned.

"Blair…" he said

Her eyes flashed up to his and her frozen stance melted. Her lips started quivering and tears swam in her brown eyes. He acted on instinct and took her trembling form into his arms. She melted within his arms, her sobs escalating. He rubbed her back and asked" What happened, Blair?"

She simply shook her head burying herself deeper in his chest. He pulled her closer relishing the familiar feel of her in his arms. For most of his childhood and adolescent years she was the one he held. Her sobs were unstoppable and he suddenly felt afraid. It was probably the first he saw Blair really cry in his presence. She was always so strong, so unbreakable that Nate never saw her as someone who needed anyone. It was the first time he saw how vulnerable she could be. He was also sure that his best friend could only be the one to break her like this.

"What did he do now?" he asked grimly. Blair pulled up and stared at him. He nodded at her watching the familiar brown eyes "What did Chuck do this time?"

"D-don't s-s-say his name..." she whimpered. Nate was confused. He thought that his best friend was making progress with Blair. He thought that was the reason Chuck never stepped in the Empire for he was always with Blair. Did he mess up again? Nate felt a stab of anger at his best friend. Yet he felt the need to defend his friend.

"Blair whatever he did... I just want you to know the guy is head over heels for you"

Blair gave a hollow laugh "No he isn't..."

"Blair…"

"If he loved me... he wouldn't do _that_ to me..." her lower lip jutted out as she crossed her arms around her chest. He was about to ask what did Chuck do to her when he saw the shame on her face, the utter disgust clouding her eyes and he knew. Just like that he knew…Maybe he wasn't as oblivious as people thought him to be.

"You found out about Jack..." he said softly

Her faced went white and then red. "You know... You know…Does everyone know?" she asked looking like she wanted to disappear

He shook his head quickly "Just me and Serena…"

There was a silence and she stared at him with inscrutable eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I-I thought that it's best that Chuck, himself…"

She stood up, her eyes flashing "So you trusted the man who pimped me out to tell me the truth. You made me vulnerable to the man who... who destroyed the last bit of dignity I ever had... You let him enter my life again... How can you be friends with him, Nate?"

Nate stood up quailing under the furious look on her face. "Look, I know that Chuck made a horrible mistake but nothing happened between you and Jack."

He watched as the relief spread across her face and her body visibly relaxed. She turned away and Nate seized his chance. "I don't know what was going on Chuck's mind at that time but you have to believe that he loves you very much…"

"The deal…" she began softly but Nate interrupted her "The Empire meant a lot to Chuck and he was going through a very hard time with the entire Elizabeth fiasco and... and you slept with Jack already..."

At that she turned, her eyes flashing and her face the mask of the ruthless Queen B. "And that makes it alright? It makes it alright for him to trade me for a stupid hotel because I slept with that creepy uncle on a new year's eve when he ran out on me without saying back the words that I should have never said it to him…."

Nate took a few steps back scared of the intensity of feelings in her eyes. He suddenly realized that he had a grave misstep.

"How can you do this? How can you defend him after what he did to me? How can you be friends with him…Do I mean nothing to you?" Her face crumbled and the tears flooded back.

Nate felt like his heart was breaking into two as he watched his first love cry. And her questions ran into his mind cutting deep.

"If someone hurt y-you or S-Serena like this, I-I would destroy them... Why don't I mean anything to anyone? What is wrong with me, Nate? For once and all tell me…"

He couldn't help it. He hugged her tightly fighting tears "There is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful and perfect and the best friend ever…"

She whimpered "Then why didn't you protect me, Natie..." Tears trailed down his cheeks at her childhood nickname for him and suddenly he was an eight year old who was clutching the hand of an over-emotional Blair.

_She shook her head more fiercely. He sighed and sat down. They were in the Hamptons with their __parents, Chuck and Serena. Serena and a group of other kids had decided to play basketball that afternoon. He wanted to go play with the rest of their group but he couldn't leave Blair- not when he had a little crush on her. And Blair was refusing to play at all._

"_Blair…"_

"_I don't want to ruin my dress..." she said softly looking away_

"_You__ won't. "He reassured her "But if you do I will buy you a new dress."_

"_What if I scrape my knee? You can't buy me a new knee..." she asked very seriously_

"_Why would you scrape your knee?"_

"_Because__ I am smallest of you all and if anyone pushes me..." she said reluctantly hating to own up to being the smallest_

"_No__ one would push you...I will protect you"_

_Blair looked up at him with curious eyes "Do you promise?_

_He held his hand to his heart "I promise."_

_Blair giggled "What do you promise?"_

_Nate cleared his throat "I promise to protect you from any kind of danger or spells or pranks. I promise to never let you fall and to kick the person trying to push you down." He flashed her favorite Natie smile "I promise to forever be your knight in shining armor"_

_She laughed "More like knight with shiny hair__..."_

"_Fine... __I promise to forever be your knight with shiny hair..." he said with an impish smile._

He looked at the 20 year old Blair sobbing in his arms and he knew he had failed. He had failed her.

"I am sorry, B..."

…

Dorota peeked in to watch Blair once again. She had been doing that regularly since yesterday. Mr. Nate had given specific directions to keep an eye on Blair and call him immediately if she thought anything was wrong. He had also re-confirmed Blair's directions that Mister Chuck was not to be allowed in and his gifts, messages, or calls shouldn't reach Blair. Dorota held Ana more tightly as she saw Miss Blair lying across the bed staring blankly at the ceiling. This was how she was for the last day. She didn't scream or cry or whine or plot. It was as though she wasn't there. It made Dorota want to cry.

She entered the room and cleared her throat.

"Miss Blair I brought you breakfast…."

No reaction.

"Mister Nate called again and so did Mister Harold."

No reaction again

"Miss Eleanor said she insist you call her. She worried, Miss Blair…"

Dorota sighed. Blair didn't even blink.

"You have appointment with Dr. Croft today. What dress you wear?" She chose a Prada navy blue skirt which she knew was a year old just to make Miss Blair scream but to no avail.

"Miss Blair…"

"Anything..." she said in a blank voice.

Dorota stared at the girl she loved like a real daughter with immense worry. She had never seen Miss Blair so lifeless and it worried her too much. Miss Blair needed to emote. She looked down at her tiny daughter strapped to her waist and smiled. Ana never failed to bring a reaction from Blair... The latter doted on Ana. Struck with a sudden inspiration she put down Ana on Blair's lap.

"I get new Gucci dress and you hold Ana..."

Blair sat up in confusion and Ana began to wail especially when Blair made no move to hold her.

"She –she is crying..." Blair said

Dorota shrugged and walked to the closet. Blair stared at the tiny girl wailing next to her and quickly gathered her in her arms. Ana stopped crying and nuzzled Blair's chest. The baby sniffed at Blair and cooed as though liking the smell. Blair raised a little hand and watched as the baby curled her little fingers against her thumb.

She was so beautiful, so innocent, so giving in her own little way that suddenly Blair felt a sudden worry: that one day Ana would be broken by someone she loves, that she would give all her love and never get it back, that everyone will leave her and that she would never be good enough for anyone...

Tears filled her eyes but she blinked them away as the baby yawned. She placed Ana next to her and kissed her tiny hand before staring at the little bundle of joy.

_Why do you leave me all by myself?_

_Why do they use me and bring me down?_

_Why do they hurt me?_

She just wanted to be loved by her father, her mother, Nate, Serena and him... And they all failed her. Daddy left. Her mother spent years craving for a different daughter.

_Why do they leave me?_

_Why doesn't anybody stick around?_

Nate and Serena failed her too, individually and collectively. They never loved her as she loved them fiercely, protectively, willing to kill on their behalf.

_Why doesn't anyone stay?_

_Don't they realize I am porcelain doll?_

And Chuck- he used to be one constant in her life but now…

_Small_

_Unsure_

She got up once Dorota was back and pulled on the clothes her maid had laid down. She stared at the mirror eyeing her brown lush curls and her doe eyes.

_Beautiful_

Her brown doe eyes which looked haunted

_Breakable_

She sat through the entire session with Steve feeling numb. She could feel his desperation at her lack of response. She answered his questions but mechanically in a detached voice, her eyes giving nothing away.

"What is wrong, Blair?" he asked "Something has happened and it's hurting you. You need to open up to me, Blair. We have been through this. If you do not tell me we can't fix it."

"There is nothing to fix" she replied smoothly. She was a mess.

_Many people look through the window_

_But seldom do they ever look in my eyes_

"Blair, look at me..."

She stared into his kind eyes.

"Blair over the last few months we have made amazing progress but today I find myself back at square one...We trusted each other, Blair and you need to keep your trust on me.."

She was scared, yes she was. She couldn't trust him. She couldn't trust anyone.

_Don't they realize I am __porcelain doll?_

He sighed when she remained silent.

"Did you talk to Chuck?"

She closed her eyes when the name was said.

_Fragile_

"Did you ask him about Jenny?"

_H__elpless_

Blair stared at her nails in fascination. She didn't want to hear this.

"Did he cheat on you?"

_U__nwanted_

"No. He sold me for a night…"

_Breakable_

…**.**

**The Nair interaction was for my Nair fans. I always found it weird that BN never interact much in the show. They were each other's first love and they spend the entire childhood thinking each other to be the one. Even if they aren't in love now, they would always have a bond. I also found that Nate is weird when he finds out about something bad that Chuck did to Blair. When he finds out about IP he gives Chuck a mouthful but quickly becomes his friend again. Similarly with the 4.20 abuse... It show he doesn't think much of B- which is sad cuz if someone treated C,S or N like C treated B, B would probably rage a war.**

**Having said that I want to make something very clear-Nair will NOT be romantically involved in this story.**


	25. Chapter 25

**A.N: Once again I haven't been able to reply to your reviews but I am still posting this. This chapter was really difficult to write and might be a little messy. **

**WARNING: Heavy Angst**

**Read and Review :)**

…**..**

Years later Blair would often try to remember the weeks following Chuck's confession but she would draw a blank. The days blurred into nights and nights blurred into sunny mornings. She went to Columbia, aced her assignments, came back home and ate whatever Dorota fed her without complaint. She occasionally talked to her mother, Nate or her father. She met Louis on dates now and then. That was her contact with the outside world. Otherwise she shut herself in. She didn't want anyone to see her. She wasn't worthy of being seen anymore.

Yet she smiled as she went on with her daily routine for the smile was a necessity. The façade of normalcy was a necessity. The need to show that she was still Blair Waldorf- ice princess, unattainable, untouched and indestructible was a necessity. For if she didn't do all that she would scream till she died… The anguish that was uncurling within her was worse than she ever felt. She hated Chuck and she hated herself. She hated the girl who could love Chuck enough to destroy herself. For it wasn't just about what he did- which was unspeakably disgusting but also about what she did. She had willingly gone to Jack to save a stupid hotel. She wanted to know what she was thinking that made her do the worst thing she could do to herself.

She had grilled Serena for hours that had patiently sat and told her everything she knew. Her best friend had been recently released from Ostroff Center after Juliet came in herself to confess that she had drugged Serena in order to make her pay for what she did to her brother Ben. Serena had been dealt with a bad blow as she came to realize what Lily did to protect her. She was refusing to breathe the same air as Lily Van der Woodson and spend most of the time in their penthouse. It worked for both of them. They were both going through the worst days of their lives and they needed each other.

"I can't believe my mother could spend all those years doing her hair and throwing parties when she was making an innocent man suffer behind the bars" Serena said shaking her head.

Blair remained silent but then spoke up with a blank voice "At least she cared enough for you to save you…"

It was said in a blank tone but Serena flinched at the accusation in the sentence. She wanted to act all offended but she couldn't. Not when it was true. Blair was forever saving her but she never returned the favor. Neither did Nate. Seeing the blank numb look on her best friend's face made her want to slap herself.

"I didn't know, B" Serena whispered "You never told me. When I found out from Nate, I-I… I wanted to kill Chuck. I gave him an earful. I stopped being friends with him... I…" she was running out of excuses. She might have done all that but she didn't save her friend. She couldn't save her friend.

Her best friend was broken beyond repair. The haunted look on her face cut to her heart. Blair may not remember but she felt the tremors of what had happened. She still screamed every night as she thrashed in her bed from nightmares. She still cried herself to sleep. She still hid instinctively in front of strangers as though she wasn't worthy being seen. And no matter what Serena did she would never make it alright. For though the act hadn't taken place, though no one knew about what happened, though Jack Bass didn't touch her, Blair had branded herself a whore in her mind- a whore who was willing to sleep for property. That was the definition of a prostitute and she fitted in with all the requirements. And no number of hugs, no soothing word, and no gesture of love would fulfill the void the branding left in her mind.

There was nothing that Serena could do.

She could only hold her tiny best friend and cry as silent tears wet her silk top.

….

Dr. Steven Croft was a therapist who hated the idea of intrusion. Intruding into one's mind and forcing them to come clean wasn't his idea of giving a service. In order for a therapist- patient relationship to work and for a patient to recover there need to be some amount of trust... He didn't believe that by hypnotizing the patient and making him give away his secrets he could gain that trust or even help in the recovery.

He was a psychiatrist, not a surgeon. He worked with the complicated organ called mind and the mind couldn't be treated by making an incision into the patient's brain. That was the crude treatment reserved for surgeons. He needed to be more careful, more subtle in his approach and in his treatment. So when treating amnesiacs he usually opted for less intrusive methods. When he first read the case file of Blair Waldorf, he knew it would be an interesting case. The girl had suffered from physical brain injury and Dr. Brennan suggested that as the probable cause of amnesia. It was however much more complicated and as he met Blair time and again, he understood the girl better.

The girl was an orthodox in herself. She wanted to be strong but was probably the most vulnerable among her friends. She was the support system of many but she had no one to _actually _support her. She was power-driven and power-hungry, ambitious, calculative, manipulative and cold but it was all driven from an intense desire to be accepted, to be admired and to be loved. She believed herself to be able to withstand anything but her mind always acted promptly on self-preservation which is why she usually chose to forget anything which she didn't want to happen. And that is what Steven believed happened on the night of her accident. Driven by a strong urge, the mind sought to protect itself and veiled her memories from herself.

He knew the key to her problem would be in the lost three years and he wanted Blair to bring the memories out by herself and it was working fine for a while but now they had reached an impasse. Blair was shutting him out and in the process shutting her mind out. She was an automaton nowadays, blank and mechanical. It was time to use some intrusive measures.

"Today we are going to play a game, Blair" he remarked softly "I have prepared a slide of pictures and you are going to tell me what comes to your mind when you first see them. I shall record our conversation, is that ok?"

A small nod was the only answer she received. Steve smiled warmly at her. "My son helped a lot in preparing the slide. Shall we begin?"

She nodded once again and the slide show began.

"A golf course, a tropical rain forest, a baby crying..." Blair recited "An abstract art, a baby in a pumpkin costume…"

"_Mom__, I want the perfect dress for the masquerade ball…"_

_A sigh_

"_Keep__ down the croissant, Blair. The rate at which you are going we have to send you as a pumpkin..."_

"Two old men...A starved African child…a lane... a chateau…"

"_A__ chateau Daddy?"_

"_We made your room exactly the way you like it and we have a cat named Cat…"_

Blair blinked

"An ugly cat, a beautiful skinny blonde…"

"_Serena looks like a goddess today__..." her mother remarked from her side. Blair watched as her mother smiled proudly at her best friend. Then her eyes fell on Nate who was staring in open admiration at the golden girl._

"_Even Nate looks smitten" her mother said "I would watch the weight if I were you, Blair"_

"A wedding... peonies… champagne…"

_His eyes were sparkling as he looked down on her, a slightly ashamed look on his face. _

"_I__ know I have said some awful things even for me…"_

"_You__ mean blogging to Gossip Girl about our sex life and calling me your Dad's old horses"_

"_What's__ your point?_

"_What's__ yours?"_

_His smile was tender as he said "You never belonged with Nate. Never have, never will…"_

Blair breath hitched as she stared at the last images. Steve watched her body straighten and held the pictures longer. Her eyes were glazed.

_His hand was on her waist, possessively marking her as his. She was shaking her head with utmost disappointment._

"_I__ can't believe Lily didn't wear white in her wedding...I would die if I wear any other color but white…" she babbled_

"_Really__?" he teased with a smirk "And here I thought you were going to wear purple..."_

_Blair stopped breathing. Was he implying what she thought he was implying? Did he really think of them getting married? She stared at him and he leaned closer kissing her passionately _

"_At least wear purple lingerie for the wedding night__..." he pleaded against her lips._

_She had nodded. No questions necessary. They would get married one day- That was a given fact._

A dark red Porsche …. Three girls standing in front a dusty looking building…

"_You were right about the __dorms. The lighting is awful and the people…" she trailed off as she traced her hand against his arm._

"_Are__ you ok?"_

_He pulled her wrist to his lips and kissed it._

"_I am now…"_

Two little puppies… a red rose… Audrey Hepburn…a black limo

_He was dressed in a dark blue suit holding peonies_

_You were right I was a coward running away…_

_She was almost crying when she reached him_

"_Don't__ go...If you have to go let me go with you..."_

"_But__ wherever I went you caught up with me…"_

_The darkest thought you ever had, the worst thing you ever did I would stand by you through anything…_

_The dimly lit corridor suffocated her_

"_This, Blair, is anything…"_

"_I__ didn't know the worst thing you ever did would be to me…"_

_His hands cupped her face_

"_All__ I want is for you to be happy, however that is achieved…"_

_He was smiling... He never smiled... He only smirked_

"_I love you too…"_

"No!" It was a scream. A scream she had held inside her for too long. She clutched her head and screamed again "No! No! Please stop it... Please…" Her breath came in short gasps and soon she started sobbing. She felt Steve move and then say kindly "Let it out Blair. Don't hold it inside. Let go of your anger, let go of your pain, only then you can move past this"

And like a child she obeyed. Her scream echoed through the entire wing.

An hour later she walked out, red faced and hurting inside but suddenly able to breathe more. She wondered whether her break down had caused her to lose her voice for she couldn't even bring herself to hail a cab. She stood on the pavement watching the cars move by idly. What was she doing? What could she do?

Her phone buzzed and Blair flipped it open. It was a Gossip Girl blast.

_Spotted: C sharing a private lunch with a stunning African-American… Looks like while our Queen B hid herself away in a hole, King C had moved on to another Queen__. For C's lunch partner is the famous Raina Thorpe, heiress to Thorpe Inc. Word also has it that Times Magazine is all set to include our C's name in the list of promising entrepreneurs. Hmmn... Wonder what Queen B has to say about it? At least Prince L is still a regular visitor to your castle, huh B?_

Blair stared at the message for a minute too long. For the words blurred and she impatiently wiped her eyes letting the words get branded in her brain. Something snapped within her.

Here she was standing in the middle of a road unable to even hail a cab, having screamed herself hoarse wondering how did all those loving promises come down to this. Here she was unable to look strangers in the eye assuming that they would realize what she was; here she was getting therapy for her mental peace… when he was being awarded by Times Magazines and meeting gorgeous women. Here she was destroyed beyond belief when he was using her ashes to build a mansion.

For the first time in weeks Blair felt a rush of emotion that wasn't sadness or anger, it was pure adrenaline.

…

Chuck exited the limo and walked into the Palace. He nodded at the hotel staff that was scurrying to greet him. He saw some strange expressions on the face of the concierge and he realized that it was relief that he was alive. Chuck had spent days in the suite 1812 without any contact with the outside world. No one was allowed to meet him and no calls were forwarded. It was just him and the darkness. Someone efficient in the house-keeping always sent meals to his room which were usually untouched.

He didn't want to eat, he just wanted to drink and hope that one day excessive liver damage would kill him and take away the pain. He hoped it would be painful enough to make up for everything he did to Blair.

_Blair__... _

He closed his eyes at the name. Her face haunted him when he lay wasted on the floor and those were the best moments of his day until her face transformed into the icy princess whose doe eyes spewed hatred at him.

_You disgust me..._

When she left the Palace penthouse he had hurried to act upon his word. He would make it up to her. He knew, however, that macaroons or a Tiffany's card wouldn't help his cause. Nevertheless he send parcel upon parcel of everything he thought Blair loved only to have each of them returned undelivered. No matter what method he used none of his messages reached Blair. He even attempted to enter the Waldorf residence himself only to have to been told that Dorota had placed a restraining order against him and that the doorman has to call the police if he even attempted to step a foot in. He was all willing to create a scene then and there. He was willing to buy the fucking building if necessary.

But all that stopped when his best friend appeared on his side.

"Nathaniel, what a fucking soap opera..." he said as he went towards the door. Nate placed a warning hand on his shoulder.

"No, Chuck..." he said warningly

He squinted at his best friend "I 'm going to go see Blair..."

Nate went to block his way "No you are not..." he said very slowly "Go home, Chuck"

Chuck saw red with rage. He said wrestling against his best friend "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

"Protecting Blair..."Nate said calmly holding Chuck's blows away from his face. Immediately Chuck stopped struggling.

"What?"

"I 'm protecting Blair... You aren't good for her, Chuck. You need to stay away from her"

Chuck shoved against him "Don't! You can't stop me from seeing her. You don't understand what we have ..."

"Neither does Blair." He said slowly "Go home, Chuck"

Chuck made a last desperate plea "I love her, Nathaniel. I can't live without her..."

Nate's eyes softened "Look, you are my best friend, man. But I loved her first... I need to do this..."

It was that day that began the darkness- the endless darkness. Chuck had gone to his room and remained there. He ignored calls from Bass Industries, Lily or his office. He didn't give a damn if they took it all away. He didn't want them if he didn't have Blair. It was when Raina Thorpe called that he finally stood up, freshened up and attempted to look like a sane person. He needed this meeting. This was one thing that was for Blair and this had to work. The Thorpe Enterprises were interested in buying the Empire and make it into a shopping complex. Chuck was almost happy with this development. He needed the Empire to be struck down for the sake of his sanity. Nothing was final yet but Raina seemed most interested.

He entered his suite and threw his jacket across the bed before moving onto pour himself some scotch. It was time to lose reality again.

A light switched on the darkest corner of the room and a familiar voice spoke up "How was the date, Bass?"

Chuck whirled around. Blair Waldorf was sitting in his room, dressed impeccably and looking beautiful. Her right leg was thrown over her left and she was eyeing him intently. For a moment Chuck told he was hallucinating. Then she spoke again: "Doesn't seem like much if you need to scotch so desperately?"

What was she doing here? Did she get angry after the Gossip Girl blast and come to see him? Was this a jealous visit, just like how Eva's presence had made her come to him again and again? Was this supposed relationship making Blair jealous? He couldn't help the happiness swelling within him.

"Blair..." he said huskily. It was so good to be standing in the same room as hers, just to see her face and hear her voice.

Her face tightened and her eyes were questioning. "Why?"

Chuck's breath stopped. He didn't need to ask what she was talking about. He knew her better than himself. And it was one question he couldn't answer.

A long silence filled the room. Blair didn't move. She waited patiently until he could finally speak. "I don't know... I..." he paused, remembering the days before the awful decision he made "I had been betrayed by someone I thought was my mother. My mother..." he laughed bitterly "A mother is supposed to be epitome of love and mine valued my hotel more than me..."

"And you thought you should do the same?" she asked slowly

He shook his head "I never thought I would lose you. We are Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck... I convinced myself that we could get over this. This would be just like one of our scheme"

Blair nodded thoughtfully "A scheme I knew nothing about. That makes it a scheme against me, doesn't it Chuck?"

He closed his eyes "Blair, you made a deal with Jack too and told me nothing about it..."

Something passed through her eyes "Right! So my fault was that I loved you enough to sell myself for you. And your fault was that you loved the Empire enough to trade me for it..."

"No! It wasn't your fault. It was my fault completely. I know that now. I should have never that deal with Jack" he said looking down

"You are right" Blair said

He looked up at that and boldly took another step towards her. "And I never meant to trade you for anything..."

"You _really _thought I would ok after that?" she snapped suddenly "Do you know that I can't look at myself in the mirror? Do you know that I disgust myself now? Do you know that I hide myself from strangers now? "

He winced "Blair, nothing happened between you and Jack"

"HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT MATTER?" she screamed "I went there Chuck, to sell myself for property. Have you ever looked into a dictionary, Chuck? Do you know who sleeps for money? A prostitute, Chuck..."

"Don't say that" he hissed

"Well its true, isn't it? Emotionally I am a common whore for I can sleep for money."

He moved forward and took her in his arms "No, it wasn't for money. It was love, Blair. It was for me because you loved me so much..." he felt tears swimming in his eyes

She nodded. "Where did that get me, Chuck?" She took a deep breath "Well it was a good bargain for you, wasn't it Bass? You kept the Empire and are apparently being awarded some stupid business award."

"They don't matter to me. Nothing matters to me if you aren't with me"

Blair smiled. It was a smile Chuck knew very well. The Queen B smirk...

"It didn't take you much long to replace me did it? You even got to fuck the virgin Humphrey before getting back a French floozy to replace me. .."

Chuck shook his head.

"No, Blair..."

"And sooner or later you would find someone else to warm your bed. So you keep everything Chuck. You lost nothing..."

"That's not true..."

"I am not finished. The only person who lost is me. I lost my dignity, my self-respect... my everything for you Chuck..." she said with clenched teeth "And you know how I hate losing Bass"

Chuck looked up and his heart skipped a beat. Gone were the tears or the vulnerable Blair- Standing in front of him was the girl who ruled Constance with an iron fist and who could got everything she wanted. She was Queen B now.

"So, I am going to ensure that you lose everything, just like I did. Only then would I stop." She stopped in front of him, her eyes narrowed to slits "Every single thing you desire, everything that matters to you I will take it away from you."

Chuck felt very proud of her in that moment. She paused and smiled cruelly "I am going to destroy you, Bass. You have been warned"

He would let her destroy him if it gave her peace.

_That will be my retribution, my love._

…

**I personally think that Season 3 and Season 4 Blair has been made very weak. I think the Queen B we all know wouldn't just let someone hurt her and get away. She made Chuck pay for the Tuscany trip with Marcus and then fights. She made Serena pay for sleeping with Nate and she made Jenny pay as well. I don't think Blair would just let C go and wallow in her miseries. You should also remember that Blair in this story is an amnesiac and hence she is still our glorified Queen B from season 1. **

**Having said that do you see B declaring war on C? ****Are you pleased with this development or disappointed?**


	26. Chapter 26

It had become a routine, and a monotonous one at that. Every single day passed exactly as the one before it. In fact if it wasn't for Nathaniel, who had taken up to see him once every day, probably to check whether he was alive or not, Chuck wouldn't know that the day had passed. He sat in his suite, drinking and staring at some lame TV show. It was worse than his pre-Blair days when the only physical contact he had was with people he paid to be with him. Now even losing himself through sex wasn't a solution. He couldn't help but hope that she would come back to him someday and that hope ensured he didn't do anything more to screw things up.

Ever since Blair declared war on him, he had this queer feeling that it was somehow the work of fate. It was meant to be this way; Blair had to lose her memory to do what she should have done in the first place: Make him pay.

A sudden knock interrupted his thoughts. He walked to the door, sighing as he realized that Nathaniel was probably here for one more of his "are you alright, man?" visits. He opened the door and was surprised to see Lily standing there. She walked in and hugged him

"You look terrible, Charles" she said matter-of-factly

"Why, good morning to you too, Lily" he smirked. She smiled back at him. It was queer how he had grown fond of this woman. Once he hated her with all his heart, but then they had forged a fragile friendship which eventually developed into a strong bond. She was the only maternal figure in his life and secretly he thought she was the only chance he had at being a son.

"Have you seen this?" she asked him as he poured her a drink. She put the latest issue of W on his table. The magazine had posted a very long article named "Is it time to chuck out Chuck?" It started out with outlining how Bass industries had several companies ruling the NY stock exchange. It provided sordid details about his teenage wrong-doings, highlighted his unreliability and basically hinted that it was too risky to put the hard-earned money of people into the hands of a womanizing asshole.

"It was pretty flattering that Jacqueline takes such an active interest in the well-doing of Bass Industries" he replied, taking a sip of his scotch

"It's no laughing matter, Charles. I might be the CEO of Bass Industries but you are its public face. An article as such is likely not only to damage your reputation but also affect the stock prices" Lily said seriously

"It's in a gossip magazine, Lily" he countered smoothly

"Yes, a widely circulated fashion magazine which is read in almost every household of NYC. The times are hard, Charles. People ate reluctant to invest in shares anyway and with such publicity it badly affects the stock prices. James Carter from Times Magazine had already called stating that they were considering the removal of your name from the list. The board of directors won't be happy about this" she finished intently watching his reaction

"What do you want me to do?" he asked wearily

"I've organized a lunch with the board today at the Empire. I thought that bringing them there would remind them that you are capable to managing a business very effectively. I expect you to be there, Charles" she said rubbing his arm affectionately

"I'll be there, Lily" he said noting the anxiety in her eyes. She nodded and hugged him. He looked surprised.

Lily chuckled "You looked like you needed a hug. Take care of yourself, Charles"

"I will, Lily"

He escorted her to the elevator, smiling for her benefit. She had stepped in the elevator when the other one dinged and announced the arrival of his best friend.

"Oh..." Nate said staring at her Chuck with his signature confusion "You are not in your room. That's good"

Chuck smirked "I see you are back for another baby sitting session, Nathaniel" He said walking to his suite. Nate followed him shaking his head.

"We are worried about you…"

"We? Don't tell me my dear sis managed to dump the garbage-boy and is now sucking your face." Chuck raised his eyebrow. That was something he didn't know about.

Nate ignored the sarcasm. "Serena is being difficult." He said finally. "But I'm worried about you, man. And I guess Lily is too and that's why she was here to see you"

"No. She was here to see me about this" he tossed the magazine to his best friend who took a surprisingly long time to read the article.

"Wow, I had forgotten you used to do all that stuff" he said once he finished reading "How did Jacqueline find all this out?"

"Two guesses, Nathaniel. Let's see how much brains you managed to save from being stoned" Chuck said breathing in his scotch

"Gossip girl…" he said slowly

"Close but not quite." Chuck said "The question is why a fashion magazine would be interested in my bad boy days? The answer lies on the cover itself"

Nate turned the cover and looked down at Prince Louis smiling at him. The caption read: A day with Royalty.

"Blair…" Nate stumbled

"Yep..."Chuck said feeling a surge of pride. It was a good move.

…

"I long for those old days, Blair" Louis said lying down on his back and staring at the ceiling.

They were lying on his luxurious bed in the middle of the night. Blair was snuggled against him, resting her cheek on his chest, as he ran his hand across her back. She propped herself on her elbows and smiled "You are still a Prince, Louis"

He smiled back at her. "It's just an ornament now; the royalty I mean. We are some faces that act as the promotion campaign of Monaco."

Blair drew circles against his chest "You are saying you want to go back to monarchy days?"

He chuckled "No, Blair. I 'm not saying that... I know that monarchy is not the way to run a country in these times. But sometimes I can't help but wish that I wasn't just another smiling familiar face-that I could do something for my people"

She kissed him sweetly "You are so noble."

He kissed her back "When I was young I used to be fascinated by war stories"

Blair smiled "I have always been fascinated by war strategies"

She remembered loving her history lessons. There was so much more to learn. The avoidance strategy, the strategic retreats and finally the "luring the enemy into a sense of false security" the last week Blair has been all about strategies and schemes. She knew her enemy was not to be under-estimated this time and she carefully plotted through every aspect of her plan. There will be no mistakes. This would be the takedown of a lifetime. Chuck Bass wouldn't know what would hit him. He had obviously relaxed over the week assuming that Blair had run out of ammunition.

"Blair…"Louis called her suddenly

She shook her head as if to clear it. "Sorry, I just drifted off for a minute"

"That's alright. I was just saying that my mother is planning a trip to New York."

"Oh!"

"She wants to see what attraction keeps me in New York" he chuckled "I would love to introduce you to her" he trailed off uncertainly

Blair sat up excitedly "I would love that." She would be meeting the royal family in the arms of a prospective Prince. It was like she was living a fairytale.

"I 'm so glad to hear that" he pulled her down kissing her softly.

Blair relaxed against him, trying to lose herself in his kisses. She wanted to live on the happiness and dreams Louis seemed to engulf her with. But there was the darkness which always over took her...She needed her revenge.

If there was a war strategy that Blair loved it was tit for tat. An eye for an eye- And it was her mind she had an entire list of things that she needed to make Chuck pay for. He destroyed her reputation in junior year, he left her in Tuscany, he brought a French floozy and fucked Jenny Humphrey and he sold her for a goddamn hotel.

It was only the beginning, Chuck. She thought as Louis kissed her neck. Each kiss brought a wave of pleasure and an image of Chuck's hurt expression when he saw her with Louis. Each kiss brought a comfort to her aching heart. Each kiss felt like a stab to Chuck's heart.

_Take that, Chuck_. She thought as Louis kissed his way down.

….

"The lunch with the board served its purpose." Lily said as she sat across from Chuck at the Van der Humphrey penthouse. It was three days after the lunch and Lily had called him for a joint interview with the Stephen Mackenzie. The interview was to promote a united front for Bass Industries. "The interview would just be the icing on the cake"

"I trust you, Lily" Honestly he wasn't even as bothered with the idea of being in the bad books of the board as he had been before. Now it just didn't seem to matter that much.

" It's your legacy, Charles" she said slowly "I am just taking care of it until…" she trailed off when she saw her two biological children walk out of Eric's room

"Serena..." she cried happily "I didn't know you had come back..."

Serena threw her a disgusted look "I didn't come back. I would never come back. I just came to wish Eric a happy birthday. But I suppose you don't even remember that"

Lily looked flabbergasted "No, of course. I mean I was just a little too busy with Bass Industries…"

"Mom, its okay" Eric piped in but Serena threw her hair back and laughed "Of course you were... I mean you were always too busy to be a mother..."

Lily flinched. Rufus held her firmly.

"That's enough, Serena" Chuck said softly

Serena took one look at Chuck and scoffed. "Please, Chuck. Do yourself a favor and don't talk to me. I 'm leaving anyway" She hugged Eric one last time and turned around.

"I did all this because I love you. Because I am your mother" Lily protested

Serena turned back to smile sadly at her. "In order to be a mother, you need to be human first"

Lily paled and looked away. Serena stalked off to the elevator without looking back. A stunned silence followed in which no one was sure where to look. It was Lily who broke the silence.

"Eric, I 'm so sorry that I forgot..." She began but trailed off when Eric hugged her "Don't worry about it. Don't worry about Serena. She'll come around"

Lily nodded. "I would like to be alone for a while"

She excused herself and went upstairs. Chuck stared at the remaining three in the room. He was never comfortable with the Humphreys and Eric was too shaken to defuse the tension. So Chuck picked up his jacket and said gruffly "If Lily needs anything, if I can do something, just call me"

He left the building in a hurry. He had to meet Raina Thorpe in an hour anyway. The deal was finally coming through. He would just have to sign the papers today. Chuck was desperate for the deal to come through. He wanted to be disassociated with the Empire as soon as possible.

He entered the restaurant situated in the ground floor of the Empire Hotel, feeling slightly nervous. He needed this deal to go through. He straightened his bowtie and walked towards the reserved table. He was slightly surprised to see Mr. Russell Thorpe instead of Raina. He was under the impression that this was Raina's pet project.

"Mr. Thorpe, it's a pleasure to see you" Chuck remarked, holding out his hand

"You have some nerve" the balding man said standing up

Chuck chuckled in confusion "I 'm sorry?"

Russell smirked "You actually came here…" he said as though he couldn't believe the fact.

"I was under the impression that I had a meeting with Raina about the Empire..." he said

"Well, you can forget the deal" Russell snapped, glaring at him

Chuck was more than confused and that was something that didn't usually happen to him. He was usually the one who knew all the secrets, the games and the catch phrases.

"If this is about the price, I told Raina that it is negotiable" he said. He had hoped for an early sale. He didn't want the Empire anymore. He didn't care if he sold it at a loss.

"Oh! I saw that message. You pathetic little creep! How dare you?" Russell said in a biting whisper. "I knew about your reputation but I thought that was all in the past. Never in my wildest dreams did I think you would dare to put forward such a proposition…"

"What proposition?" Chuck asked flabbergasted

"You aren't in school anymore, Chuck. You don't get punished by a suspension here. If I leak this to the press, there would be hell to pay. And I could sue you for sexual harassment." The older man threatened seriously

"Sexual harassment? Are you serious? I don't know what Riana told you but…"

"She didn't tell me anything. I saw it. The fucking message where you suggested a negotiable price for sexual favors..." he said in a disgusted voice

Chuck felt his head spinning "Th- There has been some kind of misunderstanding"

"Really? So you are saying that the message she received from your email address was a product of hallucination. And is this little envelope which was so subtly left in this table a hallucination too?"

Chuck picked up the envelope and stared.

_I hope you kept the afternoon free for I could be very negotiable for the right price. _

_CB_

There was a key to his suite wrapped within the note. Chuck gaped at it. He hadn't felt so cornered since the time when his father thought he had been sending Serena pornographic gifts.

"I don't know…" he began

Russell stood up "Well, you better know this. You stay away from my daughter and you can shove the hotel up your fucking a** for all I care."

He stalked off the room, leaving the restaurant. Chuck stared at his note in his hand, the puzzles clicking in and the picture becoming clear. His suspicions were confirmed when he heard the clicking of very familiar heels behind him. He turned to face Blair Waldorf for the first time in weeks.

"The look of your face was priceless, Bass" she said sweetly "I couldn't help take a picture" She said mockingly waving her phone

Chuck let out a breath "That was well-played, I would admit." His heart was thudding in anger and in reaction to being within the close proximity of one Blair Waldorf.

"How did you do it?"

She smiled "It wasn't that difficult once I realized that your blonde busty secretary secretly desired to be a model"

Chuck wanted to be angry but instead he felt relieved. For the first time in a long time Blair looked...okay... Not broken- or sad or angry. She looked like she was in control and the triumphant glint in her eyes made his heart swell in happiness. He loved bitchy Blair and he loved Blair after a successful take down, even when it was him she was taking down.

But he couldn't say that. She needed the satisfaction of knowing that she hurt him. That he was fighting back or else the victory would be hollow. And that was the last thing she needed. So he played his lines perfectly

"And here I thought you were getting soft." He said smirking "A week of silence after that lame article…"

"The same lame article that caused you to call an emergency lunch with the board, Bass? I know how lame it was" she smirked "And it's been a busy week. I was too busy spending _quality time_ with Louis to bother about inconsequential beings like you"

The words spent a jolt of jealousy within him.

"What were you doing? Playing chess …" he said harshly, the images of Blair with the fucking Prince running through his mind "That little Kermit can never satisfy you..."

She laughed mockingly "Oh, poor Chuckles. Are you getting jealous? Don't worry .I 'm not doing anything with Louis that you didn't want me to do with your uncle…"

Chuck's blood ran cold. "Blair, please…"

Her smile had disappeared and she looked at him coldly "Did you see Russell? Did you see how he reacted to your supposed proposition? That is how a person who loves should react…"

And her mind moved in circles, in twists and in underlying he realized this wasn't just about him losing the deal.

"Is that why you did this?"

"Well, I thought if you do flesh trade, your business associates should be aware of it." She said sweetly. She batted her eyelashes "Till next time, Bass"

_Strike three_

…..

**AN: Please don't kill me or shower me with flames. B and L needed to seal the deal because I needed to drive home a point. As you can see ****it's not at all graphic. The Chuck-Eva sex was more disturbing and detailed. Anyway I hope you are enjoying this story. I have one interesting twist coming up next chapter. So stay tuned**

**And let me know what you think of B's war schemes.**

**Review :) **


	27. Chapter 27

Blair rested her head against the lush leather coach trying to relax herself. It was proving to be difficult, more difficult each session with Steve to let herself go. She couldn't relax herself. It was as though she needed to be on the move; achieving, working, planning, always planning- Her mind worked better this way, like an automaton who functioned purely as planned. She had less time to think, to wonder and to regret.

"Close your eyes, Blair. Take a deep breath. Let the negative energy flow out." Steve's voice floated in.

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes she tried to do as he said. She took several deep breaths, wondering if telling Steve about her sleepless nights was a mistake. She hadn't been able to sleep for a while now and it bothered her. Steve's voice droned on and on and slowly she fell under the lull of his voice, her eyes shut and her mind relaxed.

"Let yourself go, Blair. Make yourself feel. What is troubling you?"

"Life, I suppose. I 'm worried about my grades and this thing with Louis. Normal girl troubles" she said quickly fighting the onslaught of emotions threatening to engulf her.

"Blair, why are you so opposed to these sessions? What is the fear there?" He asked gently

Blair peered at him from her position and he smiled kindly. "You know I won't judge"

She felt a tear slip through her eyes and began softly "I 'm afraid of seeing him..."

Steve nodded. "Those memories are a part of you..."

"I don't want them to be part of me. I don't want to know what I did with Chuck and how much I loved him... It was a mistake... It was all a mistake…" she mumbled quickly trying to get herself back together.

"Our past is a part of us. Our mistakes are a part of us. You can't erase it without blocking a side of you as well. "

"I don't want to remember Steve..." She cried desperately

"Blair, unless you embrace the past you can't make your future. You can't move past this" he said wisely noting her fragile shell trembling.

"I don't want to move past this…" she cried with sudden anger "I want to make him pay. When I 'm done he would be left with nothing…"

"And you think that would make you feel better?" Once again his voice was quiet and unassuming

The question threw her a bone to mull over. It hurt to hurt him. It hurt to see him in pain. But it was a question of her sanity now. If she couldn't save her heart, she would save her mind.

"Yes..." she lied firmly

"Holding onto hate only prolongs it. The moment you let it go, the world would become an easier place to be in "

Wise words again. Empty wise words... Maybe she should stop visiting him.

…

The call came from nowhere. He was sitting propped up in his suite late that night when he received the call from Lily. She had been distraught but very quietly so; in a voice Chuck didn't recognize she requested him to come meet him at the penthouse. He had gone, feeling a premonition of a grave wrong.

And he had been right. He was astounded when she told him. Lily had the strength of a woman and the inscrutable mask of a Bass. She was completely in control when she began in a crisp business-like voice: "I have decided to hand myself in. I'll admit to wrongly accusing Ben and forging Serena's signature on the affidavit."

"I know you are upset." She said warmly "This would be a bad publicity for Bass Industries"

Chuck closed his eyes "Bass Industries is the last thing on my mind, Lily"

Lily sighed "Well, it shouldn't be. It's your legacy, Charles. And now with the purported sale of the Empire it should be more of a priority" She handed him a file. "I've resigned from the post of CEO. There is an AGM next week. Mr. Connor would propose you as the CEO and you have almost unanimous support from the board to be elected as such. No one is likely to contest you for the post."

Chuck closed his eyes. Even at this crucial juncture Lily was so concerned about him. He didn't know how to express his gratitude "Lily..."

"Its time to return your legacy to you, Charles" She caressed his cheek maternally "I know I don't say this a lot. But Bart would be proud of you. He would be proud of the man you have become"

Chuck felt sick. He had, no doubt, that Bart Bass would be proud of him. He was obviously a bigger Bass-tard that Bart ever was.

Chuck leaned forward and began earnestly "You don't have to do this, Lily. I'll try and release this Ben person using my contacts. There is no need to hand yourself in..."

Lily smiled grasping at Rufus's hand before replying "Thank you, Charles. But releasing him will not get give him back the years he spent in prison nor would it give me back my peace of mind. I need to do this..."

Chuck didn't protest to that. How could he? He knew very well what Lily was trying to say. Letting Blair screw over his business deals (and she managed to do that quite well) and his reputation wasn't enough. Nothing would be enough. It wouldn't make him any less of a Bass-tard. At least Lily could assuage her guilt by paying for it. He didn't even have that option.

Eric, however, perked up "Chuck has a point, Mom. You don't need to do this. We can get him out of the prison and even give him a job at Bass Industries or something..."

Lily shook her head firmly. "No Eric, Charles... it wouldn't be enough. You don't understand how it feels to have the person you love the most look at you like you deserve to die..."

Chuck felt like needles were poking his heart. Lily had no idea. He knew how that felt. He knew it better than anyone.

…

The Lily Van der Woodson arrest caused ripples throughout the UES but much more so in the penthouse Blair shared with Serena. The latter was distraught beyond words. She believed herself to be the only reason Lily was doing this. In a queer way she was proud of her mother too. Whatever she may be feeling, Blair knew that it was her duty to stand by her best friend. So she stood firmly in the shadows, out of sight but within reach, as the Van der Woodsons surrounded their mother.

It was an unnerving sight so Blair looked away and immediately her eyes fell upon the hazel ones she wanted to avoid. He was here, of course he was here. He had a strange bond with this family which wasn't even ruined when he violated the under-aged Humphrey daughter. She sighed again, remembering the attempt she had made to draw a bridge between them.

_She was prepared for this. She was prepared to make this call. This strike would cripple that mother chucker as none ever did. He relied on the Van der Woodson and it was time to take that away. __She would bring back the reinforcements-a fresh bullet and then release the trigger. The conversation would last a few minutes but it needed preparation. So she carefully went through the Gossip Girl posts reading the history between her and Jenny and Jenny and Chuck. She was horrified by the audacity with which this girl managed to defy her but a reluctant admiration was present there too. She had her ammunition._

"_Jenny__ Humphrey..." she said in a soft voice. It was her best voice; one which promised a cutting insult in the next line._

"_Bl__- Blair…" Jenny stammered. She had almost dropped the phone in surprise "What-Why are you calling me?"_

"_Oh__! Do I need a reason to call my almost- minion and successor as Queen?" she asked sweetly noting with satisfaction that nervousness that the silence signified." You could have been a great minion if you hadn't stabbed in my back..."_

"_That's__ all in the past..."she began in a flustered tone "I 'm not in UES anymore…"_

"_No__, you are stuck in Hudson. What a waste! I always believed in your potential, you know. I 'm sure you did too. "She said in a convincing tone "You could shine in UES, Jenny. Don't you miss the glamour and glitz of UES, the power struggle, the endless streams of possibilities to better yourself from a mere Brooklyn-ite...?"_

"_I- I ... UES is not good for me. I 'm better off in Hudson..." Jenny replied "And I 'm banished remember?"_

_Blair chuckled "What if I am willing to undo the banishment and allow you to return?"_

"_Why__ would you do that?" _

"_It's an economic concept, effective allocation of resources is necessary. I believe in your potential, Little J. And I believe you miss your father and brother. I 'm not that cruel, you know..." she said sweetly_

"_Blair__, what game are you planning?" Jenny asked suspiciously. Blair smirked. Gossip Girl was right. Jenny Humphrey knew how to play._

"_Nothing that concerns you... __As far as you are concerned, your banishment has been lifted" she replied in her Queen B voice_

_There was a silence as then Jenny let out a breath "No!"_

"_Excuse__ me?"_

"_You__ are trying to use me to drive a wedge between Lily and Chuck. You know if I am in UES, Lily would have to choose one of us...I can't believe this. What has gotten into you, Blair? This is Chuck-How can you do that to him?"_

_How dare she? How dare she judge her when she didn't know anything?_

"_My oh my Little J, I thought that it was a night of mindless fucking. I didn't know you had feelings for Chuck? It must have hurt when he used you like a whore and dropped you in the nearest trash bin" _

_Jenny sighed "I know we hurt you Blair. I 'm sorry... I was in a very bad place; I didn't know what I was thinking. I regret it every single day."_

_Blair scoffed. Jenny continued as though there had been no interruptions __"I know he wasn't thinking of me when he touched me. I know that in every kiss, every touch he was thinking of you."_

" _How very touching" Blair said finally swallowing her tears "Now you better go cry somewhere else in Hudson, Humphrey for you lost the last chance to come back to UES"_

"_He loves you, Blair. He really does" Jenny said softly_

_Incensed beyond words, Blair slammed the phone down._

She pulled herself from the string of melancholy thoughts when she saw Lily approaching her. She straightened up and smiled kindly at the older woman. Lily hugged her tightly.

"You have always been the one putting Serena together" Lily said warmly "You are the best friend she could ever have. She would need you more than ever now. Take care of her…"

Blair nodded, fighting tears.

"And Charles" Lily added seriously

Blair averted her eyes. Lily moved onto Rufus who seemed unable to let her go. She choked back her tears and tried to pull herself together. Lily was right. She needed to be there for Serena now. She needed to be strong. Tears trailed down her cheeks and she wiped them impatiently. Someone handed her a handkerchief. She looked up and stepped back.

Chuck shook his head with a smile "You don't need to be strong all the time"

"Get out of here, Bass. I don't need your pity..." she said lifting her chin up proudly

He shook his head silently. In spite of herself she felt herself looking at him. His eyes were burning with some emotion she didn't understand. They seem to want to tell her something. She fought back the urge to hold him, feel the comfort he always provided and forget everything that ever happened. But she couldn't. She needed to get away from him. She moved past him. His fingers grazed her wrist.

"I love you, Blair"

She shook her head and went to find Serena.

….

The scandal of the century as one gossip magazine proudly called Lily's arrest made the next few weeks relatively uneventful in Waldorf-Bass war. Blair was too busy holding Serena's hand as she fought the crazed mobs of media, or fought sobs as she went to visit her mother in the county prison to really plan any war strategies. She also knew that her strikes were becoming hollow. She wasn't deriving any satisfaction from his losing yet another business deal and she didn't where to strike next. It made her angry that he knew exactly how to break her but she seemed to lack the knowledge to do the same to him.

So she focused on doing the only thing she knew that hurt him. She threw herself in the sex life she shared with Louis. She made herself do things she knew were far too intimate to be shared with her boyfriend of few months. She knew Louis was shocked but he sweetly took it in his stride. She was also extremely nervous about meeting his mom, Princess Sophie, who was due to arrive anytime soon. Blair knew she needed to make a sound impression as in her recent future plans she was writing her name as Princess Blair Grimaldi. It had a certain ring to it.

If all this wasn't enough, she had to sit through Serena's efforts to get the recently released Ben who, not only didn't have a job but also lacked accommodation. Rufus, on Serena's behalf (because Serena wasn't still speaking to the mother-chucker), had asked Chuck to give him a job but Chuck had refused to let him in Bass Industries or the Empire. Serena has cursed him till she needed a drink and then went on to call her favorite lap dog Dan Humphrey who promptly agreed to house the ex-convict.

Blair had had it with this Humphrey. He seemed to competing with her time with Serena and that pissed her. She was S's best friend, it was _her _job to make S feel better, not some Brooklyn trash. She hated the Brooklyn stench he left in their penthouse after he was kicked out by Blair. It wasn't just her penthouse. The Van der Humphreys met regularly at brunches after Lily's arrest as Rufus wanted to ensure the family was still closely knitted even if the matriarch was in prison.

Blair was most surprised to receive an invitation but she supposed that Lily always treated her as another daughter and so accepted it gracefully. The brunches were usually brutal with a stoic Eric, a listless Serena, a whipped Dan and Rufus who tried to act like he wasn't breaking under the strain of living without Lily. It didn't help that Chuck was always there, brooding in the corner and staring at her. It irked Blair to no end to see his hazel eyes glued to her face. It wasn't even glances shot at her; it was incessant staring with burning eyes. She tried to avoid it as much as she could but when she accidentally met his eyes, the emotions in his eyes made her choke on tears. She hated it.

She decided that she could just skip the brunches but she wasn't to be the coward. If he wouldn't back off, neither would she. She would show him he had no effect on her. She would deal with the nightmares when they came, she would cry herself to sleep but she won't let him see that she was hurting.

She almost failed that test when she saw him and S chatting. Her heart shattered. She thought she had, at least, one person on her side. S saw her immediately but Blair turned away and stalked off.

_To hell with the traitor…_

"I 'm sorry, B" Serena said as quickly caught up with her best friend

"I thought you don't speak to him or was that reserved for when I 'm around?" she spat bitterly. Serena and Nate had decided that they would be there for their respective best friends, which was why, though she missed Natie, she never called him unless she could help it.

"It's not like that" Serena said "I don't talk to him. I was only asking him about Bass Industries because Mom wanted to know something."

"Oh yeah? Great. Just go and talk to your brother some more then, S"

Serena sighed "Mom is just worried. She doesn't want Jack to cause any trouble..."

Blair stilled at the name. Her heart started thudding. _He wanted you for a night_. She stepped back, fighting nausea. Serena seemed to come to her senses and hugged Blair.

"I 'm sorry, B... I won't talk to him again..." she promised. Blair realized how childish the sentence sounded.

"I 'm being petty, am I not?" she asked smiling. Serena laughed. Blair sighed: "Go do your duty, S. I'll see you back home, okay?"

Serena nodded and Blair quickly exited the building. The name was drilling itself in her brain but she fought it. Without pausing to think she quickly opened the search engine in her cell and type Jack Bass. She read through the Gossip Girl blasts, sighing. Her name was often linked with the man, the worst one being the one at their graduation: _Say uncle…_

She skipped that and saw the Chuck Bass- Jack relationship outline. Apparently the man had tried, again and again, to wrestle control of Bass Industries from Chuck and when that failed he had turned upon the Empire. Blair knew how well that had turned out…

As she read, she realized that he was a man with a vendetta. Destruction of Chuck Bass… It was similar to what she herself wanted. But could she do it?

Ten minutes later Blair found herself saying on the phone "Hello, Jack Bass. This is Blair Waldorf. You and I have something to discuss…"

…

**Dun-Dun-Dun**

**So what do you think? Is Blair's scheme going to backfire? Has she gone too far? Will Jack destroy Chuck or would it B's destruction?**

**Thank you angel, Devil-Bass, Katherine Barlow and Mary Belle...**

**Give your opinions/thoughts on this. **

**Review :****)**


	28. Chapter 28

A**/N: I am unsure about this chapter. The beginning is very scattered and fragmented. But I loved writing the last bit. By then I had regained my footing. I had a lot of trouble writing this. Hence it's been weeks since you got an update. This is probably the longest update EVER- I couldn't decide where to end. But I think I chose the right place to end- he he...**

**Oh! And there was this issue with a chapter being uploaded sometime last week. Just to let you know I don't know what happened. I hadn't uploaded anything. All I can say is that it was some kind of malfunction. **

**Warning: ANGST!**

…**..**

"Why are you calling me?" Serena said grumpily on the phone.

Chuck sighed at her awkward voice. Serena wasn't sure how to act around him anymore. Her mother wanted her to be the middle ground between herself and Chuck since they weren't risking anyone unwanted media attention towards the arrest. Visiting Lily would drag Bass Industries into the gossip and they both wanted to avoid that. On the other hand Blair wanted Serena to stop talking with Chuck.

It was a tough place to be.

"Serena, it's important" he said keeping his usual jokes about their quasi- sibling relationship away from the conversation. He had something important to discuss "Is Blair- is she alright?"

Serena scoffed "How dare you? Just because I 'm speaking with you doesn't mean you can use me as an information service on Blair"

Chuck groaned. He had seen his Blair the last few weeks. Beneath the controlled icy surface her eyes were wild. There were dark circles underneath her eyes as though she didn't get enough sleep. She fidgeted with her food swallowing a bite only when people looked at her. The alarm bells had started ringing and he dug out information.

"She stopped seeing her therapist" he said

"What? Are you stalking her now?" Serena said "Look, Chuck, just let her go"

Chuck gritted his teeth "You don't think it's important to know that she stopped seeing her therapist"

"Only because she doesn't need one" Serena said naively "Not that it's any of your business, but Blair is doing just fine"

As always Serena was blind to Blair's subtext "She isn't fine, Serena. She needs help"

"No, she doesn't. All she needs is to stay away from you." She cried impatiently "Leave B alone. Concentrate on your meeting today, Chuck. That's the best you can do"

She hung up and Chuck looked up. He hoped he was wrong. Sighing he made his way to the boardroom.

Sitting at the head of the table in the Bass Industries boardroom was an experience. The seat felt all too powerful as though he had finally overcome all his failings to succeed his father. He could almost feel Bart's ghostly presence as he looked around. Unsmiling and stone-faced and yet satisfied somewhere down below… It was almost surreal to finally take his rightful place but the moment he sat there Chuck knew that this meant more than any individual achievement could. This was his legacy- the Bass legacy and he was given the torch to carry it forward.

Mr. Grayson cleared his throat and began in his low voice: "The prime most concern of the board of members at this moment is the future of Bass Industries and the one to command it. Unfortunately in a very damaging scandal Lily Humphrey had to rescind as CEO and we need to decide who is best fit to step in her able shoes."

Mr. Connor flashed Chuck a reassuring smile. "I have spoken Mrs. Humphrey before and after the arrest. She and I are of the mind that it is time for the Bass Industries to be commanded by a Bass again. Charles Bass is the son of Bart; he was named as the owner of the controlling shares in Bart's will. I think its time to make good of Bart's wishes"

Most of the board members looked approvingly at Chuck but some seemed hesitant about the matter. An elderly woman spoke up softly: "We all know what Bart's will said but what about the morality clause? Is Charles capable of shouldering this responsibility?"

Mr. Connor smiled "Mr. Charles Bass has been running a very successful hotel business for the last two years. The Empire is flourishing as are his plans for several new projects. However Mr. Bass believes it time for him to return to his roots and take care of his legacy. I believe that as a Bass he does have an edge when it comes to the position of CEO at the Bass Industries"

The woman nodded slowly and Chuck could see he had the majority of the board's approval. He felt quite certain about finally being able to get access to his legacy. But, of course, that wasn't to happen.

"Then I think we need to thankful that Charles isn't the only Bass who is interested in returning to his roots" a smarmy voice spoke up confidently from the door. Chuck gritted his teeth as Jack Bass sauntered into the room, flashing him a jovial grin.  
"Gentlemen and ladies, forgive my lateness. My flight was delayed. Nephew dear, how're you?" he said, inclining his head towards Chuck as he sat down.

The sight of Jack Bass sitting in front of him drove all thoughts away from his mind. He was the embodiment of his greatest mistake. He was the sole reason Blair hated him now. He had broken them and he had relished in it. Chuck wanted to slam his head against the wall and he gritted his teeth to control the urge. Instead he listened to the smarmy bastard's speech.

"I believe the general consensus of the board is to consider Chuck as the CEO but speaking as a concerned director, I believe that it would be a grave mistake. My nephew, though talented in many ways, is hardly resourceful or experienced enough to handle such an immense responsibility. Not to mention his image isn't going to attract stockholders. I mean who would want their money hard-earned money in the hands of a womanizing asshole? Not my words, just a generic opinion..."

Chuck fought the rising anger. "That is just speculation, isn't it Uncle Jack? I, on the other hand, still remember the awful situation of stocks when you headed the company. I don't think the stock prices had ever been lower."

Jack gave him a pointed smile 'I 'm not here for myself. I 'm here for the company... Let's just say I 'm here to ensure that it would be taken care of if you decide to disappear from the face of earth for another three months"

Chuck gritted his teeth as several of the board members nodded. He opened his mouth but Mr. Connor shook his head at him. It was better to keep quiet. The board finally announced it unanimous decision that Chuck was to present them with a proposal for his plans as a CEO. If the board decided it was a worthy proposal he would be elected CEO.

"They were quite hard on you, weren't they?" a snide voice said as he walked to his office

Chuck smirked "They were still more willing to choose me as a CEO than you"

Jack laughed "But how long till you screw up?"

He took a calming breath and began "I have proven myself to be a man of adequate business acumen by secluding myself from Bass Industries and making a name of my own in hotelier world. The Empire is a proof of that."

"Oh yes. You did manage to lose the hotel to me and magically regain its ownership within a few weeks. How did you do that again, nephew?" Jack asked with an impish grin

Chuck clenched his fist.

"Oh yes! By trading Blair... Is that how you plan to solve your problems at BI? Send Blair to entertain your investors…"

The punch knocked Jack down on the ground. Chuck pulled him up and slammed him against the wall "Don't even dare to say her name…"

There was a loud murmur and Chuck looked back to see a few members of the boards looking scandalized. Jack wiped the blood on his chin and shook his head. Chuck let go of his collar.

Jack smirked "You never learn from your mistakes, nephew. That's how I win every time"

Chuck breathed hard "Look. Blair and I aren't together anymore. She has nothing to do with this. Leave her out of this"

"Oh... She is free woman, is she? I definitely need to drop her visit" Jack said winking

"You stay away from Blair" Chuck said in a deadly voice

"Oh come on. Now you are being naïve" Jack said softly before leaning forward towards him "Who do you think called me here in the first place?"

…..

It was a foggy day at NYC and the chill permeated through the glass window. Blair shivered as she sat in front of her vanity and brushed her hair. It was a daily routine; one that Eleanor Waldorf established very early on. An hour every morning was spent to ensure that Blair was the picture of perfection, articulately dressed and every strand of hair set in curls. It was a tradition Blair carried doing every day if only to give an appearance of normalcy. But as she sat there, staring at herself, she realized that the girl in the mirror wasn't perfect. Her doe-eyes were tired and drooping with visible dark circles making her eyes look deep set. Her normally flawless skin was too pale as though there wasn't enough blood flow to make her skin glow. Blair squinted hard at the mirror, wondering what was wrong. This was her moment of triumph.

Jack Bass had laughed initially at her carefully phrased question but then he was delighted with the possibility of" screwing over Chuck with her"- his words, not hers. He was going to ensure that Chuck never got to control Bass Industries. It was a well-played scheme; one that would strike down her enemy. Of course the most important thing in Chuck's life is Bass Industries and losing it would cripple him. It was a brilliant move, a war-winning strategy… Yes it was. She should be happy, she should be celebrating. She shouldn't be staring vacantly in front of her vanity fighting tears. She shouldn't feel sick.

But she did. Like every single morning of the past few weeks, she felt sick. She felt fat and she felt dirty. Like sand cupped into her hands was slipping through and she couldn't keep it together. Because she had no control…. She called the shots, she told herself but it didn't change anything. It didn't stop Nate from loving Serena; it didn't stop Serena from being better, more beautiful and more loved. It didn't stop Yale from rejecting her. It didn't stop Eleanor from finding her less and less unlovable. It didn't stop Daddy from leaving.

As she opened the door to her washroom, a voice woke up desperately trying to stop her: But it had changed. Everything has changed. She had become enough for everyone. Her mother, her father, Louis…

_But not Chuck__..._

She slipped down on her knees, carefully locking the door behind her. The porcelain bowl called her to slip into the comfort of darkness, to control for once what she couldn't, to hurt Chuck without hurting herself…

_He wanted you for a night_

Her finger lodged itself in her throat. It knew what to do, how to trigger and soon she coughed and leaned over the bowl. As she purged everything went down.

_All I ever wanted was for you to happy_

But she couldn't be happy, because she wasn't enough. He couldn't make her happy; he couldn't love her for she wasn't enough. Never enough.

The running water and the awful smell made her throw up again but as she purged she emptied herself of everything. Every single promise, every kiss, every touch- they all went down. All the hate and the thirst for revenge- everything was drained off. Till she had nothing but the dull ache in her chest...She slipped back and rested her head the door, tears trailing down her cheeks.

The enormity of what she was doing for the last week came back to haunt her just then. She was supposed to stop; she was supposed to be better than this. But she wasn't... She wasn't the Blair Waldorf who crushed people with her vindictive streak, she wasn't strong, and she couldn't get past this. She was just a girl whose hopes and dreams had been shattered. She was scared; she needed someone to hold her, to drag her back to Dr. Croft, to make her see sense.

She closed her eyes fighting back fear as she heard heavy steps moving towards her room. Dorota... She mustn't see this. Quickly she stood up and brushed her teeth. Flushing the contents of her dark secret she checked her expression. She was fine. She was perfect. No one would see beyond that smile now.

She quickly slipped back to her room and made a show of flipping magazines when her trusted maid walked in and placed a breakfast tray on her bed. Smiling for her benefit, Blair took a bite of the fruit cup she brought in. It tasted like saw dust. She swallowed hard, her stomach protesting but the smile didn't waver. Not until the Polish maid waddled away downstairs.

She dropped the cup immediately. She needed her nerves. She was to see Louis for lunch and then go shopping with Serena. They must not notice that something was wrong with her. But they never noticed, she thought wryly. No one suspected anything in the last few weeks. Louis didn't know her enough to know that beneath the smile she worse she was cracking slowly. And Serena didn't see what she didn't want to see….The only person who could and did notice, she suspected, was someone she avoided thinking of at all times.

Her phone rang and broke her reverie. She watched the phone blinking on the caller id for a whole minute before gathering the courage to pick it up.

"Hey gorgeous" he said in greeting

"Jack..." she said politely

"I would hope for more enthusiasm, gorgeous. After all yours truly had hit the bull's eye but then I always had a knack for hitting the right spots, as you would remember..." he trailed off suggestively

"Luckily I don't." she said bitchily "What exactly happened, Jack?"

"What happened is that the board didn't elect Chuck. And they wouldn't. I have a month before the next meeting and by that time the entire board would be on my side. You should have seen the look of my nephew's face when he saw me..." he said with a note of sadistic pleasure

"Good!" she said, ignoring the clenching pain "But don't become too relaxed. Jack. Chuck will fight back, especially that he knows now that you are involved"

She heard a scoff and then he boomed back "Not to worry, princess. I can work very hard with the right incentive. Why don't you have dinner with me?"

Panic rose within her "I can't…"

"Come on Blair. I 'm sick of plotting over the phone. Come over tonight and we would plot or play…"

"Play with you, Jack" she said bitchily "As far as I see this arrangement is working fine for us"

"You need to be nicer to me, princess. After all without my help your scorned woman mission would fail miserably. I think I deserve some quality gifts for my help"

Blair laughed "Don't lose sight of what is actually happening here. I am helping you, not the other way round. I am giving you a chance to get what you always wanted and you should be thankful for that"

"Well, I am dying to show how thankful I am, princess" he replied huskily

She hung up angrily, clenching her teeth.

…

The idea of Blair Waldorf joining forces with Jack Bass to take him down was like sharp dagger plunged straight to his heart. It had him reeling. The first when Jack said it, Chuck wanted to shove the bastard out of the window; the fact that they were on twenty-third floor be damned. He knew Jack had to be lying; Blair would never do _this_ to him, no matter how hurt she is.

She was angry, he knew that. She was upset and thirsting for revenge but she wouldn't do this to him. She wouldn't try to take his father's legacy away from him. He bent over his desk, clenching his eyes shut.

But she could, she was trying to find ways to destroy him and she was heading towards a nervous breakdown, surely the thought could cross her mind. But then he shook the thought off. All those stolen kisses, the declarations of love passed through his mind. She couldn't, she wouldn't…

Jack was lying.

_Please tell me Jack was __laying. Please tell me you wouldn't betray me like that_

The voice spoke up in his head and he straightened up. He could remember the scene clearly as though it happened yesterday. The black trench coat covering the dress that he had sent her under his uncle's name, the soft trembling lips and unshed tears in her eyes… But what he remembered the most was her eyes. As always they were speaking with him- asking him to not to break her heart or the trust she had so unconditionally instilled in him.

Is this how she felt? Did all those hours of passionate embrace cross her mind? Did his words, his promises echo around in her mind? Did it hurt this much?

Chuck cursed again. He hated himself and in some ways he hated Blair. He hated her because he couldn't ever bring himself to blame her for anything. It was always his fault. His fault that he couldn't say those words, his fault for choosing a stupid hotel over her…

For him it was a simple scheme. He never thought that this would break them up. He was deep in his darkness when he made that decision, having being betrayed by his own mother but even in his insane state of mind he never contemplated that he could lose her. In fact he had been angry at her reaction. She promised to stand by his worst deed, his darkest thoughts and now she was breaking her promise.

For the first time ever he realized how she must have felt standing in that corridor. How she must have felt walking down to that suite that was their home to save him only to realize she was the one that needed to be saved.

It must have destroyed her. Just like it was destroying him now. The fact that nothing happened with Jack was irrelevant just like it didn't matter whether Chuck lost his legacy. It was the fact that Blair was _willing_ to take away his legacy that shattered his heart. Just like hers must have been shattered.

_Blair… Oh God! Blair!_

This must be killing her. He needed to find her.

…..

The Four Seasons was a safe bet for a good lunch. The odds increased when you are Blair Waldorf being escorted by a prince.

"Mother is coming tomorrow. She really wants to meet Blair." Louis said with an adoring look.

Blair smiled "Did you already tell her about me?"

"I have been talking a lot about you or so she says..." he said almost shyly

Blair felt her heart melt. She reached for his hand and he kissed her wrist. Blushing slightly she dropped her eyes to the food. Louis always made her feel good, lighter and far from the broken shell hidden beneath the smiles and confidence.

"I hope she likes me"

I hope she doesn't see the real me.

"She would love you. Mother- Princess Sophie- is painted wrongly by the media. She is a strong woman but underneath it all she is the kindest woman I know. She is already hoping you would be friends" Louis said taking a sip of the wine.

Blair moved around her salad and then chuckled "You must have been extravagant in your description"

Louis blushed "I suppose my feelings for you might have made me biased. But surely you know that you are perfect"

Blair felt tears welling her eyes. Did anyone she knew believe she was perfect? Nate did when they were eight and he used to adore every step she took but that changed when he saw her real face. Chuck did too, until he showed her that she was so imperfect that he would take a hotel over her... Louis did now but soon he would lose sight of that too, the moment he knew the real her.

Her phone buzzed and she picked it up. It was a message from Jack.

_Heard you are in Four Seasons. Shall I drop by for a little chat, princess?_

She flashed a smile at Louis quickly and quickly answered in the negative. She was busy. The reply lighted up her phone.

_Busy with a titled moron? Does the prince know you were my little whore? Enjoy your meal, princess. I found myself a blonde distraction…_

The text blurred in front of her eyes. She quickly grabbed the front of the table to ignore the ringing in her ears.

"Blair, are you okay?"

She nodded and shoved a fork of salad in her mouth. The taste made her want to gag. Her stomach started to churn. She clenched her fists trying to fight it but she couldn't.

"Excuse me, I need to use the ladies room" she said quickly and stalked towards the washroom.

…..

Chuck eyed her sudden exit with trepidation in her heart. He had always loved being right but for once he had hoped that he was wrong. That she wasn't doing what she definitely was doing... He didn't know what triggered it. He had watched them talk and with a pang saw the adoration in the prince's face. The poor idiot was in love with Blair. He had watched her blushes, her shy smiles and with an urge to be sick, realized that it wasn't just a game. She had feelings for him. The thought made him want to rip Louis' heart out.

But he couldn't... He had hoped for so long that one day she would forgive him. But now the question was could he forgive himself?

He followed her stealthily to the washroom, hoping with all his heart that she was just powdering her nose. The door creaked open and he could see her red pumps visible under the stall. His heart pounding he wrenched the door open so quickly that the lock fell down with a clang. Blair looked up with a start.

For a moment they stared at each other. Blair's horrified eyes fixed on his form.

"Don't..." he finally said breaking the silence.

She was frozen, it seemed. A dark flush crept to her face at being caught at this. She scrambled up and cried out loudly: "Out! Get out"

Chuck remained where he was, staring at her with something akin to anger. Anger at him for being the sole reason she was here, anger at her for not being strong enough. For now that he could really see her, he realized how close to her breaking point she was.

"What the hell is wrong with you? What are you doing to yourself?" he demanded

She stood and shook her head nervously "It's not what you think... I wasn't…"

"You weren't? You weren't going to poke yourself with that finger and make yourself sick?" he asked advancing upon her.

She pushed against him "Damn you Chuck Bass"

He caught her arm safely watching the doe –eyes swimming with tears. "Blair, please don't do this. Don't…" He could bear the idea of knowing that she was slowly tearing her insides away.

"I 'm not" she cried out instinctively "And even if I was, not that I am, what would you care?"

He tightened his grasp on her arm, his eyes staring into hers with conviction "I care."

Blair couldn't believe his audacity. She wrenched herself away from him laughing loudly at the absurdity of the statement "Well, don't"

She reached the door when he spoke up again "Blair, I can't just stop caring. I love you"

There it was again. The three precious words... The three words that made her heart skip a beat that sometimes healed a fragment of her crushed soul. But now it tormented her. It drove her back in the darkness. She stopped at the helm of the corridor staring at a mirror. She was ugly, she was used. She was imperfect. She was a whore.

_Does the prince know you were my little __whore?_

She swallowed hard, clutching her throat. It hurt.

_I love you_

She took a deep breath fighting the onset of insane contemplations. She had to outgrow this. She needed control.

_You went there on __your own_

She clutched her head, moaning in pain.

"Blair, are you ok?"

She looked up. Louis was looking at her in concern. His voice held a loving caress. Louis- He made her feel loved, worthy of being loved. He had her feel normal, unused. He was her light. He was sunshine and roses and she needed it. Without thinking she threw herself in his arms, kissing him frantically. He was taken aback by the intensity of her kisses. She pressed herself against him eagerly. With a groan he surrendered, pushing her back in the dark hallway.

It was desperation, it was need. It was the hope that her darkness could be kept at bay. For much later all she heard was gasps and all she felt was Louis.

A loud shattering broke them. With a gasp Blair pulled apart. There were hurried footsteps and people started speaking. Words about damages, accidents and compensation... It was four words that made her peek out.

"I 'm Chuck Bass" was the calm reply

Her eyes met his then. She became oblivious to the world then. His dark eyes were wild. And his hand was bleeding. Shattered remains of the console mirror were scattered on the floor. His eyes were on her. They reflected his pain. And she knew with certainty. He was there. He heard every kiss, every gasp, every word whispered. And each of them had cut through his heart making him bleed till the physical pain became necessary to block out the emotional torture.

It began as a vindictive pleasure but then her heart lodged itself in her throat, constricting her breathing.

_Strike four_

The victory would be so much sweeter if she could only breathe.

The lunch with Louis was intolerable. For once Louis failed to brighten her day as he usually did. She drove with him in his limo, listening to him. But her heart wasn't on it. The salad was weighing heavily on her stomach. She felt bloated. She needed to purge. She didn't to get her control back. She bid him a goodbye refusing his offer to spend the afternoon with him.

She needed her privacy, she needed to be alone. The empty penthouse was a welcome relief. She was relieved that she had the foresight of giving Dorota an early leave. She walked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Assortment of sweets greeted her. She picked up a large blueberry cheesecake and made her way to the table. Setting it down, she picked up a fork. The cake melted in her mouth. It was delicious but by the eighteenth bite it could have been saw dust and she still would be eating it. By the time she finished she felt bloated.

She raced up and dove into her personal haven and tortured release. She purged and purged till nothing remained. Dark spots appeared in front of her and she tried to get up. It was impossible to get up. Her head spun and she felt down on the bathroom floor. She rested her head on the floor and sobbed.

The next thing she remembered was gentle hands touching her and a worried voice calling her name again and again. She forced herself to open her eyes. The first thing she was the dark pink rug and the first thing she felt was cold tiles on her cheek. Had she lost her consciousness? She moved her head and groaned. Chuck Bass was staring down at her, relief evident in his voice

"Thank God"

She sat up reaching for the broken embers of the anger in her but it was too far off. Instead she said in a broken whisper "Go away Chuck. I don't want you here"

He ignored her and pulled her up. She clutched onto him to stand steady. He splashed some water on her face. She steadied herself on the sink and looked away in disgust. She took some Listerine and washed her mouth. She heard Chuck flushing the commode. The awful smell remained and she felt even more disgusted.

"Second drawer... Air freshener" she croaked out. He pulled it out and sprayed it around as Blair tried to wash herself. The attempt exhausted her when she realized she had vomit on her hair. She sat down crying at her pathetic existence.

A zipper slid down suddenly and Blair found her dress pooling at her feet. Her undergarments followed and soon she stood under the shower. Warm water splayed down her back as she closed her eyes and silently let the tears flow with the water. She wanted him to go; she hated that he saw her weakness but if he went she would be sitting alone. No one would see. She felt him applying shampoo to her scalp.

"You don't have to..." she protested noticing the makeshift bandage on his left hand.

He shook his head, his eyes over bright as though he was fighting tears. Slowly he washed her hair and then scrubbed her back. His touch was gentle and unassuming. It was asexual; the touch untainted by lust. He dried her and wrapped her in a robe. Having regained much of her energy she pushed away his arms and dressed herself in a pink baby doll. She could feel his eyes on her and turned to him furiously.

"What?"

"How long have you been doing this? You are skin and bones" he said gently

It was back; her self-righteous anger. "That is none of your fucking business" she snapped. "You can leave now"

He stood where he was. "Blair, if you don't stop what you are doing..."

"What will you do?" her voice rose an octave with the realization at what he could do. He could tell Serena or Gossip Girl " Tell my parents, leak it to gossip girl.. " she trailed off as though something suddenly occurred to her " Will you try to blackmail your way in my life by using this information?"

He blanched "I wouldn't do that. You know I wouldn't."

"Then what are you doing here?"

He shook his head as though she was missing the basic point. She scoffed loudly "Oh right! I remember... You love me?" she spat loudly as though it was most disgusting thing she had ever heard "I have heard that one before. You want to repeat it? Go ahead and then get out"

She stormed to her room and sat on the bed. She quickly texted Serena that she couldn't make it to the shopping date and then tapped her feet waiting for Chuck to leave...

He stood still and then with a sigh.

"Where is Dorota?"

"She is on leave" she said fixing her eyes on the wall. Her throat was lumped with unshed tears. He walked away and she sighed in relief and disappointment. He returned with a small tray and a glass of water.

He placed the glass on her hands. "Drink"

She shook her head. He closed his eyes "Waldorf, you are in grave danger of being dehydrated. Drink now"

She raised her eyebrow but kept the glass firmly away from her lips.

"Fine... Have it your way. I 'm sure Eleanor would love to hear about this" he said shrugging

"You wouldn't" Her mother had only begun to love her and if she knew about her problem she would once again be a disappointment.

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked curiously "You hate me already. You can't hate me more"

"I will destroy you" she cried loudly.

His smile was sardonic and his voice was quiet when he replied sadly "You already did"

Tears welled up in her eyes and she knew that he wasn't talking about the numerous deals she made him lose or the article or even calling Jack Bass. She knew his destruction was linked to hers – just as her destruction was linked to his.

_What a perverse love story_

She lifted the glass and drank. He sat down next to her and watched as she swallowed little bites of chicken and drank the bowl of steaming soup. He didn't speak as she ate. He merely picked up her tray after she was done. There were no words as they both watched Roman Holiday on the TV screen. Nor when he pulled back the comforter and she laid down on her bed.

It was the middle of the night when Blair shifted restlessly against the torment of dreams that the first words hence after were spoken. Strong arms engulfed her and she resisted.

"No!"

"Sshh... Sleep now, Blair" was the gentle command.

And like a child she obeyed. She turned around and snuggled in his arms. And for the first time in weeks, Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass slept through the night. Each held lovingly by the person who was the key to their destruction

…

**Leave a review. Make me happy :)**


	29. Chapter 29

The morning dawned as it always did; the brightness peeking in from outside and startling him awake. But even before he opened his eyes he knew that something was different. He felt different; his head wasn't spinning and there was no dull pain tormenting his back or neck signalling that he might be in a bed and wasn't passed out on the floor, as it now often happened. He felt oddly rested and peaceful. He felt a soft weight on his chest and his stomach fluttered. Instinctively he pulled himself closer to the warmth of the soft body nestled in his arms. The strawberry smell put everything down to perspective and he knew what felt so right this morning. Blair was there; in his arms.

The thought made him want to see whether it was true. He opened his eyes and stared down at the perfection that she was- Brown curls were splayed across his chest, her soft cheek nestled on the crook on his arm. A light hand rested on his chest and she slept. His heart thudded as he stared in awe at the beautiful creature in his arms. The smile had reached his lips when it slipped off. Memories of her damaged self rushed back. His hand moved down to her hips and he closed his eyes in frustration. Her hip bone was jutting out. She was literally skin and bones. He stared at her skin noticing the unhealthy paleness that had taken place of her usual porcelain skin. Dark circles were oddly visible to him and his heart shattered as he watched at the physical evidence of her destruction and he felt angry; so angry at her. How could she dare to do this to herself? She was supposed to be triumphant. She was dating a Prince; she was gaining her revenge with style. He had let her win – he had let her destroy him. He had let everything she wanted happen and still she was destroying herself? He was angry at the utter idiocy of his Blair. She wanted to destroy him… well he could live with that... He could even live with her having sex with that Prince what-his-face even though it burnt like arson running down his veins. He couldn't, however, stand by and watch her destroy herself

Fighting the urge to shake her awake and demand answers he gently pulled away and left her. He needed to make her see sense, he needed to make her act the way she should and he needed her to stop killing herself. The first step would be to ensure that she got the help she needed. It took several minutes for the plan to form in his head. He pulled out his cell phone and noticed frantic messages from his secretary. He called her and told her that he wasn't coming to office today for personal reasons. With Jack whispering in the ears of the board, the last thing he needed was another rumor about he disappeared again.Several calls and an hour later, he stood at her bedroom door again. She was awake. He had heard her steps as he moved around downstairs. Taking a deep breath he opened the door.

Blair was standing in front of her vanity and looking at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were critical as she surveyed herself. The sight made him extremely angry. He controlled the rage as their eyes met in the mirror.

"You are still here" she said in a controlled voice

Chuck nodded .She turned and looked him straight in the eye. "Why are you here?"

He shrugged. "You need some breakfast" he said placing the tray he carried on the bed. He had never done that before in his life but he knew that in the absence of Dorota, Blair could easily starve herself. She watched intently as he placed the heavily laden tray on the bed and a smirk curled her lips reluctantly

"Very domestic, Bass"

It melted his core to see a simple smirk. If only it reached her eyes... The unspoken bittersweet tone of the morning after wasn't lost to him. What to do say when all is lost? How does one speak when the story ends and all that is left is a dark abyss of loss? Shaking his head to disperse the thoughts he said:

"I ordered for everything I could think of. There are waffles, eggs, toast, porridge, fruit cups, yogurt..."

She eyed the breakfast losing the smirk too easily.

"Very thorough but that doesn't answer my initial question. Why are you here, Bass?"

"The question isn't important now, Waldorf" he said

"On the contrary I think it's supremely important" Blair said maintaining her icy calm exterior.

Chuck shrugged "Blair, we can talk about this later. You should eat first" he said gently

Her eyes flashed to his face and in a moment of sudden anger, her icy facade cracked "Stop it Chuck. Just stop it. I'm not going to starve myself to death, okay... So you can stop this I-care-about-you so much act"

He moved closer to her "Blair please..."

"I-don't- need- your-pity" she said with gritted teeth "I don't need anyone's pity"

"I do not pity you. For fuck's sake Blair, I lo..."

She took a step back and gasped loudly "No! Don't say it. Don't say those words" she commanded shaking her head

"I mean them with all my heart"

"No, you don't..." she said shaking her head firmly "You have no idea what those words mean. And no matter how many times you say them, it's not going to change anything"

Chuck closed his eyes "Fine. I won't say them again." He sighed and looked down at the untouched breakfast tray. "Eat something"

"I want you to leave" Blair continued as though he hadn't said anything.

He eyed her cautiously and then shook his head stubbornly "No. I 'm not going anywhere..." He motioned towards the tray "Eat..."

"I 'm not hungry and you are leaving"

"For fuck's sake Blair, eat" he growled out

Her eyes flashed in anger "How dare you?"

"How dare _you? _How dare you do this to yourself? "He said roughly his anger at her getting better of him

She stepped back quickly, her face losing colour "You have no right to come barge in and interfere in my life"

"I think I got that right when I was wiping vomit off your hair last night" he snapped

She went white as he said that. In a sudden motion of vulnerability, she sat down on her bed. She looked shocked and for a moment he regretted his outburst. She seemed to be taking his blow at her lowest time very badly but he knew she needed some tough love and it seemed he was the only one who could get through to her. He sat next to her and scooped up some eggs and a toast. He handed them to her and she took them without voicing anything.

"I knew..." she said softly "I knew you would use last night to manipulate me"

His heart broke at that.

"Is that really what you..." he trailed off at the look on her face. Yes, that is what she thought of him. The lowest scum who would manipulate anyone and everyone for his own happiness... And there was nothing he could say to dispute that. His actions had proved him to be such.

"I know you hate me" he began slowly. She looked up from her breakfast. He handed her a glass of juice which she took dutifully. He waited until she drank it before continuing "I 'm not asking you to change that. I have done so many awful things in the past. I know it would be difficult for anyone to trust me after that. I 'm not making excuses for my behaviour or even asking you to forgive me... I am just asking you to let me be there...I 'm just asking you to let me be there for you when you need me." He said his eyes fixed on the flower blossoms bed sheet.

He could feel her eyes on him as he spoke. She didn't reply to any of his pleas. She stood up and faced him.

"Thank you for last night, Chuck" she said formally "I can take it from here. I have an important day ahead of me- Princess Sophie is arriving today and I have to meet her. You can leave now"

"Right..." he said gruffly and stood up "Take care, Blair" He nodded once again and left.

Blair stood watching him leave. She heard the elevator ding and sighed. He had left but yet he was still here. Just like she hated the lone strand of pink peony on her breakfast tray and yet didn't.

...

"Princess Sophie is at the consulate, Blair" Louis said apologetically "She will meet you as soon as she can"

Blair bristled inwardly at the casual dismissal that Louis gave her. Either he didn't spitefully understand that his mother was showing Blair her place or he was too naive to understand the wiles of woman power games. By refusing to meet Blair on her first evening in New York, Sophie had already shown her disinterest in this match. She would be the commoner girl Louis dated but who was yet to get the Royal Family approval.

"I thought you said she was dying to meet me" she replied sweetly "She got over that affliction very quickly"

Louis laughed loudly at that. "God, Blair, you're so funny... I promise Mother would meet you as soon as she is free. It's a diplomatic matter. She has to meet the White house delegates and attend the French Embassy get-together"

"There is a get-together at the French Embassy..." she asked in a gentle voice, knowing it would fool Louis easily enough. She couldn't believe the princess didn't invite her. It would be a perfect introduction to the French as the would-be princess.

"Oui... I have to be there as well so I would have to cancel the dinner plans, Cherie" he said

Blair felt an odd panic well within her. It was different from the anger she felt at the princess. It was the idea of losing Louis that made her want to gag. It was partly that she liked him a lot and that he was perfect to her. But it was mostly because he was the only reason she felt her worthy enough to stand and face the world. But if he left, then everyone would know that she wasn't good enough for anyone.

The idea was cutting through her heart. He couldn't leave... he couldn't...

"Louis..." she tried hard to keep the trace of panic away from her voice. " I don't want to lose what we have..."

"Blair, ma Cherie, you aren't losing me. It's just for a night. I've to go now but I 'll call you soon, okay?" he asked gently

She hung up, staring at the darkening sky of her bedroom. She and Serena had spent the entire day shopping for the perfect dress to meet Louis' mother. Her minions had enviously stared at her and literally worshipped her. For once in a long time she had felt worthy of being queen. For once she had realised that she might not have lost everything. If she could keep the worst secret of all times hidden then she could have a chance at seizing happiness again. She just had to ensure that no one saw the real her.

But now as she was losing Louis, she realised that they would always know. They would always see the real her. She stared at her in the mirror eyeing the flab on her waist. Princess Sophie had seen through her without ever meeting her. She wasn't worthy of anything...The oyster she had for lunch burned her throat and she felt herself being pulled towards porcelain bowl. She cried out, shaking her head. She shouldn't give up. She should fight it...

But what did she have to fight for?

She needed control. She strived for control... she needed to make Sophie want her and for that to happen, she needed to purge. She moved desperately towards the bathroom when the elevator dinged. She froze. She couldn't risk being caught. A part of her was furious at whoever had decided to come strolling in but the other part seemed to be happy not to be purging again. She wiped her eyes and walked out. She wondered if it was Serena, but she was supposed to be with Eric who was participating in inter-school debate. Dorota was on a holiday...

"Chuck..." she whispered as she caught sight of him lazily walking in.

He looked up at her.

"Waldorf"

The sight made her wanted to hurt him. How dare he stroll back here?

"What the hell are you doing here?"

He nodded "Well … I thought…"

"You thought wrong. Just leave, okay" she said instinctively. She wanted to be alone in her darkness. Did she? The idea of hollow silence ringing in her ears as she cried in her hands wasn't welcoming.

"Blair…"

"I thought I made it clear in the morning. I am thankful for whatever you did but I don't want you here. I have plans…" she said slowly

"Yes... and since your plans got cancelled, I am here" he said shrugging placing a bundle on the table.

"How the hell did you know that? Do –do you tap my phone?" she asked incredulously

He turned with a smirk "No, but that is a good idea. "

"Chuck…"

"My PI found out the RSVP list to the embassy dinner" he said simply "And when I found out Louis isn't in it ..."

"You swooped in to play games with me" she concluded with a disgusted tone.

He shook his head. "I 'm not here to play... I 'm here to eat."

"For the love of God, Chuck…"

"I'll leave directly after dinner, I promise" he said seriously. They sat down and ate. Blair mentally counted the calories as she ate but she didn't stop eating because she knew Chuck was counting the bites she took. The food swarmed uneasily in her stomach and she knew the moment Chuck left she would be on her knees, purging. A part of her desperately wanted him to leave and the other silently pleaded him not to. He seemed to be more in tune with the latter. He waited as she finished her nightly chores and she placed the comforter on her as she curled up in her bed. He switched off the light and stood up when she felt herself grab his arm. It was the idea of getting a full night's sleep again that made her whisper:

"Stay, please"

…

It had become a ritual for them and Chuck was happy with the way it worked. He woke early every morning and ordered breakfast. They ate together and he left leaving Blair to her own devices. He kept out of her way during the day, knowing better than to push it but he kept tabs on her. Usually she went to her classes and worked on her assignments, met with her minions and had lunch with Serena. Then there were times when she met the Prince. The pictures of them kissing were burnt on his office table regularly, leaving its burnt smell lingering in his office. Something which Jack had picked up pretty quickly the one time he stopped by at his office.

"Planning to burn Bass Industries than hand it over to me... Now there's the difference between you and me, nephew. For me Bass Inc always comes first" he said with a sneer

Chuck didn't reply back. Instead, he spent the days working on his future plans for Bass Industries. He needed a perfect proposal for the board to see that his father knew what he was doing when he left Chuck as the CEO.

The only thing more important than that was Blair's health. He knew from his daily reports that she was doing better and yet there were times when she disappeared to the washroom for a few minutes. He didn't know how to stop that. He dropped by every night with food from her favorite restaurants. They ate in silence and then they slept in each other's arms. No questions asked, no answers given.

It was an improvement but not much. Blair was still thin, she was still restless and she often woke up from nightmares. She needed help- professional help.

He threw aside the paper he was reading and stared at the things he ordered for her. Was it enough nourishment for her? Milk... she needed some milk. Slowly he made his way to the kitchen. He knew that Blair hated cold milk but he knew that sometimes she would warm up a glass of milk and drink it. He found it strange and used to tease her about it. She used to be really offended. Smiling at the memory of her nose scrunched up haughtily, he placed a pan and poured milk in it. He also pulled out grapes, apples and peaches. He placed them on a blue tray with folded napkins on the side. He realized that the tray needed some flower or maybe a flower. He was about to call Arthur when he noticed the burnt smell. He turned around to see his milk bubbling. He cursed loudly and put the pan off the stove.

"Mister Chuck, you trying to burn down house?" Dorota asked from the living room. She looked comically surprised.

"Dorota, when did you come? I thought it was you are on leave"

She clucked her tongue impatiently and took away pan from him. "Dorota worried about Miss Blair so I come even though she say no... What you doing here?"

"I ..." he trailed off "I want to make sure she is okay"

"Miss Blair don't want you here" Dorota said sourly, her eyes angry

"I know" he said "But she needs me"

He half expected a full rant from Dorota asking him to leave then and there. Instead she looked at him with a worried expression.

"She no doing well, Mister Chuck" Her eyes filled with tears "And she doesn't let me help her. She push me away"

Chuck felt a rush of affection for her. The Polish maid was eternally loyal to Blair. She loved Blair without reservations and probably has never hurt her charge. She was probably the only one person who had never hurt her.

"She can't push me away. I'll ensure she gets the help she needs" Chuck said with an air of stern determination. Dorota looked at him with too wise eyes and he shook his head gruffly. She patted his shoulder and went to her charge. He could hear her conversing with an upset Blair.

Help… Professional helps... He scrolled down his numbers and stopped at the number Mike had texted him. Dr. Steven Croft… Sighing he called the number.

He made the appointment and curled his fists. He knew Blair would be difficult about this. Dorota came down a few minutes later, with a disgruntled expression.

"Meese Blair- a right pain in ass" she muttered.

Chuck chuckled softly. He needed to tell her about her appointment with Dr. Croft. Resigning himself to her wrath he made his way to her room. He stopped at her door when he heard talk gently to someone.

"What do you mean you are going to Washington?" she asked, an angry tone coated in her patient voice. Chuck wondered whether he should just go back downstairs.

"I understand it's something Princess Sophie needs to do, but why are you going?"

Chuck faltered to take the next step. Louis… she was talking to Louis.

"Louis, we haven't met properly for a week now. Ever since your mother came back... you have been making excuses..." she stopped suddenly and then began angrily "No, I am not being unreasonable. It's not fair to me if you leave me like this..."

Chuck felt hope blossoming in his chest. Her relationship with the Prince wasn't as perfect as it seemed. He was selfish enough to take pleasure in that. Until he heard her speak again...

"I can't lose you..." she said with a broken cry.

It tore to his heart. The sheer longing in her voice made him want to hurl...

"I know..." she said next and she seemed to be calming down as he spoke. He waited on tenterhooks for her to speak.

"Yes, Louis. I know..." she said in a calm voice "I love you too"

There was nothing but conviction in her voice and suddenly Chuck felt dizzy. Clenching his recently healed fist he raced down the stairs. He couldn't stay here... He couldn't breathe... He staggered down the last few steps toppling the vase on the table in his haste to get out.

"Mister Chuck..." Dorota said hurrying out of kitchen. She stopped at the look on his face.

"I can't…I can't…" he said and walked off. He had reached the elevator when he heard her.

"Chuck…" she said his name with no emotion.

He looked back at the doe eyes brimming with undecipherable emotion and entered the elevator. He waited for the door to close before he collapsed on the floor.

…..

He was gone….

Gone…

Now there was nothing to hold her back. No one to watch her every move- He was gone, just like he always did. There was nothing to pull him back. There was nothing to hold his interest. She wasn't enough. She was never enough. She felt herself empty her stomach as she cried. Like a disinterested shade floating overhead she saw the vomit floating on the bowl, she eyed the tears dropping on her hands…

He was gone. And he wasn't coming back... He would no longer hold back her hair and rub her back soothingly. He would no longer place her into the bed and rock her to sleep. He would no longer press soft kisses on her forehead when he thought she was asleep. He would no longer whisper "I m sorry" to her until he fell asleep.

He would no longer….

"Meese Blair…"

Blair hadn't the energy to look back at her maid. She couldn't see pity in her eyes, not yet.

"Meese Blair... I call Mister Chuck?"

Tears dripped down her cheeks.

"He won't come..." she said

"Of course I will…" said a very familiar voice. The two women turned in surprise. Chuck walked in and sat next to her. Blair eyed him as he moved closer. He squatted next to her.

"Make us a decent lunch, Dorota "Chuck ordered. The maid moved away eyeing the couple with tearful eyes.

Chuck wiped her tears. And pulled out a wet tissue and wiped her face.

"Are you done?"

She nodded, hanging her head in shame. He flushed the toilet and pulled her up. She washed her mouth and he stood staring at her. The tears began again as their eyes met in the mirror.

"Chuck…"

"You need to stop this, Blair" he said firmly "You need help to stop this..."

She turned and stared at him "You came back..."

"I made an appointment with Dr. Croft. You will see him today" he said leading her out and making her sit down. "He will see at 6"

She shook her head "No, I won't. ..."

"Blair…"

"He doesn't help, Chuck" she said softly "He doesn't help at all"

He cupped her face and said firmly "He will, if you let him"

Her eyes met his and she shook her head again.

"I don't know why you do this. I don't know why you can't see that you are perfect- I don't know why you don't understand that everything that happened was my fault. That your only mistake was to love me too much" his voice broke but he continued firmly "I don't know why you don't see that you aren't the one who isn't worthy, it's me. I need to be punished for what I did... so punish me, Waldorf"

"Chuck…"

"Punish me... Destroy me... But don't destroy yourself"

"I can't stop" she confessed brokenly

"But you need to... For Eleanor, for your father, for Serena, for Cyrus, for Nate..." he looked down at their joined hands "For Louis"

And then she knew. She knew why he had left. He had heard her confession to Louis. He had heard her say those three words to him.

As though reading her mind he continued "You love him. And as much as that hurts me, I know that you deserve to love again and be loved. Heal yourself for him, Blair."

She fought the tears threatening to fall and cupped his face. "And you?"

"You love him, Blair" he said again "And I love you"

This time she didn't fight the words. This time she didn't pull away. This time she placed her head on his chest and cried.

…..

It happened two days later.

Chuck was visiting Lily and updating her with his plans for the proposal he was to present to the board in a couple of weeks. For someone living in a prison, Lily was quite happy. She was still well-kept. Her hair was perfectly brushed and she even wore lipstick. He laughingly teased her on whether she was cheating on Rufus with prison guard.

" That would be something, Charles, but given that she happens to be quite a large lady with no business empire to handover to me when we divorce, I would have to say she isn't my type" Lily said with her impish smile.

Chuck smiled and took her hand in his "You are looking good, Lily"

"I 'm feeling better... I feel like I 'm finally taking responsibility for what I did." She said slowly "I sleep better with a clear conscious. I just miss Rufus and my children a lot"

Chuck leaned forward and said seriously "I will do anything I can to get you out of here. My lawyer believes that the judge can be convinced for a house arrest if you serve a month more here. Just hang in there"

"I know, Charles and I am so thankful"

"No. Don't thank me, Lily, it's the least I can do" he said sincerely

His phone buzzed then and he picked it up. It was Gossip Girl.

**Spotted: A Bass in the net! Uh-oh B, ****What's this? We knew that you were debating back and forth Bass and Louis but have you decided to have more than one fish to play with- A bigger Bass, is it? What else could be the reason for the unceremonised visit from Uncle Bass? I'll let you know as soon as I have cracked this one. XOXO Gossip Girl**

The phone almost slipped from his hand. He managed to stand up and race to the door.

"What's the matter, Charles?"

"I have to go" he said quickly as he raced out. He entered his limo and asked Arthur to take him to the Waldorf residence with strict instructions to jump all the lights he could. The limo travelled for a solid half hour before it came to a stop. Chuck jumped out of it. His heart was thudding loudly as he pushed for the elevator button.

He knew he could find Blair in pieces. Jack Bass was trouble and he was to be kept miles away from Blair especially since she was in such a vulnerable state. He cursed his uncle. Blair was doing much better once she got help but now…

The elevator arrived as did his step sister.

"You bloody asshole...what are you doing here?" she cried loudly

He ignored her and entered the elevator. Serena walked in with him and shouted "Get out of here, Chuck. She doesn't want to see you. And after what you did…"

"Just shut up, Serena" he snapped. It was rich of her to demand answers from him when she failed to notice Blair's problem in the first place. "At least I come when she needs me, whether or not she wants me."

"What are you trying to imply? That I do not…" she cried "I jumped in the cab immediately after I read that blast. What the hell was Jack doing here?"

"I don't know..." he muttered brusquely as the door opened and they both stepped in the penthouse.

"Blair…" Serena called loudly. There was no answer. It echoed down the empty penthouse. "Where the hell is ... Oh my god"

Chuck walked forward and froze. Lying down on the stair case landing with her legs curved was Blair. Her head was resting against the last step and blood was oozing out slowly to stain the carpet. He rushed forward immediately.

"Blair... Blair..."

"No! Don't move her" Serena commanded "She might have a head injury. I 'm calling 911"

Chuck nodded distractedly. No... Not again. Not Blair... What was wrong with the universe? Why was fate always against Blair? Let her start afresh... let her live her life again.

He stared at her counting her breaths. He took her hand and kissed her wrist, closing his eyes as he felt her pulse.

"Blair... please... please…"

"Chuck…" said a faint voice.

He opened his eyes and started speaking in a gush of relief "God, Blair... you will be fine"

"I ... was... lying" she said slurring slightly

He saw Serena come sit beside her. "B..." she said gently "They are coming." She added for his benefit

"I... was...lying, Chuck" Blair said closing her eyes

There was a rush as the crew entered. Chuck held onto her hand as they gently placed her on the stretcher. They were in the elevator when she let go of his hand. Her lips moved and he leaned down to catch the words.

"I did love you after… all that you did"

His heart stopped at the words and in a frantic beat he understood. She remembered, she remembered everything. The thought was lost in the slamming of the ambulance door.

…**A/N: How excited are you about the season premier? I can't believe that it's coming back... The promos weren't very exciting but 'm hoping to see a decent Chair storyline. I was recently chatting with a fellow Chair fan and she told me I lacked proper Chair pride… She says I am not proud of Chair as I don't defend Chair from the accusations it faces. My answer to that is that I am a Chair fan but it doesn't mean I am blind to Chuck's faults. I don't support 3.17 or 4.20 and I believe that Chuck has often made grave errors. The show has never really shown Chuck's love for Blair… I accept their faults and I want the writers to correct them. I don't close my eyes to their issues and act like 3.17 or 4.20 is an acceptable thing in a relationship. If that makes me a Chair non-fan who ships them then so be it. I 'm sorry for putting you through this rant but I just needed to justify myself. **

**Finally let me know what you think of the chapter. I put a lot of effort in this chapter. Also there are three to four more chapters left of this story. Now ****it's time to review this chapter.**


	30. Chapter 30

Blair walked inside with a serene smile on her face. The sessions with Dr. Croft were picking up and very slowly she had been able to stop purging. She still relapsed from time to time but the frequency of her relapses was decreasing slowly. She felt relief when she let herself go in that office. It was so much of a relief to admit that she was weak, that she needed help and finally to let someone help her. She was thankful to Chuck for making her see Steve. She knew she had to be thankful to him for much more than just that.

And yet there was the question of how much can you be indebted to your savior when he was the one who destroyed you?

"Good afternoon, princess"

Blair froze. The voice was smarmy and smug. It was familiar too. She had heard them over and over again on the phone. She turned slowly facing the man with her heart pounding.

"Jack…" she murmured

He smirked in all too familiar fashion making her stomach clench. She wasn't supposed to know his face but she did. She recognized his demeanor, his walk and his smarmy smile all too familiarly. The thought made her sick.

"You have been avoiding me, Princess" he said

_I told Chuck that he could either have the hotel or you. He chose to give me you._

Blair gasped as the image swam in front of her eyes. His cruel eyes were narrowed her. His smooth shaven cheek felt unfamiliar. As though she needed him to have some facial hair…

"_Let's__ get this over with..."_

_He leaned down and pressed a sickening kiss on her lips. She almost gagged but she couldn't. It felt wrong... so wrong to have his hand on her waist and the other one groping her breast._

"No..." she said moving backwards fighting the surge of memories. She didn't want to remember- Not that. Anything but that…

"Blair…"

"Leave ...Please now" she whimpered pathetically.

"Come on, princess. I need to know you haven't jumped out of my ship. I 've heard my nephew's been spending a lot of his time here with you." He smirked "What? The gentle Prince can't keep you satisfied, can he?"

"_With all the work problems, Chuck mustn't have been able to satisfy you, huh?"_

_She hated him. She hated his very existence._

"_Let's__ make this clear. The only reason I am here is because I don't want Chuck to lose his hotel. This is all because of him"_

_His hands on her felt unnatural. He shouldn't be touching; his tongue shouldn't be plundering her mouth. Her kisses weren't for him. They were for Chuck- only Chuck. She belonged to him and now…_

_She wanted to cry but instead she opened her mouth giving him more access. She needed to do this, for Chuck._

"You have always been a wild one, haven't you princess?" he said mockingly, his mint laced washing over her face.

_Mint__... he smelled of mint._

_And she hated it._

_She wanted him to smell of scotch and a raw smell of Chuck._

_Oh Chuck... Chuck…_

_He laughed cruelly as he fingers probed her open. _

"_Missing__ my nephew?" he said sticking his finger inside her dry core. She groaned loudly. "Well, I promise that I will find him... if you be a very naughty girl for me"_

_She cried, her tears salting their kisses. She couldn't believe she was doing this. She was Blair Waldorf._

_And he was Chuck Bass. And she would pay any price to find him. He was gone for so long... what if he never came back? What if…._

"It was for him" she murmured fighting the brightness of the suppressed moments.

She flinched when she felt a cold finger caressing her cheek.

"What's gotten into you, princess?" he said eyeing her cautiously "Has my nephew gotten you under a leash again?" He asked pulling her closer.

"No! No!" she cried struggling hard against him. He laughed at her desperate attempts. She closed her eyes and screamed fighting with all she could. The repulsion, past and present, overwhelmed her and the visions passed as the darkness invaded.

Chuck… Chuck... Chuck…

"No!"

"Shut up, princess. You know I hate it when the woman doesn't want it too." He mocked her with his words next "I 'm the more moral Bass you know"

Her eyes opened at that as she fought the demons of past. He swooped in and silenced her with a forceful kiss. His lips bruised her soft mouth and she screamed silently. No, this wasn't happening again. He had bruised her dignity twice but not this time. With the last bit of strength she bit on his lips hard. He let go of her with a scream. She pushed him away and scrambled up the stairs.

"Whore!" he yelled and she heard footsteps. She scrambled past the stairs her shoes slipping off her feet. She heard the ding of elevator and she swung downwards to watch him leave. Before she knew the slipped down and screamed... Pain engulfed her as her head hit on the bump.

And then it was darkness.

…"Twenty year old female, known amnesiac, BP-150/100... Heart rate- rapidly increasing…"

There was an odd flicker of bright yellow lights.

"Oxygen mask, quick"

Something pierced through her lungs and everything came into focus. The incessant chatters and the poking of needles in her hand...

"Possible heart condition, confirmed bulimic…."

She heard someone gasp. And then she was moving. She was moving and her head was swimming. She was eight and her Daddy brought her the best princess cake that was ever made. It was of Cinderella but instead of the blonde hair and blue eyes, the face was of Audrey Hepburn. She was fourteen when Nate knelt down in front of her and looked lovingly at her with blue eyes and made her wear his ruby ring. She was sixteen when her mother tucked her to bed once again. After years she saw the warmth in Eleanor's eyes. She was seventeen when Chuck kissed her shoulder and placed the sparkling Erickson-Beamon necklace around her neck.

"Emergency- Contact Dr. Brennan immediately"

…..

Serena stood watching her best friend and sister being wheeled away into the ICU. Her throat felt dry as she watched the tiny brunette disappear behind the white doors. The horrible nightmare that had come across them eight months ago seemed to be upon them once again. Possibilities, one direr than the other, ran through her mind and she released a long tortured breath.

She needed to be strong. She needed to be here for Blair. She reached for her phone and called all the necessary people. A shocked Harold and a hysterical Eleanor promised that they would catch the next flight out. Nate said he would be there within an hour after he picked up Dorota. Finally she called the French consulate at Washington, leaving a message for Prince Louis. As far as she knew, Louis would want to know…

Once her chores were done, she sat staring at the blank white wall. She cursed inwardly sobbing in her hands. Why did this happen again?

When…

A sudden realization made her sit up. She looked around, seeking her step-brother frantically. He was sitting in the nearest chair to the ICU, his face white as the chair he sat on. She felt an odd surge of pity flush through her. She stalked down to him.

"Chuck…"

He sighed, not looking up.

"Did- did she relapse?"

She hated the question. She hated asking him the question. She should know... she should be the one helping her best friend. But she failed Blair- again.

He nodded tiredly. She clenched her fists and sat down next to him.

"Why?" It was a desperate question

"Me..."

There was a silence as the implication of the statement sunk in. Then Serena broke it with the question of the moment.

"What did he-he do to her?"

Chuck didn't answer .He merely looked at her. Serena shivered, watching the murderous light in his eyes.

She didn't want to know.

…..

It was late at night when both pairs of parents arrived. Eleanor looked close to collapsing and managed to walk because Cyrus was holding her closely. They were patiently awaited by Elizabeth Brennan. She had developed a keen affection for the broken girl, who seemed unable to leave her past behind.

She watched the familiar faces, all drawn in solemn attention and began:

"Blair received quite a blow to her head this afternoon. Her emotional fragility affecting her blood pressure and the weakness from her eating disorder..." they all flinched with the exception of Chuck, who looked like he was made of stone. " resulted into an aggravated state of hysteria. There is no need to panic though. Blair is stable. Her head injury in minor and her vital stats are healthy. Physically, I don't see any danger to Blair."

They thanked her and slowly filed out.

…

It was familiar, eerily familiar. The darkness that whirled around her and the weight that pressed upon her chest. She knew that she could get stuck here as she had before but as this time the darkness eased out slowly. She fought the growing exhaustion in her limbs with every ounce of will and opened her eyes.

It was a white ceiling which caught her eye. That was what she noticed first until she tried to move and the pain began. Her head hurt and as she opened her mouth she released her throat hurt as well. She closed her eyes in pain, groaning softly. She felt rather than saw the shapes of various medical personnel helping her .They eased the pain and made her sit up.

"Blair..." said a gentle voice.

Blair looked up to stare in the icy blue eyes of Dr. Brennan. The woman smiled at her.

"How do you feel?" she asked "Are you hurting?"

"My head "Blair murmured "I –It hurts to speak"

Elizabeth nodded and patted her head. "We are taking care of it. Do you feel nauseous?"

Blair shook her head and then whimpered. Her head was sore.

"That's very good. Just lie down and we will take care of everything" the woman spoke.

Blair lay down and watched her check her charts. The sights were familiar. Just like the darkness. It felt strangely natural to see herself like this. Hurt and injured, lost in a world that was familiar and yet not…

_A story wiped away…._

Blair clutched at her chest, tears leaking through her eyes. And yet she remembered. Everything... Like sand that had slipped away from her hand accumulated at her feet. The brush of breeze which slipped past her now caressed her cheeks again… Yes she remembered. And she hated the memories.

She remembered torturing herself with the idea of losing her Queen Bee title to Serena. She remembered Nate's confession of his betrayal. She remembered her mother's marriage to Cyrus. She remembered losing Yale... She remembered playing a heroine in her prom…She remembered dancing at Victrola with _his _eyes fixed on her with awe. She remembered holding kissing him for the first time... She remembered the jolt of fire that raced to her core where their lips met... She remembered their playful attempts at seduction next year... She remembered the long torturous nights of not knowing where he was... She remembered saying those three words, eight letters to him… She remembered the utter bliss that surrounded her when he said them back. She remembered holding hands for the first time... She remembered the giddy smiles, the passionate hours, and the tenderness in his eyes... She remembered Jack… She remembered crying in Dorota's arms... She remembered Ana... She remembered Jenny…

And Eva...

_He stood still, his jaws clenched and his eyes angry._

"_You did all this to Eva because you hate me? You wanted revenge Blair?"_

_She stood staring at him like an imbecile. She did not know what to say or what to feel-The anger and pain in his face was evident and she realized how much she had hurt him. She felt like crying- She did not hurt Chuck-she could not- She was the one he turned to when he was hurt-but now she had hurt him_

"_Chuck..."she began softly_

_He shook his head and began harshly_

"_I can't believe you hate me so much that you wanted to take away the person I care most about. It is a wonder that I somehow managed to make her stay-"_

_He had no idea how much the words hurt- He cared so much for her-_

"_This means war Blair- You versus me- No limits!"He finished harshly_

_This time the name fell with regret and pain_

"_Chuck..."_

_He was she stood there staring after declared war on her for Eva- she had been in his time for a month and he was ready to fight for her. Had Chuck ever fought for Blair?_

_No-She had never meant so much for him that he would fight for her- try to destroy the person who hurt her. He only destroyed her-_

She remembered hearing his words... She remembered the pain she felt and the realization that stuck her just before the lorry hit her. He was a part of her- He would always be.

And since he was a part of her- no matter how much he hurt her, no matter how much she wanted to forget everything about his existence- she came running along when he needed her. And she always would. She knew that too, because she would never get over him-She loved him too much. Even if she managed to love someone else- he would still be in her heart. On the other hand he could love someone more than he loved her.

Maybe he never loved her much anyway. The intensity of her feelings was way beyond his-The love in their relationship was from her side- she loved him unconditionally- he never loved her that much.

Or at all…

She whimpered at the thought.

"Give it a moment, Blair. I have injected the painkiller. You will feel better soon." The doctor said.

Blair didn't say anything. He had come back, though. He had held her through the darkest of nights and rocked her to sleep. He had held her hair back as she purged... He had come back time and again after she hurt him again and again... After she brought back Jack…

"No…" she murmured

"Here you go, Blair" Dr. Brennan said "Try and relax"

The pain eased away and she felt the soft welcome lull of sleep.

…

Blair Waldorf was conscious and after an impromptu session with Dr. Croft she was allowed visitors. It was her parents who walked in at first. She could see the tears on her mother's face and the worry lines on her Daddy's face.

"You will get wrinkles, Daddy" she said hoarsely. Eleanor burst into tears and hugged her. She felt her father settle behind her and hug both the women in his life. Blair smiled. It felt good. It reminded her of those rare times in her childhood when Daddy used to rock them both to sleep.

"This is all my fault. I shouldn't have let you stay here alone" Eleanor gasped

"Mother…" she began tiredly

"She is right, Bear. After the accident we should have known better than to leave you to deal with this alone." Harold interjected.

Blair shook her head. She remembered a different pair of arms rocking her to sleep and kissing her softly.

"I wasn't alone" she murmured.

Eleanor smiled brightly.

"Louis has been calling incessantly. He will be here in a few hours"

Blair flushed, enjoying the skip of her heart. And true to his word. Louis arrived with an entourage of press reporters following him within an hour. He looked rumpled and his handsome face was worried as he peeked in. Dorota and Serena, who had been talking to her, walked out to give them privacy.

"Oh Blair, ma Cherie..." he walked forward and kissed her deeply. She responded to his touch, his presence calming her as it always did. "You had me so worried"

"I 'm sorry"

"Don't apologize! I just can't bear the thought of you …" he trailed off and kissed her again.

She met them all, surprising them with her newly found memories. She slept fitfully through the night, waking up to new medicines and a quick session with Steve. Serena sat next to her staring silently at Roman Holiday playing on the screen. It was mid-way through the movie that she asked the question.

"Why didn't he come?"

Serena looked up, a weird expression on her face.

"He thinks you don't want to see him."

Blair looked away with a scoff. "I don't. But when has that stopped him before?"

"He didn't leave, not for a moment. He has been sitting outside the entire night" she said quietly.

Blair nodded. Serena took her hand and asked her with barely suppressed curiosity "B, what's going on with you two?"

"I love this scene, S" she said keeping her eyes trained on the screen.

He came, an hour after Serena left. She didn't know what her best friend said or did but he showed up in front of her door. She felt his gaze on her before she saw him. She nodded as he walked in and sat down. She peered at him. He was distinctly rumpled. His shirt was wrinkled and his hair looked rumpled. His eyes were blood-shot and his usually smooth cheek needed a shave.

She wanted to talk to him but she didn't know what to say. Should she thank him for saving her? That was a possibility but she still hated him right? For what he did to her with the Empire- with Jenny... she hated him for destroying the best thing that happened to her and for not being the best thing that happened to him. Eva- that was the last fragment of her memory... His heroic urge to save that blonde prostitute- Hot rage boiled within her but as she thought of the last few months she felt conflicted...

So she chose to remain silent. He didn't say anything at all. His eyes roamed over her form.

"I 'm fine" she found her saying.

He swallowed a lump and nodded.

She looked away and then back at him. "I remember."

His eyes were hopeful as they looked at her. "I know"

"Thank you for everything, Chuck. I wouldn't be able to…"

"Blair, please…"

She put up her hand. "You made sure that I didn't... No one has done that for me before"

He instinctively clutched her hand. Their eyes met as the air between them froze.

"I 'm sorry"

The tingling in her fingers raced to her heart.

"Why?"

"For everything... I 'm sorry that I couldn't ever be worthy of you..."

Blair looked down.

"I wasn't exactly Juliet"

"Actually you were" Chuck said sincerely. She loved him in ways he couldn't possibly comprehend.

She didn't meet his eyes then.

"I resent that comparison" she said with her usual fire.

They both smiled. It was so familiar. Then her smile dimmed.

"It was my fault, Chuck. I forced you into something you didn't feel."

"What are you talking about?"

She sucked in a breath. "I was so convinced that we were meant to be that I didn't stop to think that you didn't feel for me the way I did. I convinced myself and you to believe that you love me."

Chuck felt his head swimming. "I do love you" Where on earth did she get this idea from?

"Chuck..." it was like a prayer, a plea and yet so much more. "Please, I know this now. I understand this now. "

"No, you don't. You can hate me all you want. But you can't be convinced that I didn't love you…"

"You didn't..." she whispered. If the moments before that lorry hit her had taught her something it was this. "I never meant as much to you as you meant to me."

"Blair…Don't say that..."

"You loved Eva more than you loved me ever..." she said sadly

He laughed. He couldn't help it. He laughed at the utter idiocy of the statement.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because Eva was a joke"

"Chuck, please…" she pleaded him. Her doe-eyes were pensive.

He felt himself compelled to look into his eyes. Their eyes met and this time they didn't take it away. There was so much to say and so much to understand, so much to forgive…

And yet he found himself leaning forward and she didn't move back.

Gently he pulled her hair off her face and she closed her eyes. His breath caressed her face and she lifted her chin, allowing him access to her lips. Leaning down in awe he pressed his lips to hers gently. It was probably the most intimate kiss they ever shared.

She pulled away suddenly and he backed down.

The door opened in cue.

"Blair..."

They looked up. It was Louis.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No, Chuck was just leaving" Blair said with a firm nod.

He nodded at Louis and leant towards Chuck.

"This isn't over" he whispered

"It is" she said firmly

…..

It was strange seeing him once she gained full consciousness. She was aware of the kiss he placed on her earlier but she was too delirious to notice. He looked so fine in his grey suit that Blair almost smiled. There were no pastels there for sure…. The thought greatly saddened her. But she knew it was for the best. She needed to let go of the past, she needed to let go of all the boiling feelings in her to be better, to live healthy.

And for that she needed to move on, away from the past, away from the hatred or the love…

"I know it's insensitive of me to ask about this now, Blair but…" he trailed off his eyes strained.

Blair looked at him knowingly and nodded at the door "Chuck and I have a history"

Louis sat down, his expression pensive .She took his hand and smiled "A very complicated history, I might add. "

"Are you still…" Once again he seemed unable to complete the sentence...

"Steve says our past will always remain a part of us, no matter how much you want to forget it. It's part of who we are." She sighed "Chuck is a part of me…"

Louis nodded. Blair stared at him before continuing "But he is in the past. You are my future, if you want to be in it, I mean"

"I do. I love you, Blair. I have never felt like this before" He said looking deep in my eyes.

"I am bulimic." She said softly

"What?"

"I have an eating disorder. It started in my pre-teens."

Louis was staring at her open-mouthed. Blair shook her head "I am a bitch. I spent my high school years torturing girls for wearing the wrong shoes, the wrong accessories…"

"Is this supposed to make me dislike you?" Louis asked with an amused smile.

"You need to know that there is another side to me."

"Then you will fit fine with the family…" he said with an impish grin. He cupped her face and whispered: 'All this doesn't matter to me. Your characteristics are part of who you are…"

"Louis, can you really like me for all this?"

"I have flaws too. We all do. That doesn't make us unworthy of love. I love you, Blair" he said "With all your flaws and problems. Do you can think you can love me the same way?"

"I can and I do…"

"Then we will deal with all this together. Are you seeing someone for your problem?"

Blair nodded. "I will get over it. With you by my side I can do anything"

He leant over and kissed her.

Neither noticed the pair of hazel eyes looking in and the soft clunk as the door closed.

….

His heart clenched painfully and yet there was a definite sense of satisfaction lurking within him. Blair was finally getting her fairytale. Louis was a great guy, he was making her happy. It didn't matter that he could never love her as much as Chuck did. His love was like poison to her. It suffocated her, it pulled her down. She needed to be free, she needed to let go and he needed to let her go.

The thought was like an icy blade to his heart but he took the pain with relish. Yes- he deserved to burn and he needed to pay for destroying the only thing he ever loved. He closed his eyes feeling the taste of her lips on his own. That was goodbye, wasn't it? It was a silent goodbye…

His phone buzzed and he answered it without checking the ID."Mr. Bass, its Mike. Your uncle, Jack Bass, was just spotted entering the Empire"

His hands clenched. His uncle... He never asked Blair what he did to her to avoid making her upset but he could join the puzzles in his head. It was his fault, she was here. And it was time to ensure that Jack Bass would never toy with Blair Waldorf again.

The ride to his hotel was nerve wrecking. He was informed of Jack Bass' presence in his suite by the hotel staff immediately. Clenching his jaw and fighting a mad rage, he entered his suite.

"Well... well... if isn't my ungracious nephew. I must say the Empire has lost its charm. Don't you live here anymore?" Jack asked smirking

Chuck crossed the room and punched him hard.

"What the …"

He pulled back and punched him again, this time knocking him on the pool table. He grabbed his collar and pulled his face up "What the fuck did you do her? What the bloody hell did you do?"

"Will you calm down?"

"Answer me…"

Jack shrugged wiping the blood off his mouth "I only kissed her alright. She wasn't into it. Bitch bit me. That's all! "

Chuck closed his eyes in relief and then opened them to glare at his uncle "You will stay away from her from now on. If I hear you were within 20 mile radius of Blair Waldorf, I will…"

"You will what?" Jack said "She isn't even your girlfriend anymore. Why care now? Actually I even remember how you yourself send her to me for a night of sex when she _was _your girlfriend."

"You forced me to, Jack. You forced me to make that decision" Chuck said with gritted teeth.

"It was still your decision" he said mockingly "Poor Chuck- with his inattentive daddy, a whore for a mother and wrecked love of his life who is leaving him for the prince of a country smaller than Manhattan. It's not surprising you are such a mess"

"Well, this mess is about to make your life a whole lot more difficult...Jack. Once I get control over Bass Inc. I will destroy you"

Jack grinned "Who says you are going get control over Bass Inc?"

Chuck smirked. He was confident of this. He was going to win. His proposal for the future of Bass Inc was brilliant and meticulous. It helped that most of the board members remembered Jack's disastrous reign as CEO and were willing to give Chuck a chance. There was no way Jack would be able to smarm his way back in.

"I must say I have been hearing great reports about you managed to get most of the board to your side. Congratulations. I didn't think you had it in you. As for your plans for future of Bass Inc, don't worry I will implement them once I get elected." Jack said slowly

"There is no way in hell you will be the CEO" Chuck said putting his hands on his trouser

"On the contrary it's a given that I will be …" he looked around and then smirked "Because you will withdraw your name as a potential CEO"

Chuck chuckled slowly "Smoking again, Uncle? Bass Inc is my father's legacy and I would never let it go"

"Not only will you withdraw your name, you would sign over your controlling interest to me..."Jack said confidently.

"Have you lost your mind, Jack?"

"Nope..." He scowled as he put his hand on his jaw "You did throw in a mighty punch. Defending a woman's honor? That was the last thing I thought you would do. But then Blair was always your sore point"

"Like you said Blair is no longer my girlfriend. Hence there is no need to drag her into this." He said

"Actually, Chuck… She is the main discussion point here." He smirked again "Let's play a game shall we? We loved playing trade-offs didn't we? So let's see- Withdrawal as CEO and the controlling interest on one side and Blair on the other…What would you choose?"

Chuck felt rage cloud his vision. He gritted his teeth "I 'm not playing this sick game of yours. You have nothing to trade off anyway. I will get the CEO and keep my controlling interest and you will stay the hell away from Blair"

"I always have something to trade off. And this time it's much more than carnal knowledge of Blair that is at stake" Jack said, fixing himself a drink.

Chuck swallowed hard.

"I have been wondering how the UES, Mrs. Waldorf and Royal family of Monaco would react when they find out that Blair was pimped out by you to me. After much musings I realized that it wouldn't be pretty"

"You wouldn't..." Chuck said advancing upon him "I swear to God, Jack if you…."

"Whatever you do to me will not undo the damage I can cause. Not only will she be a humiliation in UES, the press would definitely pick up the latest scandal surrounding Prince Louis" he said shaking his head mockingly "It would destroy poor Blair…"

Chuck stared at him in disbelief.

"I have the papers drawn up already. You may physically restrain me or hold me captive, if you dramatic flairs flare up again, but you wouldn't be able to stop this. The only way to save poor Blair from humiliation is to give me Bass Inc. Withdraw your name from nomination as CEO and transfer the controlling interest to me. Once again, you have a choice, dear nephew" He swallowed his drink with a satisfied smile

"Choose wisely this time"

Chuck stared at the obnoxious man, his mind drawing a blank.

_.With you by my side I can do anything_

**AN: Season 5 is shaping up really well. I have liked both the episodes. Overall, keeping aside the ships, the quality of episodes have improved. ****Very excited about Blair's pregnancy SL...I have written this one-shot on 5.01 (Chair of course). Do check it out.**

**Here's the link:** **.net/s/7417110/1/Butterflies**

**Now, press the blue button and Review :) **


	31. Chapter 31

**This might seem a little anti-climatic. But I wrote the way I saw it. It has a little angst and is M rated.**

**Enjoy**

…**.**

"Do you want to eat, sweetie?"

The gentle touch on her forehead felt strange. Blair didn't remember her mother touching her so very gently ever. She looked up and forced a reassuring smile.

"I will eat later"

Her bulimia was still raging but she was recovering slowly. She had come to a stance and she would get better. She had her self-will, an entourage of doctors, her family and friends to help her. She will not be admitted to an institution. The idea made her cringe. She forced the thought out of her head and pressed her cheek against her father's knee. She felt him pat his head and closed her eyes.

"So how is your Prince, Blair?" Roman asked from the couch.

Blair smiled "He is fine. He has to fly out soon on some business" her voice trailed off in disappointment.

"Actually so do me" Eleanor said and Blair looked up "Paris fashion week is just a month away and I just have to go..."

Blair patted her hand with a smile "Its okay, mother. I understand"

"I don't want you to be alone here. I can't get over what happened last time" she cried, an uncharacteristic tender look on her face

"I- I 'm not alone. Daddy is staying…"

"Yes, he is. But for how long?"

"I don't understand..."

She looked from one face to another and found the same nervous expression. She sat up straighter.

"What? What is it?"

Harold took her hands. "Blair bear, your mother and I have had a long conversation. We are both worried about you. And we think it's not good for you to stay in New York anymore…"

"What?"

"Blair, none of us live here anymore I've settled down in Paris and Harold in Lyon. We just don't feel safe being an ocean apart from you. After all that has happened, we think it's best if you live closer to us..."

Blair swallowed hard "Leave New York? Mother, my whole life is here...What about Columbia, my friends and…" she trailed off. What exactly did she have in New York?

"There are good universities in France and if you so incline in London. You will still be closer to us."

"But…"

"Louis is in Monaco, your father in Lyon and me and Cyrus in Paris. You have more ties cross-Atlantic than you do here..." Eleanor said roughly

Blair blinked. The words hit right home. What did she have here anyway? Her parents, her boyfriend were all on the other side of the world. The answer was simple- Serena…

"Serena..."

"You won't be exiled from New York. She can visit you and you can visit her. You don't expect that you would be in the same city as her always..." her mother continued crisply

There was a silence before Harold took matters in his hands.

"No one is forcing you to leave. We are just saying what we think. I know New York is your city. This is where you grew up but we all have to move on with life, don't we bear? And we all think a fresh start is what you need..."

"You talked to Dr. Croft didn't you?" Blair asked with a twisted smile

"Blair, he wants the best for you as we do." Harold said sweetly "Think about it baby. Maybe it's time to make new memories and leave the past behind"

Blair hugged her father who rocked her gently. As always she felt safe in his arms- No one ever made her feel so loved, so unconditionally

"You're right, Daddy"

…..

Life has been a whirlwind for Serena but never before had she been so immersed in other people's problems as now. She was always the troublemaker and the damsel-in-distress. It wasn't surprising; hence, that she never developed any problem-solving capacities. But for the first time in years she was placed as the savior, the person who was supposed to solve problems. She didn't revel in this change of position.

On one hand was her best friend who seemed to be battling with demons far too intrinsic for Serena to actually be able to help her. But she was trying to do her best. She didn't even throw a big enough tantrum when Blair announced that she was leaving New York _for__good_. She sulked around the house for days but she didn't really pick a fight, not when Blair was in such a fragile position. Then, there was that call from Nate, who was worried beyond words, for Chuck. There was something wrong there. Serena tried not to care but it was impossible. All said and done Chuck was still her step-brother- the brother who had saved her all too many times and she couldn't just stop caring.

To top it, she had to ensure that the Humphrey side of her family didn't fall apart. Rufus was strained from his worries about Lily and Eric needed a lot of sisterly support nowadays. All in all she was glad to have Dan share her burden. They had grown closer during these last weeks. She realized how much she missed his simple logic, his naiveté and his determination to stick to her through thick and thin. She was never as steady as she was when Dan was in her life. He was her anchor and she wouldn't let him go this time.

In spite of the momentary happiness that flared in with Dan's name, Serena was stretched thin over all this stress. Her mother's summons to see her immediately didn't help. She knew before Lily was brought in that she wouldn't like it.

"Mr. O 'Connor was here to see me…" her mother began with any preamble

"Mr. O'Connor?" Serena asked racking her brains

"He is on the board of Bass Inc. He was worried beyond words. Apparently Charles has withdrawn his nomination as CEO."

"What? Why would he do that?" Serena asked. Chuck loved Bass Inc and he would never give it up.

"I haven't the faintest idea. And Charles refuses to see me. I used up three days worth of telephone privileges calling him but he refuses to take my calls" Lily took a deep breath "I need you to go talk to your brother.."

"Eric?"

"No, Serena. Keep up. You need to go talk to Charles" Lily snapped

Serena smiled. It was so simple for Lily. She had so whole heartedly accepted Chuck as her son. Her marriage to Bart may have been a failure but she had found a great son out of it and Serena had found a brother.

"Don't worry, Mom. We will take care of this"

….

It was like a break-up. A slow painful break-up with her whole life. She watched distractedly as clothing upon clothing was folded into her Louis Vuitton suitcase. She watched as small parts of her room slowly dispersed. Her fancy towel set no longer graced her washroom. Her Audrey DVDs were missing from the side table. Her carefully color coded inventory which she had placed on the mahogany table adjacent to her washroom door was not there anymore. She missed writing on it. She missed the blue walls and each of corners of the room that had seen her grow up. She was leaving a life behind and she already missed it. But maybe the time had come to let go, to move along and let the past be there. She had precious memories in NYC but she couldn't hold onto it for life, could she? She needed to let them go so she could make new memories and be stronger. Being in UES wasn't helping her anyway and it was best for her, according to two different therapists, to move to a different place.

She agreed and she had convinced a very distraught Serena to think likewise. Now she walked store from store in essential distress. It had caught upon her notice that she didn't have matching pairs of shoes with the dark blue Marc Jacobs blazer she intended to wear on her flight. She had left the house in despair and alone. She refused to wait for Serena and she refused to bring Dorota along. Even the fact that her flight was due next week didn't stop her. She just walked out and went from store to store; rejecting one pair after another till the restlessness in her grew to a point that she couldn't take it anymore.

Before she knew what she was doing, she hailed a cab and slid in. The words slipped out before she could think "The Empire Hotel, Queens"

She didn't stop to think where the cab dropped her off and she entered the lobby with a deep breath. It seemed to be jam-packed with action. She watched a few familiar faces and slid in the elevator as inconspicuously as she could. Her brain started functioning once she entered the penthouse. It was the same. Every single corner of the penthouse was the same but it wasn't the same. It had an odd unlived and unwelcoming vibe to it and that strangely brought tears to her eyes. It wasn't meant to be like that. Oddly she felt like she was standing at the edge of present looking back into the past. For she could see it in its glory, when it was welcoming and warm and home to people... Now it was abandoned and cold and lonely…

"What're you doing here?"

Blair gasped as she heard him speak. Taking a deep breath she turned around, cursing her luck. He looked at her with hooded eyes. It was a blank stare like he didn't know what to think of her appearance there.

She didn't know what to think. Didn't he live at the Palace now?

"I came to clean out the penthouse."

She looked at him then. He saw the question in her eyes and answered without prompting.

"I sold it. The deal went through finally with the Andrew Buckley. I know Nathaniel won't be happy..."

She looked away and her eyes caught on the empty bar and she suddenly twitched to see a half empty bottle of Scotch there or the desk to be filled with Bass Inc files or a Cosmo lying on the couch. It wasn't there. None of it. Just like her room, everything was slowly disappearing.

"Don't sell it…"

She whispers the words but he hears them all too well.

"Why?"

His voice is incredulous

"Its home…" She finds herself saying.

His eyes are over bright and she doesn't know what makes her move. She just stares at him in wonder before she finds herself compelled to move. She steps closer to him and his eyes grow wary. She places a hand on his cheek and he winces.

"Chuck…" she whispers. Hot tears trail down her cheek. She was leaving, going away, away from him.

He reached out instinctively and gently wiped her tears.

"It's where I lost you..." he said in a whisper

She closes her eyes when his breath caresses her face. It felt so warm to her. It felt so warm, so familiar and she suddenly felt a compulsive need to not let go.

"Why're you here?"

She opened her eyes and stared at him.

"I don't know..."

He looked at her intently as though trying to read her. It was a strange sight to her. He could always read her so well. He knew her lies before she did but now he seemed confused by her. Maybe she was intricately wrapped up with confusion that it was hard to see through her.

"Chuck..."

He lifted his gaze on her and she leaned in, tilting her face and kissed him. He seemed stunned initially but then he clutched onto her and kissed her with all he had in him. Their mouths fused together, reaching out for each other's taste. Blair groaned at the familiar intoxicating taste of Scotch and mint and something uniquely Chuck. It felt so good, so familiar, so right…And she was burning with an all consuming need to fuse herself with him.

She arched her neck as he kissed his way down to her chest. She felt him caress each mound and cried out loudly as he leaned down to suck her nipples lovingly through her silk shirt. Nipping her earlobe he lifted her on the pool table.

Gasping for breath, she unbuckled his belt and unzipped his trousers. He lifted her skirt up the same time that she pulled his boxers down. Before she could even moan his name, he slid into her with a powerful thrust. She cried out, feeling tears slid down her cheeks. He stilled immediately.

"Blair... Did-did I hurt you?"

She shook her head and bit her lip "Don't stop please"

He nodded and resumed his thrusting. Each thrust was deeper than the other preceding it. It wasn't the regular rhythm she was used to. It was passionate, desperate and frantic. It made her see that he was as frazzled, as she was, in that moment. She kissed him long and deep, reveling in their intimacy as he picked up a rhythm slowly. She rocked her hips meeting his each thrust with undisguised eagerness. Her moans echoed around the penthouse they once called home and she dug in her nails in his back.

His pace picked up suddenly and he started thrusting in earnest. Each thrust sent a heated jolt to her core. She felt the heat pooling in her stomach and she found herself undone with his next thrust. She cried loudly as the shudders of pleasure permeated her limbs. She felt Chuck shudder and release himself inside her with a fervent whisper "God, Blair"

She wrapped her arms around him, unwilling to let him go. He seemed eager to comply. He buried his face in her hair breathing in deeply. He shifted back gently to look at her.

"Blair..."

She stared at his face in the afterglow of sexual satisfaction and his hazel eyes hooded with undiluted lust and tender longing. She wanted to memorize every contour of his face, the feel of him inside her, and the softness of his hair and the feel of his smooth shaven cheek against her own. She didn't want to forget anything- none of it- ever again.

He twisted his fingers in her hair and murmured.

"I love you"

She flinched back at that, her heart hammering. Chuck shook his head kissing her forehead.

"In the hospital- you said..." he hung his head low "You couldn't have been more wrong."

"Chuck..."

"I love you. I have never said that to anyone else and I never will; for I will never love anyone else. It will always be you..."

"I know" She traced his jaw, reveling in the familiarity of it all "I wish I knew it then"

"I wish I could…" he began but

"I love you too, you know. I could never stop..." she said tracing his jaw. "Make love to me again"

He nodded and carried her to the couch.

It was in the wee hours of the morning that she woke up with her head cradled on his shoulders. She pressed herself against him and he complied, moving her closer with him. She closed her eyes, feeling him sigh. She could stay here with him and revel in the familiarity. She could give her heart a chance and see what happened. She loved him so much. The idea of being Chuck and Blair and Blair and Chuck again was intoxicating. She had never loved anyone as much as she loved him; no one had ever inspired more love than Chuck, no one made her feel so right, so loved, so wanted. No one else could make her smile just by holding her hand, no one else could make her happy simply by existing and no one could destroy her the way he could.

She winced at the thought. Could she do it? Could she give in to potential destruction? The answer was yes... she could destroy herself for him and that is what was unhealthy about it.

Slowly she extracted herself from his grip and picked up her clothes. She dressed quietly fighting back tears. She stared at his sleeping form and felt tears slipping down her cheeks. She kissed his cheek and walked out before she could change her mind.

….

It was the longest walk of his life. He had never thought that the mere act of walking into the polished chambers of the lawyers of Bass Industries would be so difficult. The legal department was situated in seventh floor of Bass Inc headquarters and that made everything a little more real. The negative vibe his personal lawyers were giving out didn't help at all.

"Are you sure about this, Mr. Bass?" Stephen Haynes asked for the seventh time since they exited the limo "It would quite easy to convince the board to..."

"I thought about this, Haynes. There is no other way."

He felt his lawyer sigh "We could try and talk to Miss Waldorf…"

"No, leave her out of this." Chuck cried impatiently. Miss Waldorf needed to be kept far away from this part of his life. He felt himself soften as he remembered the night at their former home- the thought made him smile and rage simultaneously- but she was gone in the morning. Gone without a note or trace- he had woken up hopeful that maybe they could go back to what was or that he still had a chance. She had said that she loved him too but apparently that wasn't what she meant. The Gossip Girl blast made his ideas clear- Queen B was leaving for France for good- it was a goodbye to him. And while the idea that she was leaving was cutting through him like a shard of glass- he appreciated that she had given him such a beautiful goodbye. It was way more than he deserved.

"Mr. Bass..."

He saw the concern on his lawyer's face and spoke reassuringly "I know what I am doing"

"You are throwing away your legacy, Mr. Bass" he replied dutifully as though he needed to remind Chuck of the consequences of the decision

Chuck shook his head and said "Let's get this over with"

They entered the office and were greeted by Jack with enthusiastic. The Bass Inc lawyer, the elderly Jane Brown, gave him a look very reminiscent of his father. Chuck was reminded of the various society functions that the little mousy woman had attended. Despite her stature her grasp of law was firm and quick thinking had often saved Bart.

"Well, shall we begin?" Jane asked.

There was grueling hour where the contracts were taken out and explained properly. It may have been the most important deal of his life but the contract was painfully simple. It simply suggested that John Edward Bass was to be given the controlling interest of the Bass inc and the written word that Charles Bartholomew Bass shall withdraw his nomination as the CEO of Bass Inc provided that the former never reveals the aforementioned events (disclosed in a separate document to be checked by Mr. Haynes) and that any media exposure to this event will make the contract void ab initio.

"You drive a hard bargain, nephew" Jack said giving Chuck a pointy smile. He seemed in great spirits. He was finally getting what he yearned for since his teenage years. And his pleasure was enhanced by the fact that he was screwing his pathetic nephew very badly. It took all of Chuck's will to stop punching him.

Instead he took a deep breath and looked forward. He met Jane's sharp eyes immediately. She seemed to trying to assess Chuck and his intentions.

He cleared his throat "Shall we just close the deal?"

"You sign those papers and you lose any right you have over your father's company. Bart left it to you, Charles and you are trading it for a bunch of secrets" the voice was calm but steely

Chuck closed his eyes. He wasn't trading the company for secrets... He was trading for his life, her life, her happiness with someone else…

"Are you kidding me?" Jack asked

Chuck ignored him and spoke gently to Jane "I know what I 'm doing"

He reached for the papers and signed them with a flourish. He heard the intake of breath beside him. Jack looked beyond ecstatic. He took the papers and held them out smiling. Chuck looked down. He could actually feel his father's presence next to him this time. The disapproval and disappointment was radiating for him.

_You__are__so__weak,__son_

He felt his heart drop but then he heard her clearly

_You__carry__people__Chuck.__You__carry__me_

He didn't deserve those words then but now… He squared his shoulders and stood up proudly.

"Now that we are done with this, I can freely tell you that you are a fool, nephew"

Chuck smirked "Please do me a favor and stop your perverse stalking of me now"

"Oh, with pleasure...

His phone buzzed and he took it out simply to look away from Jack's infuriating smirk. He saw 13 missed calls from Nate, 7 seven from Serena and 3 from Blair… His heart thudded and he ignored it. There were various messages from Nate and Serena too. He supposed Serena found something out from Lily and alerted the other. Not wanting to read their concerned messages he clicked on the Gossip girl blast he had just received.

**Oh-uh Upper East Siders, do I have the feast to satisfy the sturdiest of you or not? We all know that Queen B has an unprecedented affinity to fairytales. But this is one we all haven't heard before. Once upon a time there was a King and Queen and the king traded his queen for his Empire. Poor B, losing all those memories must have been a blessing or were they not? I suppose when the wicked witch is a Bass, our queen isn't too unwilling to sell herself to him.**

Chuck felt his vision blur with rage. He couldn't believe that Jack could do this. He had given up everything for _nothing._

"You son of a bitch..." he said advancing upon his uncle. "I 'm going to fucking kill you"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jack said. Chuck knocked him down and punched his face. He could barely hear the others shouting but he could only hear the buzzing in his ears. This would ruin Blair- once again he would ruin Blair-

"Stop it, Chuck" he felt someone very familiar pull him up. And he looked up in shock at Nate.

"Nathaniel…"

"I do not appreciate a brawl in my chamber" Jane said slowly

Everyone ignored her as Jack stood up "What the fuck was that about?"

"This..." he threw the phone at his head "I 'm going to destroy you, Jack. You won't be able to…" He struggled against his best friend but Nate kept a firm hold.

"I didn't do this…" Jack said

"Don't lie to me..." Chuck growled

"This changes things." Jane said calmly

"Actually it doesn't. " Jack said frantically "The contract says specifically that if I release the information, then the contract is void. But the information was released by someone else. You can't prove that it was released by me"

"You signed the papers?" Nate asked Chuck incredulously

"Oh yes. He did. So you lose your dad's company and Blair loses her reputation. Bit of a fool aren't you, nephew?"

"Actually clause 7 states that upon event of release of information it is automatically assumed that it was released by Mr. John Bass"

"That's ridiculous... I can't agree to such a clause..."

"Well you signed it, didn't you?" Jane asked slowly

Jack looked like he wanted to hit her. She met his gaze steadily.

"Very well then... The contract is null and void." She tore it into two and stared calmly at Jack. The latter growled at her and glared at his nephew.

"I should have known that you would always lose to save your own ass even if it meant destroying Blair...This isn't over yet"

Chuck pushed Nate's arm off. "I 'm going to kill him"

"Chuck calm down…"

"Do you understand what he did? This will destroy Blair. "He growled out "I 'm going to fucking destroy him"

"Chuck, stop it. He didn't send the blast. Blair did"

Chuck froze with his hand on the doorknob.

…..

**One more chapter to go... Leave me a review :)**


	32. Chapter 32

To say he was shocked would be wrong.

That would imply a certain amount of reaction. But he felt numb, frozen – as though he was standing away from both himself and Nathaniel and watching a play. The idea of Blair, once again, sacrificing herself for him, was so unthinkable that he stopped himself from thinking it.

"No..." he said stepping away from Nate and walking out. He was calm and collected on the outside but his insides seemed to tearing themselves apart. He didn't want to face the idea that this could be real and yet denial had never been his forte. He had risked it all- his father's legacy, his happiness and let her go just so that she could make herself happy. He had pieced back each broken piece of Blair Waldorf and tried to glue it back. He had thought that albeit fragmented and cracked she was slowly becoming whole again. And everything had blown up in his face. She was destroying herself for him. He was destroying her again.

And it was killing him.

It may have been the fact that he had lost her that he had seen on the threshold of death that he had looked into his soul and realized how depraved he was but whatever it may be, he knew that her destruction would kill him. He had loved her before but now he felt beyond it. She was only person he ever loves, the only person he had craved to protect and not even once was he allowed to.

"Chuck…" He turned to see Nate looking at him strangely. He saw his step-sister hovering behind him uncertainly

"How?"

He asked the only question that plagued his mind.

Nate's eyebrows furrowed.

"It wasn't my idea" he said, beginning on a defensive note "Serena told me about you withdrawing your nomination and then we heard about the fact that you were selling your Bass Inc shares. We tried to talk to you but you made sure we never could. We contacted the company lawyers but nothing was- working…So... we went to…"

"Blair..." Chuck said like an automaton

"None of us were ever good at scheming and Blair seemed like the best option." Serena said lifting her chin

"Really?" Chuck said "Knowing what she had been through this year. Knowing what I did to her last year- you thought asking her to help me was the best option?"

Serena flushed.

"You were throwing your legacy. My mother didn't work so hard for you to throw it away."

"I don't care, Serena" Chuck said loudly "I don't care. It doesn't mean anything to me if Blair…" he looked away as he saw her wide eyes filling with pity and then he glared at her "And you know it"

_I lost the only thing I ever loved. They can take everything else_

Serena gasped and looked away. He could see her wiping her tears but he was consumed by rage.

"How did she know about our deal?"

Nate piped in quickly "She seemed to have latched onto it much more quickly. She deduced that the only way you would hand over Bass Inc is if Jack had something on you. It took couple of hours of deliberation and a few calls to your lawyers and she knew…" he stopped at the stricken look on Chuck's face.

"Really, Chuck. Blair knew what she was doing. She did all this on her own"

Chuck flinched.

_You went up there on your own_

"No, she didn't. She never does. It's always my fault"

…

Blair folded the dark blue notepad and placed it in the slightly open suitcase lying on her bed. She watched the sudden contrast it made to the pink diary she placed it next to and had a very odd urge to laugh. She shrugged her shoulder and turned to stare at her cell phone which started buzzing. It had been ringing continuously since the Gossip Girl blast and she was ignoring the best she could. Which was pretty good- somehow she didn't yet feel violated or humiliated.

She picked up her cell-phone curiously wondering what gossip mongers were calling her for her reaction. She had only unlocked the phone when she shivered. She knew, before he slammed the door open that he was there.

She swallowed hard, hoping to calm herself before facing him. But he didn't give her that chance. He crossed the room in one stride and turned her around.

"What is fucking wrong with you? Why the fuck would you do that?" His voice was hoarse and he seemed furious beyond words

"You know why" she said softly. His father's approval meant so much to him. Bass Inc was the proof that Bartholomew Bass loved his son and more importantly believed in him. And Blair would never let anyone take that away from him.

His eyes were a dark blazing hazel as he gazed intently into her eyes. Looking, searching, and seeking an answer that he didn't seem to find in there.

"I don't know..." he said desperately "I never know... Why? Why would destroy yourself like this?"

She looked down at that and then again at him.

"Nothing can destroy Blair Waldorf"

"Except you and me" he said holding her gaze.

Her heart skipped as he called her bluff this time. She wasn't as unbreakable as she proclaimed to be. She was vulnerable and fragile but she was strong too. She never gave up on someone she loved, she always protected them. And that made her strong.

"Why? Why, Blair? I was taking care of it. I was finally doing the right thing" His eyes were pleading for understanding. His jaw was clenched and his inner turmoil was so evident that Blair felt her heart breaking all over again.

"You-you were throwing away your legacy to stop gossip..." she stammered out, trying to hold on desperately to her justification. " You were throwing away everything your father built up for something as trivial as gossip, Chuck. You can't just throw away Bass Inc like that..."

He shook his head in disgust "It a bunch of buildings, of bricks and steel, Blair. It's superficial... it's nothing... a bunch of papers with my name in it. It means nothing to me...I don't want it..."

"That's not true and you know it" Blair cut him across quickly.

"I don't want it if it means that having it would hurt you" he replied, his eyes blazing with determination.

"It's not hurting me, Chuck. I 'm good. A few gossip girl blasts wont hurt me, Chuck. "She said firmly

He ran his hand through his hair and almost cried in frustration "We both know that not true- after what you have been through this year... after all those hours of therapy ... after your relapse.." he clenched his fist as he thought of her bent over the porcelain bowl " how could you?"

"It's a couple of gossip girl blasts..." she said softly

"No it isn't. You are dating a prince. This could be picked up by every gossip tabloids. What would everyone think? What would Louis think? "

There was pin drop silence as she contemplated him.

"Do you hate me for selling myself to Jack?"

"What? No... I hate myself for making you do it..." he replied slowly

"Do I disgust you?" The question lodged a lump in his throat and he couldn't swallow it. He could never find her disgusting. She was perfect. He was the worthless scum...

"Do you think I am weak because of what I did?" Her voice was soft but firm

"No... You are perfect. You are the strongest person I know. The fact that you could even... sometimes it makes me want to shake you out of this…"

Blair smiled at him suddenly "I know. I 'm strong... Don't worry... It won't be like the last time... I 'm in a good place... I have finally come to a place where I am learning to love me for who I am and not for who the world thinks me to be." She sat down "Yes, I am the person who would sell herself to save the man she loves... and maybe that's wrong but in a perverse sense that just shows how much I can love. It doesn't make me small or cheap or a whore... it makes me strong." She looked at him pleadingly "I never give up on people me love- be it Serena or Nate or you- and that are something not everyone can say. Not everyone can love the way I do. And that is my strongest virtue and if people can't love knowing the best in me then something must be wrong with them..."

Chuck stared at her breathlessly wondering in awe how she had managed to stumble out stronger from the ruins.

"If Louis can't accept me for who I am... then maybe I don't want him to know me" she said zipping up her suitcase." And anyway I broke up with him..."

His heart slammed in his heart causing him to step back. After everything that he had done to her- could he really hope…?

They stared at each other in silence. It was as though there was something pulling them together. And yet it was hard to walk closer…

"Why?"

And she knew what he was asking.

"Because if I don't save you, I don't think I can save myself" she admitted slowly

He sighed "And what about me Blair? Won't I ever get the chance to save you? Won't you ever let me be worthy...?"

She shook her head "You're worthy, Chuck. You were throwing away everything to save me. That thought alone makes you worthy. The fact that I didn't let you makes me Blair Waldorf"

He chuckled. She smiled back slowly and leaned forward. In a fraction of a second she passed the lightest of kisses on his cheek. It was the lightness of hope, of a dream within his reach that flared in him...

"I have a flight to catch soon...""

.. Only to be snatched away.

"Blair, I know I don't deserve you but …"

She shook her head. "I have to go Chuck."

"But..."

"I need to be alone now. I need to build myself again before I let you in..."

He nodded. He wished he could stop her but he couldn't... not even if it was killing him.

She turned away with the faintest smile "You don't have to wait..."

"I will."

…

It happened a month after she left for France.

Serena had seemed unable to accept the loss of her best friend and spent hours moping and whining. That seemed to have improved after Lily was finally taken out of the jail and put on house arrest. Having her mother back helped Serena get back on her feet. The mother- daughter seemed to have gained warmer affection due to this teacher fiasco. While she still spent hours on phone in France, Serena seemed more settled especially after she told Dan how she really felt. Humphrey always grounded Serena and this was no exception. But nothing could make up for the absence of her bestie.

Blair felt slightly guilty for not being there for her but soon she realized that she needed to think of herself first this time. She had settled well in Lyon with her parent's duo and the calm helped her a lot. Her new therapist thought she was making excellent progress and for once Blair agreed. Away from the relentless scrutiny of gossip girl and inherent pressure of achieving, she seemed to be developing a very good sense of self-worth. She spoke with all her friends at least a week. Serena called everyday and Louis called quite often. She was still fond of him but all romantic feelings she ever thought she felt for him was just a product of a freaky fairytale fetish. And she told him that quite frankly. They couldn't be more than friends. The only person she didn't talk to was the one she wanted to talk to the most. But Chuck never called and she never got the guts to call him first. She got weekly reports on him from Nate. But her high school boyfriend seemed oddly reluctant to tell her anything. This made things worse for her- she wondered if he had found another Eva or there was something wrong with him.

She was sitting in her room after a particularly good session with her new therapist and gave in to a sudden urge to check Gossip Girl. She had refused to open the site since the day she left New York but now she just needed to hear or even read something about Chuck before she screamed even if it meant scrolling through the bitch's petty speculations about Jack, Blair and the Empire. To her surprise the site was essentially blank when she loaded it. There was a huge white notice suggesting that the site was no longer in service. Running a hand through her curls, she searched for any entries but no gossip magazine, not even the trashy ones, mentioned the scandalous story of the crazy ex of the Prince of Monaco. It felt seriously odd. It meant she had isolated herself from the social networking sites for nothing. It also meant that people didn't whisper behind her backs when she met them because they didn't know anything to whisper. It also meant that Eleanor, was not shouting herself hoarse not because she thought her daughter was too weak to handle it but because she didn't know of the scandal.

But how? She, herself, had sent the blast. She scrolled to the last blast Gossip Girl ever sent and laughed out loud.

**Does Princess K swing the other way?**

**Reports have it that while our B prefers French Royals...S prefers English ones and she apparently has a taste for the new royalty. But did the tides turn crazy on our newly wedded royal couple? Will S be the new Dodi?**

Below was a very badly photo-shopped picture of Serena kissed a brunette? Blair couldn't help it. She started laughing loudly and suddenly she was calling Chuck.

He picked up after the first ring.

"Blair..." his voice was hesitant but his excitement barely contained. "How-how are you?"

Blair suppressed a giggle "I just- just saw Gossip Girl... How on earth did you even do that?"

"I 'm Chuck Bass" he replied smugly

Blair chuckled dryly feeling as though she was thrown back to simpler days.

Chuck took a deep breath "You've no idea how good it feels to hear you laugh."

Blair closed her eyes fighting the onslaught of emotions he always brought. "How are you, Bass?"

"I 'm as I always was... The question is how 're you?" he asked

"I 'm doing much better... It's awesome being with Daddy all the time and Mother and Cyrus come and visit too." She trailed off wondering whether she should speak out her mind that she craved to see him but she needed to be stronger.

"And have you..." he stopped the question before it came out

"No, I haven't relapsed." She said proudly.

"That's wonderful. I knew you could do it..."

She traced her hands on the floral print of her dress remembering all the times he picked her up and cleaned her vomit.

"Thank you, Chuck..." she said softly realizing she never really thanked him "... for taking care of me when I was in New York..."

"For you, Waldorf, anything..."

She smiled "I know I didn't make it easy for you. I mean you used to count the number of bites I took."

"Let me tell you a secret, Waldorf, I always did that even when we were in school" he said quickly

"No Kidding, Bass" she replied in the same tone "But it isn't a fun thing to do."

"Well...I miss doing it" he said softly

"So do I..."

…..

It was a fine day. The first flush of spring was dawning over the greenery that surrounded her. But her eyes were not on the beautiful scene clearly visible through her window.

Blair sat with her eyes maniacally moving across the computer screen. She checked and re-checked each column and finally pressed the submit button. This was it. She had finally applied to University College London for her undergraduate degree in law. She had done tons of research and realized that UCL law programme will enable her to complete the course within three years. Her parents were supportive of the idea of her staying in the same continent that she was in. It would be a much more suitable move- her mother had said. But Blair had her doubts- not about the institution or the degree or even about London- she had doubts of what the move would entail to those she left back in America. What would she tell Chuck? That she wasn't coming back for the next three years. The idea of not seeing him for so long drove an icy blade through her heart. She slammed her laptop down when she heard her father.

"Bear; there is someone here to see you..."

She smoothed her Marc Jacobs pleated skirt and walked down slowly. As she descended she heard snatches of conversation coming from the living room and her heartbeat quickened automatically. She took a deep breath and pushed into the room.

As she expected he stood there and yet the sight of him was so overwhelming that she suddenly felt an urge to cry. He looked good as he always did. He was dressed in a dark brown jacket with the white collar of his dress shirt peeking out. He looked so somber in those colors- he looked gorgeously somber but she needed to see more of her Chuck in it and that are when she caught glimpse of the scarf. The sight made her smile warmly. She had missed the little accessory.

"Blair..." he said with a smile he reserved for her. His eyes d rank in every inch of her as though looking for changes.

She stepped forward and greeted him warmly "Chuck, what a pleasant surprise..."

"That's exactly what I was telling him. Blair didn't tell me you were coming. But I suppose the surprise makes it better..."Roman said eagerly

Chuck nodded politely, his eyes never leaving Blair "I hope me 'm not inconveniencing you. I was in Paris on business and I thought I would drop by..." His eyes searched hers intently wondering what she thought of this impromptu visit. She shot him a warm smile relieving him of the tension.

"Well, it's great to see you, Chuck." Harold said smoothly "I am going to go fix us all a Waldorf-special for dinner while Roman fixes up the guest room."

"There is really no need, Mr. Waldorf...I have booked myself a room..." Chuck began hurriedly

"No such nonsense Chuck." Harold said in a commanding voice.

They all nodded. As soon as he shut the room, Roman turned to look at them with a twinkle in his eye "I suppose I should go get the guest room fixed or shouldn't I?"

To everyone's surprise Chuck blushed- a sight that melted Blair's heart and proved highly entertaining to Roman... Two pair of eyes turned to Blair who shrugged nonchalantly.

"I would say the guest room needs to air out a little." She replied. Roman left with his chuckles trailing off. When he left, Blair turned to Chuck and stopped. He looked slightly sad but his eyes were feasting on her with approval.

"You're glowing." He said with a smirk

She nodded and stepped closer, placing her hand on his cheek. "You're here" she provided as explanation.

Dinner was a jovial affair, as it usually is at the chateau. Harold's stories of good old times never stopped coming and Roman never stopped playing the host. Blair glowed in the warmth of her father's affection as always. And it looked good on her- her cheeks were rosy, her eyes sparkling and she looked healthy. Chuck, again, counted the number of bites she ate and thanked her inwardly when it exceeded way beyond her normal count. He shared a few anecdotes on their common acquaintances with Harold but otherwise just observed her. His eyes never left her face, as though making up for the months that he couldn't see her and that had the effect on a small blush whenever she caught his eye.

He excused himself after dinner to go see the small garden that Roman had spoken of so much at dinner. He stubbed on his cigarette inhaling the fresh air staring at the endless green that spread before him.

"It's beautiful. Isn't it?"

Blair said as she slipped her small hand in his. He smiled at the gesture and intertwined their fingers.

"Roman is quite a gardener." He said turning towards her.

She smoothed his lapel and looked up at him with sudden uncertainty "What're you doing here?"

"I; m here to see you" he said slowly eyeing her reaction.

"Why?"

His doubts swept back in "I know you said you needed to be alone..." he said hurriedly

"I did."

"But I missed you...I just had to see you." Chuck continued.

Blair crossed her arms "And it took you five months before you realized you just had to see me?" Her voice rose in the end and Chuck couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him. He couldn't help but love the demanding little thing who commanded him to stay away but was pissed that he actually listened.

"Forgive me, Waldorf, I forgot you had a habit to say things you do not mean." He said smoothly.

"I do not" she replied haughtily

"You do too" he said tapping her nose affectionately "But there was a reason I couldn't come back sooner."

He looked away as he said that. Blair placed her other hand firmly on his cheek and made him look at her.

"What?"

"I have something for you..." he said reaching in his pocket. He took her hand, kissed her palm and placed it in her hand. She looked down curiously at the small brown badge with the number 100 written in it.

"Chuck..."

"100 days without alcohol." He said almost proudly. She stared at him with utmost shock.

"Chuck... what..." she stuttered as she realized the implication of it.

"It was a part of the problem, wasn't it? I was unable to lead my life without substance abuse. And it only created issues." He stared at her. "When you left, I decided to make myself capable of carrying you. I went to therapy. I even got a dog-a scruffy mutt."

They laughed together. He looked seriously at her.

"I sorted myself out- for you..." he said almost shyly

She looked down at the badge and then back at the man she loved so much. She felt tears trailing down her cheeks as she whispered. "I 'm so proud of you, Chuck... But you do carry me...You became that man the day you chose me over Bass Industries..."

He looked down in shame "I couldn't..."

"But you meant to. That's all that matters." She said slowly. He nodded slowly kissing her palm.

"Shall we go back? Daddy was looking for you..." she said changing the subject quickly.

It was later that week that Chuck lay in the perfectly fluffed pillows in the guest room. It was surprisingly easy to talk to Harold- with Eleanor he always found himself striving to please. But with Blair's father he said what he wanted and found the man always willing to hear his opinion even if his own differed. But then he supposed he should have congratulated himself for managing to hold on a conversation when all he wanted was to kiss Blair senseless and make love to her. They say abstinence is an aphrodisiac but he didn't know how true that was. It was almost physically impossible to stand next to her, speak to her without being able to touch her. It had been almost seven months since he had caressed the soft silky skin and kissed that mouth that so tempted him. He cursed inaudibly as he remembered how her silky strands had fallen on her ivory neck. He stopped his mental thoughts but it was too late... He had already was sporting a raging hard on.

_Great... Simply great_

It had been a rough few days. There was no way that he would be able to live his fantasies for a while. He was grateful she didn't kick him out. He would have deserved it. They needed to move slow... very slow and his body just needed to adjust to that. He was about to take matters in his own hands when there was a soft knock.

He quickly pulled the comforter over himself as the door opened. It was Blair. She was wearing a lacy white baby doll. Her beautiful skin was almost blending with it. She looked so beautiful that he found himself breathless.

"You re awake." She said as she closed the door behind her. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to disturb your sleep."

"Oh no… There is no chance of me sleeping tonight. Jet lag and all that..." he said roughly.

It was oddly formal.

"Right..." she said looking down and then up at him

"What is it, Waldorf?"

"All these months that you were in therapy, were you alone?" she asked sadly

"No...Lily has been a great support. So has Nate, actually. Serena didn't know because she would have told you..."

"That would have been bad because..." she asked arching her eyebrow

"Because it was time that you took care of yourself instead of me" he said firmly. She nodded slowly.

"Was – was there anyone else?"

His brows furrowed "Anyone else?"

She stared resolutely at her toes when she spoke next "Eva..."

He couldn't help it. He chuckled. "Blair, you re you hear anything I said tonight?"

Her eyes lifted to his and he stopped laughing immediately. She looked pained "You cared about her..."

"Yes, like you cared about Louis. Can that feeling ever compare to what you feel for me?" he asked intensely

Her eyes cleared "Never."

"You got your answer then" he said with a smirk

"Then why don't-you…" she trailed off

"Why don't I?"

She blushed prettily and his heart skipped a beat. "Kiss me?"

"I've been dying to, Blair. Every moment…"

"But..."

"I didn't know..."

"Didn't know that I wanted it as much as you do… Don't I always?" she said tilting her face. He smiled at her- the smile that was only reserved for her- and gently held her face. Leaning in he pressed his lips on her and she moaned immediately. Her fingers burrowed in his hair and before they knew, they were both devouring each other.

It was later when they clasped onto each other breathing heavily that he said again "I love you."

She took several deep breaths "I love you too..."

…

The next few weeks passed in a calm blissful state. Having lived his life in New York hotels, Chuck never appreciated the silence and peace that a quiet house could provide. He never appreciated the warmth that a home could provide and the fact that he was with Blair made everything so much more perfect. Blair was doing much better. She ate healthy and her sessions continued very well and last week her therapist had said that weekly sessions were no longer needed. Blair was more in control than ever and he loved seeing her dressed in clothes she would never dare to wear before. She was so much more comfortable in her skin.

So it was a double shock when he found her pressed against the washroom door crying. One look at her and he knew. He reached down and pulled her in his arms.

"Blair..."

She gripped his shirt in her small fingers and cried. He rocked her until she stopped. He kissed her neck as she hiccupped.

"I 'm sorry" she said unable to look at him

"There is no need to be sorry." He said shaking his head "But you were doing so much better. What happened?"

She reached out and placed a letter in his palm. Chuck opened it curiously. It was from UCL. His blood ran cold. He decided to knock the stupid university to ground if they dared to refuse Blair. He knew how much it meant to her now. Studying in London had sort of become her dream-and though it had startled him, he was all for it now. He would find a way to get her in- there was no way all her hard work would go down the drain.

He read the letter and blinked in confusion.

"Blair...this is..."

"I got in" she said glumly

"That's fantastic..." he said laughing giddily "This is what you have been waiting for."

"Well... yes..." she said standing up "But I 'm not sure am going to accept. Now that I 'm all better, I was thinking of re-joining Columbia and getting into pre-law"

"But didn't you say that you wanted to be in London and that in UCL you can finish the degree in three years and that would enable to make up for the last two years." He said gently "And that being in London would mean that you're one train ride away from your parents"

"I know what I said, Bass." She snapped.

"Then why is this acceptance sending you so over the edge that you..." he shook his head trying to clear the image clouding his mind. " Shouldn't we be celebrating this instead?"

She shook her head and turned around.

"Blair..."

"I don't want to be away from you..." she burst out loudly "The idea of being a thousand miles away from for most of the year isn't appealing. I just can't be away from you any longer... I also want to study in UCL. But not as much as I want you..."

He reached over and kissed her forehead. She burrowed her head on his chest. "I don't know what to do in a new city all alone. It might even be like NYU. I could be the weird girl with the American accent..."

"First of all, any place with taste would realize what an asset you're. You're Blair Waldorf. You may not fit everywhere because you are meant to stand out." He kissed her knuckles "And you should accept that."

She smiled at him "I do. The real reason is that I don't want to part with you... be alone in London."

"You won't be alone" he promised softly."Because I 'll be there with you in London"

"What?" she said sitting up with a jerk

"You would happy to know that I enrolled myself in a business program at London School of Business. Thought it was time I got myself a decent education" he said smirking at the look of incredulous happiness on her face.

"What? When?"

"A few weeks back when you first told me that you applied to UCL." He said caressing her cheek. He leaned in and kissed her, enjoying her moan.

She pulled back "Really? We're really going to be together in London"

He nodded.

"But what about Bass Inc?"

"I told Mr. O Connor about and he is willing to take control for the next few years." He said rubbing her bottom lip

"No, Chuck. You can't do that. This is your legacy..."

"And it will remain so when I take back control of it." He interjected quickly

She opened her mouth to argue but he quickly silenced her with a kiss.

"I've once before made the mistake of choosing my hotel over you. This time I know what is really important and what is not. Let me make the right decision this time" he whispered against her lips before deepening their kiss. She clutched onto him and undid his shirt buttons as she nuzzled his neck.

He tightened his grip on her and spoke huskily. "Besides there is no way I 'm letting go alone to a monarchy without staking my claim over you every step of the way..."

Blair burst out laughing. "Well... He may not be the Crown Prince but Harry is dreamy"

He flipped them over and she squealed.

"Not funny, Waldorf..."

"I love you in green, my love" she said teasing him.

"You're going to pay for that. When I 'm through with you, you would be able to walk straight for hours"

Blair rolled her eyes "Empty promises…"

With that he shut her up with a demanding kiss. It was probably a good thing that Harold was out in office, Roman reasoned from the living room, because for hours then on the only sounds that escaped the room was moans.

…

Settling in London was relatively easy. Blair easily settled in there, finding the group of multinational students very welcoming and intelligent. Her classes were demanding but mostly interesting and it stimulated her intellectual capacities well. For the first time in her life Blair found a subject she had a natural aptitude to. She enjoyed law and she enjoyed exchanging views with her students. The lack of pressure to succeed made it easier for her to succeed. Without Gossip Girl or New York society watching her every move, life felt easier to deal with. She still missed New York but it was only a few years only. In the end, she had what she wanted most-Chuck Bass. He had bought them a luxurious penthouse in Russell Square. It was beautifully furnished and it was theirs...

Their home... The place where she went every evening to wait for him to come back... He had taken up wonderfully to his place at the business school. It was good to see him being so relaxed. He still flew to NYU for occasional meetings at Bass Inc but most of the time he was just being a student. And it made her realize that in spite of all that happened, Chuck was barely 20 years old. It was not the age that he should be burdening himself with so much. Running Bass Inc had to wait...

They were going so strong, stronger than ever. While the intensity of their love never wavered, the playful banters and light hearted schemes had come back. Maybe it was the lack of pressure that surrounded them or the darkness that engulfed them last year; Chuck and Blair were finally acting their age.

London was doing them good.

"I don't buy that "Serena pouted as she shook her head vigorously. She and Nate had flown to London for a week. "Nothing beats New York. You've to come back, B"

Blair nodded "I will. Just not now..."

"I miss you B"

"I miss you too, S" Blair said slowly "But I need to do this. You get that, don't you?"

Serena nodded slowly "If I stop being selfish for a moment, I know this is a good decision. After all that happened…" she trailed off, flushing red

"You can talk about it" Blair said gently "I do a lot."

"It wasn't easy, not for any of us." Serena said slowly

Blair nodded .It had not been easy for anyone of them. Not Serena who almost lost her best friend and yet failed to protect her from herself. It had not been easy for Nate who had to turn his back on his childhood best friend to make sure he kept the promise he made to his childhood love. It had certainly not been easy for Blair who had been destructed herself in a quest to destroy Chuck.

But as Chuck looked over at her from the bar where he was sitting with Nate and smiled, she realized it had been all worth it. The pain, the betrayal, the destruction... because one day she will marry Chuck Bass and live in a fancy Upper East Side penthouse... Because one day they will make their own pumpkin pie and clumsily decorate their own Christmas day. Because one day she would be happy to see herself swelling with his child and because one day she will be sitting down and telling their story to their daughter.

And it would be a fairytale.

So she leaned back casually, swirled the martini and said what she truly believed.

"Losing my memory may have been the best thing that could have happened"

…

…**The End …..**

**Well, there you have it. **

**I have to say that it has been a great journey writing this story. I began this story as my personal therapy against my frustrations towards the show. Little did I know what season 5 would bring...? Anyway if you are suffering from lack of inspiration, I suggest you don't watch the show and re-watch season 1 or 2 at that time. It works pretty well as inspiration.**

**It was my first FF and it would always be special to me. But seriously it wouldn't be the same without all the love that has been showered upon it by my adorable readers. I have put Chair through a lot in this fic and you all bore it so well. You all have been amazing and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much I did writing it.**

**Please let me know what you thought of the end. Did you think it was lacking? Or did you like it?**

**Lots of love**

**FrozenandYetNot**


End file.
